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When the child began to squirm, she shifted him to her other hip. “I assume you have someone living with you, James, that’s all.”
“Someone? You mean a woman?”
“No, James, I meant a tractor,” she said, her lips turning up in a grin that wavered, then slipped away as her eyes settled on him. “Of course I mean a woman.”
He had no intention of telling her he had only gone out twice since she’d left. Both times he had known five minutes into the date that it wouldn’t work. Because neither of the women had possessed Kelly’s quick wit or her sassy mouth. And neither had made him feel the way she did. “No, Kel, there’s no one.”
“Oh.”
“So will you go home with me now?”
When she didn’t answer right away, he said, “Come on. I’m not the big bad wolf. I’ll behave.”
Despite struggling to keep her eyes open, she smiled. “You forget I know you.”
“Can’t blame a fella for trying.” He lifted the restless child from her arms. Funny how holding Will seemed almost natural. He chalked it up to holding Cal’s daughter, Jessie, on more than one occasion. But this was different. This was his son.
He’d missed out on so much. As bad as he hated to admit it, he’d missed her while she’d been away at vet school. He’d missed the way she’d always pestered him, how she’d dragged stray cats and dogs to the clinic during off time and how she’d restored order to his disorderly life. But that was before she’d run out on him. Before this unthinkable deception.
James could see Kelly was exhausted. Her clothes hung on her as if she’d recently lost weight. She’d always pushed herself until she dropped, forgetting to eat, functioning on very little sleep.
As he led her outside, he circled his arm about her waist to steady her. She was so thin he could have spanned her waist with his hands. Half-asleep, she paused beside him while he locked the clinic door.
James noticed the slump of her shoulders, as if she bore the weight of the world—but then, Kelly always had. The sun low on the horizon revealed dark shadows beneath eyes that had once sparkled with life. Lines of exhaustion bracketed lips that used to smile without effort.
Her keeping the child a secret angered him, but his immediate concern was her welfare, because, as usual, it looked as though she’d taken care of everyone except herself.
The struggling child in his arms proved there was a side to her he didn’t know—a side capable of harboring painful secrets. For the time being he’d have to be content to know that by this time tomorrow he would have answers.
“Kel, you’re not in any shape to drive. Get in and scoot over. I’ll drive your truck and come back tomorrow to get mine.”
She gave him a smile that slid into a yawn. “I see you’re still as hardheaded as ever, James Scott, but I’m too tired to argue. You can drive, but take it easy. I’ve got Matilda in the horse trailer.”
“You still hauling that broken-down nag around?”
“She’s family.” Kelly leaned against the pickup’s fender. He hurried to steady her and lowered the boy to the ground, careful to see the child had his balance before he lifted Kelly and settled her inside the truck. When Will began to fuss, James picked him up and walked to the passenger’s side where he strapped the toddler into his car seat. He found a cup with a top and a built-in straw in the seat and stuck it in his mouth.
James circled her truck and horse trailer. Both had been junkers five years ago when Kelly had first come to work for him and his partner, Cal, at the veterinary clinic. They still were.
After checking the trailer hitch, he opened the driver’s door and paused. The end of Kelly’s long braid hung over her shoulder. Wild tendrils of gold had escaped the uneven plait and danced in the warm May breeze carrying the smell of a nearby hay field through the open windows. His hands itched to smooth the strands back into place.
So many times he’d thought of her. He had set out more than once to find her, but each time had come back empty-handed. Now it was as if she’d never left. As if everything was the same.
Except for the child.
And the lie.
After moving a blue notebook from the seat to the floor, James eased her over to sit between him and the boy. Reaching across her, he hooked her seat belt. Awareness swirled around him, beckoning him with her sweetness. He set his jaw, determined to ignore the familiar scent imbedded in his mind. He needed to keep a clear head, something he’d never been able to do around her, until they hashed things out.
He put the truck in gear and eased out the clutch. As he pulled away from the clinic, his attention on the trailer behind him, Kelly slid closer to him, her head nuzzling his shoulder.
