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But they all glowed. All of her friends. Every last one of them. And Alison believed firmly, that it was not with love, but with recently had orgasms. And that, she was a bit jealous of.
“Oh, I met Violet’s father today,” she said, keeping her voice perfectly neutral. “But I forgot to catch his name.”
“Yeah,” Lane said, “that’s Cain.”
“And he’s divorced, right?” she asked, doing her best to sound not the least bit personally interested. Academic. She was aiming to sound academic.
Lane nodded. “Kind of horrifically, if I’ve interpreted the comments he’s made correctly. And I think I have. But as far as I know his wife just kind of disappeared and left both him and Violet.”
Well, that explained a lot about Violet’s attitude. Alison had known that she was coming from something of a difficult home situation, but she hadn’t exactly known the details.
“That’s good to know. I mean, good to know so that I can make sure to relate to Violet in the appropriate way. I’ve helped a lot of women start their lives over, a teenager should be similar. And it sounds to me like she’ll have some of the same issues. Confidence, self-esteem.” Typically, Alison worked with women like herself. Women who had lost themselves somewhere inside an abusive relationship and were working on resurfacing.
But, abandonment, feeling lonely, being afraid that you always would be... That was part of it. Alison was intimately acquainted with some of those fears. And she had come out the other side of them. She had gotten to a place where she actually enjoyed her own company, which she considered something of a triumph. She felt very strongly about wanting to help other people reach that same place. Where they knew that the people who hurt them were the ones who were at fault. Where they knew that it wasn’t something broken in them.
“I think you’re the perfect mentor,” Rebecca said, “because you’re sensitive, but also pretty firm when you have to be.”
“My firmness was hard-won,” Alison responded.
“I know,” Rebecca said, smiling. But not in that way people did when they looked at her and thought only of how broken she was.
That was just one of the many things she appreciated about her friends. They didn’t baby her. They didn’t treat her like a sad little fledgling that needed special care.
“Though I have to say, being a good mentor is kind of a depressing thought since it clearly means I don’t misbehave enough.”
“Are you suggesting we go toilet paper some houses?” Rebecca asked. “Because if so, I’m in.”
“No time for that,” Lane said, “I have to figure out what color bridesmaids dresses to put all of you in.”
Cassie groaned. “I’m pregnant.”
“What?” The question was asked in chorus.
“Yes, pregnant. I was waiting for a chance to bring it up. I didn’t want to run over the wedding stuff. But baby number three is officially on the way and that means I’m going to be wearing taffeta for two at your wedding, Lane.”
“Absolutely not. There will be no taffeta at my wedding. I am a classy lady,” Lane said, reaching into the bowl that contained chip remnants and gathering as much as she could into her hand.
“Good Lord,” Rebecca snorted, “can’t Jake keep it in his pants?”
“I can’t keep it in Jake’s pants,” Cassie said. “My husband is a wicked hot bastard, and I was led into temptation and convinced that it would be okay to do it just once without protection.”
Lane and Rebecca looked somewhat wistful and abashed by that. As if they could relate to wanting to take the risk, or perhaps had. Alison could scarcely remember feeling passion like that. Most certainly not for the man she’d been married to for eight long years. Again, she struggled with a bit of envy. Not so much over the babies. Although, sometimes she wished there were babies. But she was thirty-two, and had absolutely no relationship prospects on the horizon. Maybe she would adopt someday. But she certainly wasn’t going to be having the traditional husband and white picket fence scenario. At least, not in the next five years.
“I’m going to make sure that Gage keeps it wrapped,” Rebecca commented.
Rebecca was the youngest of their group, and was of course not quite as biologically predisposed to having full-blown ovarian explosions when people announced pregnancy as Alison and Lane were.
“I’m on the pill,” Lane said, “to avoid just that sort of thing. Because Lord knows lapses in judgment happen. Especially with Finn.”
“Stop it,” Alison said. “You are talking to an extremely celibate woman. And it just feels mean.”
“What about that hot guy that was checking you out at the bar the other night?” Rebecca asked. “Do it with him.”
“What hot guy?” Lane asked, looking between Alison and Rebecca. “There was a hot guy?”
“Some sexy cowboy checking her out when we went out the other night.”
Suddenly, everyone was looking at her. “I said it then, and I’ll say it again. I’m not going to get involved with anyone.”
