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She was thinner than he remembered. Her blue eyes still troubled. He wished he’d known her when they had sparkled with life and fun. Before the terrible events of Newvalley. Before they had mirrored the part of her spirit that had died in the tragic building collapse.
Laura was saved further scrutiny by Marie who came to the rescue, diverting his attention with a question. She gulped air into suffocating lungs. His shrewd gaze weighing her up had felt as restrictive as bricks against her chest. No doubt he had been analysing her every word, every gesture.
Five minutes later a beeper rang out, interrupting the conversation. Jack pulled it off his belt, checking the message.
‘I’m sorry, folks, I have to take this call.’
‘Use the phone in my office,’ Marie offered. ‘Across the hall.’
Seeing her chance to escape, Laura stood, ignoring the speculative looks from her colleagues. Her shift finished in fifteen minutes but she was sure no one would begrudge her knocking off now. Just a quick word to the afternoon staff about Mr Reid and she was out of here. Too much had happened today—confronting a ghost from her past was beyond her.
Laura grabbed her bag from her locker. She just wanted to get away from the hospital. St Jude’s had been her sanctuary for the last eight years. Suddenly it didn’t feel safe here either. Jack Riley’s presence caused too many complications.
She pushed the lift button. It arrived promptly and she got in.
‘Hold the lift, please,’ a voice commanded, followed closely by a big hand preventing the doors’ closure.
‘Laura.’ His brown eyes smiled gently.
‘Hello, Jack.’ Her earlier testiness dissolved as the years melted away.
He took her hand and squeezed it. They stood quite close in the small lift, looking at their joined hands. Her slim, pale one in stark contrast to his, large and tanned. There was so much to say. Where to begin?
‘It’s nice to see you again.’ His voice was husky. ‘Can we go somewhere and talk?’
‘I’m really tired.’ She needed time to think.
He lifted her chin. Yes, she looked done in. He yearned to embrace her. ‘Please.’
‘OK.’ She sighed. ‘But not the canteen.’
He raised an eyebrow.
‘Gossip.’
He raised the other eyebrow.
‘Oh, come on, Jack. You know what a hospital’s like! The grapevine will already be working overtime with what happened in the staffroom.’
‘Let them talk.’ He shrugged.
‘No. Attention is one thing I don’t need,’ she said, and marched out of the doors as they opened onto the foyer.
Laura steamed ahead, leading Jack to the deserted area around the staff pool. It was a cool, peaceful haven set in the beautifully landscaped grounds of St Jude’s. She sat down at one of the shady, poolside tables, removed her sunglasses and watched him sit down opposite her.
It was a strange moment. Despite brimming with questions, neither seemed to know how or where to start. For now, Laura was content to just be near him as decade-old memories were rekindled. The good as well as the bad.
‘Laura…how…how have you been?’ He reached for her hand and she allowed him to take it.
‘OK.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’ She laughed. ‘Really.’
‘Any nightmares? Flashbacks?’
‘The first two years were rough but…I’ve been good since.’
‘That’s great.’
‘I’m over it, Jack. It’s behind me. I’ve got on with my life.’
‘Yes, but it doesn’t ever really go away. Does it?’
‘Sure it does.’
‘You must let me in on your coping strategies.’
Laura looked at the doubt etched on his face. He could think what he liked. She was over it. She was.
‘So, what have you been up to?’ asked Jack.
‘Nothing much. Working…living…’
‘Is that it?’
No, she wanted to say. I’ve had your baby and raised him for the past nine years. My life has been very full. She wanted to thank him for such a precious gift. But she was silent. She couldn’t just dump something like this in his lap.
She needed to know if his attitude towards having children had changed. She needed to know him better before deciding whether or not to break the news.
Ten years ago her decision to keep their son a secret from him had been clear-cut. It hadn’t been easy, and the importance of her decision had weighed heavily on her. But she’d done the right thing. She had been sure of that. Still, his reappearance in her life clouded the issue again. Had it been the right decision?
‘Pretty much,’ she answered. ‘How about you? I thought you were off to Adelaide to become a hotshot surgeon. When did you become a shrink?’
He was silent as he searched for the right words. ‘After Newvalley, I found it difficult to get back into everyday life—you know what I mean?’
Laura nodded. She knew exactly what he meant.
‘I did go to Adelaide and I even stuck it out for a year, but, well…my heart wasn’t really in it. Surgery had been my passion and then suddenly it seemed so insignificant. Being involved in that rescue effort where so many people died…’
They were both silent for a few moments, reflecting on the lives that had been lost when the earthquake had hit and the parts they had played in the dreadful tragedy. It had been a major catastrophe for Australia, making news headlines for weeks.
‘It was totally life-changing. It made me reassess my whole direction,’ said Jack.
Laura nodded again. She understood. Her life now seemed to be separated into two different parts. Before the earthquake and after the earthquake. She was not the same girl as she had been in those years and moments before the earth had shaken and the building had tumbled down around her.