James glanced at her. “From the looks of you, it definitely would have been a mistake to let you drive.”
“We made one mistake,” she mumbled, more asleep than awake. “We can’t afford to make another.”
He wasn’t sure whether she meant their one night together or the child. Either way, he wanted to argue the point with her, but she was already out.
He didn’t understand how she could have kept news of her pregnancy from him. She had never been one to play games. The only person who had more rules than Kelly was his dad, and, like the sergeant major, she lived by every stinking one of them.
Considering that, he cursed under his breath and glanced around her to the boy. Though Kelly had passed out, he should have been the one to faint dead away, after learning he was the father of a two-year-old.
Will offered Kelly his cup. When she didn’t move, the toddler cocked his head to one side and said, “Mama night-night.”
Warmth spiraled through James. “Yeah, Will. Mama’s gone night-night.”
The kid nodded and caught the straw with his mouth, then settled back to watch James, wariness in his eyes, the same sort of uncertainty James now felt.
As he turned the pickup onto the county road leading to his land, he couldn’t help but wonder if Kelly hadn’t told him because she’d believed him irresponsible. A rush of anger accompanied that thought, and he tightened his hands on the steering wheel. Well, she’d made her last sole decision where Will was concerned.
From here on out, James would have a say in his son’s future.
The bark of a dog somewhere outside drew Kelly from a deep sleep. She stretched and yawned, then turned on her side. The scent of potent male emanated from the pillow.
Kelly blinked several times before her eyes focused on framed photographs of horses against antique-white walls. A portable TV sat at an odd angle on the nightstand surrounded by stacks of veterinary medicine books and magazines.
She bolted into a sitting position and looked around. He had taken her to his bed. Again. Though last time she’d willingly followed him. Somehow she didn’t remember the bed being so big…or lonely.
Even cloaked in darkness, with soft light slipping through the closed curtains, she recognized his bedroom. She’d memorized every detail during their one time together—the night his gentle touch and honeyed words had broken down her defenses. The night she had given in to the secret love she’d harbored for her best friend. The night she had turned her back on the principles that had been the only constant in her life for as long as she could remember.
Dogs barked again somewhere outside, and the sound of Will crying came through the closed door. Kelly’s arms and legs felt heavy, but she yanked back the covers and jumped to her feet, thankful she still had on her clothes from the day before. Set into action by a deeply ingrained maternal instinct, she hurried to the door, wondering how long she had slept and whether Will was okay.
Her son’s fussing grew louder as she dashed down the hall. She knew instinctively that the man she’d once idolized could handle a two-year-old. She’d watched James work on injured horses and knew he always exercised the utmost care and responsibility. But was James with Will? The need to see for herself that her son was unhurt spurred her forward. Heaven only knew what Will had gotten into while she’d slept. The possibilities made her stomach churn.
Pulse racing, Kelly skidded to a stop as she entered the kitchen. Relief surged through her. She caught the door frame and drew a ragged breath.
Across the room her son knelt on a heavy oak chair pulled up to the open fridge. James stood beside him, dressed in jeans and a chambray shirt with cuffs rolled up to the elbow. Her gaze locked on his muscled forearms, then dropped to his standard, scuffed boots. She couldn’t help but wonder if those were the same boots he hadn’t managed to get off before they’d made love that first time. They hadn’t gotten as far as his bed, either. At least not the first time.
Or the second.
She closed her eyes and tried to ground herself. She’d forgotten how his towering height, his mile-wide shoulders and his to-die-for smile had always affected her.
They still did.
But it was so much more than just the way he was put together and what he did for denim. Her feelings for him ran deep and extended beyond their one night of lovemaking. Her continued longing for him was fueled by the memory of his tenderness and the things he’d said. That she was beautiful. That he wanted her.
He had said things that almost made her forget she had spent most of her life feeling unwanted.
She opened her eyes as James pulled a cardboard box off a wire shelf and offered Will something shriveled and dried. “What about pizza?”
