Firefighter's Christmas Baby

Mae shot him a worried look. ‘How much will it cost?’

‘It won’t cost you anything. All part of the service, Mae.’ It wasn’t officially part of the service. The number was for a local charity. It had been Ben’s idea to contact them and set up a task force to help vulnerable people clean up after a fire, and he and a number of the station staff volunteered with them.

‘And when you get back from the hospital, you’ll stay here over Christmas.’ Mrs Jacobs sat down on the sofa next to Mae. ‘No arguments, now. Stan and the boys will go over to your place and help sort things out there.’

‘But...it’s Christmas.’ Despite her neighbour’s firm tone, Mae argued anyway.

‘Exactly. It’ll do them good to go and do something, instead of sitting around watching TV and eating. I’m sure Stan’s put on a couple of pounds already so he can do with the exercise.’

‘You’re very kind.’ A tear dribbled down Mae’s cheek. ‘All of you.’

‘It’s Christmas. We’ll all pull together, eh?’ Mrs Jacobs put her arm around Mae and the old lady smiled, nodding quietly.

Ben beckoned to Callie and she frowned. He glared back, beckoning again more forcefully, and she rolled her eyes and followed him into the hallway.

‘What? I’m busy.’

The tight-lipped implication that she was just trying to do her job and that he was getting in the way wasn’t lost on Ben.

‘I just wanted to know... How is Mae? Really?’

Callie’s angry glare softened slightly and she puffed out a breath. ‘I’ve checked her over the best I can, and she doesn’t seem to be having any difficulty with her breathing. But she has a headache and she seemed very confused earlier, and you can hear she’s a bit hoarse. She needs to be seen by a doctor. I’m going to stay with her.’

The thought that Callie might not come back to the fire station once she had finished here filled Ben with unexpected dismay. He had no one but himself to blame if she made that decision.

‘I shouldn’t have said that you were in the way earlier. It won’t happen again.’

‘I can take care of myself in these situations. I do it all the time.’

‘Got it. I apologise.’ Ben saw her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Was that what she thought of him? He was perfectly capable of saying sorry when the situation warranted it.

But prolonging the conversation now while she was still angry with him probably wasn’t a good idea. He’d said his piece and he should go.

‘I’ll see you later?’ Ben tried not to make a question out of it, but his own doubts leaked through into his words. Callie gave a nod and he turned, making for the front door. He guessed he’d just have to wait and see about that.

* * *

The wait at the hospital hadn’t been too protracted, and after X-rays and lung capacity tests had been carried out, Mae was discharged. They arrived back at Mrs Jacobs’s house to find that the charity task force that Ben had put her in touch with had already boarded up Mae’s window.

She had no qualms about leaving Mae here. Two cups of tea and a plate of mince pies appeared, and a yelled exhortation brought Mrs Jacobs’s son tumbling down the stairs, a board game in his hand. He and Mae began to sort through the pieces together, and Mae finally smiled.

Mae’s Christmas would be just fine. Callie’s was a little more uncertain. The success of her project at the fire station depended on clearing the air with Ben, and there was no time to sit quietly and wait for him to let her in. She had to do something.

She took a taxi back to the fire station. He wasn’t with the others in the ready room and Callie found him alone in the small office with the door wide open. She tapped on the doorframe and he looked up.

Blue eyes. The most photogenic eyes she’d ever seen, flickering with warmth and the hint of steel. The kind of eyes that the camera loved and... That was all. The camera loved them but Callie was just an impartial observer.

‘Everything okay?’

‘Yes. Mae was discharged from the hospital and she’ll be staying with Mrs Jacobs over Christmas. The charity task force has been great.’

‘Good.’ His gaze was fixed on her face. ‘I’ve been thinking about what you might be wanting to say to me.’

Perhaps he was trying out a management technique. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Callie sat down.

‘Okay, I’ll play. What might I be wanting to say to you?’

‘That I’m not giving you credit for the experience that you have. You need access to be able to work and I’m being unreasonable in withholding it.’

Actually, that pretty much summed it up. Callie dismissed the rather queasy feeling that accompanied the idea that he’d been reading her thoughts.

‘And... I guess that you’d say in return that you and the others rely on teamwork. That kind of trust isn’t made over a matter of days and you’re not sure of me yet.’

The look on Ben’s face told her that she was right. More than that, he found it just as disconcerting as she did to hear someone else voice his thoughts.

