Jane Eyre. An Autobiography / Джейн Эйр. Автобиография

Miss Temple’s friendship and society had been my continual solace; she was for me mother, governess, and, finally, companion. At this period she married, removed with her husband to a distant county, and was lost to me.

From the day she left I was no longer the same. I was quiet; I believed I was content: to the eyes of others, usually even to my own, I appeared a disciplined character.

But when I saw Miss Temple in her travelling dress step into a post-chaise, shortly after the marriage ceremony; watched the chaise disappear in the distance, I retired to my own room, and there spent in solitude the greatest part of the day.

I walked about the room most of the time. I was regretting my loss, and thinking how to repair it; but when the evening came, another discovery came to me, namely, that the real world was wide, full of hopes and fears, awaiting those who had courage to seek real knowledge of life.

I went to my window, opened it, and looked out. I recalled the time when I had arrived at Lowood, and I had never quitted it since. My vacations had all been spent at school: Mrs. Reed had never sent for me to Gateshead. And now I felt that it was not enough; I tired of the routine of eight years in one afternoon. I desired liberty; for liberty I uttered a prayer: I cried, half desperate, “if not total liberty, grant me at least a new servitude!”

Servitude! Any one may serve: I have served here eight years; now all I want is to serve elsewhere. I sat up in bed: it was a chilly night; I covered my shoulders with a shawl, and then I began to think again with all my might.

“What do I want? A new place, in a new house, amongst new faces, under new circumstances. What do people do to get a new place? They apply to friends, I suppose: I have no friends. There are many others who have no friends, and they should be their own helpers; and what is their resource?”

I could not tell: nothing answered me; I then ordered my brain to find a response, and quickly. I got up, undrew the curtain, noted a star or two, shivered with cold, and again crept to bed.

A kind fairy, in my absence, had surely dropped the required suggestion on my pillow; for as I lay down, it came quietly and naturally to my mind. – “Those who want situations advertise; you must advertise in the **shire Herald.”

“How? I know nothing about advertising.”

Responses came fast: —

“You must enclose the advertisement and the money to pay for it directed to the editor of the Herald; answers must be addressed to J.E., at the Lowton post-office; you can go and inquire in about a week, if any letter has come, and act accordingly.”

I was up early: I had my advertisement written, enclosed, and directed before the bell rang to wake the school; it ran thus: —

“A young lady accustomed to tuition” (had I not been a teacher two years?) “is desirous of meeting with a situation in a private family where the children are under fourteen. She is qualified to teach the usual branches of a good English education, together with French, Drawing, and Music” (in those days, reader, this now narrow catalogue of skills, would have been held sufficient). “Address, J.E., Post-office, Lowton, **shire.”

This document remained locked in my drawer all day: after tea, I asked leave of the new superintendent to go to Lowton; permission was readily given; I went. It was a walk of two miles, and the evening was wet, but the days were still long; I visited a shop or two, slipped the letter into the post-office, and came back through heavy rain, with wet clothes, but with a happy heart.

The following week seemed long: it came to an end at last, however, and I found myself on the road to Lowton.

The post-office was kept by an old dame, who wore horn spectacles on her nose, and black mittens on her hands.

“Are there any letters for J.E.?” I asked.

She peered at me over her spectacles, and then she opened a drawer and fumbled among its contents for a long time. At last, having held a document before her glasses for nearly five minutes, she presented it across the counter, – it was for J.E.

“Is there only one?” I demanded.

“There are no more,” said she; and I put it in my pocket: I could not open it then; rules obliged me to be back by eight, and it was already half-past seven.

Various duties awaited me on my arrival. I had to sit with the girls during their hour of study; then it was my turn to read prayers; to see them to bed: afterwards I supped with the other teachers. When I finally retired for the night, I took out my letter; the contents were brief.

“If J.E., who advertised in the **shire Herald of last Thursday, has the skills mentioned, and if she is in a position to give satisfactory references as to character and competency, a situation can be offered her where there is one pupil, a little girl, under ten years of age; and where the salary is thirty pounds per year. J.E. is asked to send references, name, address, and all particulars to the direction: —

“Mrs. Fairfax, Thornfield, near Millcote, **shire.”

I examined the document long: the writing was old-fashioned and rather uncertain, like that of an elderly lady. This circumstance was satisfactory: I now felt that an elderly lady was a good ingredient in the business. Mrs. Fairfax! I saw her in a black gown and widow’s cap: a model of elderly English respectability. Thornfield! that, doubtless, was the name of her house: a neat orderly spot, I was sure. I longed to go where there was life and movement: Millcote was a large manufacturing town on the banks of the A**; a busy place enough, it would be a complete change at least. Not that I liked the idea of long chimneys and clouds of smoke – “but,” I argued, “Thornfield will, probably, be a good way from the town.”