Kelly started to protest, but Will pushed the food away while fussing and jabbering unintelligibly. She recognized her son’s renewed cries were caused by anger and frustration, probably from not getting his way. The only person more stubborn than Will was James. Again her thoughts whirled back to the night they had created Will. After the second time they’d made love, James had tried to tell her they needed to stop, because he didn’t want to hurt her. Kelly smiled at the memory. She’d been shamelessly persistent. Afterward she had been glad she’d broken down his resistance. That one night was all she’d had with him. It was all she would ever have.
Muttering, James tossed the pizza box behind him onto the table, barely visible beneath a pile of discarded items—the same table where he’d made slow, mind-shattering love to her the first time. “You’ve already polished off the only soda I had. That leaves a six-pack of beer, and you can’t have that.”
Will slid to the floor and kicked. When he wanted something, he wanted it immediately.
“Yeah. No offense, partner, but you’re a might young for beer.”
Will sniffled and toddled over to James, catching the leg of his jeans at knee level.
Something in Kelly’s chest shifted. She had known seeing James again would be difficult. But nothing had prepared her for the sight of father and son together. Regret filled her soul. She gulped a shaky breath before squaring her shoulders.
Kelly reminded herself that James had always been and probably still was a free spirit, not at all the commitment type. She would do well to remember why she’d left. But this wasn’t about her.
Would James resent her for tying him down? Was he ready to raise a child, ready for that kind of commitment? These were the same questions she had asked herself when she’d made the decision not to tell him she was pregnant.
But there was no one else to raise Will should the need arise.
“All right, Will.” James closed the refrigerator door and sat on the floor beside his son. “I reckon it’s time to wake your mama.”
Will crawled into James’s lap, and the cowboy looked a little ill at ease as he held his son.
“I’m awake.”
Will rushed at her, his bare feet slapping against the wood floor. She released the door frame and scooped him up into her arms. He snuggled against her shoulder, quiet and content for the moment. “Hey, sweetie. Have you been good?”
With his head buried in the curve of her neck, Will nodded.
Kelly sensed James watching her and tried not to look at him but failed. The cowboy still had the knack of disarming her with nothing more than a glance—and that glance had her remembering the rumpled bed they had fallen into the third time they’d made love.
As if reading her mind, James’s heated gaze started at her feet and worked its way up, lingering here and there, making her pulse race and her temperature rise. His brown eyes darkened as they had that night—the night she had tried so hard to forget. But the memory of his unhurried touches and lingering kisses was forever seared in her mind.
Kelly stiffened. She didn’t want to recall the gentleness of his callused hands, the way she’d responded to his touch, or the way his mouth had ignited flames that had consumed her.
No. She absolutely refused to think of that night again, but how could she forget when James kept looking at her like that?
“I—I’m sorry I couldn’t stay awake,” she said. “Thanks for watching Will.”
James shrugged and pushed to his feet, his seductive eyes never leaving her. “After I shower, we’ll head into town for some breakfast. I’ve had all night to think about us and what happened—”
“There is no us, James. There never was,” she said, the lie bitter on her tongue. “It was just sex between consenting adults, that’s all. And only the one night.” Kelly was sickened by her deceit and tried to walk past him, but he blocked her path, his nearness making her heart pound. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get Matilda out of the trailer and feed her.”
He touched her arm, then let his fingers trail down to her wrist, sending shock waves through her body. “We put her in the barn last night with my horses and went out earlier to feed the old nag. The boy seemed to get a kick out of that.”
“Thanks,” she said, cursing the wobble in her voice.
James watched her, his eyes clouding over like a summer storm. “I want answers, Kel. I don’t think you can convince me that what you did was right, but I’m willing to listen…after I shower.” James caught the front tails of his shirt and yanked. The snaps popped open, and as if drawn by a homing device, her gaze became riveted to his tanned chest and the dusting of dark hair.
“I’ll hurry,” he said as he strode past her and down the hall, his faded jeans caressing his backside with every fluid shift of his slender hips.
