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His proximity, his presence, was what she needed to handle the shock of her trauma. Vaguely she felt moisture drizzle down the arm Jess was holding. Her poor friend was probably a nervous wreck. Avery had to be strong. She had to figure out her next steps.
“I need answers,” Avery said, sucking in all of her emotions. Her question wasn’t directed to anyone specific, though. She sensed the quiet presence of many people in the room and she wanted to know the extent of the damage.
“It was a hemorrhagic stroke that accompanied the onset of hypertensive encephalopathy. Your body couldn’t take the sudden increase in your blood pressure,” a strange voice explained. She assumed it was a doctor. “Ms. Montgomery, my name is Dr. Thorne. I’m the neuro-ophthalmologist assigned to your case. I’ve been briefed on your history and your knowledge of medicine, so I’ll be candid. As you know, it’s too soon to ascertain if your sight will return. But based on the latest scans, there is a good chance it will.”
Avery closed her eyes and said a silent prayer to God for healing.
“Avery?” El called. “We’re all here to help. There is more testing to be done, but I’m going to need you to hold it together. We can’t afford another spike in your blood pressure right now. I know you’re scared, but try to relax and let them do their work.”
El then introduced her to every other physician in the room. Some she knew and some she didn’t. He must’ve informed them all of her background, because they spoke to her in a language only used among one of their own. Once she’d received the updates, she opened her eyes.
It wasn’t a dream. She still couldn’t see a damn thing. She darted her eyes back and forth, hoping something would give. No faces, nothing—until the glint of metal flashed into her view. It was small, but she immediately knew what it was. It was the metal on El’s watch—the watch she’d given him.
A tear slid down her cheek, and it startled her because she hadn’t realized she was crying again. She felt the pad of El’s thumb sweep across her face, then felt a soft tissue against her skin. Her emotions were all over the place but she knew she couldn’t afford to let them get the best of her. She needed to get through this so she could go back to her life. As soon as possible.
Later, after countless scans, multiple blood draws and too many neurological exams, Avery was over it. Everything in her wanted to blow up, yell at everyone within earshot. She’d done just that a little over an hour ago, taking no prisoners, and she didn’t even care if she’d hurt feelings.
Avery shook her head, lifting her chin high in the air. As she grew more restless, she felt her muscles quiver and her pulse speed up. Heat flushed through her body, straight to her toes. The despair she’d felt when she woke up surrounded by doctors, the slight hope she’d felt earlier when El was in the room, had been eclipsed by the fear she’d tried to trick away. And when Avery was scared, she became angry and irritable. Seeing the glint of El’s watch had been an isolated incident, a fluke, because the darkness seemed never ending. She’d yet to see anything, not even a flash of light.
She was too young, too busy, too smart for this. It wasn’t rocket science. She’d read all the textbooks, studied the medicine in school. She worked out regularly, ate healthy foods—when she remembered to eat. What the hell?
As the cuff on her arm tightened uncomfortably, she squirmed in the bed. If she’d been able to see, she would have been out of there with “the quickness,” as they used to say back in the day. A nurse announced her vital signs and gave her a few pills. She didn’t ask what pills they were. She didn’t even care. She just wanted to feel better.
Her life wasn’t going to stop because she’d had a stroke. Who has a stroke at thirty-two years of age anyway? The network was probably calling, wondering why she wasn’t in LA, wondering where her script edits were for the second season premiere.
“Getting angry isn’t going to help.”
Avery jumped at the sound of El’s voice, coming from the far left of the room. What was he doing there? She’d asked to be alone, even sent the reluctant Jess home to get rest. “Why are you here?” she growled. “Get out!”
She heard the click of his heels against the floor, but instead of heading toward the door, the steps grew closer to the bed. Then there was nothing. He was still there, though—watching her, assessing her like he undoubtedly did with his patients.
“What do you want from me?” she demanded. “We’re not together anymore. That was my choice for a reason. You don’t have to be here, and I don’t want you here.”
It was the first time she’d felt glad she couldn’t see his face. Her words had to have stung, and she didn’t want to see the evidence of that truth in his eyes. Most of all, she didn’t want him to see her like this, wounded and angry. Because for all of her bravado earlier, for all of her positive thoughts about her life not stopping because of this new development, she was a wrecking ball of emotion. She’d made a good living using her eyes, and knowing that there was a chance she’d never be able to see again ripped her to shreds. The only thing she wanted in that moment was to be alone so that no one could see her torment.
“You don’t have to pretend to care, El,” she added. “You made it perfectly clear at the auditorium that you still harbor resentment toward me for following my dreams instead of attaching myself to your coattails.”
When he didn’t respond or even make a sound of acknowledgment, she let out a shaky breath and tried to burrow her body into the bed.
