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“Coming here to the cabin—my home.”
The direct meaning of his words hit her so hard she felt like someone had whammed a fist to her stomach.
“Oh.” Pain spread through her chest as she quickly turned back to Casper and began to tighten the saddle cinch. Oh, Lord, she’d made a giant fool of herself, but strangely that wasn’t the reason for her pain. No, it was the fact that he was so callously rejecting her. “Guess I’ve made a pest of myself. Sorry.”
She’d fastened the end of the latigo neatly in its holder and was backing the horse away from the tree in order to mount him, when Noah spoke again.
“It’s not that, Bella. It’s—just for the best. Can we leave it at that?”
She supposed she should have felt embarrassed. After all, she couldn’t remember any time in her life when a man had so bluntly spurned her. Even Marcus with all his cheating and lies had vowed he loved her and had desperately tried to hang on to her. Even her old boss, who’d recently gotten married, had liked Bella as a person. But for some reason, Noah just flat-out wanted no part of her. The realization made her want to cry, or scream. She didn’t know which. In the end she chose to do neither.
“Sure, Noah. You don’t have to explain. I apologize for making a nuisance of myself and ruining your evening. Don’t worry. It won’t happen again.”
Not daring to look at him, she crossed the split reins over Casper’s neck and started to lift the toe of her boot to the stirrup when Noah’s hand suddenly wrapped around her elbow.
Insulted even more, she shrugged his hold away. “Thank you,” she said stiffly, “but I don’t need help getting into the saddle.”
To her surprise, he wrapped his hand around her upper arm and she twisted her head to look at him. His blue eyes were partially hidden beneath the scowl of his brows, but there was a fire, a glint of life in them that she’d not seen before.
“I know I’m not the sort of gentleman that you rub shoulders with, but I do have manners, Bella.”
She’d never been a mean-spirited person, but she did have her pride, even though he was trying his best to crush it.
“Really?” she asked, her voice etched with sarcasm. “Well, if you had, good manners would have been telling me that you enjoyed my company—even though you didn’t.”
She expected him to drop his hold on her arm and move aside, but he clearly had other ideas. He tugged her around to face him and Bella’s knees went weak as his steely blue gaze grabbed on to hers.
“Don’t twist my words, Bella. I didn’t say anything about not enjoying your company.”
“But you just said—”
“I don’t want you back up here. I know what I said. And I meant it.”
No man had ever shaken Bella as much as Noah had at this very moment. There was something about his dark, brooding presence that reminded her of a stormy night, when shutters slammed and every shadow seemed to lurk with hidden dangers. And yet just to have him touch her was wildly exciting.
“Why?” she asked quietly.
“You little fool,” he muttered. “Don’t you have it figured out by now?”
“No. I—”
Before she could finish, he yanked her forward and straight into his arms. The shock caused her to drop her hold on Casper’s rein and the horse moved a few steps away.
“Then I need to make it clear. I can’t have you around me. Not when I want to do this.”
She watched in fascination as his face dipped toward hers. Then his lips made contact with hers and instantly her eyes squeezed shut, her breath caught in her throat.
Noah was kissing her!
For a split second the fact was so shocking she couldn’t think or react. Then just as quickly pleasure exploded inside her, causing her arms to wrap around his neck, the front of her body to press tightly against his.
Ever since he’d stopped on the side of the road to help her, she’d been dreaming of kissing him, tasting his lips and having his strong arms wrapped around her. Now, reality was proving to be a thousand times more potent and far more delicious than anything she could’ve conjured up in her mind.
As the kiss went on, Bella could feel herself sinking into a pool of liquid pleasure and it didn’t matter that she was in danger of losing her breath. She didn’t want the bliss to end.
But just as suddenly as the kiss had started, it ended with Noah tearing his lips from hers. The break did little to stop her reeling senses and she was forced to hang on to his shoulders to steady herself.
“You see now why I can’t have you near me?”
The gruff rasp of his voice caused her eyelids to flutter open and she found herself staring directly into his eyes. At the moment the blue orbs were dark and stormy, but whether that was a result of anger or passion, she couldn’t tell.
“Oh, Noah,” she whispered. “I—”
Before she could say anything else, he turned and moved a few steps from her. Bella wiped a shaky hand over her face, then walked over to stand at his side.
“I don’t understand,” she finally managed to say.
He let out a short, caustic laugh. “You think I do? Ever since I first laid eyes on you I’ve been wanting to do that. Stupid of me, huh?”
The trembling that had started on the inside of her during their kiss had now pushed its way to the outside, making her hands shake and her voice quaver. “I’ve been wanting to do that ever since I laid eyes on you, too. Does that make me stupid, too?”
A tight grimace twisted his features. “No. It makes you a liar.”
Bella stepped in front of him and stabbed him with an angry look. “You can call me bold or forward or unladylike, but don’t call me a liar. That’s one thing I’m not.”
“Then you must be a hypocrite. Jett says you had a crush on your old boss—that you still do. He’s the one you’ve had ideas about kissing. Not me!”
