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His hand was shaking when he hung up the phone. There was no going back now. He stood, then realized he wasn’t prepared for a social visit. He smelled of the barn.
“Frankie!” he shouted as he rushed toward the stairs. “I’m hitting the shower. If—if I have a visitor, ask them to wait.”
Because his future was right around the corner. And he didn’t want to miss it.
“Luke, there’s a lady to see you,” Frankie shouted up the stairs.
A lady.
Lucas took one last look in the mirror, feeling foolish. He seldom studied himself, but it was important that he make a good impression on the lady downstairs.
After all, she was going to be the mother of his son.
Drawing a deep breath, he smoothed back his hair and then hustled down the stairs before nerves could get the best of him. Knowing Frankie would’ve put the visitor in the seldom-used living room, he paused on its threshold to take his first view of her.
She looked up as he appeared, then stood. Not a beauty, like his Beth. Her features were bland, and she was tall, lanky, almost. Somehow, those differences made what he was about to do easier. That, and the fact that he’d never seen her before.
“Mr. Boyd?”
“Yes, ma’am. Are you Mrs. Langston?”
“Miss Langston,” she said, correcting him.
He frowned. In his mind, he’d assumed whoever agreed to his terms would be married, a mother already. From what he’d read, that was the typical profile. “You’re not married?”
“No.”
She added nothing to her blunt reply, but her gaze continued to meet his. He liked that. His son shouldn’t have a timid mother.
Suddenly realizing they were both still standing, he crossed the room and gestured toward the sofa behind her. “Please, be seated.”
As she sat down, he noticed her skirt was long, hiding her legs. Probably has fat ankles, he speculated. Doesn’t matter for a boy, he assured himself. Dark hair, like his. Beth had had pale blond hair, spun gold, an angelic halo. And a beautiful smile.
This lady wasn’t smiling.
Of course not. Having a baby was serious business. He cleared his throat. “I assume you have no health problems.”
She stiffened and then frowned. Dark brows rose and she tilted her head as she stared at him. “No. Do you?”
“None.”
Tense silence fell, and Lucas tried to think of what he needed to say. “You understand that afterward… I mean, there’ll be no contact between us?”
Her reaction was curious. A sigh of relief moved through her and a hopeful smile formed on her lips. Even that half smile made him reevaluate his impression of her. Her brown eyes warmed and a touch of color enlivened her pale cheeks. The severe style of her hair, pulled back into a bun low on her neck, didn’t change, but she looked younger somehow.
“How old are you?”
She blinked several times. “Thirty-two. And you?”
“Thirty-three.” He studied her. Yes, she looked that old. He might even have said a year or two older. “You’re sure you’re young enough?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” she replied, her jaw squaring.
One eyebrow slipped up in surprise as he stared at her. Not any of his business? She was going to have his son. “I want this…our agreement to be successful.”
“My age is not a problem,” she said firmly, looking away.
“Okay.” He’d take her word for it since Doc had sent her. What would be the point of sending someone who couldn’t have a baby? “Do you have any questions?”
“I—I know why I’m doing this, Mr. Boyd, but I don’t understand…what are your reasons? Is compensation involved?” As she finished, she looked around the room, as if evaluating his worth.
“Didn’t Doc explain the terms?”
She shook her head. “He said it would be a breach of confidentiality.”
“Well, it’s pretty simple. I want you to have my son, and I’m willing to pay.” He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, waiting for her response.
“You’ll pay? But—but why?”
His eyes narrowed as he studied her. She was willing to go through the pregnancy gratis? Something wasn’t right. Was she some kind of freak?
“I’d expect to. I’m asking a lot.”
“I assure you, Mr. Boyd, payment isn’t necessary on your part. I’m even willing to pay you.” She raised her chin, as if expecting him to take her up on her offer.
He stood and shoved his hands into his back pockets. “Let me get this straight, Miss Langston. You’re willing to get pregnant, have my son and then disappear, for free?”
“If you feel that my leaving the community is necessary, yes, I’m even willing to do that. The baby and I will find another home.”
“You and the baby?” he gasped before responding to her in hardened tones. “The baby stays here, Miss Langston. We’re agreed on that.” He glared at her, wondering what her game was.
She rose, alarm on her face. “No, of course not, Mr. Boyd. The baby is mine.”
“Damn it! What would be the point? I want my son! Why else would I go through the embarrassment of—”
“You thought I would give you the baby?” she demanded, her features tightening.
“Isn’t that what a surrogate mother is? Someone who gives birth to the baby and then hands it over?”
“But you’re supposed to be a sperm donor. Not a—you can’t keep the baby.”
“You think I would allow anyone, anyone,” he repeated for emphasis, “to take my child away? I’ve already lost one son. I’m not about to lose another one.”
They were almost nose to nose now, his hands on his hips as he challenged her. She was even taller than he’d thought, only a few inches shorter than he was. Beth had been a petite doll, not even as high as his shoulders.
His visitor reached down behind her for the large shoulder bag she’d left on the sofa. “Clearly we have both— I have made a mistake. Dr. Grable suggested you as a sperm donor for my pregnancy. I apologize for wasting your time.”
“You mean you’re not willing to be a surrogate mother?” Lucas demanded.
“No.”
Again she didn’t waste any words. As she moved to step around him, he caught her arm. “I’m offering a lot of money.”
