Undercover: The Adventures of a Real Life Gigolo

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‘Oh, no, Luke.’

A tinge of pale pink washed across her face.

I flicked a look around the coffee shop and to the milling crowds in the street outside. We couldn’t have been more anonymous. I might even be mistaken for Jenny’s son.

‘So, do you have family in London?’ I asked.

She fiddled with the handle of her cup, and shook her head.

‘I’ve got a sister but I’ve lost touch with her. I’ve been trying to track her down.’

She changed the subject. ‘And you? That’s not an English accent.’

‘No.’

‘Well, it’s not as if you’ll ever be alone in the Big City. There are plenty of Australians here.’

‘Yeah,’ I grinned back.

God, had I found that out. When I was out with Mark and our mates it was sometimes hard to remember that we were anywhere else but back home.

I switched the focus back to her. I was on her time after all.

‘You said when we last met that you’d be off to work after this.’

She nodded. ‘Yes, just round the corner. I’m a cleaner at a number of the clubs round here,’ she explained. ‘I spruce them up before they open, and afterwards when everyone’s left.’

Grim, tough work.

‘You see a different side of the city, then.’

She cocked her head at me. The words hung in the air. She didn’t want to talk about work. This was her break.

‘Tell me about yourself, Jenny. Have you always lived in London?’

That was the cue for her life story. It poured out. How she’d never been quite good enough. The rest of her family were teachers but she’d gone into the clubbing scene. And how when that’d fizzled out she’d ended up cleaning other people’s clubs. She just wanted to talk. Just needed someone to listen.

Jenny’s time was up. But it was she who made the move to go. She was the one who was racing against the clock. I, on the other hand, had plenty of time to kill until my evening shift at the pub.

She gripped the table as if ready to stand up. And then slipped back down in her chair like she had just thought of something.

‘Luke, I’ve got to go to work. And we haven’t had much time together.’

‘It’s flown by, hasn’t it?’

She reached into her shoulder bag and pulled out a small roll of notes and gathered them in her hand and scrunched them into my own in the hope that no one would see. I pushed my clenched fist and its contents into the back pocket of my jeans.

‘I’d like to see you again, Luke.’

‘Would you like me to come to your flat again?’ I fished.

She looked at me and pursed her lips. ‘When I said I wanted to meet you for tea, I didn’t mean it to be a one-off. I’d like to see you again. To talk, I mean.’

‘You mean here again? Like today?’

She nodded. ‘On a weekly basis. Before work, like today.’

I let her see me weigh it up in my mind, like I was working out if I could fit her into my busy schedule.

Like hell I could.

But at the same time I couldn’t help thinking that Jenny wasn’t what I’d quite bargained for when I’d decided to offer sex for sale. She clearly needed someone to talk to. A listening ear, then, was going to be another vital organ in this game.

A Bit of Give and Take

The joy of sex is that it’s not just about your pleasure. Consider the other person in the relationship and the benefits will be felt by both of you. As an ordinary guy, I know what guys tend to want, but having made my living as an escort, I’ve learned what brings the most pleasure to women too. Follow the tips through Undercover and it’ll be win, win for everyone!

1. Introducing yourself

So, you see someone you like the look of across a crowded dance floor or bar.

Smile, go and say ‘hello’, relax and be friendly.

Focus on them, find something to compliment, flirt with your words, eyes and hands.

Guys, don’t talk about the latest football scores, mistake joke-telling for a GSOH, or try too hard to impress with magic tricks and the like.

Girls, retain some mystery. Hold back on the life story and any problems you have. Find a mutual interest but don’t fake it; he’ll see right through it and it’ll sound desperate.

The sooner either of you gets to talk about sex, the more up for it you’ll sound. You’ll certainly grab his interest!

And if you get the brush-off? Hold your head up high, put it down to experience—and their loss—take a deep breath and live to love another day.