Doing her best to hang on to her temper, she said, “Jett doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I never had a crush on Curtis. Not while I worked as a paralegal in his law office or after I left it. I admired him for many reasons and even thought he’d make a good husband—but I could see he wasn’t meant for me.”
Bella couldn’t go on to explain that being around Curtis had never filled her head with erotic images. She’d never pictured herself making wild, passionate love to the man, the way she had with Noah. But those secret fantasies were far too intimate to share with this man.
Shaking his head, he glanced toward Casper, and Bella followed the direction of his attention. Thankfully the horse had been trained not to run away. At the moment he was happily tearing at the tufts of grass growing in scattered patches over the rocky ground.
“Forget I mentioned anything about the man,” Noah muttered gruffly. “Who you have your eye set on is none of my business. Unless you try to make me your target. So before you make your play, you need to know that I’m not about to let anything develop between us. Not now. Not ever.”
Bella proudly lifted her chin. “Then why did you kiss me?”
“That was my way of explaining the situation.”
She refrained from rolling her eyes toward the treetops. “It sure didn’t feel like a demonstration, explanation, or anything of the sort. It felt like an old-fashioned kiss—the kind two people with mutual attraction share. And if you could be totally honest with me, you’d admit that you want to do it again. I do.”
His jaws clamped so tight Bella figured his back teeth were probably in danger of crumbling beneath the pressure.
Turning his gaze back to her, he said, “Bella, I’m sorry, but I don’t have the luxury of playing games with the opposite sex. Especially when the games could become dangerous.”
“I would’ve never guessed you could be such an ass, Noah Crawford,” she said in a low, angry voice. “But I should’ve known. It’s no wonder you live such a solitary life. There’s no one around here worthy of your presence!”
With tears threatening to fall, she hurried over to Casper and swung herself into the saddle. Yet before she could kick the horse into a gallop, Noah was there, reaching up and dragging her out of the saddle.
Bella practically fell into his arms and she was forced to grab hold of his shoulders to keep from sliding down the front of his body.
She gasped with shock. “Noah! What—are you—doing?”
“I’m doing what both of us want!”
The words came out on a fierce growl and then he was kissing her again. Only this time the meeting of their mouths instantly turned into a frenetic search that lasted so long Bella was certain she was going to faint.
The rushing noise in her ears grew so loud she couldn’t hear the wind or the birds or even the moans in her own throat. Then, just as her knees were about to buckle, he lifted his head, allowing her to suck in a reviving breath of oxygen. Yet before she could gather herself completely, he stepped back, removing the anchoring support of his shoulders.
Forced to grab on to the fender of Casper’s saddle to keep from falling, she stared in shocked wonder at him.
“Noah, I—”
“Don’t say anything else, Bella,” he said in a husky growl. “Just go home. Before I say to hell with everything and carry you inside the cabin.”
Shaking almost violently now, she followed his order and quickly swung herself onto Casper’s back. The horse instantly sensed her turmoil and began to dance and shake his head against the bit. Without sparing a glance at Noah, she urged the animal into a gallop and didn’t ease the pace until she was long gone from the cowboy’s view.
Chapter Four (#ulink_5ccbd26d-3e0a-5282-9e8c-8664d37cc350)
Three days later on a late Wednesday evening, Noah was in the barn, taking an inventory of the ranch’s saddles and tack when a footstep behind him had him glancing over his shoulder.
The instant he spotted Jett striding toward him, he inwardly winced. This was the first time this week that he’d seen his boss. Any information they’d needed to share about ranch work had been done over the phone and Noah had been hoping by the time he faced Jett again, he would’ve forgotten all about his afternoon with Bella.
But so far Noah had found it impossible to get Bella, or the kisses they’d shared, out of his mind. From the moment she’d galloped Casper away from the cabin, his thoughts had been obsessed with the woman. Now he didn’t know what to do to shake the misery he was carrying around inside him.
“Hey, Noah. I saw your truck and wondered what you were still doing here. It’s getting late.”
The tall, dark-haired man dressed in worn jeans, cowboy boots and a gray battered hat looked nothing like a lawyer, but Jett Sundell was a damned good one and an equally good rancher. Along with those attributes, he was a devoted husband and father and one of the best friends Noah had.
“Hello, Jett.” He gestured toward a group of saddles the men used on a daily basis. “I was just going over our saddles. I’m afraid Reggie broke the tree in his today. He roped a bull and it jerked him and his horse over. The horn was literally buried in the ground. Now the whole damned thing is wiggling.”
A look of concern crossed Jett’s face. “Don’t worry about replacing the saddle. I want to know about Reggie and the horse.”
“They were lucky. I don’t know how, but both came out of the spill unscathed. Reg got a lot of ribbing from the men, but he took it all with a laugh. I called Denver over at the Silver Horn to see if they had any used saddles for sale. He tells me they have a few. Most are pretty worn, but at least it would be a hell of a lot better than spending a couple of thousand for a new one.”
