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‘What’s going on?’
‘I’m leaving, Adam.’ I’d thought my resolve would weaken the second I saw him, but I was obviously stronger than I thought I was. ‘And this time, I’m not coming back.’
1 (#ud31a29dd-8e55-5344-ba90-2a90e7210692)
My brother, Finn, slid something a rather startling shade of orange towards me.
‘What’s that?’ I asked, eyeing the drink warily.
‘A cocktail.’
I threw him a withering look. ‘Yeah. I can see that. It’s what’s in it that’s bothering me. What is in it?’
He shrugged. ‘No idea. Just thought you might like one, you know, you being a woman and all that.’
My withering look turned into a wide-eyed stare. ‘Seriously?’
He shrugged, a look of mock innocence on his face.
‘When have you ever known me to drink cocktails, Finn? When?’
‘Just get it down you. Might help you loosen up a bit.’
I loved Finn. I loved him a lot, despite his knack of being able to wind me up at a moment’s notice. But he’d always been able to do that, right from when we’d been kids and he’d realised how easily I could be sucked in.
At thirty-five years old Finn was four years younger than me. And with his short, dark, messed-up hair, a multitude of tattoos that adorned his entire body, and a black and red Ducati Multistrada that I was extremely jealous of, he was handsome in that rough, edgy, rock-star kind of way – a bit of a cross between a younger version of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler and The Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl – which meant he was never short of female attention. And the fact he was also one of the most reputable tattoo artists in the north-east of England didn’t do him any harm, either. His studio – Black Ink – sawpeople travel to Newcastle-upon-Tyne from as far afield as Cumbria, north Yorkshire, and even Scotland,to be ‘inked’ by my brother. I was incredibly proud of him. Even more so after everything he’d done for me over the past twelve months. He’d been my rock. The best friend I could have asked for. Because the past twelve months had seen my life change in a way I could never have anticipated. A year ago I’d walked out on my husband, and left behind the only life I’d known for almost two decades; a decision that hadn’t been an easy one to make, because Adam was a good man. We’d been together almost twenty years, and been married for eighteen of those. I’d thought I’d found my soul mate. But sometimes, even when – or should that be especially when – you’ve been together for as long as we had, people can grow apart. They lose each other. And when neither of them really make that effort to find their way back, well, it stops working. There’s no point any more if the fight has gone.
We’d started wanting different things – or, in my case, things I’d always dreamed of, but thought I could never have. Those things I’d put to the back of my mind whilst I’d concentrated on doing what everybody else wanted me to do, instead of doing things that actually made me happy. I guess I’d just wanted an easy life. But now I considered ‘easy’ to be dull. Now I wanted a bit more excitement. Was that selfish of me? Maybe. But when you know you’re not the person you really want to be, there comes a point when you either accept that this is the way things are always going to be or you realise the stone-cold reality that you only get one life, and you’ve got to go out and live it.That’s exactly what I’d done. I’d moved in with Finn, got to know my brother again, and gradually started putting my life back together. By changing it completely.
‘Can I just have a beer?’ I asked, still warily eyeing the cocktail. ‘I mean, do I look like the kind of woman who’d drink something that colour?’
‘Lana, there were nights when you’d drink anything of any colour, remember? As long as it got the end result you were looking for.’
I couldn’t argue with that. There’d been times when I could have quite easily reached for the mouthwash, but I was past all of that now.
As kids, I’d always been slightly jealous of Finn, of the way he just seemed to know exactly what he wanted to do. His fascination with tattoos had started as a teenager, and after he’d got his first one on his eighteenth birthday that had sealed the deal for him – he knew where his life was going. I’d always been less decisive, finally letting my love of the theatre guide me in the direction of a BTEC in performing arts and an eventual job as a deputy stage manager in a theatre in Newcastle. A job I’d walked out on the same day I’d walked out on Adam. I didn’t do things by halves, that was for sure. But I’d had to cut those ties, leave behind the old so I could start the new. Any remnants of the past would have only held me back.
I’d started hanging out at Black Ink, watching Finn and the guys work, soaking up the atmosphere that I’d never really paid that much attention to before, because I’d never really seen all that much of Finn after I’d married Adam. We’d moved out of Newcastle and settled in north Northumberland, but it wasn’t just distance that had seen me lose touch with my brother. Our worlds became very different, and we’d inevitably drifted apart, coming together only for the obligatory family weddings, birthdays and Christmases.But the more I hung out at Black Ink, the more I began to realise that Finn’s world was where I really felt comfortable. It was the kind of world I wanted to be a part of – a world where people didn’t judge. A world where it was okay to be different. It was the world I’d always dreamt of. I just hadn’t realised it, until now.
