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“That’s right. My grandparents built the cabin,” she told him. “And when I was a little girl, my grandmother and I would come up here in the summer and pick wild berries.”
“I met your grandparents back before Christmas, when they came up to see little Mason after he was born. Nice folks.”
“Yes. I keep promising to drive down for a little visit with them, but it seems like I can never get that many free days in a row to make the trip to California.” She turned and strode back to the shaded area where he was standing. “One of these days I’m going to clear my work schedule and go anyway. My grandparents aren’t getting any younger and I want to enjoy them while they’re still around.”
“Melvin talked to me about the little ranch he owns now. I’m glad he’s still healthy enough to have horses and cattle.”
Ignoring the chair, she sank onto the pine truck and crossed her ankles out in front of her. Noah closed the lid on the cooker and took a seat in the lawn chair a few feet away from her.
“Do you have grandparents, Noah?”
He said, “The only grandparents I ever really knew have passed on. Mom’s parents were never around, so I have no idea if either of them are still alive or where they might live.” The look of surprise in her eyes prompted him to add, “I don’t know where she or my dad are, either. They divorced when I was thirteen. After that, Mom left and never came back. Dad stuck around for a few months, then left me to be raised by his parents.”
Just as he’d expected, she looked stunned. And that was exactly why he’d revealed that part of his upbringing to her. He wanted to make sure she understood the sort of background he’d come from. That he’d been a child his own parents hadn’t wanted and his grandfather had merely tolerated.
“Oh. I didn’t know. Jett never mentioned the circumstances of your parents to me.”
“That’s because I’ve never talked to Jett about them. Your brother and I mostly talk about the present and the future.”
“Yes. Well, Jett has some pretty awful memories of his own that he’d rather leave in the past. Most of us do.”
She smiled at him and Noah was surprised to see she was still looking at him as though she liked him, as though he was someone she wanted to spend time with. He could only think she was either a very bad judge of character, or a very special woman.
The scent of the cooking beef began to fill the air and Noah got up to check on the progress of the burgers.
While he flipped the meat, she asked, “Do you like living here in the cabin? Away from everyone?”
“I’m a simple guy, Bella. I have everything I need or want right here.” At least that was what he’d been telling himself since he’d arrived in Nevada. But there were plenty of days Noah still felt the nagging need for a place of his own, and even more nights when he imagined himself with a wife and children to nurture and love. Yet once he’d left Arizona, he’d vowed to live a solitary life and so far, he’d had no trouble sticking to that sensible choice. Whenever he got to feeling like Jack, and the urge to go on the prowl for a woman hit him, all he had to do was think about Camilla. Remembering all the lies she’d told doused his urges even better than a cold shower.
“I guess the cabin seems pretty crude to you,” he added.
“I wasn’t thinking about the cabin,” she told him. “I was wondering if you ever get lonely.”
For most of his thirty-five years, Noah had been lonely. As a kid, he’d had buddies in school, but he’d never been able to invite them to his house for a meal or a simple game of catch in the backyard. Not that he would’ve been embarrassed by the Crawfords’ modest home situated on the poor side of the tracks. Most of his friends had been just as impoverished as the Crawford family. No, it had been his parents’ violent arguments that had ruined his chance to be a normal kid. And later, well, he’d let himself trust in another human being and ended up learning he couldn’t depend on anyone to stick by him. Not even a good friend.
“I don’t have time to get lonely,” he lied. “Every morning I leave here before daylight and usually don’t return until dark. That doesn’t leave me much time to pine for company.”
It wasn’t until he’d put the lid back on the grill and risen to his feet that she said, “It must be nice to be that contented with your own company. I’ll be the first to admit I get lonely.”
He grimaced. “You should have stayed in your brother’s house. With all those kids there’s never a dull moment.”
She shrugged. “I was getting in the way.”
“Jett didn’t want you to move out. I don’t suspect Sassy did, either.”
“Both are too nice to admit they were sick of Aunt Bella being underfoot—” she smiled wanly “—but I figure you probably understand how it feels to be, how should I say, standing on the outside looking in.”
Noah had to choke back a mocking groan. She, or anyone else, couldn’t possibly know how he’d felt as a child. His parents had barely acknowledged his existence. They’d been too busy trying to tear each other down. And later, his grandfather had only been interested in getting him raised to an age where he could kick him out into the world. Yeah, Noah knew all about being on the outside. But Bella didn’t need to know everything about his broken childhood, or the years that had followed before he’d finally settled here on the J Bar S. She’d probably feel sorry for him, and he didn’t want that from her, or anyone else.
He sank back into the lawn chair. “I understand, Bella. More than you think.”
She sighed. “While I was married and living in Reno I never imagined I’d ever be calling the J Bar S my home. I expected to stay in the city and raise a family with Marcus. Now I’ve been here nearly six years and Jett is the one with the family. I’m not a mother, but at least I’m a lawyer,” she added wryly. “Guess I should be thankful all these years haven’t been totally wasted.”
