Love Me Or Leave Me

No, what got to Lucy more than anything were Alannah and Josh’s never ending list of demands towards their Dad, almost like they were extorting guilt money. And at the end of the day, guilt over what? Andrew had split with his ex well over five years ago, surely time to put all that behind them and move on?

And oh dear God, did the pair of them know so well how to pick and choose their moment. Perfect timing now for them to lay yet more demands on their father, when he was sitting back at the end of his wedding day; relaxed, chilled out, glass of brandy in one hand, cigar clamped to the other.

‘Oh yeah, and another thing I’ve been meaning to say to you, Dad,’ Josh chipped in, sitting with the full of his long, bony back to Lucy, patently ignoring her and putting Andrew square on the spot now. On the man’s wedding day.

‘You have to understand that having the reception in that fancy restaurant Pichet, when we all get back to Dublin next week is kinda upsetting for Mum. It’s just that she often goes there for lunch with the girls and she feels it’s really insensitive towards her. I mean like, the maître d’ is a really close pal of hers. And after all, it is, like, the season of goodwill and everything. I mean, it’s Christmas Eve and Mum’s probably all on her own at home right now …’

Josh, by the way, was all of twenty-eight years of age and still living with his Mammy, with all the attendant comforts that entailed. And who’d turned up to the wedding ceremony today dressed in a pair of Bermuda shorts and looking exactly like a Shane McGowan song. Almost as though he was trying to feign maximum disdain for his father’s second marriage.

‘Bit much, flaunting it right in front of Mum’s face, don’t you think?’ Josh was still hammering on, no matter how hard Lucy tried to tune him out. ‘It’s just really hard on her, you know. So is it too late to … you know … like, just cancel the wedding thingy at the restaurant and back out of the whole thing?’

‘Ehh,’ Andrew mumbled, flushing a bit as he always did whenever his ex-wife was dragged up in front of Lucy. ‘Well actually, it might be a tad awkward at this late stage, you see …’

‘Come on Dad, you’re already officially married! You’ve had the ceremony, you’ve done the deed and it’s all over and done with now. Surely you don’t need to invite everyone you’ve ever met in your life to some posh dinner when you get home as well, do you? It’s just I’d hate for Mum to feel her nose was being rubbed in it. I mean, it’s actually really insensitive, when you think about it.’

‘Ahh, well you see …’ Andrew began genially, but Lucy interrupted, unable to contain herself much longer.

‘It’s more than awkward to cancel our wedding celebration now, Josh, I’m afraid,’ she fired back, not even giving a shite if she sounded rude. ‘The party is all booked for New Year’s Eve, we’ve reserved most of the restaurant and invited over fifty guests. Including my own family, who really wanted to be here today, as it happens. And this is the only chance that we both get to celebrate with them, not to mention all my close pals and your Dad’s colleagues from work. To call the whole party off now would be the height of rudeness, not to mention that it could probably break the restaurant.’

Besides, she added silently, if either you or your mother had a bloody problem, then why didn’t you tell us when we were first booking it? All of two months ago! Why leave it till the week before to start griping? And if you’re so worried about your Mum being alone and upset over Christmas, then what are you even doing here in the first place? Why not stay home with her, if you’re all that concerned?

Andrew slipped a supportive arm around his new bride’s waist while Josh stopped all his sniping and just settled for glaring moodily at his new stepmother instead, temporarily silenced. But then Lucy knew the drill all too well by now. She may have won that tiny battle, but she was still fighting a losing war. And make no mistake, this was all-out war.

Then after an interminably long, drawn-out dinner, Andrew gently ting-tinged the glass in front of him and rose to his feet to make an impromptu little speech.

‘First of all,’ he began hesitatingly, ‘I’d like to thank both of my beautiful children for being here on this very special day.’

Funny, but Lucy could still remember thinking how handsome he looked in his white linen suit, tanned and relaxed and so sexy, in a silver-haired, moustached, Tom Selleck-y way. And good-naturedly, she began a tiny ripple of applause, to back him up. But no one, she noticed, joined in with her.

‘And now if I may turn for a moment to my beautiful bride …’

Alannah called over the waiter and ordered another glass of wine, looking anywhere except at her Dad’s beautiful new bride.

