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‘Whoa.’ Shelley gasped. ‘Stunner McStunnerson alert.’ She turned and gave me a sympathetic look at the shock on my face at realising that this potential Victoria’s Secret model whose face currently filled my phone screen was the ‘old friend’ my boyfriend was hanging out with. ‘But it’s fine, yes she may be the most attractive woman in the world without a Kardashian surname but you trust Ben, so it’s fine.’
‘Is this defo her?’ I asked slowly.
‘She’s the only Alice listed as Ben’s friend.’ Shelley winced.
Alice Sherman was stood leaning against a balcony railing with some exotic beach behind her. She had her head tilted back and what looked like a natural laugh escaping from her plump lips. Her eyes were scrunched up, lost in some joke between her and the photographer and her glossy brown hair was dancing in the breeze around her tanned shoulders. She was flawless and had curves in all the right places that were accentuated by the classy but not slutty peach-coloured chiffon dress she was wearing. She looked like the kind of girl you would take home to your mum but who would also be filth in the bedroom. Great.
I stared at her profile picture for longer than was necessary, mentally beating myself up as I compared my own body with hers. I already knew which one I’d prefer to be hanging out with if I had a penis.
‘Maybe that’s just a really good angle – everyone always puts their best shot as their profile picture.’ Marie tried to look on the positive side.
‘Check out her other photo albums!’ Shelley said, as I scrolled my finger across the page. ‘Thank the Lord for people who don’t set their accounts to the highest privacy settings.’
Alice’s other albums were a collection of tagged images, old holiday shots and nights out with her friends where she looked more natural but still disgustingly gorgeous.
‘Yep, she may be the person I would want to swap my face with if I ever had a horrific car crash,’ I admitted. ‘But it still doesn’t mean that anything dodgy is going on with her and Ben.’
Not wanting to look at any more photos and send my self-esteem plummeting even further, I put my phone on the coffee table. Marie instantly snatched it back up and began scrolling as Shelley topped up my glass and listened to me going on about how much I trusted my boyfriend.
‘Wait!’ Marie cried, interrupting me.
Shelley and I both snapped our heads up in unison to look at her.
‘What?’ I asked, feeling a strange tingling rush up my arms as she passed my phone back.
‘Alice isn’t just an old friend…’ she paused dramatically ‘…she’s his ex-girlfriend.’
I waited for the page to upload as fast as I was scrolling down and saw what she’d been looking at. Right at the bottom were a couple of much older albums with a younger, grinning Alice wrapped around a clean-shaven and youthful Ben. My Ben. In other images they were holding hands and kissing as a friend with spiked-up hair did the peace sign as he photobombed the young couple. I felt a funny, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why was my boyfriend meeting up with his ex, and why hadn’t he told me?
‘Oh,’ Shelley said, a tiny bit relieved that her boyfriend was working out with a bunch of gay men rather than reminiscing about old times with this worldie.
‘Oh crap!’ I yelped.
‘What?’ Marie leant forward and knocked my glass with her tummy, sloshing wine onto my legs.
‘I accidently pressed like on the photo of her at an elephant sanctuary!’ I panicked.
‘Quick! Click unlike. Click UNLIKE!’ Marie gasped.
‘I am,’ I wailed, but the screen had frozen and now I wasn’t sure what I’d done. ‘Oh God, can she see that I liked it?’ I felt woozy at the thought.
Shelley grabbed my phone off me to check. ‘It’s fine, you haven’t liked it. Well you did, but it isn’t showing now and she’ll only know if she was online right then. But as you’re not friends with her we won’t know for certain. She probably won’t have been though.’
‘Probably…’ That didn’t fill me with much confidence. She probably won’t be online as she will probably be making out with my boyfriend for old time’s sake, my subconscious whispered.
‘Don’t worry, here have some more wine,’ Shelley said, topping up my glass. ‘Just try not to think about it. He’s going to propose to you for goodness’ sake!’