He closed his eyes. ‘I thought I was losing it for a while. I couldn’t sleep and when I did I’d have nightmares. I felt on edge and irritable. I couldn’t concentrate properly on my work and that’s scary when you’re wielding a scalpel! And I wasn’t the one who’d been trapped… I don’t know how you’ve stayed sane all these years, Laura.’
‘I had help,’ she said.
‘So did I, actually. And that’s when I knew I wanted to become a psychiatrist. So I studied people’s minds instead of their anatomies. And here I am today.’
‘Here you are,’ she whispered, and squeezed his hand.
‘So.’ He lifted her left hand and inspected it. ‘No wedding ring.’
‘No.’ She smiled. ‘Never married.’
‘C’mon Laura, they must be lining up! You’re even more beautiful than I remembered,’ he said gently, as he brushed his fingers through her fringe.
She closed her eyes and shrugged. ‘What about you? No wedding band either?’
‘Divorced.’
Laura felt her eyes widen as she sat more upright. He had been married! Surely not? Jack was sexy as hell and no doubt attracted women like bees to a honey pot but, if her memory served her correctly, he had never wanted to get seriously involved.
They had spent hours talking while she had lain beneath the rubble of the backpackers’ hostel. Marriage, kids, all that ‘settling down’ stuff had definitely not been on his agenda. His career had been his only focus. She must have been a hell of a girl!
‘Any children?’ She held her breath.
‘No, thank goodness.’ His tone was tense, forbidding.
She tried not to flinch. It seemed he was still not enamoured about the idea of being a father. Oh, Isaac. Obviously her decision to keep quiet about their son had been justified.
‘What happened?’
‘Long story,’ he said dismissively. ‘So, are you coming to the memorial service next week?’
‘No.’
‘You’ve never been to any.’ His tone was accusing.
‘I went to the first.’ Her tone was defensive.
Their eyes met and held as she remembered that day and what had happened later in his apartment. They’d made Isaac together that afternoon. They had made love like it had been their last night on earth and they the only two people in the world, clinging desperately to each other, trying to find solace and stability in a world that had been turned upside down.
Jack remembered it vividly. He remembered holding her as she had broken down.
‘I thought I was going to die,’ she had said over and over, as huge sobs had racked her slim body. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how she must have felt—trapped for twelve hours before they’d located her and then for a further eight as rescue teams had worked frantically to dig her out.
He’d thought she was going to die too on a couple of occasions as the unstable foundations had rocked and shifted, buffeted by aftershocks rumbling deep beneath the earth. He’d been helpless to do anything but be there with her, hold her hand, talk. That she had survived was a miracle.
Slowly her sobs had subsided and Jack remembered her embarrassment and then the sudden rush of passion that had taken over as two traumatised people had tried to find a haven together. It had been unexpected—spontaneous—and Jack doubted that either of them could have stopped it. It had been sweet and intense and as he sat opposite her now, he knew he wanted to experience it again.
‘Sometimes I wish I hadn’t gone.’ She broke into their memories.
‘You don’t mean that, Laura.’
No, he was right. She didn’t. Isaac had come from that day. The one great thing that had come out of the whole disaster. He had filled her life with love and joy. Isaac’s name meant laughter and that’s what he had brought to her life—laughter and happiness. Two emotions she hadn’t thought she would feel so soon after Newvalley.
‘No, I don’t,’ she conceded.
‘Come with me to Newvalley, Laura.’
‘No, Jack.’
‘It might be good closure, Laura. If not for you, for the others.’
‘There are no others.’
‘I mean the relatives of the victims, Laura. Every year they turn up and sit around wondering where you are and how you’re doing. They’d love to meet with you. See you’re OK.’
Laura was surprised. She’d never thought of it from that angle before.
‘You could be their closure, too.’
‘I don’t want to be their closure,’ she said tersely, and rose from the table. ‘It took me a couple of years of therapy to get to a point in my life where I could put it all behind me. I don’t want to go back. Rehash it. I can’t be someone else’s crutch.’
‘So don’t be. They won’t ask for anything that you can’t give them, Laura. They’re just people who lost loved ones and feel connected to you because you made it out alive. Let them be near you.’
She shoved her hands in her uniform pockets and paced.
‘I can’t, Jack. I don’t want to remember that time in my life. I want to leave it in the past, where it belongs.’
‘It’s part of who you are. Deny it at your own peril. It’ll creep up on you one day when you least expect it. Post-traumatic stress can be quite debilitating.’
Laura ignored him. She’d heard it all before. ‘I can’t just leave work at the drop of a hat.’
‘When was the last time you had a holiday?’
‘A year ago.’
‘You’ll be burnt out if you’re not careful.’
‘I’m sure I’m no more at risk than any of my colleagues.’
‘They don’t have your trauma history.’
‘Oh, please!’ She rolled her eyes.
‘Have you thought about working in a less stressful environment?’
‘I love ICU!’
‘There are plenty of other areas to work.’
‘Nothing that gives me the job satisfaction.’