“Please, go,” she pleaded, her chin trembling. “I’m fine here.”
“You really get on my nerves,” he said finally, with a chuckle. “Your damn mouth always got you into trouble.”
Avery’s mouth fell open, then closed again. She couldn’t even respond to that because she knew it to be true. Even as a child, it had kept her in trouble with her parents. Strong willed, stubborn, whatever you wanted to call it. She was the reason her mother went gray at forty-five.
“I knew the anger would come, Avery,” he said. “It always does when you’re scared. I just wanted to be here when you let it take over, to make sure you got it out and let it go.”
I hate you.
“I’m sure you do,” he countered, to her horror. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud.
Avery apologized. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Yes, you did. In this moment, you probably do hate me. What you said was the absolute truth. I do resent you for leaving the way you did.” His confession took her by surprise, but she did her best to not show it. “But you’re not going to get better if you keep stressing the way you do. Do you not understand that your blood pressure was so high it caused a neurological crisis in your body? All work, all day, will make Avery a dead woman.”
His blunt truth felt like a fist around her heart. El had always told her to slow down, to appreciate life. He’d warned her that her goals were great, but there was only so much she could do in a day. And she hadn’t listened. Case in point, she’d been going nonstop for weeks, appearing on late-night television, flying from coast to coast for meetings, answering every single phone call, writing until her fingers cramped up.
She didn’t expect him to understand, either. He’d never had to worry about anything. His life was golden, charmed. Born to one of the richest families in Ann Arbor brought automatic approval from the community. Avery had to work for everything she’d ever received. Her parents weren’t wealthy. Both of them had worked, from dusk until dawn to make ends meet, to support her.
“No, we aren’t a couple anymore,” he continued. “But we were friends long before I ever kissed you. As your friend, I need you to get it together You’ve had your angry moment. Don’t let it consume you or distract you from the ultimate goal.”
Avery rolled her eyes and cursed the traitorous tears that escaped. “And what would that goal be?” The sarcasm dripping from her words was intended to be noticeable.
“Rest. Let your body heal and pray your vision comes back sooner rather than later. Then get the hell out of town. That simple.”
“Avery?” Jess said. “Are you okay? El, what happened?”
“Nothing,” she heard him say. “I’m going to go. Make sure she stays calm. I’ll check in on her later.”
His soft, sure steps echoed in the room as he walked toward the door.
“El,” she called.
“What, Avery?” He was annoyed. She could always tell when he wanted to throttle her by the way he said her name, each syllable pronounced with curt precision.
“Never mind. ’Bye.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, she heard the door shut softly and wished she’d kept her big mouth shut for once.
Chapter 4 (#ub7cd4e72-b174-5979-bf81-d6fe6b02046d)
Avery hated ducks. One of her very first memories was a trip to Disney World with her parents. She had to have been around three years old, but she remembered it like it was yesterday. The Disney characters walking around waving at her, the smell of popcorn, the large rides. She also remembered the moment when she saw Cinderella. The huge castle and the prince meant nothing to her. The entire trip led up to the moment she saw her favorite Disney princess wave at her from the balcony of the castle. It had been the best moment of her life.
Then her world had come crashing down, when not even a day later she was chased by a flock of mallard ducks. The memory was so vivid, she often got chills thinking about it. She’d still been on cloud nine after seeing Cinderella and she was at a pond on the hotel grounds with her cousins. She’d seen the ducks, and thought they were pretty and wanted to play with them because... Donald Duck was fun. Right?
Unfortunately, her plans didn’t turn out quite like she’d wanted and the cute little birds had turned into ugly little terrors when they’d attacked, chasing her all the way back to the safe arms of her father. Growing up, she’d had many fears—pigeons because they pooped everywhere, bees because they stung, tornadoes because they were big. All of those fears went away, but ducks...she was still scared as hell of the things. She’d never known a fear quite like it until now.
Lying there in the hospital bed, with no sight and no idea who was with her, was scary. But Avery Montgomery wasn’t supposed to be afraid of anything. She’d conquered Hollywood, people wanted her at their parties, network executives invited her to their homes and treated her to dinner and drinks at exclusive, five-star restaurants. Before she boarded the plane to Detroit, she’d received notification that her show was up for a Black Entertainment Television, or BET, award. And to top off her extraordinary week, her bosses submitted The Preserves for Prime Time Emmy consideration for Best Dramatic Television Series.
Avery should have been on cloud nine, celebrating her accomplishments with wine, glitz and glamour, but instead she was stuck in a hospital bed. In Ann Arbor. With no vision. In hindsight, she should have known better than to get excited because, without fail, something always happened to douse her dreams with gasoline and light them with a match. It had happened with the ducks when she was a kid; it had happened today when she’d stroked out.
