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‘I feel a bit out of my depth,’ I admitted. ‘I wasn’t expecting things to happen so young. We can’t explain that she should only do witchcraft when people won’t notice ‒ she’ll never understand.’
‘She might,’ Lou said. ‘They’re understanding more and more now. I’m sure she’ll get the hang of it.’
‘Maybe,’ I said doubtfully. ‘The thing is, this is a new experience for everyone. Esme and I didn’t start showing our powers until we were about three, Mum says.’
‘Perhaps you need some support,’ she said. ‘What about finding that witch baby group you talked about? I love the support I get from twin club ‒ just knowing other mums in the same situation has been so helpful for me. You could get that support from other witches.’
She was, as usual, completely right. But she didn’t know that I was barely a witch myself at the moment. If I met up with others, they’d be bound to notice and then what? I had no idea what happened to a witch that couldn’t make magic.
‘Do you want to watch another episode,’ Lou said, waving the Breaking Bad case at me. I shook my head.
‘I’m wiped out,’ I said. ‘And I’ve got to be at work early tomorrow. You watch another one and I’ll catch up during the week if you like.’
I stood up.
‘Night,’ I said.
Louise caught my hand.
‘Are you okay, H?’ she said. ‘You just seem a bit out of sorts.’
‘I’m fine,’ I said. ‘Honestly.’
I was exhausted, that wasn’t a lie. I climbed the stairs slowly and went into the twins’ room. They were both sleeping peacefully in their cots. Finn was face down on the mattress, while Fifi had her arms flung above her head like a flamenco dancer. My heart ached with love for them both, but I was so scared that I was going to let them down when they needed me most that I let out a little sob. My brother had grown up in a non-magical family, not understanding his powers and not learning how to use them properly and he had suffered badly because of it. I couldn’t bear for that to happen to my children. I brushed Fiona’s hair off her face and kissed her forehead.
‘I’m going to sort this out, little girl,’ I whispered. ‘We’ll help you get control of your powers.’
I kissed Finn too ‒ on the back of his head, in case turning him over woke him up.
‘And you, mister,’ I said. ‘Are you magical, too?’
Finn snored gently.
I crept out of their room and into our bedroom, where I sat on the edge of the bed.
My pyjamas were under my pillow. I waggled my fingers in their direction. Nothing happened. Ordinarily I’d expect them to float out in a shower of silvery sparkles and land on my lap. I tried again. Nothing.
That was the most basic of basic magic. It was what Fiona had done this afternoon. And I couldn’t do it. In a daze I pulled my pyjamas out by myself and put them on, then I got into bed and turned out the light so I wouldn’t have to talk to Lou when she came to bed. I couldn’t understand it at all. My mum’s powers had gone a bit wonky once, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had treatment. But that was completely understandable given what was going on in her body - and she’d not lost them entirely. I had always had trouble using spells if I was super-stressed, but that was always temporary and, normally, with a bit of concentration, I could cobble something together.
My problems had crept up on me. Witchcraft was so much a part of my life, that I used it all the time without even thinking about it. But the stuff I used every day was easy stuff. Kids’ charms, like the one I’d just tried without success, and at first that was fine. When the twins were tiny, my magic seemed to be unaffected. I could find lost dummies, sterilise bottles and fill a changing bag with nappies and wipes with one sweep of my hand. One night, when Fiona had been really unsettled, I’d twitched my fingers and enchanted the ceiling of their room, so it twinkled with stars. Fifi had been transfixed, her tiny eyes following a shooting star as it shot across past the light fitting and had gone to sleep straight away.
But a couple of months ago, when Finn had a bad night, I’d tried to recreate the starry ceiling and found I couldn’t.
At the time, I’d thought nothing of it. I was exhausted and Louise and I were both about to go back to work, so I was worried about how we were going to organise things, and how the twins would settle at nursery… It was just a blip, I told myself.
But when I did go back to work, a couple of weeks later, and the twins were happily ruling the roost at Little Acorns, I realised this was no blip.
I ran a holistic spa called InHarmony – a play on my name, Harmony, obviously. I’d started out online, running a website that offered lifestyle advice to fellow witches – and magical advice to civilians. Eventually, I expanded into ‘real life’ and opened my spa in an exclusive part of Edinburgh. In Harmony was a sanctuary where clients could practise yoga, have massages or acupuncture. Dabble in Reiki. Learn meditation. Or have what I liked to call spiritual counselling. Clients came and told me their problems, and I cast a spell, or wrote a charm, to help.
When the twins arrived, I sold my web business for more money than I’d ever dreamed possible, and found a brilliant young witch called Vanessa to be my deputy manager at the spa. Nessa was unruffled and calm and I knew we’d work well together when I went back part time. Nessa was ideal, I thought, to run a new site in Morningside I had my eye on. Expanding the business was reliant on finding the right people to manage the branches and Nessa was perfect. It was all planned out and should have worked beautifully.
Except when I got back to work after my adoption leave was over, I had to accept my powers were definitely waning.
Suddenly I couldn’t do the spells my clients needed. The spells they were paying me – handsomely – for. I covered my tracks, getting Nessa to take on more counselling while I took care of the business side.
