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Acting upon Leta’s advice, Sonya spent the next week going from one business establishment to another filling out work applications. Each personnel officer was kind, but the answer was always, “We’ll telephone you if there’s an opening.” Meanwhile, Sonya’s small hoard of money dwindled rapidly.
Several times she looked at the telephone number that Daniel Massie had given her. Did she need counseling? She found it difficult to discuss her problems with anyone, even her mother, who had telephoned again, wondering why they hadn’t heard from her, but Sonya hadn’t mentioned Bryon’s absence.
Finally, when she had given up hearing from him, Bryon telephoned. The joy she felt when she heard his voice made her body tremble like a breeze-wafted aspen leaf.
“Oh, Bryon, I’m so glad you called.”
“I doubt you will be when you hear what I have to say. First of all, tomorrow, I’m sending a friend of mine to pick up my belongings. Be sure you send everything.”
“Bryon, please, don’t you intend to come back?”
“I think I made that plain to you before. I intend to divorce you.”
“But you can’t do that! Bryon, I still love you. I need you. Why are you treating me this way?”
She began to sob and he hung up on her. It was hours before Sonya stopped crying. She would have been better off if he hadn’t called, as she’d developed a numbness about his absence, and now her heartache started again.
His clothes still lay where she had thrown them two weeks ago, and she picked them up lovingly, chagrined at the mess they were in. She worked for hours pressing the garments to make them as neat as he liked his clothing. There wasn’t anything she could do about the mutilated ties, and she questioned whether she should send them. If she didn’t, he would probably demand to know where they were, so she stacked them with his other things. Sonya had hoped that this menial service for Bryon would serve as a catharsis to rid her mind of the unkind thoughts she’d been having about her husband. Instead she actually felt unclean to love so wholeheartedly a man who no longer loved her, and perhaps never had.
She telephoned Leta early the next morning. “Bryon is sending someone after his clothing today. Do you have any large cartons that I can use for packing?”
“I’ll have the janitor bring some to your apartment, and I’ll help you pack. You shouldn’t have to do that by yourself.”
When Leta saw Sonya’s stricken face, she was unusually quiet, and she didn’t make any caustic comments about the tears Sonya shed as they tied the boxes. Leta put comforting arms around Sonya’s shoulders and said, “Cry all you want to. I know you won’t believe me now, but you’ll get over this. You’ll be happy again.”
“You’re a good friend, Leta, and I’ve found I don’t have many. Bryon has been my life for three years. The friends we had were his friends. The Shraders are the only ones who have shown me a bit of kindness since Bryon left. I feel like a pariah. Bryon is the one at fault—why does everyone shun me?”
“I don’t know,” Leta answered, patting Sonya’s trembling shoulders. “Mostly it’s because they don’t know what to say to you. They don’t intend to be unkind.”
“And I’ll have to lose you, too, Leta, since I can’t go on living in your apartment and not pay rent The rent will be due next week, and as you know, I can’t pay it.”
“Hush that kind of talk. I’ll carry you until you get on your feet.”
“But I can’t afford this apartment on what I’ll be able to make. And I hate to ask you, but could you buy the furniture? I don’t know that I have the right to sell it, but if you could buy it, that would give me some money to rent a smaller place. You could rent this as a furnished apartment, couldn’t you?”
“I often have calls for furnished apartments, and I’ll buy the furniture if you’re determined to move, but don’t decide now. I have plenty of money, and I have no intention of setting you out on the street.” She kissed Sonya’s cheek and released her. “This is a tough break, little lady, but you’ll come through it all right. Let me know when they come for Bryon’s clothing, and I’ll have the janitor carry the boxes down to the lobby. You shouldn’t lift them.”
All day Sonya waited, but it was after five o’clock before the doorbell rang, and she was surprised to see Gail Lantz, one of the women from Bryon’s office. Gail had attended most of the parties they’d had in the apartment. She was a divorcee, but she usually came in the company of a single man from the office. Sonya and Gail met occasionally for lunch.
“Hello, Gail,” Sonya said. “Come in. I’m glad to see you.” What a relief to know that all of their old friends hadn’t deserted her!
“I don’t have time to visit. I came for Bryon’s things.”
Gail was a petite brunette with a helpless look in her eyes, who prompted protective instincts from others. Until today, Sonya had never detected any arrogance in her personality.
“Oh, I didn’t know who he was sending.” She stepped back into the apartment. “They’re boxed and in the bedroom. The janitor will carry them downstairs.”
“Two of the men from the office are with me. They’ll carry the boxes.”
The men, both of whom had often visited their apartment, pushed a luggage carrier down the hall. Mute, Sonya motioned them to enter. They spoke, and after that, refused to meet her gaze.
Sonya followed them into the bedroom. They stacked the boxes on the carrier while Gail riffled the dresser drawers. She added Bryon’s jewelry box and several books to the stack. When she picked up Sonya’s jewelry box, Sonya said, “That happens to be mine. Or do you have orders to take my things, too?”
