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“I’ll owe you. Next time you eat soup, I’ve got the bowls.”
“Much obliged,” he said, nodding his head.
Normally, she would have said that cowboy hats were cheesy, and in no way hot. But the way that he nodded just then, that black hat on his head... He was like some weird country-boy fantasy she’d never realized she had.
You’re not going to make a fantasy out of the nice guy cleaning your dishes. You don’t need guy trouble and you know that. Men are terrible dead ends with muscles, and that’s all. Just make the most of this living situation and don’t screw it up.
That didn’t mean she couldn’t look at him. Looking didn’t mean doing anything. So there.
She wasn’t sure when she had gone from thinking of him as a grumpy asshole to thinking of him as a nice guy. But she supposed the two weren’t actually mutually exclusive. He was grumpy; there was no denying that. Even now that he was doing something nice for her, he hadn’t spared her a smile. Maybe nice was the wrong word.
Good.
He seemed like one of those mythical good men that she hadn’t ever really been convinced existed.
Even the long-lost father that she wanted to meet couldn’t actually be that good of a man. He had knocked her mother up and left her alone. He had a whole family, which she certainly wasn’t part of. And sure, maybe he didn’t know about her. But still, a guy running around indiscriminately spreading his seed was hardly going to go into the good man category.
There was something about Grant that just seemed good.
Of course, she was a terrible judge of character. Or maybe she couldn’t be much of a judge at all, because she tended to need to ally herself with whoever was willing. That meant sometimes putting blinders on out of necessity.
McKenna was very good with necessity.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I might even wash two soup bowls for you.”
“I couldn’t begin to accept such generosity.”
“I’m very generous,” she said, a smile touching her lips.
Grant didn’t smile at all. She studied his eyes, kind of a dark green that reminded her of the trees that surrounded the property, trying to find a hint of humor. A glimmer of something. The man was unreadable.
“I have some work to do,” he said. “Need to get lunch and then get out.”
He was dismissing her. Which was fine. She didn’t care. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next. I cleaned all of the cabins.”
“Why don’t you get some rest? Come back in here at dinnertime and get something to eat. You can worry about doing a full day tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
The door to the kitchen opened, and Wyatt came in. “Hey,” he said, greeting her first, then nodding at his brother. “How’s the day going?”
“Fine,” McKenna returned.
“Good. Hey, we’re all going out to the bar in town tonight. Do you want to come?”
She was blindsided by that question. She blinked, not quite able to process the fact that her new boss had just invited her out for drinks. And suddenly, she wanted to crawl out of her skin. “Thank you,” she said, edging toward the door. “But I think I’m going to... Just rest. It’s been... It’s been a hell of a few weeks.”
“Is there anything we can help with?” Wyatt looked genuinely concerned. Grant’s expression was like a wall of granite.
“You’re helping enough. Giving me a place to stay is more than I...” Her throat tightened, and she did her best to speak around it. “Anyway. Thanks for inviting me. I’ll—”
“Grant will meet you in here tomorrow,” Wyatt said. “Breakfast time. We’re a bunch of early risers.”
“Six a.m.,” Grant said, those unfathomable green eyes settling on her. “Don’t be late.”
McKenna nodded, and backed out the door, tripping down the path and heading toward her cabin. Her cabin.
A wave of emotion swelled up in her chest. Less than twenty-four hours ago she had been curled up on the cold, damp floor of an abandoned structure out in the middle of the woods and now she had... People talking to her. People offering to help her.
A group of people inviting her out for drinks.
When she’d been younger she had something of a social group, but the last couple of years...
Everything had been so grim and stripped back, and she wasn’t sure she had even fully realized it until... Well, until she had been in Grant’s truck this morning accepting the fact that she was homeless, and without very many options.
She entered the code to her cabin, pushed open the door and shut it, leaning against it for a moment. She let her head fall back, closing her eyes. It was completely quiet. Nothing but the sound of furniture settling over the hardwood floors.
She pushed off from the door and walked down the hall toward the bathroom, stripping her clothes off as she went. She turned on the water and waited for it to heat up. Then she got inside and stood beneath the spray. She let the hot water roll over her face. Something inside of her chest cracked. Everything felt too big to be contained. She kept her face tilted up, steadfastly refusing to find out if there were tears running down her cheeks, or if it was just the shower.
It made her feel better to blame the shower. So she would leave it at that.