So, just a few days after walking out on my marriage, I began putting the wheels of my brand-new life in motion by doing something the old Lana would never have done – I got “inked”. By Finn. Twice. A beautiful tribal design in deep black that covered the underside of my left forearm, and a deep-red rose emerging from a mass of tangled thorns on my upper right arm. Finn had been a little unsure, at first, about being the one to permanently tattoo his once rather straight-laced and conservative sister, but he understood I’d needed to do something drastic to kick-start my new journey. To give my life the complete turnaround it needed. But, looking back, I suppose it had been a bit of a shock for him to see the speed at which I’d turned from wife of one of the region’s top businessmen to tattooed biker chick. It had unnerved me for a day or two, but just two weeks after getting those new tattoos, changing my hair, acquiring a whole new set of friends and an attitude I hadn’t even known I’d had, I’d made another decision. I was truly fascinated by the work my brother and the guys at Black Ink did, but I wanted to play a bigger part than just observing. I needed a new career, something to aim for, and, after talking to Finn and going over the options, the decision was made – Finn was going to take me on as his apprentice. I was going to train to become a tattoo artist. It meant I could stay close to my brother and stay inside that world I’d fallen in love with.
I’d spend hours at the studio watching, in complete awe, as Finn created intricate and beautiful designs on a wide variety of clients, each tattoo different and personal. From deep blacks to colours so vivid they almost jumped off the skin, there was so much beauty in body art, which was why that tattoo Finn had given me on my upper right arm had now turned into a sleeve, covering the skin from the wrist, stretching all the way up over my shoulder. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen – from the multitude of colours that ranged from bright oranges and aqua blues and the rich, dark red of bloodied roses, to the way it snaked across my skin, the designs merging, fading in and out of one another; intertwining, blending. In my eyes, every single inch of it signalled a move forward from a life that had once stifled me, into one that was slowly setting me free. As I’d watched it take shape, felt that needle dig into my skin, it really had felt as though that tattoo was wiping away the past and ushering in my new future. It had taken weeks to complete, but just watching Finn work on it had been an almost cathartic experience.
It was going to take a couple of years before I became a fully qualified tattooist myself, but I woke up every day now just itching to get to work. And I hadn’t felt like that in a long time. The people who came into Black Ink, the heavy rock music that blasted out of speakers placed all around the two floors of the studio; the whole atmosphere of the place – it really did feel as though, somehow, I’d found my spiritual home. It was somewhere I’d always wanted to be but had never had the confidence to seek out before because I’d spent most of my life “settling”. Whilst Adam had been quite happy to let our lives “tick along”, the thought of that going on for years to come had, in the end, terrified me. I hadn’t wanted my life to “tick along” anymore – I wanted to live it and, with Finn’s help, I was getting there.
Even though this weekend in Las Vegas – at one of the biggest tattoo conventions in the world – was something of a busman’s holiday for me, Finn and the rest of the guys from Black Ink, after the year I’d had I was hoping it was going to give me a chance to kick back, cut loose for a little while, even if it was only for a couple of days. The past few months had been exhausting, and though I barely recognised the woman I’d used to be, I still felt as though there was a tiny bit more shaking off to be done. And this weekend, I intended to do a lot of shaking. Right now, I wasn’t totally feeling the Vegas vibe, but I was probably just tired. We’d not long arrived at the hotel, it was late, and it had been a long day.
‘Here. Is this more your kind of thing?’ Finn handed me a bottle of Budweiser.
I smiled at him. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome. Now drink your beer, beautiful.’
He always called me beautiful, and I loved him for that, even if he was probably just saying it because I was his sister. I’d just never felt all that comfortable blowing my own trumpet, that was all, so I’d never really thought of myself as beautiful, though Adam had often told me I was. And I suppose I could scrub up pretty well when I put the effort in. I’d managed to keep my long blonde hair in pretty good condition, despite the amount of styling products it had seen over the years, and a good few inches of it, from the bottom up, had been dyed black now, which I loved. My eyes were a bit more grey than blue, but I’d never seen that as a negative. And my body wasn’t looking too bad for a woman hurtling towards middle-age, and by that I mean I could still rock a bikini on holiday as long as I laid off the doughnuts for a couple of weeks beforehand. Or have a complete mid-life meltdown, leave my husband and throw my old life away to head off into the unknown. Both had much the same effect as far as weight loss was concerned.
