Loving Leah

“About what?” he shot back, afraid he’d missed something important she might have said.

“The chicken.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s fine, just like I said. More than fine. It’s really very, very good. Why?”

“You had a funny look on your face, that’s all,” she replied.

“It had nothing to do with the chicken or anything else important,” he assured her, desperate to ward off any further questions concerning his current state of mind. “You’re really quite an excellent cook, Leah.”

“I like to experiment in the kitchen.” She gave an offhand shrug, then added, “It would have tasted even better if you’d joined us for dinner, though. That particular dish is always best hot out of the oven. You do know you’re welcome to join us, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course. It is my house.” Again he used an unnecessarily gruff tone of voice, but again, Leah didn’t appear even the slightest bit fazed by it.

“Thanks for all your help with the yard work today, too. It meant a lot to Gracie having you here, and to me,” she acknowledged lightly, adding the last almost as an afterthought. “I don’t mind weeding beds and planting flowers, but I truly hate pushing a lawn mower.”

“But you would have done it, wouldn’t you.”

“If I’d had to, yes. Anything to keep from being way-laid by another of your neighbors.” She smiled slightly, then added, “You know, John, they’ve been concerned about you. I mean you, personally, not just the condition of your yard.”

“I can’t imagine why. I’m fine.”

He picked up his empty plate and stood, anxious to avoid any further discussion of what he considered his personal business. He wasn’t about to open that door to Leah. Revelations might spill out that wouldn’t do either of them any good.

“You bury yourself in your work at the university, you spend hardly any time at all with a daughter who loves you and needs you, you treat me like an enemy when we were once the best of friends…” She stopped to take a breath.

“Not tonight, Leah. Don’t start on me tonight,” he said, more tired than angry as he set his plate in the sink, then braced his hands on the counter, his back to her.

He felt the warm, gentle, tentative and totally unexpected touch of her hand on his shoulder at the same instant her voice sounded right behind him. “John, please don’t keep pushing me away. I can only imagine the pain you’ve suffered since Caro’s death. I’ve grieved for her, too, and I always will. But surely you know that she wouldn’t have wanted you to stop living yourself just because she’s gone. Caro wasn’t like that. Caro would have expected you to put the pieces of your life back together again, not only for your sake, but for Gracie’s. Caro would have wanted—”

Unable to contain himself any longer, John spun around and grabbed Leah by her upper arms. His intent had been to give her a good shake just to shut her up, but as he towered over her, he made the mistake of meeting her gaze. The vulnerability in her wide, green eyes cut through him like a knife, slicing away the protective layer of anger and frustration inside him and laying bare a longing so deep and so complete it sent a tremor through his body.

His grip on her arms loosened, and his hands slid up to her shoulders. He began to pull her closer, and she came willingly at his urging, resting her hands on his chest. Then the realization of what he was about to do hit him like a wave of icy water, dousing completely the newly kindled flame of his desire.

“You have no idea what Caro wanted, Leah, no idea at all,” he growled, the sudden sense of overwhelming weariness that gripped him echoing in his voice. “And any pain I’ve suffered since her death I’ve deserved. Not that it’s your business one way or another. As for Gracie, I admit I haven’t been available for her the way I should have over the past few months. But I’m more than able, not to mention more than willing, to take care of her on my own now.”

“Then maybe I should leave,” Leah said softly. “Especially if you’re staying away from the house because I’m here.”

For one long moment John couldn’t quite believe he’d heard her right. Instead of snapping back at him angrily or prodding him patiently for an explanation as he’d fully expected she would, she had calmly, quietly, given in to what he wanted. Only it wasn’t what he wanted, not really.

He had Gracie’s well-being to take into consideration, too. Having Leah in their home had been so obviously good for the little girl. That alone was enough to negate any annoyance, large or small, Leah caused him personally.

Yeah, sure, she was annoying the hell out of him, John thought, still looking into her eyes, still savoring the warmth of her hands resting delicately on his chest. Next thing he knew, he’d be telling himself he didn’t want to pull her into an embrace and kiss her senseless—

Letting go of Leah as suddenly as he’d grabbed her, John brushed past her and strode purposefully across the kitchen toward the doorway to the front hall.

“There’s no need for you to leave unless you want to,” he said. “Gracie likes having you here, and as long as she’s happy with the arrangement, then so am I.”

“My sentiments exactly,” Leah replied, the barest hint of anger in her tone.

It was almost as if she knew instinctively that he wanted her there with them, as well, and considered him a coward for not saying so. Or maybe he was just projecting his own thoughts regarding his faintheartedness onto her.

“Then we’re in agreement that you’ll stay for the summer?” He paused in the doorway and glanced back at her, aware that he was holding his breath as he waited for her to answer him.

“Only if you start spending more time with Gracie. You do have teaching assistants to help with your project at the university lab, and you are entitled to some vacation time.”

“I am planning on being more available,” he said.

“Then, yes, we’re in agreement. I’ll stay for the summer.”