And tomorrow she would report for work at 6:00 a.m. By then, hopefully, she would be done with all this emotional crap.
When she got out of the shower she changed into her pajamas—something she hadn’t done since going on the road, because pajamas didn’t feel like the kind of clothes you could make a quick getaway in—and crawled into bed.
She felt that same wave of emotion begin to build inside her again. She closed her eyes. It was early, way too early to be getting into bed. But she was exhausted. Drained.
And for the first time in a very long time, McKenna Tate closed her eyes and let herself fall all the way asleep.
* * *
GRANT LEANED BACK in his chair and surveyed the surroundings. People were filtering into the Gold Valley saloon in large numbers, the end-of-workday crowd eager to get that first drink into their systems. Anything to begin that relaxation process after a day spent at the desk. He could remember that well.
His work didn’t stress him out now. He drank for other reasons.
It surprised him how relieved he was that McKenna had not taken his brother’s invitation to join them tonight. She made him feel tense. On a good day he might try to make excuses as to why that might be. Lie to himself a little bit. But today wasn’t an especially good day. He couldn’t pretend it was a mystery why.
She was beautiful. She was a woman. He wasn’t accustomed to being in proximity to a woman he found not just pretty but attractive.
Beatrix Leighton was around all the time, particularly now that she had started work at Bennett’s veterinary clinic, and had made fast friends with Jamie. She was cute, and he recognized that. But he wasn’t attracted to her. When Lindy had started coming around to the property when she and Wyatt were working on their joint venture between the winery and ranch, before the two of them had gotten together, he had known she was pretty. Closer to his age than Bea, and closer to his type—assuming he had a type—and still, she hadn’t made his skin feel too tight.
His younger brother Bennett, and Bennett’s wife, Kaylee, walked over to the table and took a seat next to and across from Grant. Kaylee was holding a bottle of beer, and Bennett had a glass of whiskey in one hand, and a bottle of beer in the other. He slid the whiskey over to Grant.
“Thanks,” Grant said.
“You’re welcome,” Bennett said, lifting his beer bottle.
Wyatt and Lindy were on their way, and apparently, Bea and Jamie would be joining them, too. It was a little bit more social than Grant was in the mood for. But he was already here. And he had whiskey, so it was fine.
He found that most social situations could be easily navigated with an alcoholic drink that he pretended required a lot of concentration. Everyone else would pick up any and all slack in the conversation and he could just sit there and drink.
“Anything new at the ranch?” Bennett asked.
“No,” he said, because he didn’t want to have a conversation about McKenna. Besides, he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt pressed to keep Bennett apprised of new hires at Get Out of Dodge.
He wasn’t even sure why McKenna came to mind just then.
“I’ll be around to put in a workday this weekend.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Grant said. “You’re busy.”
“Wyatt said there was some big fencing project. Dallas wants the payday,” Bennett said, smiling at the mention of his teenage son. “I figured I would go and make him spend quality time with me while he earns his paycheck.”
“I’m sure he’ll enjoy that,” Grant said.
Bennett had only discovered he had a son a little over a year ago. It had been a big adjustment for both Bennett and for Dallas. For the whole family, really. Bennett was the first one to have a kid, and he had showed up a teenager. Only good had come from it, though. Bennett was a great dad, and Dallas was flourishing living in Gold Valley. Plus, something about the change, whether it was the pressure of the whole event or what, had finally pushed Bennett and his best friend, Kaylee, into becoming more. It had been obvious to Grant that they should have been from the beginning. But he didn’t stick his face into people’s love lives.
Mostly, because his own was currently nonexistent. And then also because the one he’d had wasn’t anything like anyone else’s. And also wasn’t anything most people would aspire to.
“He’s mostly okay with me,” Bennett said.
“And he’s not having any girls back at the house while you and Kaylee are out?” Grant asked.
Kaylee shot Bennett a look out of the corner of her eye. “Hopefully not.”
“Dallas had a pretty rough upbringing,” Bennett said. “And I’m well aware he’s had a lot more... Experience at his age than I would like. But then, he’s also my walking, talking cautionary tale about what happens when you mess around at sixteen. So, hopefully he’ll just remember that.”
Kaylee laughed. “Yeah. Because the threat of consequences keeps teenagers from having sex.”
Grant didn’t know how to respond to that at all, so he just lifted his glass of whiskey to his lips while his brother groaned. The idea that his sixteen-year-old nephew was having sex while Grant...