‘And start enjoying yourself,’ Finn went on. ‘We’re in Vegas, remember?’
I picked up my beer and took a large, probably slightly unladylike, swig.
‘I am enjoying myself,’ I protested, throwing him a look.
He threw one right back. ‘You might want to try telling your face that, then.’
I ignored him, taking another swig of beer. ‘I might have an early night,’ I sighed, running my finger up and down the ice-cold bottle, watching as it left a trail of condensation in its wake.
Finn almost choked on hisown drink. ‘Early night? Do you know where we are?’
I blinked a few times as I looked at him. ‘I’m well aware of where we are, thank you. You keep reminding me every five minutes.’
Finn’s eyes widened as he stared at me. ‘And?’
I frowned. ‘And what?’
‘Where are we?’
‘How many beers have you had?’
‘We’re in Las Vegas,’ Finn went on, completely ignoring my question.
‘Yes, I know we are. I was on that plane this morning, too.’
‘So, people come to Vegas to party.’
‘Do they? All of them?’
‘You’re giving me a headache now.’
‘That’s my job.’ I took another long drink of beer, looking around the busy bar. The music was loud, the atmosphere everything I loved. I just knew I’d love it a whole lot more when I didn’t feel so tired. I was such a lightweight sometimes. I turned back to face my brother. ‘I’m just a bit tired, okay? It’s been a really long day. I’m sure I’ll be much more my usual self after a good night’s sleep.’
‘You’re really having an early night?’ Finn asked, his expression verging on disbelief.
I ran a hand along the back of my neck as I took another look around me. I’d noticed a small group of bikers come in earlier, and they were still there, hanging out in the corner of the bar, dressed in leather and denim with their messed-up hair and unkempt beards. Sexy as hell in my eyes.The fact I found that kind of man sexy now was weird, because my husband had been a clean-shaven businessman who loathed tattoos, hated facial hair and didn’t really trust bikers. Which was why he and Finn had never really been that close. Their two worlds were so far apart it had been hard for them to find any common ground. Another reason why my brother and I had drifted apart.
Secretly, though, I’d always found the idea of a hot, tattooed, bearded, rough-looking bloke on a motorbike incredibly attractive. Even more so since I’d started hanging out with Finn and working at Black Ink. It was just that now I didn’t have to make a secret out of it. And I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I realised that.
‘What’s distracting you?’ Finn asked, frowning slightly as he noticed my expression change.
‘Nothing.’ I quickly tried to lose the smirk, but I wasn’t quick enough.
Finn turned around, looking over at the bikers in the corner, a slow grin spreading across his face. ‘Oh, I get it. Still after that biker boyfriend, huh?’
I didn’t reply. Just took one last drink of beer.
‘I’ve told you, kiddo. Bobby could fix you up with any number of our mates from the club. They all love a hot, inked woman. Have a word with him. I’m sure once we’re home he’ll sort you out.’
I wrinkled my nose up at the thought of Bobby – Finn’s number two at Black Ink – and his biker friends. Lovely guys, but not really the hot-and-handsome type. Their bikes were pretty sexy, though, but that’s where the attraction ended. ‘You’ve somehow managed to make all of that sound slightly sleazy.’ I slid down from my stool and kissed Finn quickly on the cheek. ‘I’m off to bed.’
‘Alone?’
‘You’re hilarious.’
‘Well, you’ve got to pass ‘Sons of Anarchy’ over there on your way out. Who knows what might happen between here and your hotel room.’