I nodded and wanted to change the conversation. ‘Yep, you’re right. So, erm, how are things with you?’ I asked Shelley, trying to get Ben out of my head. Since when had I turned into this jealous, anxious girlfriend? It was not a look that fitted well.
She scrunched her face up. ‘Well, I actually have some news of my own…’
There was a silence as she trailed out, pulled her hand away, and began busying with unscrewing the wine top. Marie was suddenly engrossed in picking off a piece of skin around her nail bed as if she knew something I didn’t. Shelley turned to face me and took a deep breath. ‘I wasn’t sure how to tell you this.’
When anyone utters those words you know the next part of the sentence ain’t going to be pretty. A chill danced along my spine as she glanced over at Marie and swallowed.
‘Shel? You’re both freaking me out. What’s going on?’
‘Georgia. I’m going to be moving back to Australia. To live. Permanently.’
The world stopped still for a second.
‘What?! You’re leaving? You and Jimmy?’ My eyes flickered across her face, desperate for her to break into her signature grin and tell me she was joking. But her expression remained sober and slightly pale.
‘Yep. I’ve been offered a job back home and Jimmy can head over on a visa. He’s already got interviews lined up for some personal trainer work so we can look at making it permanent, or possibly we get married ourselves…’
‘Oh wow. Erm, that’s great news.’ I paused to let this all sink in.
She winced and picked up her wine glass. ‘The other thing is, because of these jobs we’re going to be going soon. Like, in a month.’
‘No! A MONTH! Did you know?’ I turned to Marie who blatantly did judging by her pinched expression.
Shelley jumped in to save Marie from answering. ‘I was worried at how you’d take it. I wanted to ask Marie for her advice before I told you as she’s known you for so long,’ Shelley blustered.
I sat back in my chair feeling disappointed that my two best friends had had to confide in each other on about how to handle me taking big, stupid, life-changing news like this.
‘Right. I mean…wow. Shel, I’m chuffed for you!’ I said a few moments later, probably taking longer to say it than I should have done. ‘This is SO exciting!’
‘You sure?’ she asked, pulling out of the hug I’d grabbed her in as I tried to pretend I was embracing her when really I needed a moment to gather my thoughts on her shoulder.
‘Course. I mean, this is great news. Who wouldn’t want to go and live in Australia? Wow. How exciting, really, this is great.’ I then let out this strangled laugh that matched my high-pitched voice. ‘This is great. We should have champagne!’ I announced, getting to my feet and suddenly wanting to get some fresh air. ‘I’ll head to the shop right now!’
‘Georgia. Are you sure you’re okay?’
‘Positive! We need to celebrate! Ha ha, look at you two. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine. More than fine,’ I babbled, rummaging through my handbag for my purse. Where the hell was it? For fuck’s sake.
‘Georgia,’ Marie said firmly, placing a hand on the arm that was desperately tearing through my bag. ‘Just chill out a moment.’
‘I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, look at you all blossoming and yummy mummy and then look at Shel going to live thousands of miles away and then look at me and…and…’ It was too late. The tears were falling as the enormity of the situation hit me. I was losing my two best friends to real life when I still wasn’t sure of the direction mine was heading.
‘Aww, hon, come here.’ Shelley tried to put her arm round me but I shrugged it off and roughly wiped my eyes.
‘I’m fine. Fine. Honestly. Although have we got any more wine?’ I said, a little softer. ‘I’m just being silly.’
‘You’re clearly not fine.’ Marie shook her head. ‘There might be a bottle in the drinks cupboard in the kitchen. I’ve no idea how long it’s been there as I’ve not had nice booze in the house since being pregnant.’
I glanced at the almost empty wine bottle we’d brought with us. ‘Oh, okay. Well then, who fancies one of Georgia’s special cocktails?’ I asked, jumping to my feet. Neither of them joined in.