It was hard being back at work. Much, much harder than I’d ever thought it would be. Lou was a detective in the Edinburgh police and she’d cut her hours too, though she still worked shifts. On days when we both worked, the twins went to Little Acorns where they were looked after so well that some days they didn’t want to come home. I’d thought it would be easy, juggling work and home – after all, thousands of women did it without complaining – but it wasn’t easy at all.
I felt like I wasn’t doing a good enough job at home with the twins, and I definitely wasn’t doing a good enough job at work because of my rubbish spells.
And then there was Louise. I felt like our relationship had really taken a back seat since the twins arrived ‒ inevitable I suppose. We were like ships that passed in the night during the week, I sometimes worked on Saturdays and she often worked all weekend. Plus, I had to admit I was beginning to feel a little resentful. Because I ran my own business I called the shots. Employing Nessa had freed up my time, my brother helped out when he was around, though I did have to keep a strict eye on him, and I often brought paperwork home. Louise’s job was completely different. She was at the beck and call of Edinburgh’s criminals. If she were working on an important case she would often not come home at all. Plus there were the out-of-hours bits ‒ she always said her team came up with their best theories over a pint and a bag of crisps. I believed her, of course, but it was hard not to feel a bit put upon when I was the one bathing the twins and putting them to bed and I knew she was in the pub. Admittedly, I never drank beer or ate crisps and the pub next to the police station was one I wouldn’t dream of setting my treasured Louboutins in, but that was beside the point.
I was beginning to feel this was all too much. Lou, the twins, my loss of power. Everything. I pulled the duvet over my head and went to sleep with tears rolling down my cheeks.
Chapter 4 (#u8133b3e4-d7ef-50be-9f9c-4eb30a0c00a9)
I went to work really early the next day. I kissed a sleepy Louise goodbye and she stirred, then opened her eyes and stared at me.
‘Harry,’ she said. ‘What’s going on?’
I gave her a quick smile.
‘Nothing,’ I lied. ‘Everything’s fine. I just want to be in early because I’ve got a new reiki practitioner starting and I want to get everything ready for her.‘
I grabbed my bag and my leather jacket and headed downstairs. As I reached the front door, I heard Finlay crying and felt a brief glimmer of guilt that I’d probably woken him earlier than normal. I ignored it.
It was a glorious morning. One of those spring days when you feel like the whole world is waking up from hibernation. For the first time in months, I walked to work along the riverbank. It was a bit longer than going along the road, but much nicer and I smiled to see crocuses and daffodils appearing along the way.
It was quiet at In Harmony. We didn’t open until 10 a.m. and the staff normally didn’t start arriving until 9ish. I had about an hour before anyone got there. I locked the door behind me ‒ I was still a bit jittery about security after some bad stuff had happened a few years before ‒ then dumped my bags in my office.
I was really proud of my spa. It was calm and quiet and I knew our clients really valued what we provided for them. It had taken a lot of work to get it established but now we were booming.
I hadn’t been lying about the new reiki practitioner. I did have a new woman starting that day. But there wasn’t much to do. I just made sure her room was clean and neat, stuck her name label on the door and filled a jug with water. Then I went back to my office and shut the door.
Coffee, I thought, as I switched on my laptop. I twitched my fingers and, of course, nothing happened.
With a heavy sigh I got up and went back to reception where we kept a coffee machine. I stared at it for a few minutes, then eventually realised I had absolutely no idea how to work it. Life was hard when you had no magical powers. I’d have to wait until our receptionist, Nancy, arrived.
I stomped back to my office in a slightly over-dramatic fashion and slumped in front of my laptop.
I needed help and the only place I could find it was online – on the website I’d created in fact.
Inharmony.com was amazing ‒ a real gem of a website. I took no credit for that. I’d built it up with the help of some talented web designers, my ex-girlfriend Natalie, and all the users who’d been really helpful ‒ and vocal ‒ about telling me what they needed from a one-stop witch website.
It covered everything from eating out to legal advice, gardening, property, health and fitness, even education, all from a witch’s perspective. It was basically Mumsnet, or Football365 – but for witches.
Now I clicked on the parenting section ‒ slightly ashamed to realise it was the first time I’d so much as looked at that bit.
I scrolled through the options until I found details of local baby groups. There was one not far from where we lived on a Friday morning – one of my days off. The twee way the ad was written made me want to stick pencils in my eyes but I knew Fi and Finn would really benefit from being around other kids with similar talents and I couldn’t help them at the moment. I saved all the information, then I sat back in my chair and phoned Esme.
‘Let’s go out,’ she said when she answered the phone. Not even bothering to say hello. ‘Let’s you and me go for a long, boozy lunch, right now.’
‘It’s 8.45,’ I said, chuckling. ‘Did Clemmie have a bad night?’
‘It’s not even nine o’clock?’ Esme said, sounding genuinely surprised. ‘But I’ve been up for at least half a day.’
We swapped sleep horror stories for a few minutes and then I took a deep breath.