‘I first clapped eyes on this gorgeous young girl at an awards ceremony my bank was hosting and thought she was the most attractive woman I’d ever seen …’ Andrew gamely went on.

‘And then he went home and told his wife all about it,’ Josh muttered.

Both Andrew and Lucy heard him loud and clear, it was impossible not to, but both stayed tight-lipped. Not the time and certainly not the place.

‘… Though in a million years, it never occurred to me that this vision of loveliness would ever have anything to do with an aul’ fella like myself!’ Andrew continued. ‘I persisted though, didn’t I, Lucy, and eventually got you to agree to go on a date with me … do you remember, darling?’

Lucy had to smile. Course she remembered. Andrew had somehow got hold of her number to ask her out to dinner not long after the awards do and her heart had just gone out to him. He’d told her about all the trouble he’d been having at home and how his marriage was effectively over, in all but name.

‘… Of course it wasn’t the easiest time in my private life,’ he was saying, with just a tiny nod of acknowledgment towards Alannah and Josh. ‘But I do think that over time and with great perseverance on my part, true love eventually won the day. And so without further ado, can I ask you all to raise a glass to the new Mrs Lowe? My darling Lucy, you’re the love of my life. After my first marriage broke up, I never thought I’d smile again, laugh again, be happy again. Then you came along and with a simple wave of your hand, you changed everything. In my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be blessed enough to find a soulmate at my hour of life? And yet it happened. So now, it’s my supreme wish to make every day of our new life together absolutely magical. To my breathtaking bride!’

Lucy beamed warmly back at him and toasted him back, but it seemed Andrew wasn’t finished yet.

‘And now would anyone else care to say a few words?’ he added, looking hopefully from Josh to Alannah. ‘Maybe to welcome Lucy into our little family?’

No takers though. Instead, just stony, mortifying silence.

‘After all, she is now officially a member of the Lowe family,’ he added, flushing just a bit.

Still nothing. Just the sound of the mariachi band playing ‘True Love’. Odd and discordant, Lucy remembered thinking from out of nowhere, to hear it sung in a Mexican accent.

‘Josh? Alannah?’ Andrew persisted, with just the tiniest edge creeping into his voice.

Say something, Lucy tried to madly telegraph over to the pair of them. Not for me, for your Dad. It would mean so much to him today of all days. For God’s sake, he paid for your entire trip, would it kill you to string three sentences together on the man’s wedding day?

‘Okay, Dad,’ Alannah said, in a dangerously low voice that Lucy instantly recognized meant trouble. ‘Here’s a few words for you.’

And suddenly, it was like no air moved.

‘You broke our family,’ Alannah said in a low, even voice. ‘While you were busy moving on at the speed of light after you’d separated, you broke Mum’s heart. And for the record, you broke us. So there you go. Enjoy your wedding night. And I hope you can live with that. But if you think I’m hanging around to hear more about how happy and in love you are now, then you’re wrong. I’m out of here. You know I came all the way here for you, I wanted to be here for you, to try to support you if I could. But I’ve officially had enough. I tried Dad, but you know what? Turns out it’s just too bloody hard.’

The air pulsed, as her words just seemed to hang there. Andrew, glass in hand, froze, just staring at her. This is exactly what it feels like, Lucy thought, to be punched right in the solar plexus.

*

Back on her lonely barstool all of three years on and it looked like Alannah had actually cursed her that day, like some kind of wicked fairy at a feast. Because there were four things Lucy knew now with absolute certainty.

That Alannah and Josh had set out to sabotage her marriage from day one.

That never in her wildest dreams could she could have foreseen the lengths they’d go to. The depths they were prepared to crawl to, just to be rid of her.

That she’d underestimated them at her peril.

And lastly, she thought, downing her shot in one gulp, just to stem the nausea, it was purely a matter of time before she and Andrew would be divorced.

Chapter Seven

Chloe.

‘Welcome to the Hope Street Hotel.’

Oh God, I love saying it so much! Can’t stop myself; every workman, interior designer, plumber and carpenter that crosses the threshold, is warmly welcomed to the Hope Street Hotel. We’ve got just two weeks to go before showtime and even though there’s a mountain of work to do before we officially throw our doors open for business, I couldn’t be prouder or happier of how it’s all pulling together. This is the single biggest challenge I’ve ever faced into, and by God, I’ll move heaven and earth if I have to, to make it work.

