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Abby frowned. “Some man must’ve really done a number on you, Susannah. They’re not all bad.”
Turning her head away, Susannah tried to think of another subject that would engage Abby’s interest. She didn’t want to discuss her insignificant experience with men. The one time she’d thought she’d fallen in love, the man had dumped her because she hadn’t accepted his advances with open arms. He’d labeled her frigid.
Susannah wondered if the newest shipment of books would distract Abby. “Did you see that we received the latest Nora Roberts romance? Have you put your name on the list to check it out?”
“I don’t want to talk about books. What you’re thinking of doing—”
“Morning, Abby, Miss Langston,” a deep drawl interrupted.
Susannah almost passed out. She didn’t have to turn around, or wait for Abby’s greeting. That voice told her who was standing in front of her counter.
“Why, Lucas! I haven’t seen you in a dog’s age. What are you doing in the library?” Abby asked, a big smile on her face. “Have you met Susannah—well, I guess you have or you wouldn’t have greeted her by name.”
Susannah avoided looking at Abby, but she heard the curiosity—and speculation—in Abby’s voice. “Hello, Mr. Boyd. Is there something in particular you’re looking for?”
“Yes, Lucas, just what are you looking for? I’ve never seen you in the library before.”
“Well, Abby, I’m looking for a private conversation with the librarian,” Lucas said, a grin on his face.
Abby’s interest sharpened. “Oh, really? Now, isn’t that interesting?”
Susannah had no idea what the man wanted, but she knew she didn’t want to deal with any more comments from Abby. “Could you please watch the counter while I talk with Mr. Boyd, Abby? I shouldn’t be long.”
“I’ll be happy to.”
Ignoring Abby’s grin, Susannah looked at Lucas Boyd for the first time and drew a deep breath. The man oozed sex appeal. “Shall we go into my office, Mr. Boyd?”
He nodded and came around the end of the counter, then waited for her to lead the way.
Her back ramrod straight, Susannah stalked into her small office, wishing she’d cleaned her desk this morning. She wasn’t compulsively neat, but she didn’t want the man following her to think badly of her.
Almost laughing at that ridiculous thought, as if this man’s opinion mattered, Susannah straightened her features and sat down behind her desk. She paused as he removed his hat and hung it on the antique hat stand. A shiver ran down her spine. The conversation must be important if he took off his hat.
“Won’t you be seated?” she asked politely, gesturing to the small narrow chair across from her, the only other seat in the room.
He eyed the chair suspiciously, as if he didn’t think it would hold him. He could be right. He was a big man, several inches over six feet, his body a solid mass of muscle.
“I think I’ll stand. That seat doesn’t look any too stable.” He smiled but didn’t wait for her response. Instead he turned away and looked out the small window. Since she knew the view encompassed the parking lot, a few scraggly buildings and the mountains in the distance, she didn’t think it was that compelling.
“How may I help you, Mr.—” She broke off as she remembered their last meeting. Somehow her question seemed inappropriate. “I mean—why are you here?”
His intense blue eyes lightened slightly as he turned around, a grim smile on his face. Clearly he understood her change of question. “I think I owe you an apology.”
He took her by surprise.
“I—I can’t think of any reason.”
“I can. I was angry when you—about the misunderstanding we both suffered two weeks ago. I don’t think I was much of a gentleman about it.”
She waved a hand in dismissal, but she couldn’t trust herself to say anything.
“You see, I’d made a difficult decision. And I wanted to get on with it. When Doc said you were coming, I assumed he’d explained my offer and you’d accepted. I could already see my son—” He broke off and turned back to the window.
Tense silence filled the room, and Susannah sought to ease it. “I guess an old-maid librarian was a bit of a shock, too.”
He turned and stared at her attempt to smile.
“If you’re an old maid in Colorado, it’s got to be your choice, Miss Langston. We don’t have all that many available ladies to choose from except in the cities.”
Color filled her cheeks and she looked away. “I don’t meet any men at the library.”
“Why?”
“I guess they’re not big readers.”
He stood with his hands on his trim hips, watching her intensely. “No. I don’t mean why don’t you meet men. Why do you want a baby?”
She swallowed, her throat suddenly dry, then nibbled at her bottom lip. She wasn’t about to bare her soul to this stranger. “Why do you?”
He frowned, as if surprised by her turning the tables. Well, she had as much right to ask questions as he did, she decided, raising her chin.
“For the obvious reasons.”
“Me, too.”
Frustration filled his handsome features. “That doesn’t tell me anything!”
“But it’s the answer you gave,” she reminded him.
“Yeah, but I’m a—”
“A man?” She finished the sentence when he didn’t continue.
A sideways grin only made him more attractive. “So I’m dealing with a feminist here, am I?”
To avoid looking at him, she picked up a pen and doodled on the pad of paper on her desk. “You’re dealing with an educated woman, Mr. Boyd. Not one who’s going to accept stereotypes and limitations because she’s a woman.”
He gave a disgruntled chuckle. “You’re not like Beth at all.”
“Beth?” She suspected the woman’s identity, but she waited for him to confirm her thought.
“My wife. She—she and my son died in childbirth,” he murmured, looking away. “Three years ago.” He swallowed, as if forcing down emotion.
“I’m sorry. But no, I’m probably not like her.”
“She was little…and sweet and beautiful.” His voice was dreamy and sad. Then it changed as he added firmly, “And she always agreed with me.”