‘Esme, I need you to do me a big favour,’ I said.
‘Okay,’ she said doubtfully.
‘Will you come to a witches’ baby group with me on Friday?’
‘No,’ she said. Esme was a reluctant witch and was definitely not part of the local ‘scene’ as we called it.
‘Do you want to think about that?’ I said, sniffily.
‘It’s really not my sort of thing,’ she said.
She was right, it wasn’t. But the truth was, I needed her. I couldn’t let the other mums know I’d lost my powers ‒ there was far too much at stake. We had been approved to adopt the twins because I was a witch. What would happen if anyone found out I had no magic any more? Would we lose the kids? Would Louise still love me if we lost our children because of me? What about my job? The spa was built upon my witchcraft. Suddenly I saw a future where I’d lost everything. I let out a sob, which I tried to cover with a cough.
‘Harry,’ Esme said. ‘Are you okay?’
For a minute I couldn’t answer.
‘I just really need you to come with me,’ I said eventually.
Esme paused.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I’ll come. But I’ve got a few conditions.’
I was so relieved I’d have agreed to anything.
‘Name them,’ I said.
‘Will you babysit for Clemmie so Jamie and I can have a night out?’ she asked.
‘Of course.’
‘And you have to come to my baby group on Thursday.’
‘Oh, Ez,’ I complained.
‘Please, Harry,’ she said. ‘I really want you to meet everyone. And if I’m coming to yours…’
I gave in.
‘Fine,’ I said. ‘But don’t expect me to enjoy it.’
Esme gave a delighted giggle.
‘But no magic,’ she said.
‘No magic,’ I repeated sadly.
After I’d said goodbye to Esme, there was a knock on my office door and Nancy came in with a cup of coffee.
‘Thank you,’ I said gratefully. ‘I haven’t had chance to get one this morning.’
She gave me a slightly odd look but didn’t push me.
‘Beth Taylor, the new reiki practitioner is here,’ she said instead. ‘Do you want to come and say hello?’
The morning passed quickly. I never scheduled any counselling on Mondays, preferring to keep it as an admin day, so I could show Beth around and more importantly I didn’t need to worry about my lack of magic, which was a big relief.
After lunch I had a break, so I opened my laptop again and logged into InHarmony once more.
This time I scrolled through the sections – spells and charms, nope. Health ‒ maybe, but no, there was nothing there about losing powers. Witchcraft facts – urgh. Lots of rubbish for those ‘civilians’ who fancied popping on a pointy hat and lighting a few candles. Annoyed, I clicked on the search box and typed in ‘losing powers’.
Result. The first entry took me to the forum. Why hadn’t I thought of that? It was by far the most popular part of our site – a private, safe and informative area for witches to chat about anything and everything.
There were all sorts of messages from people who had lost powers after an accident, or while they were ill, or whose powers flickered on and off like lights during a thunderstorm. I read them all, and read the answers, disappointed to discover that in most of the cases their powers came back just days – or even hours – later.
I sat thoughtfully, with my fingers resting on the keyboard. I was logged in as myself on the site but I couldn’t post a message under that name, it was far too risky. There weren’t many Harmonys around.
Quickly, I set myself up a new email address using the name Jasmine. Esme had loved the film Aladdin when she was small and had always said I looked like the princess. I gave myself Louise’s surname, Baxter.
Then I registered on the site. My username was Jasmine55. My location showed as Edinburgh, but that was fine – there were loads of witches in this city and I wouldn’t be identifiable just from that.
I took a deep breath and started to type.
Chapter 5 (#u8133b3e4-d7ef-50be-9f9c-4eb30a0c00a9)
From: Jasmine55
I need some help. Since my partner and I adopted our babies almost a year ago, I’ve been struggling. We wanted children so badly and I adore them. I love my partner and on paper things are great. But I’m not myself. My life has changed so much and everything just seems ‘off’. People keep telling me that I’m not myself and they’re right. Because the truth is, my powers have been diminishing. Now they’ve gone completely. I wondered if anyone else had suffered in a similar way and, if so, what you did about it?
I pressed send and shut my laptop before I had time to think about it. Then I went to find Nessa so we could work out the staff rota for next month.
The good thing about the spa was it was never, ever quiet. As soon as our doors opened, there was a steady stream of people coming in for treatments, counselling and classes. Or just to sit in our relaxation area ‒ a gorgeous garden under glass with a hot tub, wind chimes and tropical plants. It was called Star’s Garden after a former member of staff who’d passed away and I loved it in there.
As I walked past the door I peeked in. It was glorious today because it was so sunny outside, and there were women in the hot tub and lying on the reclining chairs. I smiled. Personally I preferred to sit in the garden when it was a miserable day outside and I could hear the rain hammering on the glass roof, but I could see why people liked it on sunny days too.
Nessa was in reception, showing round a couple of prospective members. She nodded to me to show she’d be there in a minute. I mimed drinking at her and she smiled so I grabbed her jacket and mine and waited for her by the door.
When she was done we walked to a nearby cafe and sat down.
‘Just going to nip to the loo,’ Nessa said. ‘Back in a mo.’
