Never

ARTEM: (Jokingly) it would be great to chat with her for an hour or two. Ask her to sit with us. (Laughs)

OLGA: Artem, stop it. It is not funny. I enjoy conversing with you. Let's keep drinking our tea and talk.

(She picks up the kettle and goes to the kitchen. As she leaves she says, – "wait just a minute").

ARTEM: (Begins to talk loudly; so she can hear him in the kitchen). The priorities are distributed in a strange way. We try to hang onto our kids who don't need us any longer. We try to save the families that cannot be saved anymore. (Olga comes back and pours fresh tea in the cups.) Public opinion is a double standard. It does not blow up because of rudeness, alcoholism, theft and laziness. We've raised irresponsibility to the level of necessity. We keep confusing the world with the unexplainable passion to the insignificant things and the disregard to our own lives. (Pause).

OLGA: I am listening. This is interesting. I have an off-topic question though. I hear compassion to people in your words. Compassion requires a sacrifice to be made.

ARTEM: What do you think is a trade-off?

OLGA: I am not sure – inner peace – for instance. It's easier to understand suffering if you suffer yourself. Remember Nietzsche, – "Only those who are poor handing-out to beggars". (Pause) We get wiser – Artem, and sadder unfortunately. I think wisdom is a skill. It is a skill of respect to the feelings and thoughts of others… to their work.

(Phone rings)

OLGA: (Picks up the phone). I am listening. What happened? You breathe heavily. Why? (Pause). Did you call because of that? (Pause). It is his problem. (Pause). No, I have nothing to do with that. (Pause).Everyone should take care of the problems individually. (Pause). No, I am not sleeping yet. I have a guest (Pause). Let's get back to our conversation. Why do you breathe so heavily? Okay I'll be there in a minute to check your blood pressure. No you don't know but you did hear about him. (Pause)… Artem is my guest. Yes… yes… mom. Thank you, I am old enough to know. (Pause). Mom, a little sensitivity, pleases. I am coming.

ARTEM: Do you talk to your mom every night?

OLGA: Yes.

ARTEM: Do you have a hard time talking to her?

OLGA: No, but sometimes she lacks of smarts and the sensitivity.

ARTEM: Don't you think, you are a little too demanding?

OLGA: No, I love my mom and I listen to her advises. However, I do not appreciate her intruding without my permission even though I am her child and she feels like she has a right to do so. Do you mind waiting for me? I'll be back in about ten minutes.

ARTEM: Can I smoke here?

OLGA: Yes, you can. (Olga leaves).

ACT 2

(The same room)

OLGA: (Came back) It did not take me too long, did it? ,

ARTEM: (Smokes a cigarette. It seems that he think out loud rather than talking to Olga). No it did not. Long time ago I heard a slightly rephrased common saying from one elderly lady – "It's good that the youth does not know that the oldsters are unable to can." That time I did not get it… (Pause) and what now… I feel fairly young yet life slowly squeezes me out of the "market".

OLGA: Artem, you are like a woman on the fiftieth birthday – bewildered and full of disappointments. Stop it. Look at yourself. You are good-looking, in the great shape and very attractive. Your interest would be flattering for any woman whether she is one of your age or

much younger. Trust me, I am not trying to complement you. It's true.

ARTEM: It's flattering.

OLGA: It isn't just a compliment. It's the objective observation. You were a very attractive young man who became a very attractive mature man.

ARTEM: To hear something like this from you…

OLGA: Please understand that I was referring to you physical appearance.

ARTEM: A woman's beauty multiplied by her brains is a constant. I mean either… or. I remember that besides your beauty I was impressed with how keenly you wanted to be a poet.

OLGA: I am still working on it… for myself… I need it. Poetry is my shelter. I don't think others are interested in me exposing my soul. Poetry cannot come from one's mind. Inspiration comes from the heart.

ARTEM: Do you remember?

How difficult it is to write a verse

How challenging to put it all on paper

OLGA: (picks up where he left)

It's like my old sins

Would like to embrace me

ARTEM:

They attract and pull me

They ask for solitude

OLGA:

They leaves are loud in my soul

Conceiving and delivering new doubts

They are about life and love

They are about separation years gone,

They are about us again

Exploding rhymed vocalization

ARTEM:

How difficult it is to write a verse

Bringing so much of a confusion

OLGA:

It's like my old sins suddenly alienate me.