‘I’ll see you in the morning,’ I said, acknowledging him only by raising my hand, without looking back. I was too busy concentrating on where I was going as I headed for the door, passing the group of bikers on the way. I was aware of a low whistle coming from their direction as I passed them, and although I didn’t have the nerve to look back and check, I was going to hope it was aimed at me. I’d worked hard to cultivate this biker-babe image. It’d be nice to get some appreciation from the men who mattered. But as I finally headed out of the bar, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck suddenly stand on end, the weirdest feeling washing over me. I wasn’t sure where that had come from, or why it had happened, but as the loud music and the party atmosphere still emanating from the bar surrounded me, I suddenly began to feel the Vegas vibe kick in. Big time. And I smiled to myself again. Yeah. I was going to be so ready for this weekend after a good night’s sleep. I mean, this was Vegas! And I might only be here for a couple of days, but who knew what could happen in that time? I just had no idea that what was about to happen was going to shake my life up even more – in ways I couldn’t begin to imagine…
2 (#ud31a29dd-8e55-5344-ba90-2a90e7210692)
‘This place is crazy!’ I gasped, turning right around on the heels of my Harley Davidson biker boots, taking in the huge space filled with people sporting all manner of tattoos, every colour of the rainbow, every shade of black and grey adorning bodies both male and female. There were booths and stalls set out all around the vast area given over to this convention; I could even see places where you could get a brand-new tattoo right there and then, and I was tempted. Wildly oversized TV screens were also everywhere you looked, all of them show-casing the very best the world of ink had to offer. I felt like I’d come home. And, as expected, the Vegas vibe was really kicking in now. A good night’s sleep had seen to that.
‘I still can’t believe you and Adam never came here. To Vegas.’ Finn stuck his hands into the pockets of his skinny black jeans as he followed me further into the room. ‘You seem to have been everywhere else on the planet.’
‘He was never that keen,’ I said, still trying to take in everything that was going on around me. ‘And when you’re married you tend to compromise on things like holidays. Not that you’d know anything about that.’ I threw my brother a half-smile.He just pulled a face.
‘Why would I want to get married, huh? And disappoint the female population of the north-east of England?’
‘Yeah. You keep telling yourself that.’
He winked at me. I just rolled my eyes. ‘Anyway, sis, if you’re talking compromise, then surely he could’ve suffered Vegas for a couple of days? For you?’
‘Not seeing Vegas was a sacrifice I was willing to make, Finn. Because Adam and me, we visited so many other amazing places together. Just, not this amazing place.’ I let my mind briefly jump back in time, to those holidays Adam and I had shared, before things had started to go stale. Stagnate. Before we’d started to drift apart, and a little piece of me felt sad that we hadn’t been able to cling onto those times, because we’d been so happy. Once.
‘Why did you marry him, Lana?’
I turned to face my brother, cocking my head and frowning slightly. That was a question I hadn’t been expecting. ‘I loved him, Finn. And things weren’t always as bad as they ended up being.’
‘I never really took to him,’ Finn sniffed, sliding his arm across my shoulders as we ventured further into the room. ‘I mean, he’s like Mister Straight-Laced businessman, all clean-shaven and well-spoken. And then there’s you.’
I stood still, folding my arms and fixing Finn with a look that almost dared him to say something he might regret. But I couldn’t help smiling, so the stern edge had been slightly lost there. And what he was saying was largely true anyway – Adam was a bit straight-laced, always smartly dressed, and always clean-shaven, even at weekends. And his accent was a touch milder than mine, with him hailing from rural Northumberland rather than the heart of Newcastle. But it wasn’t like he’d been brought up in Downtown bloody Abbey.
‘Then there’s you…’ Finn carried on, grinning just a touch too widely for my liking, ‘… with your black-dipped blonde hair and all those tattoos.’
I didn’t say anything to that, my gaze suddenly dropping to the floor.
Finn tilted my chin up so I was looking at him. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘The divorce. It came through, just before we flew out here.’
Finn ran a hand through his hair, throwing his head back and sighing heavily. ‘Jesus, Lana, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.’
I shrugged. ‘I didn’t really want to talk about it. Anyway, it’s over now. Time to put it completely behind me, once and for all.’ I slipped my hand into his, smiling again as I stood up on tiptoes to kiss him quickly. ‘And anyway, before I started hanging out with you I was Miss Ordinary, remember? This hair and these tattoos, they were non-existent until my marriage started to break down. Until I finally threw off those shackles of normality and joined the freak show that is your world.’
He smiled at me, slipping his arm back around my shoulders and squeezing them tight. ‘Yeah. And now there’s no escaping the dark side.’
‘I quite like the dark side.’ I hugged his waist, leaning in against him as we walked. ‘Daylight scares me.’
‘Weirdo.’
‘I learned from the best.’