“Clearly, you have needs that have to be met,” Lane said.
“Well, they’re not going to be met with him.”
“Why not?” Rebecca asked.
“There’s no reason for it to be him. Nothing happened. He... He was looking at me. That’s it. For all we know he could’ve been staring because my makeup looked funky and I had lipstick on my teeth.” She really didn’t want to get into the fact that it was Cain Donnelly who had been looking at her. There was too much small-town weirdness happening without her letting her friends in on it.
And Lane would enjoy it too much. And try to matchmake or something. No thank you.
“He wanted to get into your pants. Literally the only reason men stare at women.”
“Thank you for that, Lane,” Alison said.
“You’re welcome. And, now that I’ve pointed out the very helpful piece of information, maybe you can admit that you actually had a guy who wanted to get with you and you passed it up for no good reason.”
Alison sputtered. “I have good reason.”
“Tell me your reasons. I want a list of them,” Lane said, crossing her arms and staring her down.
Alison held up a finger. “I don’t want a relationship.”
“Who said anything about a relationship? I was talking about hooking up.”
“Well, I’m not in a place in my life where I feel comfortable doing that.”
“Uh-huh. I don’t believe that.” This was when she wished her friends would treat her a little more like a fragile fledgling.
Alison threw up her hands, exasperated, then leaned in and took a piece of pie off the tray that was sitting on the table between them. “It doesn’t matter what you believe. What matters is the truth. And the truth is that I... I don’t feel... Like I should sleep with a guy just to sleep with him.”
“You don’t have to sleep with him,” Rebecca said, her tone sly. “Just have sex with him and leave.”
Alison looked at her younger friend. “Rebecca. I’m shocked. This coming from you, who has literally only ever been intimate with the man you’re in love with.”
Rebecca made a dismissive sound. “I was not in love with him the first time I was intimate with him.” She put air quotes around that phrase. “In fact, I was decidedly not in love with him the first time.”
“Settle down, you horrendous bitches,” Cassie said. “If Alison wants to stay celibate, Alison can stay celibate.”
“Thank you,” Alison said, her tone arch.
“And,” Cassie continued, “if she wants to become a nun, she can become a nun.”
“Okay,” Alison said, shooting her friend a deadly glare. “I’m not even Catholic.”
“If you’re not devoting your life to the church, Alison, I feel like you might devote some of it to having a little bit of fun, but that’s just me,” Cassie said.
“Wow, your support waned quickly.”
Cassie grabbed a second piece of pie for herself. “I’m supportive. I’m very supportive. But in this instance my support includes giving the opinion that if a hot guy—correction, a hot cowboy—is checking you out...”
“It was Cain Donnelly,” Alison exploded, forgetting why she hadn’t wanted to share the information in the first place. “Okay? Are you satisfied? I discovered today that the man who checked me out at the bar was Cain Donnelly.”
Cassie and Rebecca just blinked in silence.
But Lane exploded with laughter. “Oh, my goodness. That is funny.”
“Why is that funny? I finally found a man who made me consider the benefits of a little bit of medicinal penis and he happens to be the father of one of my employees.”
“And a man less likely to show a woman a good time I cannot think of,” Lane said, wiping a tear from beneath her eye as she continued to hoot like a deranged burrowing owl.
Alison thought back to that strong, muscular frame, those large, very capable-looking hands, that angular jaw...
“He looks perfectly able to show a woman a good time to me,” she said.
“Oh, sure, physically. He’s hot. They all are,” Lane said. “All the Donnelly men, I mean. Did you not notice that there’s a family resemblance?”
“No,” she said. “I mean, later when I realized, yes. But I don’t think of Finn that way and it just...didn’t occur to me.”
She’d been caught up in more than just looks. It had been about the connection. The electricity.
“Every Donnelly is hot,” Lane said. “But Cain has extenuating circumstances, and he’s not the most charming individual at the best of times. Though for him I’m not really sure what constitutes the best of times.”
For some reason, Alison felt instantly defensive of him. Which was crazy, because tall, dark and not-getting-in-her-pants did not need her defense. “He was really nice when I talked to him.”
“Well, this sucks.” Cassie looked deflated. “She finally meets a decent guy and he’s complicated.”
“All men are complicated,” Lane said. “Some are just worth it.”
