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Confessions of a School Nurse
Michael Alexander
From the people who brought you the bestselling Confessions of a GP.After sixteen years of high-pressure nursing, Michael Alexander has traded in his hospital uniform for the fresh air, comfort and routine of an International private school in the French Alps. Bliss! But it’s not long before he discovers that school nursing is not all permission slips, sniffles and gift baskets. Disastrous school trips; after hours dorm sleepovers; awkward sex education classes; culture clashes; swine flu panic; and kids with six-figure bank balances and a taste for bribery. This is nursing as you’ve never seen it before.What goes on behind the gates of one of the world’s most elite boarding schools? What happens when kids from all over the world – Russia, Africa, America, Saudi Arabia – live, learn and grow under one roof? What happens when it’s left to school staff to teach children the facts of life, and lust?Following on from the hugely successful Confessions of a Male Nurse, Michael Alexander is back with more touching, shocking and often laugh-out-loud funny tales of nursing. In Confessions of a School Nurse, Alexander tells all on boarding school life – as a nurse, parent, and Average Joe, he offers a unique perspective on this strange world.
MICHAEL ALEXANDER
Confessions of a School Nurse
The Friday Project
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk
This ebook first published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2015
Copyright © Michael Alexander 2015
Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2015
Michael Alexander asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
FIRST EDITION
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780007586424
Ebook Edition © April 2015 ISBN: 9780007586417
Version: 2015-04-30
To Mum and Dad
Contents
Cover (#u8065298d-09a0-5f45-89e6-536b01680f48)
Title Page (#uc8ad71db-7769-545f-962b-89fdce7585dc)
Copyright (#uc3f6702e-3f2e-54c8-bd55-333d1b871658)
Dedication (#ua397f1fa-0c56-55be-8693-27bffb6533e1)
Disclaimer (#u6d83274f-c4d3-5da3-89fe-502a9f2776f4)
PROLOGUE (#uddda6d35-7952-5faa-887c-53c92f407d7e)
A Taste (#ue2c16bba-3c4a-5a26-b753-9e277ccd68a0)
The first day (#u9682e00d-972e-5245-91a0-3de161584c1b)
Marcus’s jewels (#u848acd28-7583-532b-93c0-6b437ea244a1)
Chapter One: The Transition (#u0fa0aa87-d5a4-5e2c-933f-2eadb1c5fe73)
Luke (#uba4ea399-6a63-5671-9113-05d62d7b37ec)
Learning the basics (#ub080733c-71a7-581c-8b1d-4e9e0a939936)
Agent trouble (#uea18f39f-54c4-5414-82cf-2f53caffdee6)
Taking the lead (#u3776a569-f5ce-5434-b3da-2852ef27b78e)
Basketball (#u1f8abb45-307b-5c7d-85d3-a22386adb349)
Checklist (#u6309eacb-fc6a-5cb5-85b1-11e356577079)
Chapter Two: Sex and Education (#u458739a9-256c-5cd3-9aea-c37b28034f16)
The talk (#uf5877ffd-441e-58fc-bc02-f99e93af9c9e)
Girl talk (#u227a2693-6035-58dd-9985-28f81b9a2c8b)
Teaching the teachers (#u4a6de331-eb4a-570c-9f4d-8c46a0922a47)
Kurt and Rachel (#uca38aa23-4634-579b-90af-9287e9250f3b)
Night-time wanderings (#ud948f52f-ca54-5f41-8455-feabd1d8503a)
The sex side of things (#ua73e4656-aee4-5f63-94e4-cbd94bdf75fd)
The crush (#ub1ff1875-76fe-53fd-98cb-ffc429b00d53)
Using your assets (#litres_trial_promo)
Long weekends (#litres_trial_promo)
Veronika (#litres_trial_promo)
Consent (#litres_trial_promo)
Dilemma (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Three: School Nursing (#litres_trial_promo)
Itch (#litres_trial_promo)
Sores (#litres_trial_promo)
The real deal (#litres_trial_promo)
Parents’ worst nightmare (#litres_trial_promo)
Type I (#litres_trial_promo)
Gravity (#litres_trial_promo)
Breathless (#litres_trial_promo)
Francesca (#litres_trial_promo)
Break-a-bone season (#litres_trial_promo)
Caio and Celeste (#litres_trial_promo)
Igor (#litres_trial_promo)
The staff (#litres_trial_promo)
Foodies (#litres_trial_promo)
Priorities (#litres_trial_promo)
Payback (#litres_trial_promo)
When the fun goes bad (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Four: The Internet (#litres_trial_promo)
Swine Flu (#litres_trial_promo)
Google (#litres_trial_promo)
The Iliac Crest? (#litres_trial_promo)
Reply all (#litres_trial_promo)
Freddy (#litres_trial_promo)
Electric friends (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Five: Drugs (#litres_trial_promo)
Getting your buzz on (#litres_trial_promo)
A testing time (#litres_trial_promo)
Jimmy (#litres_trial_promo)
Ruben’s demons (#litres_trial_promo)
Kate and Kelly (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Six: Counselling (#litres_trial_promo)
Ameena (#litres_trial_promo)
Rocket man (#litres_trial_promo)
Niko (#litres_trial_promo)
Celine (#litres_trial_promo)
Girlfriend woes (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter Seven: In Loco Parentis (#litres_trial_promo)
Naif (#litres_trial_promo)
David (#litres_trial_promo)
Edward (#litres_trial_promo)
Rich personalities (#litres_trial_promo)
Expulsion (#litres_trial_promo)
Maria (#litres_trial_promo)
Enrolment by default (#litres_trial_promo)
The Ivan effect (#litres_trial_promo)
Fun in the sun (#litres_trial_promo)
EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo)
Graduation (#litres_trial_promo)
The grand finale (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)