‘I’ll...um... I’ll be honest. I wasn’t much in favour of you being here when the station commander first told me about it.’

‘Really? You hid that well.’ Callie risked a joke. Somehow she knew that he wouldn’t take it the wrong way.

He narrowed his eyes. Maybe he was taking it the wrong way. Then suddenly Ben smiled. ‘So we see eye to eye, then.’

Rather too much so. If he really could see what was going on in her head... Callie gulped down the sudden feeling of panic. Of course he couldn’t.

The awkward silence was broken by the alarm bell. Ben rose from his seat, making hurriedly for the door, and Callie followed him.

She took her turn climbing up into the fire engine and found Ben sitting opposite her. As the sirens went on and they started to move out of the fire station, he leaned forward, bracing his foot against the lurching of the vehicle and checking her helmet.

Callie frowned. He’d been the one to say it and he hadn’t even listened to himself. He was still double-checking everything she did.

‘If I get the chance, I’ll take you in as close as I think we can safely go.’ The light in his blue eyes kindled suddenly.

‘Thanks for that, boss.’

Ben’s eyebrows shot up as he realised that Callie was using the word ‘boss’ to make a point. Then he grinned. Maybe this was going to work after all.

* * *

The word ‘boss’ on Callie’s lips could hardly be anything other than a challenge. But they’d both risen to it. Ben had motioned her to stand next to him as he directed the firefighters in extinguishing a small blaze at the back of a shop. Callie had become like a shadow, never giving him a moment’s concern for her safety, and adroitly stepping out of the way of both equipment and firefighters.

‘I got some good shots. They’ll do you all justice.’ She waited until he was about to tell her that they were leaving now, catching his attention for the first time since they’d been there.

‘Good. Thank you.’ He smiled, and she smiled back. Then she turned to join the rest of the crew climbing back into the fire engine, leaving Ben with the distinct impression that his legs were about to give way under him.

It took some time to persuade himself that this evening would be nothing to do with wanting to spend more time with Callie but simply a matter of showing her another side of the job. But for once she made things easy for him. As the night shift arrived she hung back in the ready room, flipping almost disinterestedly through the photos she’d taken that day, as if she were waiting for something.

Ben dismissed the thought that it might be him. But then he found himself caught in her clear gaze.

‘I wanted to catch you before I left. To say thank you for this afternoon.’

‘My pleasure. You have plans for tonight?’ Ben tried to make the question sound innocent. He’d already heard Callie’s answer when Eve had asked earlier.

‘No, not really. It’s an hour’s drive home and I’ll probably just curl up with some hot soup and decide what I want to try and shoot tomorrow. You?’

‘I’m going carol singing. We have a decommissioned fire engine, which is kept at one of the other stations. It’s used for charity and public awareness events and this evening it’s parked up in town. You should join me.’

She gave a little shake of her head. ‘Are you ever entirely off duty?’

These days...no. Ben had always been immersed in his job but he’d known where to draw the line between work and home. But in the last year his work had been a welcome relief from worrying about what Isabel might do next.

He reached inside his jacket, laying two hats on the table. ‘Can’t really be on duty when you’re wearing one of these.’

Callie’s hand drifted forward, her fingers brushing the white ‘fur’ around the edge of the Santa hat and then moving to the bells around the edge of the green elf hat. A sudden vision of texture and movement and the feel of Callie’s fingers on his skin drifted into his head. He could tell she was tempted to accept his offer.

‘You get to pick. Elf or Santa.’

She smiled. ‘I’ll be Santa.’

Of course she would. He was beginning to understand that this was something they shared, and that she too never felt entirely comfortable unless she was holding the reins.

‘Okay.’ He handed her the Santa hat. ‘Play your cards right and you might get to drive the sleigh.’

* * *

Green suited Ben. No doubt red would have done too, but Callie had to admit that he made a very handsome elf. No doubt he’d be the one who got presents wrapped twice as fast, without even breaking a sweat.

After the bustle of the fire station and the cheery goodbyes of the crew she’d suddenly felt very alone. She’d had to remind herself that returning to her cold, dark flat was exactly the way she wanted it. No one to welcome her home meant that there was no one to pull the carpet out from under her feet.

She pulled on a down gilet for warmth and put on her coat and gloves, attaching her camera to a lanyard around her neck, ready for use. Tonight was about photos and not Christmas cheer, she told herself stubbornly.

