The Mistress of Shenstone

“No. We are so alone down here. We only matter to ourselves,” said Myra.

“And to each other,” said Jim Airth, quietly.

Myra’s heart stood still.

Those four words, spoken so simply by that deep tender voice, meant more to her than any words had ever meant. They meant so much, that they made for themselves a silence – a vast holy temple of wonder and realisation wherein they echoed back and forth, repeating themselves again and again.

The two on the ledge sat listening.

The chant of mutual possession, so suddenly set going, was too beautiful a thing to be interrupted by other words.

Even Lady Ingleby’s unfailing habit of tactful speech was not allowed to spoil the deep sweetness of this unexpected situation. Myra’s heart was waking; and when the heart is stirred, the mind sometimes forgets to be tactful.

At length: – “Don’t you remember,” he said, very low, “what I told you before we began to climb? Did I not say, that if we succeeded in reaching the ledge safely, we should owe our lives to each other? Well, we did; and – we do.”

“Ah, no,” cried Myra, impulsively. “No, Jim Airth! You – glad, and safe, and free – were walking along the top of these cliffs. I, in my senseless folly, lay sleeping on the sand below, while the tide rose around me. You came down into danger to save me, risking your life in so doing. I owe you my life, Jim Airth; you owe me nothing.”

The man beside her turned and looked at her, with his quiet whimsical smile.

“I am not accustomed to have my statements amended,” he said, drily.

It was growing so dark, they could only just discern each other’s faces.

Lady Ingleby laughed. She was so unused to that kind of remark, that, at the moment she could frame no suitable reply.

Presently: – “I suppose I really owe my life to my scarlet parasol,” she said. “Had it not attracted your attention, you would not have seen me.”

“Should I not?” questioned Jim Airth, his eyes on the white loveliness of her face. “Since I saw you first, on the afternoon of your arrival, have you ever once come within my range of vision without my seeing you, and taking in every detail?”

“On the afternoon of my arrival?” questioned Lady Ingleby, astonished.

“Yes,” replied Jim Airth, deliberately. “Seven o’clock, on the first of June. I stood at the smoking-room window, at a loose end of all things; sick of myself, dissatisfied with my manuscript, tired of fried fish – don’t laugh; small things, as well as great, go to make up the sum of a man’s depression. Then the gate swung back, and YOU – in golden capitals – the sunlight in your eyes, came up the garden path. I judged you to be a woman grown, in years perhaps not far short of my own age; I guessed you a woman of the world, with a position to fill, and a knowledge of men and things. Yet you looked just a lovely child, stepping into fairy-land; the joyful surprise of unexpected holiday danced in your radiant eyes. Since then, the beautiful side of life has always been you – YOU, in golden capitals.”

Jim Airth paused, and sat silent.

It was quite dark now.

Myra slipped her hand into his, which closed upon it with a strong unhesitating clasp.

“Go on, Jim,” she said, softly.

“I went out into the hall, and saw your name in the visitors’ book. The ink was still wet. The handwriting was that of the holiday-child – I should like to set you copies! The name surprised me – agreeably. I had expected to be able at once to place the woman who had walked up the path. It was a surprise and a relief to find that my Fairy-land Princess was not after all a fashionable beauty or a society leader, but owned just a simple Irish name, and lived at a Lodge.”

“Go on, Jim,” said Lady Ingleby, rather tremulously.

“Then the name ‘Shenstone’ interested me, because I know the Inglebys – at least, I knew Lord Ingleby, well; and I shall soon know Lady Ingleby. In fact I have written to-day asking for an interview. I must see her on business connected with notes of her husband’s which, if she gives permission, are to be embodied in my book. I suppose if you live near Shenstone Park you know the Inglebys?”

“Yes,” said Myra. “But tell me, Jim; if – if you noticed so much that first day; if you were – interested; if you wanted to set me copies – yes, I know I write a shocking hand; – why would you never look at me? Why were you so stiff and unfriendly? Why were you not as nice to me as you were to Susie, for instance?”

Jim Airth sat long in silence, staring out into the darkness. At last he said:

“I want to tell you. Of course, I must tell you. But – may I ask a few questions first?”

Lady Ingleby also gazed unseeingly into the darkness; but she leaned a little nearer to the broad shoulder beside her. “Ask me what you will,” she said. “There is nothing, in my whole life, I would not tell you, Jim Airth.”