(Long silence)

OLGA: When I was writing that I was a sinner but not in a way that brought me to my today's life.

ARTEM: Oh my god, what are you talking about. What kind of sins could you possibly have then?

OLGA: You

ARTEM: Me?!

OLGA: Yes

ARTEM: I felt that you see are relationship as a sin. I felt you reproaching yourself with it. (He comes very close to Olya. He is very sensitive and compassionate in the moment). Youth is youth. We understand but trying not to put a burden on our souls and minds.

OLGA: Do you think thirty three is still youth? I see it as a classic age of a responsibility that a man has to finally face. By the way, have you learned how to accept the burden since?

ARTEM: I understand now how important it is to take on responsibility of being the first man and the first love in a woman's life.

OLGA: Understanding is a responsibility. People don't like responsibilities and are trying to repel them any way they can. What kind of responsibility could possibly be regarding a twenty five year old "bluestocking"? (Pause) I feel like the conversation is steering away. That is not what we should be talking about. This whole talk is in vain. This whole conversation is just a bunch of not quite thought through mix of blame and excuses. (Pause) It was not like this at all! What it was – just the youth and the heart that was impatiently waiting for love timidly trying it on. It was a warm and romantic evening and a cafe and a couple of young and carefree people eating an ice-cream. It was magical, even though it was as unique of the experience as it is for all other young couples in the world. It brought them happiness for the next very, very long two weeks. It was the time of the most sincere promises and the believe that it is going to be only the way they desire. There was not even a Shadow of the doubt that it might be otherwise and that they will eventually walk two separate ways, which will never cross again (very long pause).

ARTEM: Do you have anyone in your life?

OLGA: No I don't. (She talks with the mixture of sadness and flirt in her voice). Can you imaging, such an interesting and good-looking woman but no…

ARTEM: It can't be true. You still have your threshold set to high, perhaps or may be even higher now. I'll tell you one sad, banal and harsh truth. It is not enough to be smart, interesting and good-looking to find a man. You have to be a bitch… At least a little. Unfortunately, the mother nature deprived you this gift.

OLGA: Unfortunately! (Pause) You know, I don't understand a lot of things about others and what's more important about myself. I was a good pupil: accountable, reliable and accurate. That was much later, I realized that my Marx-Lenin-Communism upbringing had a huge controversy in it. I was taught to be free. I learned that only in our free country I can have a "full breath of freedom"… To be fair, no one ever mentioned the freedom of the thoughts and the choice. Even Dostoevsky was thrown out of high school education programs. His theory of generational slavery of minds did not fit into the "bright" soviet reality. We sought our children are going to be free and independent but we failed to see the line between the creative freedom and the vulgar lack of restrain. That's why there is no difference between a plumber and a president in this country. The president is most likely even more enslaved. He thinks he is the one who broke off the ties. He does not understand that he is only a chief slave that enjoys other slaves cringing before him with the deceptive admiration. There is no hope for the rebirth. We are needed – slaves are needed.

ARTEM: Whoa, Where did that come from?

OLGA: Wait Artem, that's not all. All those years I was telling to myself, – "We are not on the same level. He is up there and I am down here." We had different starting points and of course different possibilities, perspectives and the future in general. We did have something in common though – we were born in the same country at about the same time. From the time I realized the concept of slavery, I chose the life that minimizes the impact. I chose the life with the minimum dependency from others. I don't have friends who I depend on. I am not seeking the acquaintance with "important" people. That is how I live. I value my freedom and independence. What about you? It seems you have it all. What is the price Artem? I frequently ask myself when are we actually happy? Is it when we are understood? Do you want to be understood Artem?

ARTEM: No, I don't. There are even situations when I don't want to understand myself.

OLGA: So, what about the happiness?

ARTEM: I don't see it. Where is it – cloudless and selfless? Show it to me if you can or maybe you know how to find it.

OLGA: I don't know but I remember. I also know the way you assert yourself. That's why you have women and the quickly passing joy of your victories over them but not happiness. You are hooked. Your dependency does not permit you to be truly happy. It's your destiny. You can take a lot from life but don't ask god for happiness.