“Why does it have to suck?” Rebecca asked. “You could still hook up with him.”
“No,” Alison said definitively. “That’s too many connections. When I thought he was just a guy passing through town I was almost kind of open to the idea. Of course, then he left the bar and I figured I would never see him again. But when he walked into the shop today... I thought maybe. I thought maybe it was fate. But then it turned out he was Violet’s father. And no. First of all, I have so much of my own baggage that I am required to pay oversize luggage fees. So I don’t want a guy who’s carrying that much of his own. Second of all, Violet needs... Something. Stability. Someone she can talk to. And I feel like she’s really getting somewhere at the bakery. I want to help her. Like I’ve helped other people. I can’t do that if I have my hand in her father’s pants.”
“I don’t know,” Lane said, her expression taking on a dipped-in-honey sweetness that spoke of nothing but trouble. “You do like to help the needy. Cain is awfully needy.”
That brought to mind some very choice images. Hot, sweaty ones. Of how she might help Cain’s needs. Wrap her fingers right around that need. Test its strength. Lean in and...
“Dammit,” Alison said, sliding her fingers through her hair and cradling her forehead on her palms. “Don’t tell me things like that.”
“I can tell you a few things about the Donnellys,” Lane continued. “I mean, assuming certain anatomical traits are hereditary...”
“Stop it.” She let out a heavy sigh. “Lane, you of all people should understand why I don’t want an entanglement. And, until recently, you didn’t want one either. Don’t betray me just because Finn liked it and put a ring on it.”
“I would never betray you,” Lane said. “But I don’t really consider endorsing a sexy man a betrayal.”
“You just said he wouldn’t be any fun,” Alison said.
“Right. You’ve seen him, so you know that actually isn’t true. I mean, physically, he would be a lot of fun.”
“You’re a bunch of perverts,” Alison said. “Anyway, my life is full. I’m fulfilled. My business is going well, I’m making a difference. I don’t need to be distracted.”
“I make a difference in a man’s life every night,” Lane said, looking very smug indeed.
“Go away, you’re disgusting,” Alison said. “Good thing my pie is delicious.”
“Does it take the horrible taste out of your mouth of how disgusting I am?” Lane asked.
“Can we talk about anything else, please? It seems to me that many people in this specific circle are either getting married or having babies and I think that both of those things should get more airtime than the hookup that I’m not going to have.”
Her friends begrudgingly complied with her request, but for Alison, the evening was pretty much tainted. By the memory of Cain Donnelly and how gorgeous he was. How much she wanted to trace that square jaw with her fingertip, feel his beard and how rough it might be. See those green eyes sharpen with interest. And by how much she wished... She just wished things were different. Or maybe she didn’t. Maybe she felt relieved.
Or maybe she was caught somewhere between the two things. Which was a strange experience indeed. Regret and relief warring for pride of place inside of her.
Whatever, it was a get-out-of-jail-free card. She knew who he was, and who he was made him off-limits.
So, she wasn’t going to have sex. Which meant she could just eat more pie, because nobody was going to see her naked anyway.
And so that was what she did.
CHAPTER FIVE (#u4c65c955-b2e9-56f0-8268-8c30bc43b85b)
THE MORNING WAS cold and clear, the sun rising up over the mountains just as Cain finished with milking the cows. He walked across the paddock and leaned over the edge of the fence, watching as the rose gold burned away and shimmered into a true, bright yellow gold that washed over the tops of the mountains, over the trees, gilding the edges and setting the fields below on fire. Little yellow-and-purple flowers all ablaze in the day’s early light.
There was something about this part of the day that Cain had come to love. It had taken some getting used to. Getting up at five in the morning and dragging his ass out into the cold with a thermos of coffee and a can-do attitude. But over the past couple of months it had become his favorite moment.
Nothing had gone wrong yet. There was still a world of possibility ahead. And sometimes, it felt like it was just him and the mountains.
“Good morning, jackass,” came a voice from behind him.
And Alex. Him and the mountains, and his annoying little brother Alex.
“It was a good morning,” Cain said, turning and facing the other man, who was currently grinning from ear to ear like an idiot. Which basically summed Alex up.
“I’m not feeling the love.”
“You shouldn’t be.”
“What were you pondering?” Alex asked, making his way over to the fence to stand next to him.
“The joy of silence. And of being an only child.”
