Memories Of Our Days

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-No, do it yourself!-

Being taller, he would hold her tight by her waist from behind and would lift her off the ground, begging her:

-Please, please, I beg you… -to the point that he would make her laugh, forcing her to give in to him.

Clara was very patient with the twins. Agnese and Luciano had kept their exclusive relationship growing up which would make them into a specific unit, but now Agnese, who was a teenager now, was often looking for her sister’s company. She was happy when she could spare some of her time for her.

-Good morning Giulia-

Maria’s voice, even though it was quite soft, gave her a start.

-Good morning. Already up?...You should have rested a little longer

.Is everybody asleep?

-It’s Sunday today, there’s no school-

-That’s right, right…it’s Sunday today…we have to make fresh pasta then…-

-Yes, we’ll do it in a minute. Don’t worry, there is still plenty of time.-

Maria was not the same anymore after Ada’s death. Her lean body had slightly bent over as if the weight caused by that sorrow was too big for her shoulders. The expression of her face had changed most of all. She seemed to have lost those little convictions which had always kept her going and now she depended totally on Giulia for everything. She waited trustfully for Giulia’s instructions, looking at her like a child looks at his teacher before starting a test, in order to start diligently to carry out the task she had been given, quietly. She answered the questions that she was asked, and would never express her own opinion or jump into the conversation of her own accord. Only Antonino with his little jokes and Agnese who would kiss her on the cheek from time to time and would call her auntie, were able to make her smile. Despite being much younger that her, Giulia considered her now like a daughter in need of continuous guidelines. It was just dawn when at the bottom of the driveway showed up a person wrapped up in a dark shawl. She was walking fast, almost running, holding the shawl around her waist with her crossed arms. Giulia stopped to look at her with apprehension because she was not expecting anyone at that time of the morning and feared some bad news on the way. She got nearer and she saw that it was Lucia.

Since Ada died, Lucia was working there every morning. Giulia and Maria needed some help and Lucia had virtually grown up in their house, working in the fields or helping with little jobs. She was so tiny and yet she would work very hard, she was careful and helpful, always grateful to those who helped her overcome the continuous worry about the daily survival. She lived with her son Andrea, proud to have been able to give him a better life than hers. With great sacrifices, she got him to go to school until he was 14, when his peers, who often were completely illiterate, were forced since they were very young, to follow the adults to work in the fields, whether it was hot or cold. She raised him very well, he was serious and helpful. During his summer holidays he was the first one to go to the fields to work and if he noticed that she was more tired, she would hurry to finish off his task to go and help her, no matter if the August sun was very hot.

-Lucia is coming…so early…how come?-

Giulia was thinking loud while she was looking out the window. Maria looked out the window too and she felt distressed as she did for the slightest unexpected event, she followed her sister-in-law who had gone to open the door before Lucia had arrived.

-Good morning madam-

Giulia had told her many times not to call her with that epithet but she had realized that Lucia herself was more at her ease keeping up a respectful relationship

-How come you are here so early? Did anything happened?-

Lucia’s lean and austere face was anxious and frightened. She took her by the arm and brought her quietly into the kitchen. She sat and felt that the two women were giving her inquisitive and worried looks

-Something happened tonight…- she said

-What?-

.-A very bad thing-

-Right, but what happened….- Giulia’s mind went over every possible situation and stopped over a terrible thought

-No, no, madams, it is not Andrea, no…- she prayed almost speechless

-They broke into the doctor’s house…-

-It’s not Andrea, it’s not Andrea- was the only thing she could think of, relieved by the biggest burden

-What doctor.. Marinucci?...-

-Yes, dr Marinucci-

-Who broke into the house, Lucia, …please say something-

-Them… the fascists… they knocked down the door… they beat up the doctor and before going they set fire to his surgery–

Giovanni, alarmed by the unusual sounds, had come down and heard everything from the stairs

-What?- he said turning to Lucia even though he understood everything perfectly well Giulia answered- They got into Marinucci’s…-

-How is the doctor? – he interrupted her

-I haven’t seen him. Andrea with Cencio della Menna and Carlone went into his house to help him. They said that he had a split lip and was complaining.-

-I’ll go to see him- Giovanni said, and he was out the house in a flash-

-Be careful, please-.

The words which were repeated many times did not even reach him.

When he got back, he was nearly lunchtime.

Giulia heard the buggy coming back before she could actually see it. She had been waiting all morning to hear that sound, carrying on with her daily routine, constantly looking at the window. The children could sense her tension but only Antonino had dared to ask for an explanation of the situation:

-Is there something wrong, mum?-

She told him what she knew

-I’ll go to the village- it was his reaction.

-You are not going anywhere-

Her reply was authoritative and she would not accept any answer on his part. Antonino understood that if he had insisted, he would have only make that matter worse.

The horse trotting got them all to run out of the house. Andrea also came with Giovanni. The boy looked really scared whereas Giovanni looked worried.

