Cousin Betty

“Hey day!” said he, amazed to find no company. “Are you alone? Where is everybody gone?”

“Your pleasant temper put them all to flight,” said Crevel.

“No, it was my wife’s cousin,” replied Marneffe. “The ladies and gentlemen supposed that Valerie and Henri might have something to say to each other after three years’ separation, and they very discreetly retired. – If I had been in the room, I would have kept them; but then, as it happens, it would have been a mistake, for Lisbeth, who always comes down to make tea at half-past ten, was taken ill, and that upset everything – ”

“Then is Lisbeth really unwell?” asked Crevel in a fury.

“So I was told,” replied Marneffe, with the heartless indifference of a man to whom women have ceased to exist.

The Mayor looked at the clock; and, calculating the time, the Baron seemed to have spent forty minutes in Lisbeth’s rooms. Hector’s jubilant expression seriously incriminated Valerie, Lisbeth, and himself.

“I have just seen her; she is in great pain, poor soul!” said the Baron.

“Then the sufferings of others must afford you much joy, my friend,” retorted Crevel with acrimony, “for you have come down with a face that is positively beaming. Is Lisbeth likely to die? For your daughter, they say, is her heiress. You are not like the same man. You left this room looking like the Moor of Venice, and you come back with the air of Saint-Preux! – I wish I could see Madame Marneffe’s face at this minute – ”

“And pray, what do you mean by that?” said Marneffe to Crevel, packing his cards and laying them down in front of him.

A light kindled in the eyes of this man, decrepit at the age of forty-seven; a faint color flushed his flaccid cold cheeks, his ill-furnished mouth was half open, and on his blackened lips a sort of foam gathered, thick, and as white as chalk. This fury in such a helpless wretch, whose life hung on a thread, and who in a duel would risk nothing while Crevel had everything to lose, frightened the Mayor.

“I said,” repeated Crevel, “that I should like to see Madame Marneffe’s face. And with all the more reason since yours, at this moment, is most unpleasant. On my honor, you are horribly ugly, my dear Marneffe – ”

“Do you know that you are very uncivil?”

“A man who has won thirty francs of me in forty-five minutes cannot look handsome in my eyes.”

“Ah, if you had but seen me seventeen years ago!” replied the clerk.

“You were so good-looking?” asked Crevel.

“That was my ruin; now, if I had been like you – I might be a mayor and a peer.”

“Yes,” said Crevel, with a smile, “you have been too much in the wars; and of the two forms of metal that may be earned by worshiping the god of trade, you have taken the worse – the dross!” [This dialogue is garnished with puns for which it is difficult to find any English equivalent.] And Crevel roared with laughter. Though Marneffe could take offence if his honor were in peril, he always took these rough pleasantries in good part; they were the small coin of conversation between him and Crevel.

“The daughters of Eve cost me dear, no doubt; but, by the powers! ‘Short and sweet’ is my motto.”

“‘Long and happy’ is more to my mind,” returned Crevel.

Madame Marneffe now came in; she saw that her husband was at cards with Crevel, and only the Baron in the room besides; a mere glance at the municipal dignitary showed her the frame of mind he was in, and her line of conduct was at once decided on.

“Marneffe, my dear boy,” said she, leaning on her husband’s shoulder, and passing her pretty fingers through his dingy gray hair, but without succeeding in covering his bald head with it, “it is very late for you; you ought to be in bed. To-morrow, you know, you must dose yourself by the doctor’s orders. Reine will give you your herb tea at seven. If you wish to live, give up your game.”

“We will pay it out up to five points,” said Marneffe to Crevel.

“Very good – I have scored two,” replied the Mayor.

“How long will it take you?”

“Ten minutes,” said Marneffe.

“It is eleven o’clock,” replied Valerie. “Really, Monsieur Crevel, one might fancy you meant to kill my husband. Make haste, at any rate.”

This double-barreled speech made Crevel and Hulot smile, and even Marneffe himself. Valerie sat down to talk to Hector.

“You must leave, my dearest,” said she in Hulot’s ear. “Walk up and down the Rue Vanneau, and come in again when you see Crevel go out.”

“I would rather leave this room and go into your room through the dressing-room door. You could tell Reine to let me in.”

“Reine is upstairs attending to Lisbeth.”

“Well, suppose then I go up to Lisbeth’s rooms?”

Danger hemmed in Valerie on every side; she foresaw a discussion with Crevel, and could not allow Hulot to be in her room, where he could hear all that went on. – And the Brazilian was upstairs with Lisbeth.