Her cheek was so close to the rough Norfolk jacket, that if it had moved a shade nearer, she would have rested against it. But it did not move; only, the clasp on her hand tightened.

“Were you married very young?” asked Jim Airth.

“I was not quite eighteen. It is ten years ago.”

“Did you marry for love?”

There was a long silence, while both looked steadily into the darkness.

Then Myra answered, speaking very slowly. “To be quite honest, I think I married chiefly to escape from a very unhappy home. Also I was very young, and knew nothing – nothing of life, and nothing of love; and – how can I explain, Jim Airth? – I have not learnt much during these ten long years.”

“Have you been unhappy?” He asked the question very low.

“Not exactly unhappy. My husband was a very good man; kind and patient, beyond words, towards me. But I often vaguely felt I was missing the Best in life. Now – I know I was.”

“How long have you been – How long has he been dead?” The deep voice was so tender, that the question could bring no pain.

“Seven months,” replied Lady Ingleby. “My husband was killed in the assault on Targai.”

“At Targai!” exclaimed Jim Airth, surprised into betraying his astonishment. Then at once recovering himself: “Ah, yes; of course. Seven months. I was there, you know.”

But, within himself, he was thinking rapidly, and much was becoming clear.

Sergeant O’Mara! Was it possible? An exquisite refined woman such as this, bearing about her the unmistakable hall-mark of high birth and perfect breeding? The Sergeant was a fine fellow, and superior – but, good Lord! Her husband! Yet girls of eighteen do foolish things, and repent ever after. A runaway match from an unhappy home; then cast off by her relations, and now left friendless and alone. But – Sergeant O’Mara! Yet no other O’Mara fell at Targai; and there was some link between him and Lord Ingleby.

Then, into his musing, came Myra’s soft voice, from close beside him, in the darkness: “My husband was always good to me; but – ”

And Jim Airth laid his other hand over the one he held. “I am sure he was,” he said, gently. “But if you had been older, and had known more of love and life you would have done differently. Don’t try to explain. I understand.”

And Myra gladly left it at that. It would have been so very difficult to explain further, without explaining Michael; and all that really mattered was, that – with or without explanation – Jim Airth understood.

“And now – tell me,” she suggested, softly.

“Ah, yes,” he said, pulling himself together, with an effort. “My experience also misses the Best, and likewise covers ten long years. But it is a harder one than yours. I married, when a boy of twenty-one, a woman, older than myself; supremely beautiful. I went mad over her loveliness. Nothing seemed to count or matter, but that. I knew she was not a good woman, but I thought she might become so; and even if she didn’t it made no difference. I wanted her. Afterwards I found she had laughed at me, all the time. Also, there had all the time been another – an older man than I – who had laughed with her. He had not been in a position to marry her when I did; but two years later, he came into money. Then – she left me.”

Jim Airth paused. His voice was hard with pain. The night was very black. In the dark silence they could hear the rhythmic thunder of the waves pounding monotonously against the cliff below.

“I divorced her, of course; and he married her; but I went abroad, and stayed abroad. I never could look upon her as other than my wife. She had made a hell of my life; robbed me of every illusion; wrecked my ideals; imbittered my youth. But I had said, before God, that I took her for my wife, until death parted us; and, so long as we were both alive, what power could free me from that solemn oath? It seemed to me that by remaining in another hemisphere, I made her second marriage less sinful. Often, at first, I was tempted to shoot myself, as a means of righting this other wrong. But in time I outgrew that morbidness, and realised that though Love is good, Life is the greatest gift of all. To throw it away, voluntarily, is an unpardonable sin. The suicide’s punishment should be loss of immortality. Well, I found work to do, of all sorts, in America, and elsewhere. And a year ago – she died. I should have come straight home, only I was booked for that muddle on the frontier they called ‘a war.’ I got fever after Targai; was invalided home; and here I am recruiting and finishing my book. Now you can understand why loveliness in a woman, fills me with a sort of panic, even while a part of me still leaps up instinctively to worship it. I had often said to myself that if I ever ventured upon matrimony again, it should be a plain face, and a noble heart; though all the while I knew I should never bring myself really to want the plain face. And yet, just as the burnt child dreads the fire, I have always tried to look away from beauty. Only – my Fairy-land Princess, may I say it? – days ago I began to feel certain that in you – YOU in golden capitals – the loveliness and the noble heart went together. But from the moment when, stepping out of the sunset, you walked up the garden path, right into my heart, the fact of YOU, just being what you are, and being here, meant so much to me, that I did not dare let it mean more. Somehow I never connected you with widowhood; and not until you said this evening on the shore: ‘I am a soldier’s widow,’ did I know that you were free. – There! Now you have heard all there is to hear. I made a bad mistake at the beginning; but I hope I am not the sort of chap you need mind sitting on a ledge with, and calling ‘Jim’.”