So in spite of her ex-husband deceiving and hurting her, she still she wanted a husband and family. He couldn’t decide whether she was a glutton for punishment, or a very brave woman.
“Looks to me like you’ve had a pretty successful life so far,” he replied. “A person has to learn to appreciate the blessings they have, instead of always wanting more.”
From the corner of his eye he could see her frowning. The expression was much easier to deal with than her smiles. As long as she disapproved of him, the less likely he’d be to lose his senses around her.
“Hmm. You’re saying I should be satisfied with what I have?”
He turned his head to look at her. “Well, you have a lot more than most, Bella.”
She gazed thoughtfully toward the mountains in the distance. “Yes, probably so. But a woman likes to dream, Noah.”
Oh yes, he thought bitterly. Noah knew, firsthand, how a woman could fantasize. Unfortunately, in Camilla’s case, her dreams had been twisted and wrapped solely around him. It hadn’t mattered to her that Noah and her husband, Ward, had been the best of friends and partners in Verde Canyon Ranch. No, she’d tried to make her dreams come true, no matter the consequences. As a result all three of them had been thrown into a nightmare, one that Noah still couldn’t forget.
Giving himself a hard mental shake, he got to his feet. “I’d better check the meat,” he told her.
* * *
Five minutes later, Noah was carrying a platter of sizzling patties into the cabin with Bella following close behind.
“Too bad you don’t have a picnic table of some sort,” she remarked. “It would be nice to eat outside.”
“If you’d rather eat outside, we can. But it’s a nuisance trying to balance everything on your lap.”
Bella shook her head. “This is fine. It’s just that the weather is almost perfect and I love eating outdoors. We’ll do it some other time—at my house.”
He didn’t say anything to that and Bella figured hell would probably freeze over before she ever got him to visit her house again. But she wasn’t going to think about that now. At least she was getting to spend time with the man and he was talking much more than she’d ever expected him to.
He placed the platter of meat on a small round table positioned beneath one of the open windows, then added a tray of prepared vegetables he’d taken from the refrigerator.
“I don’t have any tea or soda,” he told her, “but I can offer you a beer or water.”
“Beer goes perfect with a burger,” she told him. “Is there anything I can do to help? If you’ll show me where you keep your dishes and silverware I’ll set the table.”
He slanted a look at her as though he wasn’t sure he wanted her to be milling about in his kitchen, but after a moment he motioned his head toward the cabinets.
“The plates are in the cabinet on the left. The silverware is in the drawer underneath.”
While she set the tiny table, he fetched the drinks and a bag of potato chips. Once everything was ready, he surprised her by pulling out one of the scarred wooden chairs and helping her into it.
His nearness stirred her like nothing she could remember and though she told herself she was being foolish, she couldn’t seem to slow the erratic beat of her heart or stop the excitement rushing through her.
“Thank you, Noah.”
He took his seat across from her and as they began to put their burgers together, Bella asked, “Are you finished with all the branding now?”
“We wound it up yesterday. Now it’s time to deal with a bunch of fencing. The men won’t like it but that’s okay. They can’t have fun every day.”
Bella smiled as she added salt and pepper to her burger, then pressed everything inside a bun covered with sesame seeds. “Does that mean they consider branding as fun?”
“The lucky ones who get to rope and drag calves to the fire think of it that way. The hands working on the ground might have different ideas. They have the hardest job. That’s why after a few hours I make the men change places.”
It wasn’t surprising to hear Noah tried to keep things fair. As the foreman over a group of ranch hands, she expected he was always evenhanded. But how would he be as a lover or husband? Would he see her as his equal? Or was he an old-fashioned man who would expect his woman to submit to his wants and wishes?
Oh, Lord, Bella, why would you be wondering about those sorts of things? It’s clear he doesn’t want a family. You need to snap out of these silly daydreams you’re having about this cowboy. One of these days you’ll cross paths with a guy who’s meant to be your soul mate. And it’s not elusive Noah.
Shutting her ears to the voice going off in her head, she bit into the hamburger and immediately groaned with pleasure.
“Mmm. You’re a good cook, Noah. This is delicious.”
He shrugged. “I’ve cooked my own meals ever since I was a kid. So I’ve had plenty of practice.”
Had he fixed his own meals out of necessity, she wondered. Or simply because he’d wanted to? From what he’d said, his parents had more or less abandoned him. But surely his grandparents had been around to see to his needs. Or had they? She wanted to ask him, but reminded herself that Noah wasn’t on the witness stand or even sitting across from her desk at the office.
Eventually, she decided to ask something a little less personal. “Did you grow up here in Nevada?”
For a moment she thought he wasn’t going to answer and then he said, “No. I’m originally from Arizona. The southern part.”
“I took a trip with my mother to Tucson once. It’s beautiful down there.”
“Yes.”
His one-word reply disappointed her. She’d hoped her remark would lead him to open up about his former home or something about his past life. But he wasn’t going for it.
She went on. “But I happen to think our little area of the world right here is very pretty. Do you ever drive over to the lake?”
His brows pulled together. “You mean Lake Tahoe?”