Gail fingered several of the gold chains and lifted the diamond necklace, Bryon’s last-year’s Christmas gift. She dropped it back into the box and closed the lid. “You’d better put those in a safer place. You won’t be getting any more.”
From the nightstand drawer, she took an album filled with pictures of Bryon’s childhood and youth activities. She brushed by Sonya and went back into the living room, where she collected the trophies and plaques that Bryon had won at bowling and golf tournaments.
“Where are his golf clubs and bowling ball? He wants those, also.”
Sonya pointed to the closet beside the hallway. She had lost the power to speak. Gail handed Bryon’s sports equipment to the waiting men, and as Sonya listened to the carrier squeaking down the hall removing all evidence of Bryon from the apartment, she couldn’t have been any more disconsolate if they had been wheeling Bryon out in a casket.
Before Gail left, she took a letter from her purse. “Bryon also wanted me to give you this.” Her brown eyes flared maliciously.
Sonya couldn’t lift her arm to take the E-mail letter, so Gail laid it on the table, exited into the hall and slammed the door.
Gail! Was she the other woman Leta had warned her about?
Sonya locked the door, as she didn’t want anyone to come in. She had about reached the end of her endurance, and if she came completely unwound, she didn’t want anyone to witness it
She forced herself to pick up the message Gail had placed on the table.
Sonya,
I’ve paid the bills you sent, and I think it’s only fair to tell you that I’ll pay no more. I’ve arranged for the telephone to be disconnected, and the electric and gas will be shut off the last of the month. If you had been reasonable when I asked for a divorce, I wouldn’t have gone to this extent. As far as I’m concerned, you can fend for yourself.
Your “loving” husband, Bryon.
The last of the month. So she had three more days to live in this apartment. Even if Leta permitted her to stay rent free, she couldn’t live here without utilities.
The telephone rang several times before Sonya finally answered it.
“Mrs. Dixon, this is Doctor Hammer’s office. When we submitted the statement for your last office call, the insurance company rejected our request stating you were no longer on that policy. I’m sure it’s a mistake, but I thought you should check it out.”
“Thank you for calling. I’ll look into it.”
“And don’t forget your next appointment in two weeks.”
Sonya replaced the phone. Of course, there wasn’t any mistake—Bryon had removed her from the policy. What could she do? She had no job, no money, no insurance for the birth of her baby, no friends, no nothing.
Laughing wildly, Sonya charged around the room kicking the furniture. She looked out the window. What did she have to live for? Three floors down. One quick jump would end it all. It would be practically painless and easy. She unlatched the window and climbed out onto the ledge. The traffic roared below her. She looked down fearlessly. On the count of ten, she would jump.
“One.”
I’ve always feared heights. Shouldn’t I be afraid now?
“Two.”
The clouds are pretty today. They remind me of the sky in Ohio when I was a child. I used to pick out all kinds of figures in the clouds—animals, continents, states. Can I do that now? Why, yes, that one looks like an angel. Is it my guardian angel? “I looked over Jordan, and what did I see? Angels coming to carry me home,” she sang dreamily.
“Three.”
The first time Bryon had seen her, he’d said, “Gee, you’re beautiful. Where have you been all my life?” She had been so proud that Bryon had chosen her. Was that why she had always done what he’d wanted her to? Come to think of it, she had never refused to do anything he’d asked until he had demanded she have an abortion. Maybe Bryon wasn’t as perfect as she’d thought Was she only a possession to him? Was he kind only when he had his own way? But she refused to believe it, for to concede that Bryon’s character contained many flaws would reflect on her own judgment.
“Four.”
The trees above her were beginning to display colored foliage. She had always liked fall; too bad she would miss all of the beauty.
“Five.”
Would Bryon feel sorry when he heard the news? Would he realize he had caused her death? Maybe she should have left him a note.
“Six.”
I should have written my parents, but there’s no time. If I don’t do this now, I might lose my nerve.
“Seven.”
The pavement looked inviting. I must remember to fall on my head. Sonya envisioned that her landing would have the sensation of settling into a water bed.
“Eight.”
When I awaken, where will I be? That was a sobering thought, but Sonya counted on.
“Nine.”
She released her hold on the brick wall and leaned forward, but she staggered back when the ringing telephone shattered the stillness.
What am I doing on this window ledge? she thought frantically. When the telephone continued to ring, she scampered back inside the living room.
Grasping the receiver as if it were a lifeline, she said breathlessly, “Hello.”
A resonant voice answered her. “This is Adam Benson. Daniel Massie gave me your name. When would it be convenient for my wife and me to call on you?”
“Could you come right now?” Sonya gasped. “I’m desperate. I’m afraid of what I’ll do if I’m alone anymore. I need help. Please come right away.”