For answer, Myra’s cheek came trustfully to rest against the sleeve of the rough tweed coat. “Jim,” she said; “Oh, Jim!”

Presently: “So you know the Inglebys?” remarked Jim Airth.

“Yes,” said Myra.

“Is ‘The Lodge’ near Shenstone Park?”

“The Lodge is in the park. It is not at any of the gates. – I am not a gate-keeper, Jim! – It is a pretty little house, standing by itself, just inside the north entrance.”

“Do you rent it from them?”

Myra hesitated, but only for the fraction of a second. “No; it is my own. Lord Ingleby gave it to me.”

“Lord Ingleby?” Jim Airth’s voice sounded like knitted brows. “Why not Lady Ingleby?”

“It was not hers, to give. All that is hers, was his.”

“I see. Which of them did you know first?”

“I have known Lady Ingleby all my life,” said Myra, truthfully; “and I have known Lord Ingleby since his marriage.”

“Ah. Then he became your friend, because he married her?”

Myra laughed. “Yes,” she said. “I suppose so.”

“What’s the joke?”

“Only that it struck me as an amusing way of putting it; but it is undoubtedly true.”

“Have they any children?”

Myra’s voice shook slightly. “No, none. Why do you ask?”

“Well, in the campaign, I often shared Lord Ingleby’s tent; and he used to talk in his sleep.”

“Yes?”

“There was one name he often called and repeated.”

Lady Ingleby’s heart stood still.

“Yes?” she said, hardly breathing.

“It was ‘Peter’,” continued Jim Airth. “The night before he was killed, he kept turning in his sleep and saying: ‘Peter! Hullo, little Peter! Come here!’ I thought perhaps he had a little son named Peter.”

“He had no son,” said Lady Ingleby, controlling her voice with effort. “Peter was a dog of which he was very fond. Was that the only name he spoke?”

“The only one I ever heard,” replied Jim Airth.

Then suddenly Lady Ingleby clasped both hands round his arm.

“Jim,” she whispered, brokenly, “Not once have you spoken my name. It was a bargain. We were to be old and intimate friends. I seem to have been calling you ‘Jim’ all my life! But you have not yet called me ‘Myra,’ Let me hear it now, please.”

Jim Airth laid his big hand over both of hers.

“I can’t,” he said. “Hush! I can’t. Not up here – it means too much. Wait until we get back to earth again. Then – Oh, I say! Can’t you help?”

This kind of emotion was an unknown quantity to Lady Ingleby. So was the wild beating of her own heart. But she knew the situation called for tact, and was not tactful speech always her special forte?

“Jim,” she said, “are you not frightfully hungry? I should be; only I had an enormous tea before coming out. Would you like to hear what I had for tea? No. I am afraid it would make you feel worse. I suppose dinner at the inn was over, long ago. I wonder what variation of fried fish they had, and whether Miss Susannah choked over a fish-bone, and had to be requested to leave the room. Oh, do you remember that evening? You looked so dismayed and alarmed, I quite thought you were going to the rescue! I wonder what time it is?”

“We can soon tell that,” said Jim Airth, cheerfully. He dived into his pocket, produced a matchbox which he had long been fingering turn about with his pipe and tobacco-pouch, struck a light, and looked at his watch. Myra saw the lean brown face, in the weird flare of the match. She also saw the horrid depth so close to them, which she had almost forgotten. A sense of dizziness came over her. She longed to cling to his arm; but he had drawn it resolutely away.

“Half past ten,” said Jim Airth. “Miss Murgatroyd has donned her night-cap. Miss Eliza has sighed: ‘Good-night, summer, good-night, good-night,’ at her open lattice; and Susie, folding her plump hands, has said: ‘Now I lay me.’”

Myra laughed. “And they will all be listening for you to dump out your big boots,” she said. “That is always your ‘Good-night’ to the otherwise silent house.”

“No, really? Does it make a noise?” said Jim Airth, ruefully. “Never again – ?”