Next day new steps were to be taken; I told the superintendent I had a prospect of getting a new situation where the salary would be double what I now received; I asked her to break the news[28] to Mr. Brocklehurst, or some of the committee, and ask if they permitted to mention them as references. She kindly agreed to act as mediatrix in the matter. The next day she laid the affair before Mr. Brocklehurst, who said that Mrs. Reed must be written to, as she was my guardian. As Mrs. Reed didn’t mind, a formal leave was eventually given me to better my condition, together with their consent to issue the necessary references. On receiving the papers, Mrs. Fairfax stated that she was satisfied, and fixed the two-week period for my taking the post of governess in her house.

I now busied myself in preparations: the fortnight passed rapidly. In half-an-hour the carrier was to call for my luggage to take it to Lowton, while I myself was to meet the coach at an early hour the next morning. I sat down and tried to rest. I could not; I was too much excited. A phase of my life was closing to-night, a new one opening to-morrow.

“Miss,” said a servant who met me in the lobby, “a person below wishes to see you.”

“The carrier, no doubt,” I thought, and ran downstairs.

“It’s her, I am sure!” cried the individual who stopped my progress and took my hand.

I looked: I saw a woman, very good-looking, with black hair and eyes.

“Well, who is it?” she asked, in a voice and with a smile I half recognized; “you’ve not quite forgotten me, I think, Miss Jane?”

In another second I was embracing and kissing her: “Bessie! Bessie! Bessie!” that was all I said; she half laughed, half cried, and we both went into the parlour. By the fire stood a little fellow of three years old. “That is my little boy,” said Bessie.

“Then you are married, Bessie?”

“Yes; nearly five years ago to Robert Leaven, the coachman; and I’ve a little girl besides Bobby there, that I’ve christened Jane.”

“Well, and how do they all get on[29]? Tell me everything about them, Bessie.”

“Georgiana went up to London last winter with her mama, and a young lord fell in love with her: but his relations were against the match; and – what do you think? – he and Miss Georgiana decided to run away; but they were found out and stopped. It was Miss Reed that found them out: I believe she was envious; and now she and her sister lead a cat and dog life together; they are always quarrelling —”

“Well, and what of John Reed?”

“Oh, he is not doing so well as his mama could wish. He went to college, and he got – plucked, I think they call it: and then his uncles wanted him to be a barrister, and study the law.”

“And Mrs. Reed?”

“I think she’s not quite easy in her mind: Mr. John’s conduct does not please her – he spends a deal of money.”

“Did she send you here, Bessie?”

“No, indeed: but I have long wanted to see you, and when I heard that there had been a letter from you, and that you were going to another part of the country, I thought I’d just go, and get a look at you before you went away.

“Oh, there was something I wanted to ask you. Have you ever heard anything from your father’s kinsfolk, the Eyres?”

“Never in my life.”

“Well, one day, nearly seven years ago, a Mr. Eyre[30] came to Gateshead and wanted to see you; Missis said you were at school fifty miles off; he seemed so much disappointed, for he could not stay: he was going on a voyage to a foreign country, and the ship was to sail from London in a day or two. He looked quite a gentleman, and I believe he was your father’s brother.”

“What foreign country was he going to, Bessie?”

“An island thousands of miles off, where they make wine —”

“Madeira?” I suggested.

“Yes, that is it – that is the very word.”

“So he went?”

“Yes; he did not stay many minutes in the house: Missis was very high with him. My Robert believes he was a wine-merchant.”

Bessie and I talked about old times an hour longer. We parted finally and each went her separate way; she went back to Gateshead, I took the coach which was to carry me to new duties and a new life in Millcote.

Chapter XI

I thought when the coach stopped here, there would be some one to meet me; I looked anxiously round expecting to hear my name, and to see a carriage waiting to take me to Thornfield. Finally, I found a man waiting for me.

“This will be your luggage, I suppose?” said the man when he saw me, pointing to my trunk. I asked him how far it was to Thornfield.

“A matter of six miles.”

He closed the car door, climbed to his own seat outside, and we set off. Our progress was slow, and gave me time to reflect; I was happy to be at last so near the end of my journey.

“I suppose,” thought I, “Mrs. Fairfax is not a very rich person. I wonder if she lives alone except this little girl; and if she is amiable, I shall surely get on with her; I will do my best. I pray God Mrs. Fairfax may not turn out a second Mrs. Reed; but if she does, I am not bound to stay with her! let the worst come to the worst[31], I can advertise again. How far are we on our road now, I wonder?”