Tugging at his hold on her arm, she didn’t meet his gaze. “That’s wonderful. Now, if you’ll excuse me?”
“You’re not interested?”
Her brown-eyed gaze flew to his eyes briefly before she stared at his hand clutching her arm. “No.”
“You haven’t even asked how much.”
Again she stared at him. “Which should tell you I have no interest in your…intentions.”
“Then why did Doc send you?” he demanded in frustration. From the moment he’d gotten Doc’s message, he thought his problem had been solved. He’d almost imagined himself holding his child.
“You’ll have to ask Dr. Grable that question, Mr. Boyd. I also have some questions for the good doctor.” Her lips tightened, and he noticed their fullness for the first time.
Again she tugged at his hold, and this time he released her, stepping back, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “You can name your terms, Miss Langston. I’ll be generous.” His jaw tightened as he waited for her to ask for some outrageous sum. But he was so close to having his dream. He was willing to pay.
Her response wasn’t what he’d expected. Instead of a calculating stare, he received a soft smile, gentle almost, as she said, “My dream is just as important to me as yours is to you, Mr. Boyd. I can’t do what you’re asking, for any amount of money. I’m sorry I took up your time.”
Without waiting for an answer, she walked out of the room, taking his dream with her.
Chapter Two
Someone had to bear the brunt of his anger, and it seemed only fair to Lucas that that someone be the doctor.
“Doc, what the hell game are you playing?” he demanded over the phone.
“Now, Luke, calm down. Did you talk to Miss Langston?”
“Yeah, I talked to her. But she wasn’t willing to be a surrogate mother. She intended to keep the baby!” He couldn’t have sounded more horror-stricken if he’d been talking about infanticide. “Why did you send her here?”
“It seems crazy, I know, but with both of you wanting a baby, I thought—hell, I’m sorry, Luke, but I don’t like either of your choices. I was hoping to kind of jolt the two of you, if nothing else.”
“Well, you succeeded. I’ve never had such an embarrassing conversation in my life. Who is the woman? I’ve never seen her before.”
“You might’ve seen her if you’d stop living like a hermit. You don’t even come to church anymore, much less the few social occasions we have around here.”
“Who is she?” he repeated, ignoring the other comments.
“She’s the librarian…hired six months ago.”
“Why doesn’t she get pregnant the old-fashioned way?” If she’d done that, she wouldn’t have raised his hopes and then dashed them to the floor.
“I asked her the same question. Seems she doesn’t have any candidates around.”
Lucas frowned. She wasn’t a beauty, but she didn’t put out any effort to attract the opposite sex with her concealing clothes, lack of makeup and severe hairstyle. But, hell, they were in Colorado. Single women, outside the big cities, were scarce.
“Why does she want a baby?”
“She didn’t explain her reasons. All she wanted was information about how to go about it, not a discussion of why or why not.” There was a pause and then Doc said, “You could ask her if you want to know.”
“Has nothing to do with me!” Lucas snapped, irritated by the curiosity that filled him. “Find me a real surrogate mother, Doc. Okay? I’m ready to get this done.”
“I’ll do what I can. But you know it’s not going to be easy. Or fast. That’s why I thought—oh, well. I’ll see what I can do.”
“What are you reading?” Abby asked.
Susannah jumped as if someone threatened her very existence. With a protective arm over the article she’d been studying, she shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing much.”
Abby McDougal, one of the volunteers who helped Susannah with the various chores of running the library, and her best friend, narrowed her gaze.
“You’re working on getting pregnant, aren’t you?”
“Abby, shh!” Her cheeks flooded with color as Susannah looked around to be sure no one had overheard Abby’s remark.
“You are. I can tell.”
“I’m reading an article. That’s all.”
“What’s the title?”
“’Options.’”
“Aha! I knew it.”
“So? I tried it your way. I spoke to Dr. Grable, but he told me I’d have to go to Denver for what I wanted.” She fought to keep the blood from her cheeks because of the lie. After all, it was almost the truth. Without a local donor, she’d have to go to Denver.
She hadn’t returned to Dr. Grable’s office after the debacle of the interview with Lucas Boyd. She was no masochist. She figured she’d do the research herself. And she had. This article was the last she intended to read before she contacted a particular clinic in Denver. She already had the number written on a pad by her phone.
All she had to do was work up the nerve to make the call.
Heck, that would be a breeze compared to confronting that cowboy. That tall, sexy, handsome cowboy. Her emotions had gone on a roller-coaster ride that afternoon.
Exhilaration that her child would have this man for a father. Confusion when he told her he would keep the baby. Actually the son. She didn’t think he had considered the possibility of a daughter.
Anger and disappointment when she realized he wouldn’t cooperate. And forgiveness when she heard his admission of having lost a son. No one should have to suffer such pain.
Even though she’d been curious about his past, Susannah decided it would be best if she didn’t ask anyone about Lucas Boyd. How could she explain her interest?
Instead, she concentrated on her desire to have a child. It would be easy to chalk up her decision to her internal clock. But she knew better. She didn’t need a child for fulfillment. She loved her work and believed in the need to encourage reading.
But she wanted a child. A family. A way to pass on the important things she’d learned from her loving parents. A personal connection to the future. She actually ached with longing when she saw a young woman carrying a baby.
“Susannah, you need to find a man.”
“It’s not necessary these days, Abby. I can manage just fine without that added complication.” She kept her voice calm, swallowing the tremor that ran through her.