“Really, you men, when you have a notion in your head, you would burn a house down to get into it!” exclaimed she. “Lisbeth is not in a fit state to admit you. – Are you afraid of catching cold in the street? Be off there – or good-night.”

“Good evening, gentlemen,” said the Baron to the other two.

Hulot, when piqued in his old man’s vanity, was bent on proving that he could play the young man by waiting for the happy hour in the open air, and he went away.

Marneffe bid his wife good-night, taking her hands with a semblance of devotion. Valerie pressed her husband’s hand with a significant glance, conveying:

“Get rid of Crevel.”

“Good-night, Crevel,” said Marneffe. “I hope you will not stay long with Valerie. Yes! I am jealous – a little late in the day, but it has me hard and fast. I shall come back to see if you are gone.”

“We have a little business to discuss, but I shall not stay long,” said Crevel.

“Speak low. – What is it?” said Valerie, raising her voice, and looking at him with a mingled expression of haughtiness and scorn.

Crevel, as he met this arrogant stare, though he was doing Valerie important services, and had hoped to plume himself on the fact, was at once reduced to submission.

“That Brazilian – ” he began, but, overpowered by Valerie’s fixed look of contempt, he broke off.

“What of him?” said she.

“That cousin – ”

“Is no cousin of mine,” said she. “He is my cousin to the world and to Monsieur Marneffe. And if he were my lover, it would be no concern of yours. A tradesman who pays a woman to be revenged on another man, is, in my opinion, beneath the man who pays her for love of her. You did not care for me; all you saw in me was Monsieur Hulot’s mistress. You bought me as a man buys a pistol to kill his adversary. I wanted bread – I accepted the bargain.”

“But you have not carried it out,” said Crevel, the tradesman once more.

“You want Baron Hulot to be told that you have robbed him of his mistress, to pay him out for having robbed you of Josepha? Nothing can more clearly prove your baseness. You say you love a woman, you treat her like a duchess, and then you want to degrade her? Well, my good fellow, and you are right. This woman is no match for Josepha. That young person has the courage of her disgrace, while I – I am a hypocrite, and deserve to be publicly whipped. – Alas! Josepha is protected by her cleverness and her wealth. I have nothing to shelter me but my reputation; I am still the worthy and blameless wife of a plain citizen; if you create a scandal, what is to become of me? If I were rich, then indeed; but my income is fifteen thousand francs a year at most, I suppose.”

“Much more than that,” said Crevel. “I have doubled your savings in these last two months by investing in Orleans.”

“Well, a position in Paris begins with fifty thousand. And you certainly will not make up to me for the position I should surrender. – What was my aim? I want to see Marneffe a first-class clerk; he will then draw a salary of six thousand francs. He has been twenty-seven years in his office; within three years I shall have a right to a pension of fifteen hundred francs when he dies. You, to whom I have been entirely kind, to whom I have given your fill of happiness – you cannot wait! – And that is what men call love!” she exclaimed.

“Though I began with an ulterior purpose,” said Crevel, “I have become your poodle. You trample on my heart, you crush me, you stultify me, and I love you as I have never loved in my life. Valerie, I love you as much as I love my Celestine. I am capable of anything for your sake. – Listen, instead of coming twice a week to the Rue du Dauphin, come three times.”

“Is that all! You are quite young again, my dear boy!”

“Only let me pack off Hulot, humiliate him, rid you of him,” said Crevel, not heeding her impertinence! “Have nothing to say to the Brazilian, be mine alone; you shall not repent of it. To begin with, I will give you eight thousand francs a year, secured by bond, but only as an annuity; I will not give you the capital till the end of five years’ constancy – ”

“Always a bargain! A tradesman can never learn to give. You want to stop for refreshments on the road of love – in the form of Government bonds! Bah! Shopman, pomatum seller! you put a price on everything! – Hector told me that the Duc d’Herouville gave Josepha a bond for thirty thousand francs a year in a packet of sugar almonds! And I am worth six of Josepha.

“Oh! to be loved!” she went on, twisting her ringlets round her fingers, and looking at herself in the glass. “Henri loves me. He would smash you like a fly if I winked at him! Hulot loves me; he leaves his wife in beggary! As for you, go my good man, be the worthy father of a family. You have three hundred thousand francs over and above your fortune, only to amuse yourself, a hoard, in fact, and you think of nothing but increasing it – ”

“For you, Valerie, since I offer you half,” said he, falling on his knees.

“What, still here!” cried Marneffe, hideous in his dressing-gown. “What are you about?”