The hotel industry here in Ireland is actually starting to sit up and take notice of us too. There was even a piece about us in a trade magazine, naming me as General Manager and giving a bit of a blurb about our mission statement. I went a bit jelly-legged reading it, with pride, yes, but mainly because all I could think was, Frank will see this. And then he’ll know, won’t he? He’ll know I’m back here, less than a five-minute walk from where he works.

I get a quick, momentary stab of insecurity combined with nervousness like I’ve never known. Sudden flashbacks keep coming back to me just at the thought of Frank, and I half wonder if he’ll get in contact to wish me luck maybe? I’m just trying to figure out if I find that either terrifying or hopeful, when I’m quickly hauled out of it by yet another last minute snag at the hotel that needs troubleshooting.

Because there’s still so much to be done before we officially open our doors, there’s barely time to give thought to much else. Every morning, I’m at the desk in my cosy little basement office at the hotel by 7.30 a.m. and the whole day seems to go by in a complete blur. Meetings with accountants, interior designers, not to mention Ferndale’s Human Resources manager who’s over from the UK to headhunt and interview prospective staff. Believe me, it doesn’t end. And I’m absolutely loving every minute and although I crawl back to my parents’ house every night bone-tired from exhaustion, I can honestly say this is the most optimistic and forward-looking I’ve felt in a long, long time. In fact, ever since I first got that phone call to tell me I had this job, something is slowly starting to shift inside of me. Almost like all this hard work is slowly starting to erode the rock of pain that was locked away inside me. Which can’t be a bad thing, right?

Anyway, it’s just coming up to lunchtime one day, when I’m dashing out of one meeting to get back to my desk and catch up on emails. I’m padding my way down the softly carpeted back stairs, leading into the rabbit warren of tiny basement offices that’s a bit like the nerve centre of the whole operation, when suddenly I notice a dramatic shift in the atmosphere round here. Hard to describe, but it’s almost like the health inspectors or else some contrary restaurant critic has unexpectedly dropped in on us unannounced, for an early spot check.

‘You okay?’ I ask Chris Smyth, my assistant manager and general right-hand woman round here. Now Chris is normally the personification of long blonde coolness; she’s worked for Ferndale for years, was seconded over from the UK weeks ago and I’ve yet to see the girl anything other than composed, efficient and bursting with energy. Whenever things get on top of me, she’s that rational voice of calmness in my ear that says, ‘It’s fine. You can do this. Just take it all one step at a time.’ Even at half seven in the morning, when the rest of us are still struggling to look alert on six hours’ sleep, she’s one of those people who are perpetually bright-eyed, alert and generally an all-round ray of sunshine.

But not now.

‘Chloe, you’re needed upstairs, quick,’ the poor girl almost hyperventilates at me. ‘He’s here! Actually here. Now. One of his spot checks. And I had no idea we were even to expect him … I mean, nobody rang me from the UK to warn me, or anything, and the place isn’t nearly ready! So what are we going to do? The decorators are still working in the bar area and it’s a total mess … and then there’s the garden that still isn’t landscaped fully … and don’t get me started on all the snags we’re still dealing with …’

‘Shh, shh, Chris,’ I tell her as soothingly as I can, while half looking round my desk for a brown paper bag I can get the girl to breathe into. ‘For starters, who exactly has just landed in on us anyway?’

Either President Michael D. Higgins, from the way she’s going on, or possibly one of U2 with the full entourage? And then it dawns on me.

‘Chris, by any chance are you trying to tell me that Rob McFayden is here? Upstairs? Right this minute?’

‘Waiting for you at Reception,’ she nods breathlessly. Almost with ‘and sooner you than me’ tattooed across her forehead.

I gulp and try very hard just to breathe. This is okay, I tell myself, this is fine. I haven’t actually seen him since the day he first interviewed me, but of course I’ve been in almost daily contact with him over the phone. He has a habit of calling me at the oddest times and from the most unexpected corners of the globe, checking in on our progress. Hard not to get the impression that he still isn’t quite there yet when it comes to fully trusting me, but there you go.