“Oh, but you must,” said Myra. “I love – I mean Susie loves the sound, and listens for it. Jim, that match reminds me: – why don’t you smoke? Surely it would help the hunger, and be comfortable and cheering.”

Jim Airth’s pipe and pouch were out in a twinkling.

“Sure you don’t mind? It doesn’t make you sick, or give you a headache?”

“No, I think I like it,” said Myra. “In fact, I am sure I like it. That is, I like to sit beside it. No, I don’t do it myself.”

Another match flared, and again she saw the chasm, and the nearness of the edge. She bore it until the pipe was drawing well. Then: “Oh, Jim,” she said, “I am so sorry; but I am afraid I am becoming dizzy. I feel as though I must fall over.” She gave a half sob.

Jim Airth turned, instantly alert.

“Nonsense,” he said, but the sharp word sounded tender. “Four good feet of width are as safe as forty. Change your position a bit.” He put his arm around her, and moved her so that she leant more completely against the cliff at their backs. “Now forget the edge,” he said, “and listen. I am going to tell you camp yarns, and tales of the Wild West.”

Then as they sat on in the darkness, Jim Airth smoked and talked, painting vivid word-pictures of life and adventure in other lands. And Myra listened, absorbed and enchanted; every moment realising more fully, as he unconsciously revealed it, the manly strength and honest simplicity of his big nature, with its fun and its fire; its huge capacity for enjoyment; its corresponding capacity for pain.

And, as she listened, her heart said: “Oh, my cosmopolitan cowboy! Thank God you found no title in the book, to put you off. Thank God you found no name which you could ‘place,’ relegating its poor possessor to the ranks of ‘society leaders’ in which you would have had no share. And, oh! most of all, I thank God for the doctor’s wise injunction: ‘Leave behind you your own identity’!”

CHAPTER XII

UNDER THE MORNING STAR

The night wore on.

Stars shone in the deep purple sky; bright watchful eyes looking down unwearied upon the sleeping world.

The sound of the sea below fell from a roar to a murmur, and drew away into the distance.

It was a warm June night, and very still.

Jim Airth had moved along the ledge to the further end, and sat swinging his legs over the edge. His content was so deep and full, that ordinary speech seemed impossible; and silence, a glad necessity. The prospect of that which the future might hold in store, made the ledge too narrow to contain him. He sought relief in motion, and swung his long legs out into the darkness.

It had not occurred to him to wonder at his companion’s silence; the reason for his own had been so all-sufficient.

At length he struck a match to see the time; then, turning with a smile, held it so that its light illumined Myra.

She knelt upon the ledge, her hands pressed against the overhanging cliff, her head turned in terror away from it. Her face was ashen in its whiteness, and large tears rolled down her cheeks.

Jim dropped the match, with an exclamation, and groped towards her in the darkness.

“Dear!” he cried, “Oh, my dear, what is the matter? Selfish fool, that I am! I thought you were just resting, quiet and content.”

His groping hands found and held her.

“Oh, Jim,” sobbed Lady Ingleby, “I am so sorry! It is so weak and unworthy. But I am afraid I feel faint. The whole cliff seems to rock and move. Every moment I fear it will tip me over. And you seemed miles away!”

“You are faint,” said Jim Airth; “and no wonder. There is nothing weak or unworthy about it. You have been quite splendid. It is I who have been a thoughtless ass. But I can’t have you fainting up here. You must lie down at once. If I sit on the edge with my back to you, can you slip along behind me and lie at full length, leaning against the cliff?”

“No, oh no, I couldn’t!” whispered Myra. “It frightens me so horribly when you hang your legs over the edge, and I can’t bear to touch the cliff. It seems worse than the black emptiness. It rocks to and fro, and seems to push me over. Oh, Jim! What shall I do? Help me, help me!”

“You must lie down,” said Jim Airth, between his teeth. “Here, wait a minute. Move out a little way. Don’t be afraid. I have hold of you. Let me get behind you… That’s right. Now you are not touching the cliff. Let me get my shoulders firmly into the hollow at this end, and my feet fixed at the other. There! With my back rammed into it like this, nothing short of an earthquake could dislodge me. Now dear – turn your back to me and your face to the sea and let yourself go. You will not fall over. Do not be afraid.”

Very gently, but very firmly, he drew her into his arms.