“He is begging my pardon, my dear, for an insulting proposal he has dared to make me. Unable to obtain my consent, my gentleman proposed to pay me – ”

Crevel only longed to vanish into the cellar, through a trap, as is done on the stage.

“Get up, Crevel,” said Marneffe, laughing, “you are ridiculous. I can see by Valerie’s manner that my honor is in no danger.”

“Go to bed and sleep in peace,” said Madame Marneffe.

“Isn’t she clever?” thought Crevel. “She has saved me. She is adorable!”

As Marneffe disappeared, the Mayor took Valerie’s hands and kissed them, leaving on them the traces of tears.

“It shall all stand in your name,” he said.

“That is true love,” she whispered in his ear. “Well, love for love. Hulot is below, in the street. The poor old thing is waiting to return when I place a candle in one of the windows of my bedroom. I give you leave to tell him that you are the man I love; he will refuse to believe you; take him to the Rue du Dauphin, give him every proof, crush him; I allow it – I order it! I am tired of that old seal; he bores me to death. Keep your man all night in the Rue du Dauphin, grill him over a slow fire, be revenged for the loss of Josepha. Hulot may die of it perhaps, but we shall save his wife and children from utter ruin. Madame Hulot is working for her bread – ”

“Oh! poor woman! On my word, it is quite shocking!” exclaimed Crevel, his natural feeling coming to the top.

“If you love me, Celestin,” said she in Crevel’s ear, which she touched with her lips, “keep him there, or I am done for. Marneffe is suspicious. Hector has a key of the outer gate, and will certainly come back.”

Crevel clasped Madame Marneffe to his heart, and went away in the seventh heaven of delight. Valerie fondly escorted him to the landing, and then followed him, like a woman magnetized, down the stairs to the very bottom.

“My Valerie, go back, do not compromise yourself before the porters. – Go back; my life, my treasure, all is yours. – Go in, my duchess!”

“Madame Olivier,” Valerie called gently when the gate was closed.

“Why, madame! You here?” said the woman in bewilderment.

“Bolt the gates at top and bottom, and let no one in.”

“Very good, madame.”

Having barred the gate, Madame Olivier told of the bribe that the War Office chief had tried to offer her.

“You behaved like an angel, my dear Olivier; we shall talk of that to-morrow.”

Valerie flew like an arrow to the third floor, tapped three times at Lisbeth’s door, and then went down to her room, where she gave instructions to Mademoiselle Reine, for a woman must make the most of the opportunity when a Montes arrives from Brazil.

“By Heaven! only a woman of the world is capable of such love,” said Crevel to himself. “How she came down those stairs, lighting them up with her eyes, following me! Never did Josepha – Josepha! she is cag-mag!” cried the ex-bagman. “What have I said? Cag-mag– why, I might have let the word slip out at the Tuileries! I can never do any good unless Valerie educates me – and I was so bent on being a gentleman. – What a woman she is! She upsets me like a fit of the colic when she looks at me coldly. What grace! What wit! Never did Josepha move me so. And what perfection when you come to know her! – Ha, there is my man!”

He perceived in the gloom of the Rue de Babylone the tall, somewhat stooping figure of Hulot, stealing along close to a boarding, and he went straight up to him.

“Good-morning, Baron, for it is past midnight, my dear fellow. What the devil are your doing here? You are airing yourself under a pleasant drizzle. That is not wholesome at our time of life. Will you let me give you a little piece of advice? Let each of us go home; for, between you and me, you will not see the candle in the window.”

The last words made the Baron suddenly aware that he was sixty-three, and that his cloak was wet.

“Who on earth told you – ?” he began.

“Valerie, of course, our Valerie, who means henceforth to be my Valerie. We are even now, Baron; we will play off the tie when you please. You have nothing to complain of; you know, I always stipulated for the right of taking my revenge; it took you three months to rob me of Josepha; I took Valerie from you in – We will say no more about that. Now I mean to have her all to myself. But we can be very good friends, all the same.”

“Crevel, no jesting,” said Hulot, in a voice choked by rage. “It is a matter of life and death.”

“Bless me, is that how you take it! – Baron, do you not remember what you said to me the day of Hortense’s marriage: ‘Can two old gaffers like us quarrel over a petticoat? It is too low, too common. We are Regence, we agreed, Pompadour, eighteenth century, quite the Marechal Richelieu, Louis XV., nay, and I may say, Liaisons dangereuses!”