“Fine,” he muttered, and with a curt nod that totally belied the sense of relief zinging through him, John turned away again. He walked slowly through the dark house to the staircase, then up to his bedroom, stopping first to check on Gracie.

Snuggled cozily under her quilt, the little girl was sound asleep. Standing just inside her bedroom doorway, he gazed at her with the same sense of wonder and joy that she’d stirred in him the day she’d been born. How happy he’d been then to welcome this child into his life, and how happy he would always be to have her as his precious daughter. Despite the bitter, angry words Caro had hurled at him the night she died, that would never change.

His marriage might have been a lie, his family not really, truly his in the way he’d believed it to be, but he loved Gracie no less. She was the light of his life.

Gracie was also the one who’d brought Leah back into his life. And the one who would keep her there at least a little while longer, and for that, John was more grateful than he could say.

Chapter Five

“What time do you girls usually eat dinner?” John asked.

“Five-thirty or sometimes six o’clock,” Gracie replied, then grinned at her father as she added excitedly, “Why, Daddy? Are you going to be home in time to eat with us tonight?”

Leah smiled, too, as she watched John fill his coffee mug at the counter. She sat at the table with Gracie, the morning paper spread out in front of her, though she hadn’t grasped much of what she’d been trying to read even before John joined them in the kitchen. Her mind kept drifting back to a much earlier hour of the morning when she’d come upon him here and the conversation they’d had.

Oh, right, it had been the conversation she’d had on her mind. She hadn’t thought once about the way he’d held her by the arms, the way his grip had turned into a caress as his hands moved to her shoulders, the way he’d met her eyes, a new and unmistakable awareness in the pale gray depths of his just before he’d stalked off—

“I should be, if that’s okay with you.”

His glance over one shoulder was directed at Leah, and she acknowledged it, her smile widening.

“That would be great, wouldn’t it, Gracie?”

“Oh, yes! You can help us make the pizza, Daddy.”

“We can order pizza,” John began, then apparently caight the subtle shake of Leah’s head. “But making our own sounds like a lot of fun.”

“I thought so, too,” Leah said. “Gracie suggested it, and sometimes she has the best ideas.”

“We won’t start till you get here, okay, Daddy?”

“Okay, Gracie.”

“So don’t be late.”

“I won’t, sweetie.”

He crossed to the table and dropped a kiss on his daughter’s blond, curly hair. For just an instant, as she watched them together, Leah imagined how she would feel if John kissed her goodbye, as well—not on the top of her head, but smack on her mouth.

Wonderful, she decided; it would feel just wonderful.

“What do you two have planned for the day?” John asked Leah as he returned to the counter to collect his mug.

“We’re going to finish planting the flowers we bought,” Leah replied, tantalized by the faint spicy scent of his aftershave.

“There were quite a few, weren’t there.” He offered her a teasing smile that reminded her of years past, then crossed to the outside door and reached for the knob.

Warmed by his easy banter, unexpected as it was, Leah shot him a wry look. “I would say we went a bit overboard at the nursery yesterday, but then somebody might say he told me so.”

“Told you so,” John said, all but hooting with satisfaction, and was gone.

“Do you really think he’ll come home for dinner tonight?” Gracie asked, sounding doubtful after the door closed behind him. “He could get real busy and have to work late again and forget to tell us.”

“He’ll be here, Gracie,” Leah assured the little girl, thinking he would be even if it meant she had to track him down at the university and drag him home personally.

“But sometimes he forgets.”

“Then we’ll give him a call at four o’clock and remind him to come home. How does that sound to you?”

“That sounds like a plan, man,” Gracie answered, giggling with delight at the rhyme she’d made.

“You’re silly sometimes, you know?”

“You, too, Aunt Leah.”

“I do my best.” She reached out and ruffled Gracie’s curls, then pushed away from the table. “Let’s clean up the kitchen first, then it’s planting time again.”

“Can I rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher?”

“Sure thing.”

The ringing of the telephone caught Leah by surprise. It was only the second time someone had called John’s house since she’d been there. The first time it had been her father and stepmother, wanting to let her know they’d arrived safely in London.

Leah had suspected they’d also wanted to know how she was getting along with John, and although they hadn’t come right out and asked, she’d kept her conversation light and breezy enough to assure them all was well, even though it hadn’t been at the time. They’d promised to call again from Paris, but they weren’t due to travel there for another week at least, so it probably wasn’t them—

“I’ll get it,” Gracie sang out.

She grabbed the receiver and voiced a cheery hello, then stood quietly listening to whatever the caller was saying, her expression growing wide-eyed. Leah was about to take the receiver from her in case it was a prank call of some sort when Gracie spoke again in a soft, rather breathless voice.

“She’s right here,” the little girl said, then pressed the receiver against her chest and whispered to Leah, “It’s for you. It’s somebody named Kyle. Is he your boyfriend?”

“Kyle?” Leah spoke his name in a whisper of her own.