Tired, frightened, faint, – Lady Ingleby was conscious at first of nothing save the intense relief of the sense of his great strength about her. She seemed to have been fighting the cliff and resisting the gaping darkness, until she was utterly worn out. Now she yielded to his gentle insistence, and sank into safety. Her cheek rested against his rough coat, and it seemed to her more soothing than the softest pillow. With a sigh of content, she folded her hands upon her breast, and he laid one of his big ones firmly over them both. She felt so safe, and held.

Then she heard Jim Airth’s voice, close to her ear.

“We are not alone,” he said. “You must try to sleep, dear; but first I want you to realise that we are not alone. Do you know what I mean? God is here. When I was a very little chap, I used to go to a Dame-school in the Highlands; and the old dame made me learn by heart the hundred and thirty-ninth psalm. I have repeated parts of it in all sorts of places of difficulty and danger. I am going to say my favourite verses to you now. Listen. ‘Whither shall I go from Thy Spirit? or whither shall I flee from Thy presence?.. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; even there shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from Thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to Thee… How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them. If I should count them they are more in number than the sand: when I awake I am still with Thee.’”

The deep voice ceased. Lady Ingleby opened her eyes. “I was nearly asleep,” she said. “How good you are, Jim.”

“No, I am not good,” he answered. “I’m a tough chap, full of faults, and beset by failings. Only – if you will trust me, please God, I will never fail you. But now I want you to sleep; and I don’t want you to think about me. I am merely a thing, which by God’s providence is allowed to keep you in safety. Do you see that wonderful planet, hanging like a lamp in the sky? Watch it, while I tell you some lines written by an American woman, on the thought of that last verse.”

And with his cheek against her soft hair, and his strong arms firmly round her, Jim Airth repeated, slowly, Mrs. Beecher Stowe’s matchless poem:

“Still, still with Thee, when purple morning breaketh,When the bird waketh, and the shadows flee;Fairer than morning, lovelier than daylight,Dawns the sweet consciousness – I am with Thee.“Alone with Thee, amid the mystic shadows,The solemn hush of nature newly born;Alone with Thee, in breathless adoration,In the calm dew and freshness of the morn.“As in the dawning, o’er the waveless ocean,The image of the morning star doth rest;So in this stillness Thou beholdest onlyThine image in the waters of my breast.“When sinks the soul, subdued by toil, to slumberIts closing eye looks up to Thee in prayer;Sweet the repose, beneath Thy wings o’ershadowing,But sweeter still to wake, and find Thee there.“So shall it be at last, in that bright morningWhen the soul waketh, and life’s shadows flee;Oh, in that hour, fairer than daylight’s dawning,Shall rise the glorious thought, I am with Thee!”

Jim Airth’s voice ceased. He waited a moment in silence.

Then – “Do you like it?” he asked softly.

There was no answer. Myra slept as peacefully as a little child. He could feel the regular motion of her quiet breathing, beneath his hand.

“Thank God!” said Jim Airth, with his eyes on the morning star.

CHAPTER XIII

THE AWAKENING

When Lady Ingleby opened her eyes, she could not, for a moment, imagine where she was.

Dawn was breaking over the sea. A rift of silver, in the purple sky, had taken the place of the morning star. She could see the silvery gleam reflected in the ocean.

“Why am I sleeping so close to a large window?” queried her bewildered mind. “Or am I on a balcony?”

“Why do I feel so extraordinarily strong and rested?” questioned her slowly awakening body.

She lay quite still and considered the matter.

Then looking down, she saw a large brown hand clasping both hers. Her head was resting in the curve of the arm to which the hand belonged. A strong right arm was flung over and around her. All questionings were solved by two short words: “Jim Airth.”

Lady Ingleby lay very still. She feared to break the deep spell of restfulness which held her. She hesitated to bring down to earth the exquisite sense of heaven, by which she was surrounded.

As the dawn broke over the sea, a wonderful light dawned in her eyes, a radiance such as had never shone in those sweet eyes before. “Dear God,” she whispered, “am I to know the Best?”

Then she gently withdrew one hand, and laid it on the hand which had covered both.

“Jim,” she said. “Jim! Look! It is day.”

“Yes?” came Jim Airth’s voice from behind her. “Yes? What? come in! – Hullo! Oh, I say!”

Myra smiled into the dawning. She had already come through those first moments of astonished realisation. But Jim Airth awoke to the situation more quickly than she had done.