Jett nodded. “I’ll be working the Horn tomorrow. While I’m there I’ll have a look at them. Rafe has all the using saddles for his men handmade, so whatever they have for sale will be good ones.” He walked over and took a seat on an overturned feed bucket. “Sassy’s been trying to locate some hay. I realize it’s only the first part of May and we should have grass for a while, but what with the drought, she’s concerned that by the time winter rolls around hay will be as scarce as hen’s teeth. The alfalfa crops over in Churchill County are already sold and they’re not even ready to cut yet.”
“She’s probably right. I figure the sooner we fill the barns, the better,” Noah agreed.
Bending forward, Jett rested his forearms against his knees and looked over at Noah. “She found some timothy for sale, but the stuff is way up in Idaho and baled from last year’s crop. I told her to keep searching. I don’t want the cost of shipping that far. Especially when it’s not fresh-cut.”
“Don’t worry,” Noah told him. “It’s early yet. Has she talked to Finn? The last I heard, her brother had his hay meadows producing. If he has surplus, he might sell what he doesn’t need.”
“You’re right. I’ll talk to Sassy about it tonight.” Chuckling, he added, “That is, we’ll talk after bath time, story reading and rocking Mason to sleep.”
Of Jett and Sassy’s three children, Mason was the baby of the bunch, born just before Thanksgiving last year. Noah was very fond of all three kids, but he couldn’t deny he was particularly attached to little Mason. The dark-haired baby rarely uttered a cry and whenever he saw Noah, he always reached for him.
Mason would probably be the closest thing he ever had to having a son. The hollow thought had Noah moving restlessly over to a wall where a slew of bridles neatly hung on rows of nails. Automatically, he picked up a shiny pair of bits and worked the moving parts back and forth.
“You didn’t see Bella around this afternoon, did you?” Jett asked.
Just hearing her name was like a punch in the gut and for a moment he gripped the bit so hard he very nearly bent the silver shank. “No. Why?”
“Just wondering,” Jett replied. “She wrapped up her work early this afternoon and said she was coming home. I was hoping you might have seen her out riding. She hasn’t been herself at all this week. I’ve been a bit worried about her.”
Noah stared unseeingly at the wall of bridles as the last few minutes of Bella’s visit to the cabin played over in his mind. Try as he might, he still didn’t know what had prompted him to kiss her. Then like a crazy man, he’d pulled her off Casper and once his mouth had landed on hers, he’d lost all control. But then so had she. The memory of her soft, eager lips moving against his, the way her body had practically wrapped itself around his, still had the power to make his groin ache with need.
“—riding the canyon. Noah? Hello? Are you with me?”
Jett’s voice finally penetrated his deep thoughts and with a mental curse at himself, he looked over at his friend.
“Sorry, Jett. I was thinking about something. What were you saying?”
Frowning at him, Jett rose from the makeshift seat. “There must be something in the air that’s causing late spring fever or some sort of mild dementia. Bella’s been going around the office in a fog. Now I can’t even keep your attention. Are you all right?”
No. There was nothing right about him, Noah wanted to say. But he couldn’t. How could he explain to Jett that he was overwhelmed with the need to make love to his sister? That every moment of the day, she was on his mind like a wide-awake dream? Not only that, his encounter with Bella was the very thing he’d desperately tried to avoid all these years he’d been on the J Bar S. It was crazy. And he had to put a stop to it before his job, his whole life here on the ranch, came to an end.
“Hell, yes, I’m all right. Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked gruffly.
Jett shrugged as he passed a keen gaze over Noah’s face. “You tell me. You’re not acting like your usual self. Have any of the guys been slacking or giving you a problem?”
“No. They’re all working hard and no tempers have flared. I’m just tired, that’s all. In fact, if there’s nothing else we need to talk over, I’m going to head home.”
“Go ahead. I figure Sassy’s probably waiting dinner for me anyway.” He moved closer and gave Noah an affectionate slap on the shoulder. “Don’t pay any mind to me, Noah. It’s just that I worry about you.”
Noah was momentarily taken aback. It was true that Jett considered him more of a close friend than an employee, but he’d never expressed this kind of concern before. “Worry? Why would you do that?”
A wry expression crossed Jett’s face. “Because I want you to be happy. And it’s obvious that you aren’t.”
Ignoring the hollow pain in the pit of his stomach, Noah let out a mocking snort. “Since when did you become a psychiatrist?”
“I don’t need a doctor’s degree to figure out that much.”
Noah hung the leather headstall back on its hook. “I guess the next thing you’re going to do is tell me I need to get out more. Find myself a woman and have a passel of kids.”
“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve told you that.”
“I wish to hell it would be your last.”
“A family would change your life—for the better,” Jett argued.
“Over my dead body,” Noah muttered, then giving his hat an unnecessary tug onto his forehead, he started toward the door. “I’m going home.”
“Noah, wait a minute.”
Reluctantly, Noah paused and turned to face the other man. “Jett, I really don’t want to get into this.”
Jett shook his head. “I’m not about to give you a lecture, Noah, or anything like that. I just wanted to say that we’ve been good friends for years now. And I’ve never tried to stick my nose in your private life. Past or present. But it’s always been clear to me that you’re running and hiding from something. I just hope that one of these days you’ll turn and face whatever it is that’s haunting you. Because until then you’ll just be going through the motions of living.”