Crevel might have gone on with his string of literary allusions; the Baron heard him as a deaf man listens when he is but half deaf. But, seeing in the gaslight the ghastly pallor of his face, the triumphant Mayor stopped short. This was, indeed, a thunderbolt after Madame Olivier’s asservations and Valerie’s parting glance.

“Good God! And there are so many other women in Paris!” he said at last.

“That is what I said to you when you took Josepha,” said Crevel.

“Look here, Crevel, it is impossible. Give me some proof. – Have you a key, as I have, to let yourself in?”

And having reached the house, the Baron put the key into the lock; but the gate was immovable; he tried in vain to open it.

“Do not make a noise in the streets at night,” said Crevel coolly. “I tell you, Baron, I have far better proof than you can show.”

“Proofs! give me proof!” cried the Baron, almost crazy with exasperation.

“Come, and you shall have them,” said Crevel.

And in obedience to Valerie’s instructions, he led the Baron away towards the quay, down the Rue Hillerin-Bertin. The unhappy Baron walked on, as a merchant walks on the day before he stops payment; he was lost in conjectures as to the reasons of the depravity buried in the depths of Valerie’s heart, and still believed himself the victim of some practical joke. As they crossed the Pont Royal, life seemed to him so blank, so utterly a void, and so out of joint from his financial difficulties, that he was within an ace of yielding to the evil prompting that bid him fling Crevel into the river and throw himself in after.

On reaching the Rue du Dauphin, which had not yet been widened, Crevel stopped before a door in a wall. It opened into a long corridor paved with black-and-white marble, and serving as an entrance-hall, at the end of which there was a flight of stairs and a doorkeeper’s lodge, lighted from an inner courtyard, as is often the case in Paris. This courtyard, which was shared with another house, was oddly divided into two unequal portions. Crevel’s little house, for he owned it, had additional rooms with a glass skylight, built out on to the adjoining plot, under conditions that it should have no story added above the ground floor, so that the structure was entirely hidden by the lodge and the projecting mass of the staircase.

This back building had long served as a store-room, backshop, and kitchen to one of the shops facing the street. Crevel had cut off these three rooms from the rest of the ground floor, and Grindot had transformed them into an inexpensive private residence. There were two ways in – from the front, through the shop of a furniture-dealer, to whom Crevel let it at a low price, and only from month to month, so as to be able to get rid of him in case of his telling tales, and also through a door in the wall of the passage, so ingeniously hidden as to be almost invisible. The little apartment, comprising a dining-room, drawing-room, and bedroom, all lighted from above, and standing partly on Crevel’s ground and partly on his neighbor’s, was very difficult to find. With the exception of the second-hand furniture-dealer, the tenants knew nothing of the existence of this little paradise.

The doorkeeper, paid to keep Crevel’s secrets, was a capital cook. So Monsieur le Maire could go in and out of his inexpensive retreat at any hour of the night without any fear of being spied upon. By day, a lady, dressed as Paris women dress to go shopping, and having a key, ran no risk in coming to Crevel’s lodgings; she would stop to look at the cheapened goods, ask the price, go into the shop, and come out again, without exciting the smallest suspicion if any one should happen to meet her.

As soon as Crevel had lighted the candles in the sitting-room, the Baron was surprised at the elegance and refinement it displayed. The perfumer had given the architect a free hand, and Grindot had done himself credit by fittings in the Pompadour style, which had in fact cost sixty thousand francs.

“What I want,” said Crevel to Grindot, “is that a duchess, if I brought one there, should be surprised at it.”

He wanted to have a perfect Parisian Eden for his Eve, his “real lady,” his Valerie, his duchess.

“There are two beds,” said Crevel to Hulot, showing him a sofa that could be made wide enough by pulling out a drawer. “This is one, the other is in the bedroom. We can both spend the night here.”

“Proof!” was all the Baron could say.

Crevel took a flat candlestick and led Hulot into the adjoining room, where he saw, on a sofa, a superb dressing-gown belonging to Valerie, which he had seen her wear in the Rue Vanneau, to display it before wearing it in Crevel’s little apartment. The Mayor pressed the spring of a little writing-table of inlaid work, known as a bonheur-du-jour, and took out of it a letter that he handed to the Baron.

“Read that,” said he.

The Councillor read these words written in pencil:

“I have waited in vain, you old wretch! A woman of my quality does not expect to be kept waiting by a retired perfumer. There was no dinner ordered – no cigarettes. I will make you pay for this!”

“Well, is that her writing?”