Soon I was back in the lounge holding a glass of Georgia’s Special Cocktail that I’d rustled up in super quick time, which was basically a concoction of the dregs of a Baileys bottle and some green alcoholic syrup I’d found in the back of Marie’s cupboard. It was the best of what was available, you know the stuff you accumulate over the years after parties, for recipes, or over the festive season but never get through – as who the hell ever finds themselves craving a glass of Advocaat? But I didn’t care. Judging by the time those bottles had been in that dusty drinks cupboard, the alcohol must have tripled in strength, as it was strooooonnnggg and exactly what I needed.
‘You’re both missing out!’ I said taking a long gulp. It did not taste good. ‘So, Australia, wow, tell me all!’ I managed, wanting to make conversation and purposefully ignoring their sceptical faces that I clearly wasn’t as fine as I was insisting that I was.
‘Well, I was originally just going to head there myself and Jimmy would join me when he could, but then we thought, well why not just go together. I’ve already handed my notice in and Jimmy is winding down his contracts as we get things sorted.’
‘Ben will be crushed,’ I breathed. Jimmy had been his best friend for years. It wasn’t just me who was losing out. ‘When is he telling him?’
Shelley ran her finger over the rim of her now empty wine glass. ‘He’s already told him.’
‘Wait – Ben knows and didn’t think to tell me?!’ Well this news had just got a whole lot shittier.
‘I think Jimmy asked Ben not to tell you until I’d had the chance to speak with you. I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else.’ Her cheeks had flushed as she spoke. Marie shifted in her seat. I wasn’t sure if it was the baby pressing against her bladder or this uncomfortable atmosphere.
‘Oh. Right.’ We weren’t celebrating. We should be commiserating the end of an era. ‘Well, at least it shows Ben is good at keeping secrets, ha!’ A bark of fake laughter escaped.
‘All men have some secrets, just like us women. The point is that as long as they don’t hurt each other then it’s okay. I mean, you do love Ben, don’t you?’ Marie asked out of the blue.
‘What is love?’ I asked stretching my arms out and sloshing some of my special cocktail on the sofa cushion. ‘Baby, don’t hurt me!’ I finished Haddaway’s 90s’ song lyrics with a dramatic flourish and cracked myself up.
‘You do need to speak to him about it all though, babe,’ Marie said, ignoring the signs that my cocktail was kicking in.
‘I know, just not right now,’ I muttered sticking my tongue as far as it would go into my glass.
My best friend was soon to give life to another human being, my other best friend was starting a new life down under with her doting boyfriend, whereas mine was currently on a date with his stunning ex-girlfriend. Plus, he knew Shelley’s Australian bombshell and hadn’t prewarned me. But then again I’d found the ring he was going to propose to me with, so why did this matter? Even in my happiest moments, when I knew I had achieved and experienced things not a lot of people would do in a lifetime, I would still feel those crushing dark thoughts tap at my mind that I was missing out on what others had. That I had been left behind in some way. I always thought that – if things had previously gone to plan – by now I would have had a baby with Alex, that we would have celebrated our wedding anniversary and maybe even added an en-suite bathroom to our house.
When he’d called it off I’d been faced with an alternative to what I guess is the ‘pre-packaged’ idea of how you are supposed to live your life with the husband, children and mortgage. My life was now focused on growing my business, getting to see the world, building a future with Ben and doing the things that made me happy. I fluctuated between feeling unsure that I wanted to follow the traditional path, as it hurt me so much last time, yet eager not to miss out on what deep down I desperately wanted – a loving husband, a healthy child and a place to call home. I guess settling down doesn’t mean you have to settle. I felt an excitable tickle in my stomach when I thought about the upcoming proposal from Ben and how honoured I would feel at him getting down on one knee. So then why was I suddenly so unsure? And how could he be on a date with his ex if he was about to ask me to marry him? What was he playing at? It was all so confusing, and my strong cocktail wasn’t helping me think straight.
Once I’d drank all the booze, including two more special Georgia cocktails, and decided it would be hilarious to use Marie’s birthing ball as a prop in my version of Miley Cyrus’s Wrecking Ball video, it was time to call it a night. Shelley was meeting Jimmy at his gym once he’d finished his late night class so I left Marie’s in a fug of hugs and cocktail breath, and ordered an Uber to take me home.