He was in Dubai, I know, last week. Paris before that. Then Rome the week before. Last time we talked, he said something about Milan. The guy must just live out of a suitcase and survive on plasticky airline food and little else. And all his calls are brisk, businesslike and generally all over in under four minutes.

Of course, I’ve been keeping Rob McFayden fully updated. And okay yeah, so maybe I have painted a slightly more positive picture than I should have. Maybe I have, ahem, glossed over the cracks a little more than I should have done, but come on. Who doesn’t, when their boss calls demanding updates?

Everything’s coming together beautifully, I’ve been calmly telling him. We’re as close to being on track and on target as it’s possible to be at this point. After all, someone as busy as Rob McFayden doesn’t need to be bothered with details about light fittings in the bedrooms and a bit of mud out in the back garden, I figured.

But did I really, honestly think he wouldn’t land in on us to see how the place is coming together for himself? Course not. Just assumed I might get a bit of advance warning first, that’s all.

Taking a deep breath, I squeeze Chris’s arm, say ‘Wish me luck!’ as brightly as I can, then trip up the main staircase that leads from the basement maze of offices up to Reception.

Do NOT let nerves get the better of you, I tell myself sternly, clipping along as fast as tight shoes will allow. He hired you because somewhere deep down he must believe in you, so all you have to do is just believe in yourself. You CAN do this. And yes, agreed, the hotel is currently a work-in-progress and of course, Rob McFayden could find holes to pick with a thousand things if he really wanted to. But after all, we’re all working flat out here, aren’t we? How can it be humanly possible for us to do much more?

I reach the top of the back stairs and sure enough, there he is, the man himself. Tall and lean, with salt and pepper hair, dressed like he just rolled out of bed in his own personal ‘uniform’ of a Gap t-shirt, jeans, trainers and a light blue sweater. Like it’s permanently dress-down Friday round here.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my uniform, but the sight of Rob McFayden looking so Sunday morning casual instantly makes me feel like a right prissy frump, in my Ferndale Hotels navy blue suit, with name badge neatly pinned to it. Tall and authoritative, he’s chatting easily on his mobile with his full back to me. He hears the clickety-clack of my work high heels though, as I briskly walk along the marble tiled floor behind him, and turns round to face me.

I mouth ‘Hi!’ and give a quick, nervous little wave, thinking, Do not, under any circumstances allow yourself to be intimidated. Just walk tall, act confident and sooner or later, the whole world will believe the lie.

After all, it’s the first time I’ve seen him since the day he interviewed me, feck it, I’m entitled to be a bit antsy.

‘Just gimme one sec,’ he mimes back at me, with a quick half-wink and a ‘winding up’ gesture, as if to say he’s trying his best to end the call.

Right. So obviously I’m expected to hang on then, and try and not look like I’m earwigging. Which is awkward, to say the least, given the conversation he happens to be having.

‘Yes, darling,’ he’s saying in a low voice down the phone. ‘Well, if that’s what you want, then that’s absolutely fine by me. You’re the boss!’

Ahem. Well, you’re certainly not onto the bank manager, I think, eyes darting down and pretending to busy myself with much pointless tapping at the computer behind Reception. Tell you one thing though, whatever woman he’s talking to right now, she certainly knows how to keep the likes of Rob McFayden well and truly under her thumb.

‘Now you’re absolutely sure about this, love?’ he’s saying. ‘I just want you to be completely happy wherever we go, you know that.’

Wow. Suddenly, it strikes me just how completely different his whole tone of voice is, even since the last time I met him. Right now, he sounds absolutely nothing like the intensely focused, businesslike whirl of energy who first interviewed me, all those weeks back. Instead, if anything, he sounds tender to whoever he’s onto, gentle even. Loving and warm. The exact polar opposite to what’s received wisdom within the industry about the mighty Rob McFayden.

Wonders will never cease. Got to hand it to whoever this particular girlfriend is. If you can keep an alpha male like this in check, then world domination probably wouldn’t present too much of a challenge afterwards.

Jeez, wait till I tell Chris, is my immediate, tacked-on thought.

‘Alright, say I pick you up on Saturday, usual time?’ Rob asks softly, like he doesn’t want me to hear. But even though I’m madly trying my best to pretend that there’s urgent business under the shelves behind the reception desk that needs my attention, it’s just impossible not to.

