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‘For how long?’ I asked.
‘I reckon about three months altogether,’ Lou said. ‘A couple of weeks first getting familiar with the company, before we go in, then maybe two months undercover and a week or so afterwards for debriefing.’
I took a deep breath. Being without Lou for that long was absolutely the last thing I wanted, but she was a really good detective, and I knew this could be an opportunity that wouldn’t come up again.
‘Do you want to do it?’ I said, taking her hand.
‘Not sure,’ she shrugged. ‘If this had been before I met you, or before we’d had the kids, then I’d have jumped at the chance. It’s a big pat on the back that they’ve asked me and it could lead to amazing things at work. Plus it’s working in Fraud – I’ve always wanted to get into that department. And the other members of the team are all amazing – I’d love to work with them.’
She paused.
‘But I don’t want to be away from you all for so long.’
I put my arm round her and pulled her close to me.
‘I think you should do it,’ I lied. I didn’t want her to do it. But I knew that any problems in our marriage weren’t going to be solved by me forcing her to turn down this opportunity. ‘We’ll just have to make a pact to really make the most of your days off and not just sit around the house in our pyjamas. You shouldn’t turn down a chance like this.’
‘Really?’ said Louise, still looking unsure.
‘Really,’ I said. ‘Listen, why don’t we see if we can book a holiday for afterwards? Just two weeks in Majorca or something at the end of the summer? It’ll give us something to look forward to. The kids would love it and we can spend some proper time together.’
Louise grinned at me.
‘That’s a great idea,’ she said. ‘You really think I should do it?’
‘I do,’ I said. ‘Ring them now and tell them.’
She leaned over and kissed me.
‘You’re amazing,’ she said.
I kissed her back.
‘I know.’
Chapter 7 (#ulink_1ee4398d-2126-5f66-add5-653e41b9c1e3)
I didn’t feel amazing. I felt wretched. But I couldn’t let Louise pass up on such a brilliant opportunity. And it was only a couple of months, I kept telling myself, determined to have a look at some holiday deals for when it was all over.
For now, though, I had bigger things to worry about ‒ Esme’s baby group for a start. And the fact that with Fiona and Finn both showing signs that their magic was developing, I was going to have to fess up to Ez about my lack of powers and ‒ worse ‒ throw myself on her mercy and ask her to help. I felt sick at the thought. I was not the sort of person who enjoyed asking for help. Nor was I completely confident in Esme’s abilities. It wasn’t that long ago that I was giving her magic lessons, so to be dependent on her now made me uneasy.
It was another sunny spring day and I was walking with the twins in their double buggy to Esme’s house. She also lived by the river, but it was impossible to negotiate the muddy path with our gigantic pram, so I’d walked round by the road.
Esme and Jamie’s house was lovely, though quite small now they had Clemmie. Their pram was outside the front door and as I rang the doorbell I could hear Esme singing the wheels on the bus and Clemmie crying. I didn’t blame her. Esme was no SuBo.
She answered the door with a slightly tearstained Clemmie in her arms.
‘Ready?’ she said with a grin.
I shook my head.
‘Not really.’
Esme clipped Clemmie into the pushchair and handed her a chewy giraffe to gum, then she reached inside the front door and grabbed a raincoat I’d never seen before.
I narrowed my eyes at her.
‘Is that Boden?’ I asked as she pulled it on. I looked her up and down. She was wearing skinny jeans, ballet pumps, a Breton-striped T-shirt and now her Boden raincoat. It wasn’t her normal style at all.
‘Esme,’ I said, fighting laughter. ‘Are you wearing a uniform?’
Esme tossed her hair, she pushed Clemmie down the path and I followed with the twins who were shouting for Esme’s attention.
‘It’s just easier if I look like everyone else,’ she muttered. ‘Given that I’m not like everyone else.’
I felt sorry for her suddenly. She’d always struggled with being different, bless her. I embraced it, but she hid from it.
I patted her hand where it rested on Clemmie’s pushchair handle, her knuckles white with tension.
‘They’re a really nice bunch at the baby group,’ she said. ‘I think it’ll be nice for you to make friends. It’s so good to have other people who know what you’re going through.’
‘I’ve got Louise,’ I said. ‘And I’ve got you.’
‘I know,’ Esme said, she turned to look at me as we paused to cross the road. ‘But you’re not yourself at the moment and I don’t know why. I just thought getting out might help.’
We were walking past the gates of Inverleith Park as she spoke. I saw my chance.
‘Do we have time to just sit for five minutes?’ I asked.
Esme nodded, looking slightly nonplussed. But she didn’t argue as she followed me into the park and sat down next to me on a bench overlooking one of the ponds.
I could feel Esme watching me, but I stared straight ahead. It would be easier to say this if I couldn’t see her reaction.
‘I’ve lost my powers,’ I said in a rush. ‘They’re gone. Nada. Nil. Vanished.’
Esme didn’t say anything. She just took my hand. I started to cry.
‘And I’m so scared, Ez,’ I wailed. ‘So scared that we could lose the twins, and that I’ll lose the business and we’ll have no money, and I can’t tell Mum, because what would she think of me? And now the twins are starting to use magic and I can’t help them…’
Esme threw her arms round me and I sobbed into her shoulder.
‘Okay,’ she said, patting my back like she did to Clemmie when she got cross. ‘Okay. We’ll sort this out. I can help with the twins ‒ I can cover if they do anything at baby group for a start. We should definitely tell your mum and my mum. And it’s all going to be fine.’
She pulled back and looked at me.
‘You’ve got mascara on your chin,’ she said, smoothing down my hair.
I felt so much better for having told her that I didn’t care about how I looked.
‘Do you really think it’ll be okay?’ I asked.
Esme pulled some baby wipes out of her bag and handed them to me so I could wipe my face.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘You’re the best witch I know.’