‘All right, love? Good night?’ The shaven-headed, plump driver asked as I slipped into the back of his Corsa.
‘No. Not really. I’ve just found out that my best friend is moving ten thousand miles away and my other friend knew and didn’t warn me. Plus, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his ex-girlfriend on the sly and I drank some nasty cocktails and now have heartburn to go with my heartache.’
‘Oh.’ He drew in a breath and sucked his teeth; he turned down the radio station he’d been listening to. ‘That’s going to hurt.’
Realising that I had an impartial and sympathetic listener I then proceeded to tell him everything that had happened over the past few hours in drunken, inane detail. By the time he pulled up at my flat I felt like that old woman from Titanic who’d taken a four-hour film to explain one life event.
‘And that is why, even with all this going on,’ I slurred, waving my hand into thin air and whacking my wrist into his headrest by accident. ‘Even with this, I’m still going to be fine. Fine.’
He flashed me a look of relief as I stumbled out of his car. I eventually made it inside my flat after struggling to get my key in my front door and turn the handle at the same time. But when I realised Ben wasn’t home yet, I felt a heavy weight press on my shoulders.
I was going to be fine, but today, today was not that day.
CHAPTER 5 (#ulink_7ab7c5fb-95f1-5e3e-85c6-5986b21d8f03)
Auspicious (adj.) – Attended by good fortune; prosperous
I was battling through storm Bertha, or whatever the weather presenters had named this one, as I made my way from the warmth of our shop to go to a lunch meeting. Luckily, I knew the person I was meeting quite well, otherwise they would have taken one glance at the drowned rat look I seemed to have adopted and called off any business arrangement right then and there. My umbrella was probably doing more harm than good as I gripped the handle with my icy hands, finding it hard to breathe as cold gusts choked my throat.
I’d called him earlier as I glanced out of the window at the apocalyptic street scene to see about changing the date of this meeting, but he was adamant that we had to meet today, the sooner the better he’d said. I was now rushing behind schedule to meet Rahul, the part-time tour guide who I’d met when I’d travelled to India. He was back in Manchester and had booked us a table in Rocco, a fancy Spanish restaurant that had recently opened not far from the bank, so at least I could nip in there and do some business admin and not feel so guilty about being out of the office for what would basically be a gossip session with a friend.
I half tumbled into the elegant room, which was full of white, starched-linen tablecloths, industrial steel and exposed brickwork, with splashes of deep red and blood orange. It was less quaint, Mediterranean tapas, and more hipster, Brooklyn loft. The large glass door slammed shut behind me, making the other diners turn and tut at the wild-haired woman with watering eyes and wind-slapped cheeks who’d stumbled in with all the grace of a charging rhino.
‘Good afternoon, do you have a reservation?’ The maître d’ asked, able to hide his look of disgust on his Botoxed features.
‘Georgia!’
I was saved from having to reply as Rahul strode over and pulled me into an enveloping hug, filling my nose with citrus aftershave.
‘You made it! Come in and let’s get you warmed up.’ He nodded his thanks to the maître d’ whose face lit up like the Blackpool Illuminations at being so close to this demi god. Subtle, mate, real subtle. Although, to be fair, Rahul was a hottie. There was no denying it. Wearing a tight but perfectly fitted pale grey suit and white shirt that could have been starched along with the tablecloths, he was a sight for sore eyes. His head of thick, dark hair only offset his tanned complexion and made his light-olive eyes appear even brighter. He did not look like he had been out in the same weather that I just had, more like he had teleported himself in, as not a hair was out of place.
‘Sit down, sit down.’ He pulled out a chair for me as I flinched at the heat coming back to my frozen body. My fingertips started to tingle and I felt the colour rush to my glacial cheeks. ‘So, how are you?’