The quickest and easiest way to get to the centre of London was by the Underground. They left their cars at the fire station and twenty minutes later they were in the heart of the city.

The fire engine was parked on the edge of a small square, flanked by bars and shops, and there were still plenty of people on the street. As they walked towards it through the crowds, Callie could see that one side of the vehicle had been decorated to turn it into Santa’s sleigh. There were carol singers and people were crowding around a warmly clad man in a Santa costume, who was helping children up into the driving seat.

Ben greeted the men already there and introduced Callie. Their names were lost in the music and chatter, but there were smiles and suddenly it didn’t much matter who she was or why she was here. She was just one of the team.

A bundle of leaflets was pressed into Ben’s hands and he set to work, wishing everyone a happy Christmas, in between singing along with the carols in a deep baritone. He placed leaflets in everyone’s hands with a smiling exhortation to read them on the way home.

Callie picked up a leaflet that had fluttered to the ground. On one side were wishes for a safe and happy Christmas from the London Fire Brigade. On the other side was some basic fire safety advice that was easy to read and follow.

‘So all this has an ulterior motive?’ She saw Ben looking at her and she smiled.

‘You could call it that. Although I reckon that having a house fire is one of the unhappier things that can happen to anyone, so it’s really just a practical extension of us telling everyone to have a happy Christmas...’

He turned for a moment as a woman tapped his arm, responding to her question. ‘Yes, that’s the British Standards safety sign. Always make sure your tree lights carry it.’

‘Okay. I’ll check mine when I get home.’

‘Great.’ Ben gifted her with the kind of smile that would persuade the angels themselves to switch off their heavenly lights if they weren’t up to safety standards and wished her a happy Christmas.

‘Can I take some of those?’ Callie pointed to the leaflets in his hand.

‘Yes, of course. Don’t you want to take some photographs?’

That was what she was there for but her camera was zipped under her coat and taking it out seemed like taking a step back from the circle of warmth and light around the fire engine. Realistically it was impossible to reduce the children’s delight as they were lifted up into the driving seat to just one frame, so instead she took the opportunity to just feel the joy.

‘Later maybe. I’ve got an interest in this, too.’ As a paramedic, Callie didn’t fight fires but she’d seen some of the of the injuries they caused.

He handed half his stack of leaflets to Callie. Ben didn’t say a word but his grin spoke volumes. No more fighting each other. The season of peace and joy seemed to be working its magic.

CHAPTER FIVE

SUDDENLY IT FELT like Christmas. Callie was animated and smiling, approaching people on the edge of the crowd that had gathered around them and giving them leaflets. She seemed softer, warmer somehow. As if she’d dropped her defences and with them the hard edges that didn’t quite suit her.

‘Getting cold?’ Even though she was never still, she couldn’t disguise her red fingers. Gloves made it difficult to separate the leaflets and hand them out, and she’d taken hers off and stuffed them in her pocket.

‘Yes, a little.’ She smiled up at him, clearly not of a mind to let frozen fingers stop her.

‘There are flasks with hot coffee...’ He motioned up towards the cabin of the fire engine, which was now closed and dark. The families had all gone home now, and the crowd mainly consisted of revellers, wanting to squeeze the last moments from their pre-Christmas celebrations.

‘So that’s why everyone’s been nipping up there every now and then? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I’d love some.’

‘You have to give out at least a hundred leaflets before you get coffee.’

‘Well, I’ve given out three handfuls. That must be a hundred so...’ She gripped the front of his jacket in a mock threat. ‘Give me my coffee, elf. Or else...’

However much he wanted to warm up, standing his ground now seemed like a delicious moment that couldn’t be missed. ‘Or else what?’

‘Or... I’ll make you collect up all the old wrapping paper, peel the sticky tape off it and smooth it flat to use next year.’ She grinned.

‘In that case...’ Submitting to the threat was another delicious moment that made the hairs on the back of Ben’s neck stand to attention. ‘This way, Santa.’

He led her over to the fire engine, opening the door for her, and Callie climbed up into the cockpit, sliding across to sit behind the wheel. Ben followed her, reaching for the three large flasks in the footwell. Two were already empty, but the third was heavy when he picked it up.

As he poured the coffee, he saw Callie’s fingers touch the bottom of the steering wheel lightly, as if she was yearning to take hold of it and pretend to drive, the way kids did when you sat them in that seat. She was looking ahead of her, the bright Christmas lights reflecting in her face, softening her features. Or maybe it was just the look on her face.