‘I’m the only witch you know,’ I pointed out. ‘Except for our mums.’ Esme wasn’t really one for mixing in the magical community.
‘I know plenty of witches,’ she said sniffily. ‘At least, I know of them. And you’re the best. Everyone knows about you, H. That talent can’t disappear overnight. We’ll get it back, mark my words.’
I blew my nose.
‘There’s a woman online,’ I said. ‘She says her friend had a similar problem, so I’m hoping she can help out.’
Esme nodded briskly.
‘Good,’ she said. ‘We’ll work out a plan. But for now, we need to get to baby group.’
She grinned at me, a gleam of mischief in her eyes,
‘If anyone’s in need of a shortcake biscuit and a cup of tea in a polystyrene cup, it’s you.’
I groaned, but I didn’t really mean it. I was fiercely independent and didn’t like relying on anyone, even Lou, but every now and then I lowered my defences and I was always pleasantly surprised by the result. Esme’s reaction had made me feel much better and I thought that an hour of inane chat about nappies and weaning could be just what I needed to take my mind off things.
Chapter 8 (#ulink_1ee4398d-2126-5f66-add5-653e41b9c1e3)
I cleaned my face as well as I could and checked my appearance in the camera on my phone. Once upon a time I wouldn’t have dreamed of leaving home without my make-up bag or a mirror, but now my bag was filled with organic snacks and bum cream.
My efforts, though, were in vain. When we arrived at baby group, one of Esme’s friends stood up to greet us. She was dressed the same as Esme, except her T-shirt was red and she was wearing a long, skinny scarf round her neck. She had shiny dark-blonde hair and a lovely smile and looked very friendly and nice. I wanted to hate her.
‘This is my cousin, Harry,’ Esme said. ‘This is Rebecca.’
Rebecca looked at me, taking in my red eyes.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked. ‘Bad morning?’
Her unexpected kindness made me want to cry again. I nodded and she swooped.
‘Come and sit down,’ she said, steering me towards the corner where there was a sofa and several chairs with women sitting chatting.
‘There’s lots to entertain the children here and I’ll get you a cup of tea.’
I took Finn and Fiona out of the buggy and put them on the carpet. They both crawled off to investigate the new toys on offer. Rebecca handed me a biscuit and a mug of tea ‒ Esme had obviously been exaggerating when she said it was polystyrene cups.
The other mums were pretty nice. They were a real mixed bunch and I felt they were way too interested in the minutiae of baby-rearing, but I couldn’t fault them. Rebecca had a glint in her eye that I liked, and another woman ‒ Vicky – seemed to have a good sense of humour and she looked vaguely familiar, though I couldn’t place her. I didn’t really interact much, I had to admit. I’d never lacked self-confidence before but now I found I couldn’t really think of anything to say. The other women, though, didn’t push me, and I found I was content to just sit and listen to their – what I considered to be quite inane – chatter about sleep routines and nursery applications. I hoped the mums at the witches’ baby group would be just as nice.
There was one sticky moment when Fi had a face-off with a slightly bigger toddler over a book. The little girl gripped it tightly in her podgy fingers and stared at Fiona as if daring her to come and get it. I nudged Esme and we both watched as Fiona looked at the book, then looked down at her own hand. She flexed her fingers and Esme and I both leaped to our feet. Esme twitched her own fingers and there was a clatter from the hall’s kitchen that made all the other mums look round. With everyone distracted, I swept Fiona up into my arms just as she wiggled her little sausage fingers. The book wobbled in mid-air, then dropped to the floor, the little girl picked it up again, looking slightly confused, but no one else noticed. Disaster averted.
‘So what did you think,’ Esme asked as we walked home. ‘They’re nice, right?’
‘They are nice,’ I admitted. ‘I just think it’s weird to be thrown together with people I’ve got nothing in common with except the ages of our children. They’re not that interesting.’
‘They’re not just mums,’ Esme said, an edge to her voice. ‘Don’t ever think people are just mums.’
That was exactly what I’d been doing. I said nothing.
‘Do you remember I went to that doctors’ dinner thing with Jamie a couple of weeks ago?’ she went on. I nodded.
‘One of the men on our table was talking about a problem his brother was having with his divorce – financial stuff. He asked everyone’s opinion on it except mine.’
‘Ouch,’ I said, flinching. Esme was a solicitor who specialised in family law and was a fiercesome person to have on your side if you were unfortunate enough to need a divorce.
‘What did you do?’
Esme gave me a small smile.
Well, fortunately at that moment, I saw someone I knew across the room. So I excused myself, and as I went I gave his wife my card and told her that if she ever needed any help to call me.’
She gave a little laugh.
‘And the best thing is, she did.’
‘Excellent work,’ I said.
Esme gave me a steely look.
‘You’re doing the same thing as he did,’ she said. ‘All those women have other things they do apart from being mums. I don’t just mean jobs. I mean hobbies and interests, responsibilities, opinions. Don’t write them off, H.’
That was me told.
‘So tomorrow we tackle the witches,’ I said, changing the subject before she told me off again. ‘I hope they’re nice too.’
We’d reached Esme’s house so I gave her a brief hug goodbye.
‘Thank you for looking out for the twins today,’ I said. ‘I appreciate it.’
Esme squeezed me tight.
‘No prob,’ she said as I wriggled away from her embrace. ‘Harry, you must tell Lou how you’re feeling and what’s been going on. I bet she’s noticed already.’
‘Maybe,’ I said. Then, as I saw Esme’s stern face, I reconsidered. ‘Okay, okay. I will.’
Chapter 9 (#ulink_1ee4398d-2126-5f66-add5-653e41b9c1e3)
To: MildredHubble
From: Jasmine55
Hi Mildred,