-Well...how is dr Marinucci….what happened…?-

-Dr Marinucci is in bed. He got a great fright and he is in pain. He was attacked around two in the morning. He said he heard somebody knocking hard at the door, he got up thinking that someone was not well and he saw four men he did not know. They pushed him inside the house and started kicking and punching him, shouting:

-You are a bloody subversive, you are going to get it now- they left him on the ground, he was bewildered. He heard them going downstairs in his surgery. The smashed everything then they set fire to it and run away. Luckily enough, all the commotion woke Carlone up who lives nearby. He dashed over and managed to put the fire out, then he called Andrea and Cencio to get some help to put the doctor to bed.

-Why did they do it? Dr Marinucci is an old man who lives on his own and has always been good to everybody. Nobody hates him in the village-

He was so upset he could hardly speak and Giulia was speaking nervously crumpling her apron with her hands.

-Giulia, Giulia- Giovanni said with a tone of desperation in his voice – being good or bad does not mean anything anymore…I don’t even know what is important anymore….do you get it?…What is considered important? –

Nobody could answer that question.

Over the next few days the doctor seemed to recover. He managed to get up and sit in the armchair beside the bed for a while. He was more and more withdrawn, he did not say anything, not a word to accuse his attackers nor to thank who had been by his side, his eyes staring down as to try and forget the world around him.

He passed away this way, in a disheartened silence that not even all the memories of his life could make it better.

It occurred that dr Marinucci was in touch with a long-standing school friend in Rome with home he had a fraternal friendship. He was a high valued university professor who refused to join the political party and was not behind in showing his open criticism towards the new exceptional laws approved by the regime. He was now so close to his retirement so he was lifted from position so he left university but was still against the system. He had been threatened many times, he would let off all his anger and disappointment speaking with his old mate, in person or over the phone, but he did not realise that he was being monitored. That was dr Marinucci’s fault: to share the ideas and the actions with whom dared to be against them.

Giovanni now knew that all the phone lines, all the public places were being tapped and that they had to be informed about all of the few private subscribers, who they were, how they behaved and what political party they were a member of.

The grief for the death of dr Marinucci, with whom they had shared many joys and concerns, was amplified by the concern. They had a phone now in the house. Giulia had insisted to get one - …this way Rudi can contact us as he wishes from Milan-. What was considered a real technological miracle was now considered as a danger, also because Rudi did not hide his clear opposition to the regime.

1 Chapter XV

In Milan

- From now on we must be more careful-

-More careful to what, Rudi, to what we write? To what we listen to? To how we speak? To what we think? – Fosco was talking angrily

-No …no…I did not mean that….I was saying… watch our backs more carefully…-

-Actually don’t you think that what happened could mark a turning point, which should encourage us to take actions in a different way, to take part more directly to the events and not just write about them? –

-Fosco, why don’t you think that it is not enough? Isn’t that already a way to fight? Isn’t that too an action that we take?-

The two friends were sitting at the usual family-run restaurant and were talking under their breaths. They had chosen a table far from everyone, a small table for two close to the wall, as far as possible from the few customers. They were waiting for Totò to drop over the food. Fosco’s face showed worry, his eyes were staring at the tablecloth. With his elbows on the table, he kept his hands together in front of his mouth and the words were coming out with difficulty, as a result of some thoughts long brewed in his mind.

-I don’t know, Fosco, I dont’t know…- Rudi went on- I think you are right….probably it is not enough anymore just to state that you are against…maybe it is necessary to take actions against...-

-Rudi listen…- All of a sudden Fosco’s face lit up and he bent his torso over to be closer to his friend. -Listen –he said again- Over the last few days we have seen a change in the society…. An improvement…. A degeneration .. for some people it is , for other people it isn’t… I don’t know, it depends…what I know anyway is that some people want to destroy what I think because they fear it and if they do, it is because in their worlds there is no space for everyone, but just for some people. What happened this morning at the newsroom headquarters make me scared for me, for you but the threat that is on us scares me the most because it doesn’t give me any certainty about the future.-

Rudi was listening quietly with his arms crossed on the table and his hands in a fist. He saw Totò coming out of the kitchen and he gave him a quick smile.

-Here is your food, enjoy it-. The innkeeper’s face, which was cheerful and friendly, dispersed Fosco’s thoughts for a moment and he sat up on his chair and acknowledged the hot food with a -Thank you, Totò’-

They ate in silence for a few minutes, they poured some wine into their glasses, then Fosco went on talking:

-Did you get what I mean?-

-I got it and I know that you are right…I can see that the situation is getting worse every day…now those who are against are afraid to end up like Matteotti so many people leave….-

-That’s what they want! Chasing us away, get us to be quiet! That skull we found this morning printed on the door of the newsroom means exactly this: be careful, you are being watched and your lives are not that worthy for us! They want our silence, the silence or the subservient assent of the press!-

-What else can we do other that keep on defending ourselves?-

-They won’t let us do that, you’ll see. It’s too easy for them. How long do you think we can still go on? Shortly they will force us to be quiet as they have already done with the others and then the battle will be lost forever-

Rudi looked at his friend with apprehension and after a short hesitation, he said:

-What are you going to do?-

Fosco went quiet. He ate very little. He pushed the plate away to the middle of the table, he drank a sip of wine, keeping his eyes down

-I don’t know, I don’t know exactly yet. I need to think it over…I need to think it over…- he whispered.