Life was not fair.
Of course, he’d made his choices.
He wanted to make some different ones. But that was the problem. He didn’t know how. And at thirty-four, the conversation that he would have to have with his partner was...
It was just layers of complicated and hard and he honestly couldn’t figure out how to navigate it right now.
But then he thought of McKenna. Her brown eyes, and that soft-looking skin. Her lips.
She was managing to take over his bar time without actually being here.
“I did tell him that I was not helping him out if any angry dads came onto our properties with shotguns. He’s on his own.”
“That’s just mean,” Kaylee said. “I bet your dad defended you from a few shotgun-wielding parents.”
“I didn’t get caught,” Bennett said.
Grant took another drink. Their upbringing had been... Not so great. Bennett had been six when their mother had died. Grant had been ten. Their father was a good enough dad, but he had been fully emotionally unavailable after that had happened. Jamie had been a newborn, and their dad had been consumed with trying to parent her. Grant couldn’t blame him for that. They’d all reacted to it in different ways. Wyatt had taken his anger and channeled all of it toward their father. They had a big dustup involving their dad’s fiancée when Wyatt had been seventeen, and Wyatt had left home for years after that. Bennett had been the good one, but had been blowing off steam with sex obviously. He’d just been doing all his misbehaving under the radar.
Grant?
Grant had turned into a monster. He’d been so angry, and he hadn’t known what the hell to do with it. He hadn’t brought it home. Hadn’t brought it to his father. No. He bled it all over everyone else. By the time he’d gotten into high school he’d been the biggest asshole bully. Nothing made him angrier than happy kids with happy lives, and he’d gone out of his way to add a little misery to their existence.
The only thing he’d hated more than them was what he’d turned into. But he hadn’t known how to be any different. He didn’t talk to his brothers. He didn’t have friends. When he walked by people in the halls they cowered. And for good reason. He’d been known to shove kids straight into the wall. A quick, satisfying outlet for the rage that burned just beneath his skin.
He’d been failing every class. More than that, he’d been failing at being a person.
He’d spent a lot of time in detention, but he didn’t much care. Home. School. It didn’t matter. He didn’t feel any different wherever he went.
He could still remember, so clearly, being seventeen years old and walking into the school library and seeing her.
Blonde and beautiful with blue eyes. She’d smiled at him, and he... He’d felt it. He hadn’t been able to remember a time when he’d felt anything other than anger.
She talked to him. Like he wasn’t scary. And she’d offered to tutor him.
And he didn’t know why in the hell, to this day, he’d taken her up on it.
Except that his life had been so damned bleak he’d thought, Why the hell not?
She’d been so nice to him. Unfailingly. And that hungry, desperate part of him had fallen for her hard and fast.
You don’t have to be this way, you know. I know you’re a good guy, Grant. You’re just angry. I can understand that. I feel angry, too, sometimes.
He swallowed hard, the memory washing over him, blotting out the scene around him.
It was one of his favorite places in Gold Valley. A little out-of-the-way place just off a dirt road that wound up the mountains, right by a small creek. It was where he went when everything at school and home felt like too much.
The sunlight filtered through the trees, making Lindsay’s hair look like it was spun from gold. Like there was a halo over her head.
He’d never felt the way he did for her about anyone. Like he wanted to protect her. Keep her safe forever.
Before Lindsay, he’d only ever wanted to destroy things.
He hadn’t touched her. She was sweet. Too sweet for a guy like him.
“You get angry?” He looked at beautiful Lindsay, with her bright eyes and hopeful expression. He couldn’t imagine her being angry.
She nodded slowly. “Yes. Don’t you know I wasn’t in school last year?”
He shook his head. “No. Weren’t you guys out of town or—”
“I had cancer, Grant. I could get it again.” Her blue eyes locked with his. “That’s always a possibility. I need you to know that. I know it. It scares me. It makes me angry.”
He didn’t know what possessed him, all he knew was that he wasn’t able to make another choice. He gripped her chin and closed the distance between them, kissing her on the lips.
He blinked, finding himself back in the present. He’d been so careful with her. Because she was sweet and delicate. Because she thought he was good. Sometimes he regretted just how careful he’d been. When the cancer came back, her prognosis wasn’t good. They’d gotten married as quickly as possible. Always thinking it would go away. Always hoping. Even though, deep down, he’d known.