‘Alright, love,’ he says, finally wrapping it up. ‘That’s a date. Till then. Yes, me too, you know that.’

Eeugh. Overhearing that almost feels like I’m invading his personal space. But he appears to have no such qualms though, just clicks off the phone and strides over to where I’m standing, hand outstretched.

‘Apologies about that. Had to take that call, you understand,’ he says, meeting my gaze with all the cool confidence of someone just off the phone to their stockbroker.

‘Of course, emm … Mr McFayden,’ I smile back, brightly as I can, hoping against hope that I’m not flushing and sweating like a wino.

‘I told you, it’s Rob.’

‘Sorry, Rob. I have to warn you though, we weren’t expecting you to be in Dublin so soon. And as you can see, we still have a few snags we’re sorting out right now.’

No sooner are the words out of my mouth than a power drill goes off in the background, which I practically have to shout to be heard over.

‘But you know we’re pretty much on schedule,’ I half yell at him over the racket, ‘I mean … obviously … give or take just a few last minute odds and ends round the place. Rest assured though, I’m pretty confident that we’ll be ready in plenty of time …’

‘Chloe?’ Rob interrupts, as the din from the power drill dies down.

‘Yes?’

‘You’re starting to sound nervous. Should I be worried?’

‘Oh, well, you know!’ I say in a voice that’s approximately half an octave higher than normal. ‘We’re just all a bit pressured round here today, what with builders and everything … and of course, if we’d known you were coming, then it goes without saying we’d have been …’

‘You think I haven’t seen the inside of a hotel that’s overrun with builders before?’

‘No, course not, I just meant that … well, we are two weeks from opening and I’d hate you to think we weren’t going to be ready in time, because you know, we’re all completely confident …’

‘Well, then. In that case, it seems my reputation as a complete bastard has gone before me,’ Rob says dryly, mouth twitching down at the corners. ‘I’m not here to fire hard-working staff because you’re all working flat out on last minute snags.’

Okay, there is just no fecking response to that. So I just stand there, casting around wildly for some change of subject.

‘Well, you’ll be delighted to know I can’t even stay for long, actually,’ he says with a half-smile, like he’s actually enjoying my discomfort. ‘I’m actually en route back to London.’

‘Oh?’ I ask stupidly. ‘You mean, you’re not going to be around here for a few days, at least …?’

‘Not this time, I’m afraid. I’ve been in Milan since yesterday you see, and just happened to have a chink of time between flight connections today, so I arranged to catch my flight back to London from here. I wanted to see for myself just how the place is shaping up.’

‘Well … in that case, let me give you the full tour.’

‘Lead the way.’

You’re in control here, Chloe, don’t forget that, I tell myself firmly. And yes, so maybe this is a work-in-progress and maybe there’s a pile of tweaks and snags that we’re still working through. Like the coffee tables we ordered still haven’t arrived for the drawing room yet. Plus the fact that the plumbers are still working on the bathroom fittings, in at least three of the en-suites upstairs. And the electricians, who still haven’t quite finished yet, have left so many wires and cross cables strewn across the floor of the dining room, it looks like someone spilt ten plates of spaghetti in there.

I could go on and on, but come on, it’s a brand new hotel and we don’t even open for another two weeks yet! Surely even as notorious a perfectionist as Rob McFayden has to make allowances here? It will all come together in time. Because it just has to. It’s a good, sobering thought, and the more I keep telling myself that, the more I actually believe it.

Wordlessly, like he’s on a very tight schedule, he strides a few paces ahead of me as we make our way from the elegant hallway where Reception is, to the lounge area just on the left. It’s an old drawing room that our interior design team have worked wonders on. They’ve completely converted it from a slightly cold and forbidding Georgian reception room into a relaxed, warm and welcoming space, with a huge open fireplace, bookcases stuffed with leather-bound books and a stunning Louise Kennedy chandelier that never fails to take my breath away. The furniture is fabulous too, sofas covered in gorgeous lavender damask fabric, long cream silk cushions and curtains to match and tastefully chosen paintings dotting the walls. The designers really have thought of everything; even the fabrics have been carefully covered in protective plastic, till the builders finally leave us in peace.