ARTEM: (He is on defensive) Why do you think I need it? You don't know what I am asking for. May be I am asking him for forgiveness and conciliation. May be I don't know what to ask for yet.

OLGA: (speaks much calmer). You didn't get it. I don't judge you. I am just thinking out loud. The happiness is as far from the trivial joy as it can be. The happiness is rather about the wait, the memories, the dreams and the suffering.

ARTEM: You are right. We can't change are nature, Olya, you are still the same keen truth-seeker.

OLGA: I'm sorry. I got carried away.

ARTEM: That's okay Olya. Ultimately, you are right. That's true we are slaves of our relationships. Friends, family, coworkers and other social boundaries do define the degree of the allowed freedom. I envy you.

OLGA: There is nothing to envy.

ARTEM: It's so good that we met. After so many years. I finally can explain my seventeen-year silence. Trust me, I had the most precious feelings for you. I was not a heartless cynic. I was in-love.

OLGA: What did happened then?

ARTEM: That time while I was enjoying life, my older brother – young general – was killed in Afghanistan. I told you how much we both loved our mom. She was the most intelligent and warm woman I have ever met. That time she was devastated. She told me, “Do whatever you can, find connections as high as you can reach but make sure that your future son will not go to a war. Start working on it now. Make it your mission – your number one priority." So many years passed but I still remember her eyes – her, full of impossible desperation, eyes.

OLGA: I'm sorry Artem. I did not want to because you pain.

ARTEM: I listened to my mom. My son is fifteen now. I am confident that I can sleep well He will be okay no matter what.

OLGA: I also have a daughter. She is sixteen now.

ARTEM: (after the pause) How old is she? How does she look? Is she smart? Is she beautiful?

OLGA: Yes she is.

ARTEM: I hear sadness in your voice? Does she have your personality?

OLGA: I don't know… I don't think so.

ARTEM: Does she upset you?

OLGA: She "kills" me.

ARTEM: When a mother says something like that it means a daughter is exactly like her or a complete opposite.

OLGA: All those years, I was waiting for you. Even though, as time was passing by, I accepted the fact that you will never come; but deep inside I kept waiting. I wanted to tell you so much. Here we are and I don't know where to begin.

ARTEM: From the beginning.

OLGA: When you broke up with me I felt "suffocated". I didn't see, hear or understand anything. I died. Then, one day I felt a move inside of me. It happened again and again and all of a sudden everything had changed. First time after long several months I could breath. I finally exhaled that long lasting pain. Another life needed me. I carried my future (pause). She was sixteen in April.

ARTEM: (Looks at her with the question in his eyes.)

OLGA: You have always been good with math.

ARTEM: Why did you keep quiet?

OLGA: Put yourself in my shoes… Try… What should have or could have I said? Call? Ask for help? Ask you to come back? Get married or to get the alimony? Tell me. As far as I knew, I was forgotten and my heart was broken. I did not get even one call that could spark a hope. I had too much pride to call myself; so, I decided to stay alone. That's what I did. I became strong. I have had enough strength for two. Eventually, I got used to be alone. Now, I actually like it.

ARTEM: Who does she look like?

OLGA: Like you

ARTEM: By the way, where is she? Aren't you afraid? It is dark outside and she is so young.

OLGA: She'll be back soon. She is with one of her girlfriends. I am not afraid any more.

ARTEM: What are you talking about?

OLGA: (changing topic) it happened that I almost never go on vacation to the black sea. Do you?

ARTEM: Have you gone there ever again?

OLGA: No

ARTEM: I was there a couple of years ago. It's all different now.

OLGA: Were you alone?

ARTEM: Yes

OLGA: How was it?

ARTEM: What do you want to know?

OLGA: How does a single man entertain himself being there? So many temptations.

ARTEM: Many… It's true.

OLGA: Did you remember?

ARTEM: I did

OLGA: It has been a couple of years since, though.

ARTEM: Can I talk to our kid.

OLGA: She is not a kid.

ARTEM: I get it. She is sixteen.

OLGA: It's not just that.

ARTEM: What else? I don't understand.

OLGA: (very long pause) I explain it later. I am trying to understand her. Teens are the most frustrating years of life. Kids start think, analyze and experience first ups and downs of grown up life. They feel everything very keen especially when adults lie to them and then cut off the follow up questions. For years, I was doing the same because it was easier and more convenient to me. I am not trying to excuse myself. I just couldn't… didn't want to… didn't know how to come back to my youth for the better understanding of her life.