I let down the window and looked out; Millcote was behind us; judging by the number of its lights, it was much larger than Lowton. There were houses scattered all over the district; I felt we were in a different region to Lowood, more populous, less picturesque and romantic.

About ten minutes after, the driver got down and opened a pair of gates: we passed through. The car stopped at the front door; it was opened by a maidservant; I alighted and went in.

“Will you walk this way, ma’am?” said the girl; and I followed her to a small room; a round table by a cheerful fire; an arm-chair high-backed and old-fashioned, where sat the little elderly lady, in widow’s cap, black silk gown, and snowy muslin apron; exactly like what I had fancied Mrs. Fairfax. She was occupied in knitting; a large cat sat at her feet. As I entered, the old lady got up and came forward to meet me.

“How do you do, my dear? I am afraid you have had a tiring ride; John drives so slowly; you must be cold, come to the fire.”

“Mrs. Fairfax, I suppose?” said I.

“Yes, you are right: do sit down.

“Now, then,[32] draw nearer to the fire,” she continued. “You’ve brought your luggage with you, haven’t you, my dear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“She treats me like a visitor,” thought I. “I didn’t expect such a reception; I anticipated only coldness and stiffness.”

“Shall I have the pleasure of seeing Miss Fairfax to-night?” I asked.

“Miss Fairfax? Oh, you mean Miss Varens! Varens is the name of your future pupil.”

“Then she is not your daughter?”

“No, – I have no family.”

“I am so glad,” she continued, as she took the cat on her knee; “I am so glad you have come; it will be pleasant living here now with a companion. Thornfield is a fine old house, rather neglected of late years perhaps, but still it is a respectable place. I really felt lonely before little Adela Varens came and her nurse: a child makes a house alive all at once; and now you are here I shall be quite gay.”

My heart really warmed to the lady as I heard her talk.

“But I’ll not keep you sitting up late to-night,” said she; “and you have been travelling all day: you must feel tired. I’ll show you your bedroom.”

When Mrs. Fairfax had wished me a kind goodnight, I felt at last in safe haven. At once tired and happy, I slept soon and soundly[33]: when I awoke it was broad day.

The room looked such a bright little place to me that my spirits rose[34] at the view. I rose; I dressed myself with care: I sometimes regretted that I was not handsomer; I sometimes wished to have rosy cheeks, a straight nose, and small mouth; I desired to be tall, stately, and finely developed in figure; I felt it a misfortune that I was so little, so pale, and had irregular features. However, when I had brushed my hair very smooth, and put on my black frock with a clean white tucker, I thought I should produce a favourable impression on both Mrs. Fairfax and the pupil.

It was a fine autumn morning; crossing the lawn, I looked up at the front of the mansion. It was three storeys high. Farther off were hills; a little hamlet was on the side of one of them; the church of the district stood nearer Thornfield.

I was enjoying the pleasant fresh air, thinking what a great place it was for one lonely little dame like Mrs. Fairfax, when that lady appeared at the door.

“What! out already?” said she. “I see you are an early riser.” I went up to her, and she gave me an affable kiss and shake of the hand.

“How do you like Thornfield?” she asked. I told her I liked it very much.

“Yes,” she said, “it is a pretty place; but I fear it will be getting out of order, unless Mr. Rochester should decide to come and live here permanently: great houses and fine grounds require the presence of the proprietor.”

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Примечания

1

Томас Бьюик (1753–1828) – английский художник, историк естествознания.

2

Госпожа Нюня!

3

Где она, чёрт побери!

4

Джейн и Джоун, Джон и Джек, Элайза и Лиззи, Джорджина и Джорджи – стилистические варианты одного имени.

5

паршивка; дрянь такая

6

Миссис Рид как бы не замечала происходящего

7

Так яростно набросилась на мастера Джона!

8

идти на всё, ни перед чем не останавливаться

9

Как не стыдно!

10

Ну, смотри у меня

11

туда-сюда

12

Я знала, что мне это даром не пройдёт.

13

надавала мне оплеух

14

мне тошно от одной мысли о вас

15

будь умницей, дорогуша

16

Ты та ещё колючка!

17

Обещайте присмотреть за ней

18

Священное Писание, Библия

19

источало малоприятный запах

20

ты выпячиваешь подбородок

21

Карл I, король Англии, Шотландии и Ирландии; казнён в Лондоне в 1649 г.

22

Библия учит нас отвечать добром на зло

23

ни в коем случае

24

Ваши распоряжения будут исполнены, сэр

25

придётся обойтись тем, что есть

26

как раньше

27

Я воскресну

28

сообщить новость

29

Ну, и как они там все поживают?

30

некий мистер Эйр

31

в крайнем случае

32

Итак; Так вот

33

я быстро уснула и крепко спала

34

у меня поднялось настроение