“Well, that confirms it. I’m definitely not like Beth.” She was ready to end the conversation. He didn’t owe her an apology, and she didn’t want to discuss beautiful women whose husbands adored them. Or little boys who died before they could even live. “I appreciate your apology,” she said, rising, “but it wasn’t necessary.”
“Wait! I—you never explained why you want a baby.”
“Neither did you,” she said pointedly.
“I told you about Beth and the baby!” he returned. When she said nothing, he added, “I’m trying to work something out here!” He put his hands back on his hips, a scowl on his face.
“What?”
“Well, you see, there aren’t—Doc hasn’t been able to find a surrogate mother for me.”
He looked at her, as if he expected a response, but she had nothing to say.
“I wondered if—I’ll have to have someone take care of the baby when it’s born.”
Why would he tell her that…unless he thought she’d like the position? With a shrug of her shoulders, she said, “Yes, but I’m not looking for a job. You’ll need to hire a nanny.”
“Why? You could have the baby, and I’d hire you as the nanny. The baby would have the best care in the world, from his own mother.” As if he’d finally made his case, he relaxed and smiled at her.
A beautiful smile. Too bad.
“And at night I would go home?”
“Yeah, I could handle things at night. After all, I’m his father.”
“And the neighbors would think I’d had your child—probably as a result of a careless one-night stand—and I’ve given it up to you to raise, but I’m receiving payment to take care of it.”
“I don’t care what my neighbors think!” he growled.
“You may not, but what they think would harm your child. Do you care about him?”
“Of course I do!” he roared. “That’s the reason we’re in this mess in the first place!”
She moved from behind her desk, passing dangerously close to him, and reached the door.
“Don’t open that door!” he rapped out, an order that he apparently assumed she would obey.
“Mr. Boyd, you are visiting my office. You do not give me orders.” She opened the door. “Thank you for stopping by.”
He stared at her as if she’d slapped him. Finally he took a step toward her. “You’re not even going to consider my suggestion?”
“No, thank you.”
“But we’d both get what we want.”
“No, Mr. Boyd. You would get what you want. I would get crumbs, not even a piece of the cake. And I would lose my good standing in the community. Does that sound like I would get what I want?”
She could sense Abby’s birdlike gaze flicking back and forth between them and wished she hadn’t been so stubborn about opening the door.
He continued to glare at her, as if expecting her to explain herself further. Instead she stared at him, holding onto the door, hoping he didn’t realize she might’ve fallen without its support. Finally, when she wasn’t sure she could remain standing much longer, he smashed his cowboy hat on his head and strode from her office, not even responding to Abby’s goodbye.
“What got stuck in his craw?” Abby asked, staring at her as she took her place behind the counter.
Susannah sighed, “I love you, Abby, but I’m not going to discuss what was said in there. It’s private.” She added a warm smile, which wasn’t easy when she felt like crying.
Something must’ve alerted Abby to her fragile condition. “Enough said. Why don’t you go back in there and work on those orders. I can handle everything out here.”
With a whispered thanks, Susannah fled into her office, closing the door behind her. She returned to her chair, where only moments ago Lucas Boyd had stood over her.
Great! Now he’d invaded her workplace. She already had trouble getting him out of her head from their one meeting. Seeing him as the father of her child had been a mistake.
As foolish as those thoughts were, she had dreamed of creating that child the old-fashioned way, as Dr. Grable had put it. Strange reaction from someone who was frigid. Those intense dreams had left her unsettled and wanting what she couldn’t have.
Lucas’s description of his wife, and the longing and love that filled his voice, had gouged a hole in her heart. Why hadn’t she found a man to love her the way he’d loved his wife? Why was she alone?
And the biggest question of all: Why was it so difficult to have a child, so she wouldn’t be alone? She’d faced the fact that part of her longing for a child was selfish. But she also knew that she would care for and love her child, provide for him or her, be a good mother.
Her child.
His son.
They couldn’t be the same baby, in spite of his ingenious proposal.
It would never work.
It could work.
If only the woman wouldn’t be so difficult. He was offering her what she wanted!
Her words replayed in Lucas’s head. Well, almost. Couldn’t she settle for what he wanted? The desire to hold his son in his arms was overpowering. He could see himself teaching the boy about the ranch, about his heritage. They would share the past and the future.
And Lucas would love him, his child, as he’d loved Beth and that other little baby boy. With all his heart.
He slung himself behind the wheel of his truck and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. What now? Doc didn’t seem to think he’d be able to find someone willing to have his baby.
The old man had suggested he go into Denver and find some poor woman who needed money desperately. Hell, he didn’t want his child’s mother to be a street person. She had to be strong, healthy, upstanding.
A dry chuckle surprised him. He couldn’t say Miss Langston was weak. Or meek. Or agreeable. She was tall, too. He’d worried about his future sons with Beth. She was so little. What if—such a thought seemed like a betrayal of their love. But—
He turned the key and slammed the truck into Drive. He wasn’t going to think about such things. Didn’t matter anyway. Beth was dead. They wouldn’t have children together.
When he stopped the truck at the streetlight, he realized he was half a block from Doc’s office. He’d make a detour and fill him in on the latest discussion with Miss Disagreeable Langston.
“You did what?” asked Doc, a comical look on his face, after Lucas revealed his conversation with the woman.
“I just told you. I offered—”
“I heard you. Lord’a’mercy, boy, don’t you have any more sense than that?”
“What’s the matter with what I offered? She’d get to have a baby, take care of it and get paid for the job, too.”