“Good God!” gasped Hulot, sitting down in dismay. “I see all the things she uses – her caps, her slippers. Why, how long since – ?”

Crevel nodded that he understood, and took a packet of bills out of the little inlaid cabinet.

“You can see, old man. I paid the decorators in December, 1838. In October, two months before, this charming little place was first used.”

Hulot bent his head.

“How the devil do you manage it? I know how she spends every hour of her day.”

“How about her walk in the Tuileries?” said Crevel, rubbing his hands in triumph.

“What then?” said Hulot, mystified.

“Your lady love comes to the Tuileries, she is supposed to be airing herself from one till four. But, hop, skip, and jump, and she is here. You know your Moliere? Well, Baron, there is nothing imaginary in your title.”

Hulot, left without a shred of doubt, sat sunk in ominous silence. Catastrophes lead intelligent and strong-minded men to be philosophical. The Baron, morally, was at this moment like a man trying to find his way by night through a forest. This gloomy taciturnity and the change in that dejected countenance made Crevel very uneasy, for he did not wish the death of his colleague.

“As I said, old fellow, we are now even; let us play for the odd. Will you play off the tie by hook and by crook? Come!”

“Why,” said Hulot, talking to himself – “why is it that out of ten pretty women at least seven are false?”

But the Baron was too much upset to answer his own question. Beauty is the greatest of human gifts for power. Every power that has no counterpoise, no autocratic control, leads to abuses and folly. Despotism is the madness of power; in women the despot is caprice.

“You have nothing to complain of, my good friend; you have a beautiful wife, and she is virtuous.”

“I deserve my fate,” said Hulot. “I have undervalued my wife and made her miserable, and she is an angel! Oh, my poor Adeline! you are avenged! She suffers in solitude and silence, and she is worthy of my love; I ought – for she is still charming, fair and girlish even – But was there ever a woman known more base, more ignoble, more villainous than this Valerie?”

“She is a good-for-nothing slut,” said Crevel, “a hussy that deserves whipping on the Place du Chatelet. But, my dear Canillac, though we are such blades, so Marechal de Richelieu, Louis XV., Pompadour, Madame du Barry, gay dogs, and everything that is most eighteenth century, there is no longer a lieutenant of police.”

“How can we make them love us?” Hulot wondered to himself without heeding Crevel.

“It is sheer folly in us to expect to be loved, my dear fellow,” said Crevel. “We can only be endured; for Madame Marneffe is a hundred times more profligate than Josepha.”

“And avaricious! she costs me a hundred and ninety-two thousand francs a year!” cried Hulot.

“And how many centimes!” sneered Crevel, with the insolence of a financier who scorns so small a sum.

“You do not love her, that is very evident,” said the Baron dolefully.

“I have had enough of her,” replied Crevel, “for she has had more than three hundred thousand francs of mine!”

“Where is it? Where does it all go?” said the Baron, clasping his head in his hands.

“If we had come to an agreement, like the simple young men who combine to maintain a twopenny baggage, she would have cost us less.”

“That is an idea”! replied the Baron. “But she would still be cheating us; for, my burly friend, what do you say to this Brazilian?”

“Ay, old sly fox, you are right, we are swindled like – like shareholders!” said Crevel. “All such women are an unlimited liability, and we the sleeping partners.”

“Then it was she who told you about the candle in the window?”

“My good man,” replied Crevel, striking an attitude, “she has fooled us both. Valerie is a – She told me to keep you here. – Now I see it all. She has got her Brazilian! – Oh, I have done with her, for if you hold her hands, she would find a way to cheat you with her feet! There! she is a minx, a jade!”

“She is lower than a prostitute,” said the Baron. “Josepha and Jenny Cadine were in their rights when they were false to us; they make a trade of their charms.”

“But she, who affects the saint – the prude!” said Crevel. “I tell you what, Hulot, do you go back to your wife; your money matters are not looking well; I have heard talk of certain notes of hand given to a low usurer whose special line of business is lending to these sluts, a man named Vauvinet. For my part, I am cured of your ‘real ladies.’ And, after all, at our time of life what do we want of these swindling hussies, who, to be honest, cannot help playing us false? You have white hair and false teeth; I am of the shape of Silenus. I shall go in for saving. Money never deceives one. Though the Treasury is indeed open to all the world twice a year, it pays you interest, and this woman swallows it. With you, my worthy friend, as Gubetta, as my partner in the concern, I might have resigned myself to a shady bargain – no, a philosophical calm. But with a Brazilian who has possibly smuggled in some doubtful colonial produce – ”