Swallowing, Avery tried not to cry again. But when she felt the wetness drizzle down her cheek, she accepted that she’d lost that battle.
“I’m scared,” she murmured to anyone and no one.
“I know.”
It was Jess. It was always Jess. And Avery was grateful because she had someone by her side. “Thank you for being here.”
She heard light footsteps approach the bed and instinctively turned toward them. The good news was that she wasn’t completely in the dark. She registered light and could vaguely make out a shadow standing to her left where Jess’s voice came from.
“I wouldn’t go anywhere, Avery. You have to know that.”
Jess was crying. Or had been crying. Avery couldn’t see her face, but the soft whisper and tremble in her friend’s voice told her so. “Do I look bad? Like, if you didn’t know I was blind, could you tell?”
Avery felt the cool tips of Jess’s fingers as they laced with hers. Squeezing her hand, Jess told her, “You look beautiful, girlfriend.” Jess smoothed a hand down the back of her head. “There. Now your hair is right back in place. I wouldn’t be able to tell.”
“I hurt El.” Avery didn’t want to imagine El’s face when she’d treated him so horribly earlier. He’d been there to help her, to support her, and she’d told him she hated him. It couldn’t be further from the truth.
“El knows you,” Jess said. “He’s not hurt.”
How could she know that? El was a master of the poker face. He was paid to not react, but she knew when things affected him, when he was touched by a patient or devastated by an action. She knew when he was angry. She didn’t have to see him to know that he’d been pissed when he left her. After all, he hadn’t been back. Granted, it hadn’t been long. As far as she could tell, it had only been a few hours since he’d walked out. But it was a few hours too long when she needed him.
“I didn’t mean it,” Avery said. “I was just frustrated.”
El had seen her at her best and at her worst. But she’d tried to never take her irritation with the people in her world out on him. He was too good for that. He’d only ever treated her with respect. He deserved more from her than her wrath.
Drawing her bottom lip between her teeth, she shrugged. No sense in worrying about it. He was gone, and it was just her and Jess. “What am I going to do, Jess?”
“You’re going to fight, Avery. This is temporary.”
“You don’t know that, Jess. I’ve studied medicine. The doctors don’t know. There’s no way to know. The longer I’m without sight, the...” Avery couldn’t finish the thought. Truth was, most people who lose their vision after a stroke didn’t fully regain their sight. Sure, she knew that some stroke survivors did experience some recovery but there was no way to tell if she’d be one of those patients. “What the hell am I going to do?”
Jess sighed. “We’re going to do everything we can. Call in specialists, go to OT. There are certain surgeries that can...we can do whatever has to be done.”
Avery turned away from the hopefulness in her friend’s voice. Closing her eyes, she finally let the sob that had been threatening to break free pierce the air. “I’m a writer. If I wasn’t a writer, I’d be a molecular freakin’ biologist or a doctor. All require vision. How am I supposed to turn in my scripts? How can I even do the legwork for my foundation? I can’t drive, Luke isn’t here and you have a job. Tell me how this is going to work, Jess.”
The tears were coming faster now. She felt them drizzle down her face to her ears. Even if she wanted to stop crying, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to. The sound that tore from her throat was more of a wail, almost as if someone was physically hurting her. Only there was no tactile pain. Everything she felt, the inner turmoil racking her body, was like someone taking a fist and squeezing the life out of her heart. Everything that she’d worked for was on the verge of going up in smoke.
Then Avery felt warmth as Jess wrapped her arms around her and held on tightly, rocking her back and forth, whispering broken words of comfort through her own tears. “Avery, it’s going to be alright. I’ve already talked to my boss. He has granted me additional leave time to stay with you. You’re going to be okay. You have to believe that.”
Avery didn’t have to believe anything. She just wanted to. Jess was the positive one. That positivity had remained even after the death of her husband, her first love. “Jess, I wish I had some of your positivity. But I know science. I know medicine. I breathed both for years. I know cell processes and codes. And I know how to write one hell of a cliffhanger.”
What she didn’t know was how to maintain her public persona, keep her job and do it without the world knowing she couldn’t see.
“You know the story, Avery. You don’t have to see to tell it. I’ll help you.”
The dread in the pit of her stomach prevented her from smiling, even as her heart welled with love for her bestie. “I know, Jess. You always help me. But you won’t be able to do that if you don’t get some rest. I thought I told you to go get some rest.”
It had to be late, or early the next morning. Hours had passed since the Black Celebratory. And Jess obviously hadn’t listened to her when she’d told her to leave.
“And I already told you I’m not leaving you here,” Jess countered.
Avery shook her head. “Have you reached my parents?”