Her thoughts shattered. Kelly pulled a chair away from the table with a shaking hand and lowered herself, careful not to wake Will who had fallen asleep in her arms. She had convinced herself she would be immune to James’s blatant sexuality. Grabbing an envelope off the table to use as a fan, Kelly admitted she might have been wrong. Even though there were subtle differences in him, she had done the right thing by leaving. James was still too gorgeous for his own good. He oozed more sex appeal than should be legal. Still, he was Will’s father.
She cringed, knowing she shouldn’t blame everything on James. He couldn’t help how he looked or the way females threw themselves at him. She had watched him trying to put them off without hurting their feelings; he really was a good man. And living with James would be a sight better than having Will grow up in foster care with nothing but rejection and loneliness as his companions—if something happened to her.
She knew all about loneliness. It had sent her into James’s arms even though she’d seen him shy away from commitment with other women. After he’d made love to her, she had refused to cling to him the way some had tried. Unwilling to watch him withdraw emotionally from her, she had decided that for once in her life she wouldn’t be the one left behind and hurting. So, she’d done the only thing she could do—she’d left.
Kelly shifted Will on her lap and breathed in James’s scent that lingered on her son. Their son.
Odd she should be here now, seeking the aid of the fun-loving man she’d tried so hard to forget, but he was Will’s father. And she had no one else to turn to. Over her lifetime she’d made a lot of rules that she observed diligently. Coming back, speaking to James, meant breaking rules sixteen and seventeen, but there had been no other way. She couldn’t bear the thought of Will ending up alone. She wanted him to know James’s love.
Even if she never would.
Chapter Two
“Why didn’t you tell me?” James asked, leaning back in the cafe’ booth, the toes of his boots bumping against the other side. “I think I deserved to know.”
The hurt and anger raging inside him was directed at himself as much as Kelly. Not long after she’d left, he had tried to find her. He’d known nothing about her family. Maybe if he’d bothered to ask more questions about her past he might have found her. Maybe if he’d hired a private investigator after his own attempts had failed he would have known about his son.
“I know I made some mistakes and in the process hurt you and Will,” Kelly said, sounding defeated. “I can only say I struggled with my decision. I’m sorry, James, I never intended—”
“Sorry? Sorry is for forgetting to ask if I want onions on my hamburger. Sorry is for leaving the gate open and letting the mare out. But sorry doesn’t cut it with something as life changing as forgetting to tell me I have a son.”
She flinched as she finished pouring syrup over the child’s pancakes before placing the saucer on the high-chair tray. “You have every right to be angry with me.”
“You’re damned right I do.”
“No matter what you think, I really did struggle with whether or not to tell you.”
“For two years, Kel?”
“I wasn’t sure you would want to know.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“Please don’t raise your voice. It upsets Will.”
When several customers looked their way, he focused on his clenched hands and counted to five. He noticed the child’s mouth quivered as if he might cry, but a comforting word from Kelly calmed him.
She met James’s gaze, lifting her coffee mug, clutching it until her knuckles turned white. “Not long after I returned to school, I began feeling awful. I got up sick and went to bed sick. I had to drop three classes to pull a decent grade in the others.”
“If you’d told me—”
“Please let me finish. I’m being honest with you and would like the same from you. If you had known, would you have come for me? Would you have married me and settled down?” she asked, her eyes filled with a deep sadness that tore at his insides. “And if you had done those things, would it have been because you wanted to or because you had to? And afterward would you have blamed me for ruining your life?”
He dragged a hand through his hair, not at all pleased with the conclusions she’d drawn, then and now. Maybe the only conclusions she could’ve drawn, considering his history with women. “Since you didn’t bother to tell me you were pregnant with my child, you know I don’t know what I would have done. But for that matter, neither do you.”
Kelly met his gaze. “James, you are a wonderful friend. My best friend…at least you used to be. In spite of what you might believe, I thought about this a long time before making up my mind. I didn’t think you would offer marriage, so I focused on Will.”
“Tell me the truth, Kel. Did you even consider what I’d want?”