‘Thanks.’ She wrapped her fingers around the cup, clearly wanting to warm them before she drank. Ben poured a second cup for himself and propped it on the dashboard. The only heat he wanted right now was the heat of her smile.

‘You can try it out for size if you want.’ He nodded towards the steering wheel. ‘I won’t tell anyone.’

The thought seemed tempting to her, but she shook her head. ‘Bit late for that now.’

‘It’s never too late...’ Ben let the thought roll in his head. It was an odd one, since he’d privately reckoned that it was too late for him.

And Callie seemed to think that too. She shook her head, turning to him with a smile. ‘Did you sit in a fire engine when you were a kid?’

‘All the time. My dad was a firefighter and he used to lift me up into the driving seat of the engines whenever my Mum took me to the fire station.’

‘So you knew all along what you wanted to be when you grew up.’

‘Yeah.’ Ben wondered which side of her life had been a childhood dream. Photographer or paramedic. ‘What did you want to be?’

‘Safe...’ The word had obviously escaped her lips before she had a chance to stop it, and Callie reddened a little.

‘Safe is a good ambition.’

Her gaze met his, a trace of mockery in it. Do you even know what safe is? Ben realised that it was the last thing he’d have thought about wanting when he’d been a child. He always had been safe.

For a moment the questions he wanted to ask hung in the cold air. Then Callie shrugged, grinning. ‘My dad died when I was six. He was a police officer and he was killed in the line of duty. That was when I found out that...anything can be taken away.’

‘I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how that must have felt.’

She shrugged. ‘I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it either. How did you deal with the risks of your father’s job?’

‘I guess... I never had to think about them. He always came home.’

‘And now? You must have thought about them when you joined the fire service.’

The question seemed important to her, and Ben thought carefully about his answer. ‘There are some things that are important enough to take risks to achieve. Without that, a life can become meaningless. And we don’t take risks for their own sake, you know that we’re all about safety.’

Callie nodded silently. She didn’t seem much convinced by his answer and Ben had the feeling he hadn’t heard the whole story.

‘But you never felt safe? As a child?’

‘I did for a while. Mum remarried and I thought that we’d go back to being a family.’ She shrugged. ‘Her new husband ran up a pile of debts and then disappeared. We lost our house and pretty much everything we owned. After that it was horrible. Mum worked all the time and I was scared to be in our bedsit on my own. We got back on our feet but it was a struggle for her.’

Callie spoke almost dispassionately, as if she didn’t care that she’d lost her father and then her home. In Ben’s experience that meant she cared a great deal.

Nothing he could say felt enough. He reached for her hand, feeling a deep thankfulness when she didn’t snatch it away.

‘Here...’ He guided her hand to the steering wheel, wrapping his over it. ‘How does that feel?’

She gave a nervous laugh. ‘That feels pretty good.’

‘Try the other one.’ He reached across, taking her coffee from the other hand, and Callie took hold of the steering wheel and gazed out ahead of her. Suddenly she laughed.

‘Okay. You’ve made your point. I’m sitting on top of...how many horsepower?’

‘About two hundred and fifty.’

‘That much? And I’m looking over everyone’s heads. It feels good.’

‘Is powerful the word you’re looking for?’ Ben remembered the feeling of sitting behind the wheel when he was a child. Of being able to do anything, meet any challenge. That seemed to be the ultimate safety.

‘That’ll do.’

Suddenly he wanted very badly to kiss her. If he really could meet any challenge then perhaps he could meet this one? But Callie took her hands from the steering wheel and the spell was broken. She reached for her cup, wrapping her fingers around it again, and sipped the hot coffee.

Large snowflakes began to fall from the night sky, drifting down and melting as soon as they touched the pavement. Ben ignored them in favour of watching her face. It tipped upwards as the snowfall became heavier, a sudden taste of the magic of Christmas. Callie wasn’t as unreachable as she tried to make out.

‘There’s always one, isn’t there?’ She quirked her lips down suddenly, and Ben could almost see the real world taking over from the imaginary. He followed her gaze, looking towards a couple of men in business suits and heavy overcoats, clearly involved in a drunken argument.

‘Yep.’ He wanted to tell her to disregard them. To come back with him to the world where it always snowed at Christmas, and where it was still possible to make up for all the things Callie hadn’t had during her childhood. But one of the men suddenly took a swing at the other.

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