ARTEM: Do you have a complicated relationship with her?

OLGA: Superficially, we have very good, warm and based on mutual trust relationship. ARTEM: Superficially?

OLGA: I've been trying to understand her. For a while, I was thinking that to be needed to her is the most important thing. My help, support and advice were the bases for everything. Later I came to the conclusion that I cannot sacrifice my own life and let her to run the house and me. There is a fine line though. It is very difficult not to fall over. Not too many people have the gift of parenting.

ARTEM: I can't believe you have problems with that.

OLGA: I don't know how to explain it to you. Everyone crosses the line of adulthood at a different time.

ARTEM: So, how does it interfere with your guys relationship.

OLGA: When we are crossing that line, the new boundaries evolve. A new internal world so to say. We vigorously guard that world.

ARTEM: Guard from whom?

OLGA: Everyone.

ARTEM: It there anything to guard?

OLGA: There is.

ARTEM: Is it first love?

OLGA: Yes it is.

ARTEM: She is grown up though. It's time.

OLGA: It's not that.

ARTEM: What is then? Is the boy no good?

OLGA: I don't know. I haven't seen him yet.

ARTEM: Why not?

OLGA: I don't think you heard what I said before.

ARTEM: What was that?

OLGA: I told you that she "kills me". I cannot be afraid any more.

ARTEM: I don't get it. Is it a poor peer influence, bad habits or personality issues? Can you be a little more specific, please?

OLGA: Please Artem, there is no need to be so abrupt. Have you thought that many problems of our kids come from us?

ARTEM: We don't see our shortcomings in our kids.

OLGA: We don't want to see. I blame myself for not having a father figure when she was growing up.

ARTEM: Nowadays, it is a common situation everywhere though.

OLGA: We don't know those families. We don't know their problems. You can say; however, that there are no families without problems and the difference is only what is the main issue in each instance.

ARTEM: Precisely.

OLGA: I'll try to explain. As it turns out to be I am not as self-sufficient woman as I was thinking. I did not get enough love and obviously won't get it. I don't even know if I have ever been loved for real. It is so important to know that you are loved and needed that you are the one. Without it a woman develops a huge complex. There is no way out it is a deadlock.

ARTEM: You draw all of this in such dark tones. You are more than self-sufficient.      -

OLGA: I am trying to say that the unused love was spilled over the child without a good measure.

The parental love should also be given in doses.

ARTEM: Is she very spoiled?

OLGA: Not really. I limited my love to her myself.

ARTEM: Olya, tell me more about her.

OLGA: I have not stopped talking about her. Two years ago, she went to the black sea during the summer break. She went with the family, of her girlfriend. She is tall and looks more mature than she is. When she was fourteen she looked more like seventeen– eighteen. She is serious and well-read. She has that internal dignity in her face.

ARTEM: (Interrupting) So, what did go wrong.

OLGA: She met a man there. The man was much older than her. He was intelligent, good-looking and attentive. She fell in love. I see it in her eyes. It is not a passing fancy it is a serious love. It is the early first love.

ARTEM: Where did you fiends look?

OLGA: They watched her to eat well and not to swim too far. She lost her virginity at fourteen to a man who I think is about forty five.

ARTEM: Did she tell you that?

OLGA: Yes

ARTEM: So, what did you do?

OLGA: I don't know anything about him… no name, no city he is from, not what he does… nothing. She is being very secretive. She protects her world… her first love.

ARTEM: Is there absolutely no way to find all of that out?

OLGA: Try to understand. He did not rape her. He drew her to himself. (He seduced her). He cannot be sued. In such situations, our people tent to rather fault a woman even if she is just a kid and he is a gown-up man trying to assert himself at the expense of a young woman.

ARTEM: What can be done then?

OLYA: I don't know. (She slowly moves around the room without saying anything. Artem sit; by the table absolutely crashed). You know Artem, I have a feeling I won't ever see you anymore. Tall and beautiful girl enters the room. This is their daughter. Her eyes pass Artem with no delay.

She talks to her mom.

Daughter: Mom, wait, I'll explain everything now.

Finish