‘Cold, windswept, but happy to see you again! It’s been ages,’ I said, winding my scarf from around my neck, managing to almost choke myself in the process. Classy, Georgia, really classy.
‘I know I know, but better late than never, hey?’ He flashed a pearly white smile. ‘So how’s everything going at work? The last time I saw you was when that article about you and what happened with the Indian tour had just come out.’ He shook his head in disbelief at how much time had passed since then. ‘What was it? Farting during a yoga class?’
‘Yeah, my “unusual management technique”,’ I said, indicating air quotes with my fingers and laughing. ‘Although it seems to have paid off, as we’re doing really well, thanks.’
I still couldn’t believe just how much our profits had risen since that, and subsequent, media coverage. The power of the press. At the time I had been beside myself, preparing for the absolute worst, thinking the stinging poison pen of journalist Chris Kennings would damage our brand beyond recognition and put us out of business. I mean, I did fart on the poor fella; what else did I expect from a ruthless national journalist to get his own back?
Thankfully, the review was mostly positive and had since led to increased bookings in nearly all of our tours. If I was honest, it really had been the catalyst for our sudden growth, allowing us to take on Conrad and, seeing our healthy bank balance, had planted the seed of the potential London expansion in Ben’s mind.
‘Crazy how things work out. The moments you dread the most can turn out to be the ones that make you,’ I mused, shaking my head.
‘Well, however it came about, it is still amazing news!’ He chinked his glass to mine.
We ordered from an eager young waitress, who was nailing the fishtail-plait look and was as unsubtle as the maître d’ in swooning over Rahul. As soon as the braided beauty had simpered away to give the chef our order, Rahul unbuttoned his suit jacket and leant forward.
‘How about Ben? How’s he?’
I spluttered on my drink, causing the liquid to go down the wrong hole, and coughed ungracefully. ‘Excuse me. Erm, yeah, he’s fine. Great.’ I thought back to the last few days; he’d never mentioned his evening out with his ex, Amazing Alice, and I hadn’t known how to bring it up without him knowing that I’d been snooping.
Rahul began telling me about this model named Marli he had started seeing. ‘Hence I wanted to meet you for lunch. I’m desperate to go out for a meal with a girl who actually enjoys decent scran.’ His eyes creased up.
‘I guess I’ll take that as a compliment,’ I said, taking a bite of crusty bread weighed down with salty butter, suddenly very aware of how many glorious calories I was about to ingest.
He laughed. ‘You should, seriously. Marli is great and we’re having a lot of fun.’ He winked. ‘But, man, dating a model is tough.’
‘Oh, poor you,’ I said, with my mouth full on purpose. ‘Excuse me while I get out my violin.’
He let out a deep roar of a laugh. ‘Yeah, yeah, I know, woe is me. I hadn’t realised just how much work it takes to look that good. I keep telling her that eating carbs after 4 p.m. won’t mean she’ll wake up like the Nutty Professor – not that she listens.’ He wiped his mouth with a napkin and took a sip of water before continuing. ‘Obviously, being able to stuff my face with the finest Argentinian steak was only part one of my plan in meeting you today. I also have a very exciting proposal for you,’ he said, baring his perfectly straight, white teeth.
‘Don’t tell me it involves sadhus?’ I smiled, thinking back to when we were in India together and he’d encouraged us to ask three wise men wearing hardly any clothes for a blessing for our future. Instead of bestowing their years of knowledge and imparting their wisdom on me, one of the long-haired dudes had hacked up a load of phlegm at my feet. I guess actions do speak louder than words sometimes.
‘Hey, that was a blessing in disguise!’ Rahul let out a heavy laugh. ‘I mean, maybe that was the key to you becoming so successful, all because of a holy sadhu clearing his throat.’
‘Er, yeah, maybe.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘So, go on. What’s this “project” that was so urgent for you to see me about?’
Rahul leaned closer and lowered his voice. ‘So, you know that as well as giving tours in Mumbai I also live the glamorous life of a TV producer…?’