She nodded and his frown grew deeper.
“No. I don’t have any business over there.”
Impatient now, she could barely keep from groaning out loud. Exactly where did he have business, she wanted to ask him. Were his interests confined to riding the range or in a dusty round pen, breaking a horse to ride?
She swallowed another bite of burger before she said, “Put like that, I and thousands more like me, also don’t have any reason to go to Tahoe, except to enjoy the scenery. Jett and I have fond memories of the lake. When we were kids our father would often take us there for picnics.” She sighed. “But that was before he took a permanent walk out of our lives.”
Glancing across the table, she saw his blue eyes thoughtfully studying her face and immediately she could feel a rush of heat fill her cheeks.
“I don’t recall your father ever visiting the ranch. And Jett never mentions him.”
“It’s been years since our father has been near Carson City. Once in a while I get a phone call from him. Or Jett will receive a letter in the mail. The last he heard, Dad was promising to come see his grandkids. So far that hasn’t happened.”
He looked confused. “So you still speak with your father?”
She smiled faintly. “Why not? We understand he’s a wandering musician. If we’d tried to hold him here, he would’ve been miserable. And that wouldn’t have done our mother or us kids much good. As long as he’s playing in a band somewhere, he’s happy. I think it took Jett a lot longer than me to accept our father’s indifference. But having Sassy to love has made my brother look at things from a more understanding perspective. Some people just march to a different drummer and our father is one of them.”
He reached for the bag of chips and poured a pile onto his plate. “Must be nice not to resent the man.”
She shook her head. “I could never resent him. He was always a very loving man. He still loves us—in his own way. And that’s what matters the most to me.”
“It’s clear we see things in a different way, Bella. If I ever had the misfortune to run into my old man again, I’d take great pleasure in busting him in the mouth.”
The hard bitter look on his face struck Bella far more than his words. The fact that he was harboring such anger and resentment toward anyone, much less his father, surprised her. Especially when she’d heard Jett describe how kindly and gently he treated every animal on the ranch. But she had to remember he’d not been as fortunate as she and Jett. They’d had a very loving mother, who’d worked hard to make sure her children had a normal home. From what Noah had told her, he’d not even had that much.
Not wanting to sound preachy, she simply said, “I’m sorry, Noah.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry, too.”
They finished the meal with only a few exchanges of small talk. Afterward, Bella helped him clear the table and wash what few dishes they’d used. As the two of them moved around the small space, an awkward tension began to build and she decided it was probably time for her to say goodbye.
With the last plate dried and put away in the cabinet, she folded the dish towel she’d been using and placed it on the end of the cabinet counter. “Thanks for the meal, Noah. I think I’d better be getting Casper back home before it gets dark.”
She expected to see a look of relief cross his face. Instead, his expression remained stoic, making it impossible to discern his reaction to her announcement.
Who are you trying to kid, Bella? His reaction is as clear as a cloudless day. He could’ve offered you coffee or pointed out that the evening was still young, anything to invite you to stay longer. Face it, he’s had all of your company he can stand.
Bella was trying to ignore the insulting voice going off in her head, when Noah said, “Right. It wouldn’t do for you to meet up with a bear or mountain lion in the dark.”
As far as Bella was concerned, he was much more dangerous to her well-being than any wild animal. Because she was drawn to him in ways she couldn’t quite understand. She only knew that being in his presence quenched a need deep inside her.
She moved to the open doorway, then paused. “I keep a little bear bell tied to my saddle horn. The jingle helps ward away any predators.” Now that she thought about it, the little tinkling bell was probably the sound that he’d heard when she’d first ridden up on Casper.
He hardly looked impressed by her safety measures, but he didn’t say anything and Bella quickly stepped out of the cabin and walked over to Casper.
She was untying the get-down rope from the tree limb when she sensed Noah walking up behind her. The fact that he’d followed her out of the cabin surprised her and as soon as the rope fell loose, she turned a questioning look at him.
A frown was on his face and his gaze connected with hers for only a brief moment before it dropped to the ground. He said, “Before you go there’s something I need to say.”
Her heart was suddenly pounding with foolish hope. Maybe he had enjoyed her company after all, she thought. Maybe he was going to tell her he’d like to see her again.
“Yes?” she asked.
His gaze returned to hers and she gave him an encouraging smile.
He cleared his throat. “I—uh, just wanted to say it was nice having you here.”
She couldn’t remember the last time a man’s words had filled her with such warm pleasure. “I enjoyed it very much, too, Noah.”
A frown pulled his brows together and as he swiped a hand through his thick hair, it became clear to Bella that he was carefully trying to choose what he was going to say next. Could it be he was trying to decide how best to ask her out on a date? It was crazy how much she wanted that to happen.
Finally he said, “Look, Bella, you’re a nice lady. And I have to be honest with you. I—well, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t do this again.”
Certain she must have heard him wrong, her head moved stiffly back and forth. “This? What are you talking about?”
The confusion in her voice only seemed to frustrate him more and he raked a hand over his black hair as his eyes evaded meeting hers.