“No, not yet. You know your parents don’t know how to work the wi-fi. With them being on the ship, I’m betting we won’t hear from them until they dock in Seattle.”
“It’s just as well. Let them enjoy their vacation.”
Even though Avery loved her parents dearly and they doted on her, there was really nothing they could do for her. She wanted them to enjoy their anniversary trip, an eleven-day Alaskan cruise. Being married for thirty-five years was nothing to scoff at, and she’d been glad to be able to send them on their dream trip. To see them still in love with each other after all that time warmed Avery’s heart.
Phillip and Janice Montgomery had Avery late in life. Neither thought they’d find love again after disastrous first marriages, but they had. They’d married, expecting to travel the world but...surprise! Avery had been the unexpected wrench in their plans. Yet they’d never made her feel unwanted. So she’d made it her mission to give them everything they wanted. That’s why she’d paid off their mortgage before she even bought herself a home. That’s why she’d always take care of them. Two months ago, her father celebrated his seventy-fifth birthday and her mother would turn seventy-one in October. It was high time for them to enjoy life.
“I’ll keep trying,” Jess said. “And I’ll make sure they get here. Don’t worry.”
Avery had finally convinced her parents to move to Atlanta with her a year ago. Her older siblings were useless and failed to even call their father to check on him. She felt better with her mother and father near her. Of course, they’d insisted on keeping their house in Ann Arbor for when they came back to visit friends.
“Why don’t you go home and sleep in a real bed, Jess?” Avery knew it would be like pulling teeth to get her to leave, but she couldn’t worry about her friend getting sick on top of everything else. Jess suffered from fibromyalgia and needed her sleep. “I don’t want you having a flare-up.”
“Avery, I’m fine. So stop telling me to leave because I’m not going anywhere.” Avery opened her mouth to respond, but Jess added, “I will go grab myself a snack, though, and a cup of coffee. Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”
Nodding, Avery burrowed into the bubble mattress. She felt the compression socks on her legs inflate slowly, heard the beep of the machines echoing in the room and wondered how she was supposed to rest. But she wouldn’t argue with Jess.
Jess let out an audible sigh, but seconds later Avery heard the door close. Now alone, Avery swiped an errant tear that escaped and prayed that sleep would come.
* * *
When El was a kid, he’d made it a point to stay out of trouble. But it hadn’t been because he didn’t want to take risks, do things that would possibly land him in a heap of trouble. No, it was because he’d never wanted to rock the boat. He had this incessant need to stay under the radar.
One of the first things he’d learned as an adult, and through his own experience with therapy, was that his need to be invisible was a protection mechanism. It was brought on by his very real fear of being sent back to his parents. He’d lived with Lawrence for two years before he emptied his suitcase. He’d always kept a full suitcase under his bed. Even at five and six years of age.
There was still a part of him that never really felt comfortable in his surroundings, a part of him that never believed he was good enough to love. But that had all changed on a rainy day in April of 2006, the day he met Avery on campus.
El was late and hungry. Unfortunately, the hunger pangs won and he found himself rushing through the Michigan Union toward the Subway restaurant in the MUG. The MUG was the underground food court in the building that housed several restaurants.
As he neared the restaurant, he groaned at the line, but stood at the end anyway. It was taking longer than usual, but he refused to stand in the even longer line at Wendy’s.
The woman in front of him finally stepped up to the counter and placed her order. “I’d like a steak and cheese sub, extra meat, on Italian bread with extra mayo and no veggies,” he heard her say.
He let his gaze travel over her petite form and wondered how she maintained her lovely figure with extra steak and extra mayo. For a minute, he thought about saying something to her, but decided to refrain because...well, he didn’t know her from Adam.
When the woman slid down the counter, he placed his order. Once at the register, he scowled as the same woman struggled to get exact change from her small wallet.
El muttered a curse and noticed the cashier roll her eyes in frustration. He was tempted to pay for the woman’s meal under the guise of “paying it forward,” but again refrained from speaking.
A moment later, the woman got her money together, paid for her meal and turned around, giving him a sheepish grin. “I’m sorry,” she said. “For holding the line up.”
Elwas speechless. The woman he’d been scowling at was stunning, with her black-rimmed eyeglasses and wavy, natural curls.
His food forgotten, he noted the molecular biology book in her hand. “Who’s your professor?”
With a frown on her face, she asked, “Excuse me?”
El grinned, and pointed to her book. “You’re taking molecular biology? Who’s teaching the class?”
A firm nudge from behind caught him off guard and he practically fell into her. Turning, he glared at the person behind him before paying for his own lunch and grabbing it from the cashier’s waiting hands.
A smile spread across the woman’s face when his gaze met hers again. “Professor Luddington,” she answered.