‘Yeah. And don’t ever forget that. Come on.’ He took my hand, pulling me towards a stand that was manned by one of his heroes – a legendary Vegas-based tattoo artist from whom Finn had gained a lot of inspiration due to his edgy designs and use of colour. Finn’s tattoo studio back home had a bit of a reputation for cutting-edge ink itself, and it was something he prided himself on, which was why so many people made that special journey to be “inked” by Finn Black and why I was so excited to be serving my apprenticeship under him. He was an incredible teacher. An amazing tattooist. The best brother I could have asked for, at a time when I really needed one.
‘Do they do drinks in here?’ I gasped, out of breath at trying to keep up with Finn’s brisk pace.
‘And she’s back.’ Finn pulled a few dollars from the back pocket of his jeans. ‘The bar’s just out there. Get me a beer, will you?’
‘What did your last slave die of?’
He threw me a wink. ‘I don’t have slaves, kiddo. I have willing participants.’
I couldn’t help smiling at him, rolling my eyes again before I turned and made my way across the crowded space in search of the bar. Catching sight of it, I pushed my way through the maze of people, almost throwing myself against the counter with relief as I ordered a couple of beers.
‘That’s not a local accent.’
I heard the voice coming from right beside me, but I didn’t know whether that comment had been aimed at me or not, so I kept my attention focused on the barman, watching as he flipped the lids off the beer, setting the bottles down on the counter in front of me.
‘Newcastle-upon-Tyne, north-east England. Am I right?’
I paid for the drinks and slowly turned to face the person to whom the voice belonged. And that’s when the same strange feeling I’d experienced last night as I’d left the bar hit me again, causing my breath to catch in my throat. I was rendered speechless for a second or two, which was quite unlike me. But I just couldn’t take my eyes off the man standing beside me. And I wasn’t entirely sure how I could describe him, because he wasn’t exactly handsome in the conventional sense of the word – he was no clean-shaven pretty boy, that’s for sure. Quite the opposite. But he was attractive on a whole other level. A sexy-as-hell, rough-edged kind of way. He had the most beautiful, dark, almost black, eyes. I knew that much. Eyes that seemed to verge on dangerous, which for some reason just made him even hotter. His hair was a dark brown, but greying slightly at the roots, so that gave me some indication as to his age, as did the colour of his goatee beard and moustache – a lighter brown streaked with grey. I was guessing mid- to late-forties. But he looked good on it. He looked really good. And he was tall. That was always a bonus. Then I suddenly realised I was quite obviously staring and immediately looked down at the ground, feeling a touch embarrassed. I didn’t normally do that kind of thing. Ever. I’d just had the weirdest feeling that I’d seen him somewhere before. But, surely, if I had, I’d have remembered him?
Swallowing down my surprise – and my slight embarrassment – I slowly raised my gaze, giving him what I hoped was a friendly smile. ‘You’re right.’ I was managing to keep my voice quite steady, considering. ‘And, if I’m not mistaken, that’s not a local accent, either. Scottish, huh?’
He returned my smile; a rather nice smile, actually. No, make that a really nice smile. ‘Glasgow. Place called Newbank, just north of the Clyde.’
‘Okay… Well, it’s good to meet another Brit.’
‘Aye. It certainly is.’ Those dark eyes were fixed on mine, making it hard for me to look away, but I did so only briefly, taking in his battered jeans, his heavy boots and what looked like an extremely worn leather biker’s jacket. I couldn’t find any negatives so far. ‘You have a name, darlin’?’
I let the corner of my mouth curl up into a smile. ‘Have you?’
He laughed, a low, almost rasping, laugh. Jesus! That was hot! So hot! ‘I’m Eddie,’ he said, throwing me that smile again. ‘Eddie Fletcher.’
I felt my stomach give a huge, almost three-sixty-degree somersault as my eyes once more locked with his; something that, quite literally, took my breath away. It was a crazy feeling, but I was quite liking crazy. Crazy felt good!
‘Lana,’ I said quietly, my voice suddenly refusing to rise above a whisper. ‘Lana Saunders.’
‘Lana…’ he repeated, his eyes still fixed on mine as he spoke my name, all slow and sexy. ‘That’s a beautiful name.’
I was still running with crazy, but, seriously, I’d only gone to the bar for a couple of beers. I hadn’t expected to bump into a drop-dead-gorgeous biker dressed in leather and denim with a smile that seemed to have the ability to floor me within seconds.