Chapter Three (#ulink_b7c11159-4528-5143-839d-df2f201f660c)
By the time Adam Benson rang her doorbell, Sonya shook like a woman with the palsy. Her throat was dry, and when she opened the door she seized the man’s arm.
“I’m Adam Benson, and this is my wife, Marie.” His brown eyes gleamed with compassion, and he murmured, “My dear, trust us.”
Marie Benson put an arm around Sonya and led her to the couch.
Adam said to his wife, “Make some tea, and see if you can find something for her to eat.”
“I’m not hungry,” Sonya murmured between stiff lips. Marie disappeared in the direction of the kitchen, and Sonya heard her opening cabinet doors as if she were at home.
“I almost did a terrible thing,” Sonya confided to Adam. “When the telephone rang, I was standing on the window ledge ready to jump to my death. How did you know I needed help at that exact moment?”
“You’ve been on my mind since Daniel suggested you needed some counseling. This evening when I was praying, I felt an overwhelming urge to telephone you. Daniel has also been praying for you.”
“I can’t believe I’d do such a thing. It was almost as if I were in a trance. I knew what was going on, but I seemed to be standing outside my body watching the whole thing.”
“It’s quite common for a person who’s been driven to the depths of despair to have suicidal tendencies.”
Marie returned with a pot of tea and some sandwiches, and the aroma of the tea nauseated Sonya. She clutched her stomach.
“I can’t eat anything,” she insisted.
“But you must eat, Sonya, and especially drink the tea. Adam and I will eat with you. We didn’t take time for dinner.”
“I’ve not eaten much for several weeks. My stomach feels as if it’s been tied in knots. I hate to eat alone.”
Marie sat beside Sonya and patted her hand. “Try to relax. You don’t have to bear your burden alone anymore. We’re here to help you.”
The Bensons were middle-aged. Adam was a short, slender man, who wore brown-rimmed glasses. His wife tended to plumpness, and she had dark hair sprinkled with gray. Her gray eyes glistened with warmth and friendliness; her voice was soft and cheerful.
Nibbling on sandwiches, the Bensons talked to each other, discussing ordinary happenings around Omaha—the ball games and the fall and winter concerts planned by the fine arts department at the university. Sonya occasionally added a comment to their upbeat words. They didn’t refer to her problem, and to her surprise, in a short while she realized that she had eaten a whole sandwich and her tea was gone. She poured another cup of tea and settled back on the sofa feeling better than she had for a month.
When the food was gone, Adam said, “Sonya, we’re here to help you, not interfere in your affairs. If you want to tell us about your situation, we’re ready to listen.”
“What did Mr. Massie tell you?”
“Only that you had some problems, and that you might contact me.”
“My husband has left me,” and, having had the courage to admit that, Sonya launched into the experiences of the past months. She talked for more than an hour, often breaking into sobs and occasionally walking around the room twisting her hands. Marie finally pulled her gently to the sofa and sat holding Sonya’s hands tightly as she talked. When she faltered, Adam asked a brief question to encourage her to continue.
“What worries me,” Sonya said as she finished, “is what did I do wrong? Why did this happen to me? I’ve tried to be a good wife. I’ve been faithful to my husband. Why did this happen to me?”
“I know this is small comfort to you,” Adam said, “but there are thousands of young women in this country who have suffered a similar fate. And I don’t think you have done anything wrong. Your husband is obviously a selfish man without any consideration for others.”
“That isn’t true!” Sonya hurried to defend him. “He’s always been considerate of me until this incident. It’s out of character for him to behave like this.”
“Then let’s just say that your husband has a problem. A man who walks out on his responsibilities should seek help himself.”
“I doubt he would see it that way,” Sonya said, realizing that her two statements about Bryon were inconsistent. “But I have been wondering if there is something in Bryon’s past that I don’t know about, some incident that would cause him to resent my bearing a child. I can hardly believe it, for his family seems well adjusted and live a normal life-style, and they are prosperous. I feel sure that he wouldn’t see any need for change in himself.”
“Then if he won’t seek counseling, either jointly or alone, all we can do is work with your situation. You must believe that you’re going to surmount all these difficulties and come out of this a stronger woman than you’ve been before.”
“I don’t see how I can make it.” Sonya shook her head. “I’ve looked for a job with no luck. I must move out of this apartment soon, and my money is dwindling rapidly.”
“Please believe me—you’re going to make it all right. Tomorrow, we’ll discuss plans for your future. Our immediate problem is to bring you safely through the night”
“I’ll stay with her,” Marie said.
“Oh, I couldn’t let you do that. I’ll be all right.”
“It’s quite likely you will have other despairing moments as you struggle to deny what has happened. If you won’t allow Marie to stay, then I’ll give you two telephone numbers. There are counselors at these phones around-the-clock ready to listen, and whenever you feel that life is more than you can handle, telephone them. They’ll listen or give advice, whichever you need most.”