She wasn’t sure whether the flip-flop she’d felt in her belly had resulted from surprised delight or a twist of pain. Six weeks ago she’d thought she’d seen and heard the last of Kyle O’Connor, and also thought it was just as well.

“Do you want to talk to him, Aunt Leah?” Gracie prodded, still whispering.

“Yes, I do,” she admitted, as much to herself as to the little girl, for reasons she dared not consider too closely.

She took the receiver from Gracie, her palm damp against the plastic casing, then pressed it to her own chest for several long moments as she tried not only to steady her breathing, but to organize her thoughts. To her relief she realized that any pleasure his telephone call had caused her initially was already being nudged aside by an increasing edge of annoyance she knew she had every right to feel.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Gracie asked, suddenly concerned.

“Oh, I’m going to say quite a lot, sweetie. Why don’t you start on the dishes?”

As Gracie carried her plate to the sink, then stepped up on the stool to rinse it under the faucet, Leah moved to the opposite side of the kitchen, dragging the telephone cord behind her.

“Kyle? Hello. How are you?” she began, trying with some success to keep her tone neutral.

“Leah, darling, how are you?”

The dark, smoky sound of his voice took Leah back almost a year, to the day she’d first met him. The headmaster of a school for boys in Chicago, Kyle O’Connor had been attending the same educators’ workshop as Leah. They’d ended up sitting side by side at the luncheon and had struck up a conversation easily enough. An attractive, intelligent older man, twenty years her senior, he had flattered her with his interest and attention.

He had sought her out after the workshop ended, as well, and had invited her to have a drink with him. Over glasses of wine in the hotel bar, Leah had found out that he was separated from his wife of eighteen years, that he had two sons, one thirteen, the other sixteen, and that he was as eager as she for the companionship of someone bright and kind and funny.

“I’m fine, Kyle, just fine,” Leah replied, firmly setting aside memories of the past.

“I had the devil of a time getting your telephone number. I finally weaseled it out of your landlady. I had to pretend I was desperate, only, I guess I wasn’t really pretending.” He laughed then in a self-deprecating manner, obviously amused at himself, one of his more charming and disarming traits. “So you’ve gone back to Montana. Lovely little place to vacation, I suppose. But your landlady said you were planning on staying there all summer. Tell me that’s not true, Leah.”

“It’s true, Kyle. I’m staying here all summer.” Leah hesitated, not sure what else she had to say to him, or more accurately, not sure she even had anything else to say to him.

She was confused by his sudden interest in her whereabouts and also irritated. He had no right to question how she’d chosen to spend her summer holiday. Nor did he have any right to condemn the choice she’d made.

“I’d much rather have you here, darling.”

“I’m not sure exactly what you’re trying to say to me, but the last time we talked, you told me you’d decided to get back together with your wife for the sake of your children,” Leah reminded him in a matter-of-fact tone. “I remember the moment quite well. We were having dinner at the Italian restaurant near my apartment building. You were suitably apologetic, but resolute, and I agreed that you were making the right choice.”

Kyle’s wife had been the one to file for divorce and the one who had talked of reconciliation almost a year later. Before that, Leah had hoped her relationship with him might eventually end in marriage. She had liked him quite a lot and had thought that love would come as they worked toward building a future together. She had gotten to know his children, and they had seemed to enjoy her company as much as she’d enjoyed theirs.

But once she’d found out that Kyle hadn’t rejected out of hand his wife’s offer to reconcile, Leah had begun letting go of those hopes and dreams, much as she had done with John when his feelings for Caro had become apparent. Only, she hadn’t cared for Kyle nearly as much as she had for John, she acknowledged now. While the end of her relationship with Kyle had saddened her, she had also been somewhat relieved to finally admit that much as she had wished he could be the love of her life, he would never be.

“I realize now that I should have given it more thought,” Kyle said. “She’s changed and so have I. We talked about it and agreed we might as well stay together for the boys’ sake, but she also told me that she doesn’t mind if I…see someone else.”

Stunned by what he was proposing, Leah couldn’t speak for several seconds. Then with an utter sense of calm, she crossed to where the base of the telephone hung on the wall.

“I don’t mind, either, Kyle, but that someone isn’t going to be me,” she said very quietly, then carefully cradled the receiver.

Taking a deep breath, Leah tried to quell the anger building up inside her. Had he really thought she would scurry back to Chicago after a call from him and take on the role of the other woman? Did he honestly believe she valued herself that little?

She hadn’t wanted to have only an affair with Kyle O’Connor. She would have never started seeing him in the first place if she hadn’t believed that he fully intended to go through with his divorce. Encouraging him to return to his wife hadn’t been easy, but she had been convinced that it was best for all concerned at the time. She was even surer of it now.

“Who was that?” Gracie asked from her perch by the kitchen sink.

Wondering how much the little girl had overheard, Leah smiled and shrugged with feigned nonchalance.

“Just a friend of mine calling from Chicago. He wanted to know how I was getting along here in the wilds of Montana, and I told him I was getting along just fine.”

“You sounded kind of growly when you were talking to him. Are you mad at him?”

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