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Her mother had always been a work in progress. But even ravished by two strokes and unable to speak, Cora had died with a peaceful look on her face. Thankful that she’d made it to the nursing home in time to be with her mother at the end, Vanessa wondered what she’d left unsaid.
Rory picked up an object here and studied a piece of art there. “Interesting collection.”
“A lot of stuff, huh?” she said, wondering what Rory really thought. Wondering why she’d let him in. Really let him in.
“Yes.” He munched on his waffle cone. “But that’s not your fault. And you don’t have to go through it alone.”
“Do you mean clearing away this clutter or grieving?”
He gave her that blue-eyed stare that left her feeling light and heavy at the same time. “Yes.”
“I don’t need a lot of help,” she replied, panicking. The cold ice cream burned at her stomach. She imagined him being here every day, watching her, checking on her, asking her pointed, preacher-type questions. “I can handle this, Preacher.”
He didn’t speak. He kept munching on his cone. Finally, he finished chewing and nodded. “I don’t doubt that, but why should you have to do this alone?”
“Why are you so determined to make sure I get help?”
He seemed to accept that she was turning ugly again, and Vanessa felt ashamed at herself. “I’m sorry. I guess I need some more time to process this.”
“Okay.” He finished his ice cream and went to the kitchen sink to wash his hands. “And I should leave you alone to do this in your own way.”
If he noticed the dishes everywhere or the half-eaten sandwich she’d left on the counter, he didn’t blink. Instead, he dried his hands on a butterfly-embossed dish towel and walked over to where she stood holding a melting ice cream cone.
“Appetite gone?” he asked, taking the cone from her.
“Yes.”
He took her ice cream and went back to the sink and dropped the dripping cone inside and washed his hands again. Then he came back to stand near her. “You do what you need to do. We’re all here, though. Remember that. Miss Fanny next door—she knew your mom. She’s willing to help, and she’s willing to listen.”
“I don’t need anyone to listen to me,” Vanessa retorted, needing him to leave. Needing to be away from his soft, sweet gaze. “I... I’ll figure this out.”
“I believe you will.”
“But you’d like it better if I opened up and told you all my troubles and my fears?”
He started backing toward the door. “No, I wouldn’t like that better. I wouldn’t like that at all. But what I would like is for you to stop seeing me as the enemy and let me be your friend.”
“I can’t do that,” she said, tears burning at her eyes. “I don’t think you’re the enemy, but I can’t be your friend, Rory.”
He held a hand on the doorknob. “Or you can’t let me be your friend? Because I’m what you consider a pushy minister?”
“That’s part of it. That especially, and you being so nice and not being a pushy minister in the way that I know, is really messing with my head.”
“I wish you’d reconsider things,” he said, “but I understand. I’ll see you soon, I guess. You know where to find me if you need me.” He opened the door, but turned back. “But you need to understand, I didn’t come over here today to badger you. I came because I saw someone in need. That’s my nature as a human being, not only as a minister. Sometimes, people tend to overlook that I’m as human as they are.”
And then he was gone, just like that.
For a split second, Vanessa wanted to run after him and tell him all of her troubles. But she had to be strong. She had to fight that notion with all her being. She’d told a minister her innermost secrets before, and that man had used her fears and her insecurities against her. Never again.
She’d been taking care of herself for a long time now. Why should that change? Why should she believe a sweet-talking preacher who brought her ice cream and made her feel safe?
She rushed to the sink and turned on the hot water and watched as the caramel-vanilla ice cream melted into nothing. Her confusing thoughts about Rory had to melt into nothing, too. Because growing close to him would be a bad idea all the way around.
Why should she believe him? Why did she want to believe him?
Because Rory was different. She could tell that. He’d never been through the type of horrible, mortifying things she’d endured. He was happy and settled and well-rounded and content.
He didn’t know the kind of pain she knew.
Did he?
Chapter Five (#ulink_39f16b9b-7b2b-53d8-974f-a9c9cd90965a)
Rory sat behind his desk, a spot he tried not to occupy very often. He much preferred being up and about, talking to people one-on-one. Paperwork always made him antsy and tired, but today was Monday.
Paperwork day.
He signed a few more checks and went over some notes for the committee meeting he had to attend later in the week. Then he checked his watch. Blain and Rikki were coming in today to go over the last-minute details of their upcoming wedding.
Thankful that they’d managed to get past her family’s alleged criminal activities and that Blain had saved her from some nasty people, Rory was glad that Blain, a detective, had fallen for Rikki, the daughter of a reputed Mafia boss. Rikki had made peace with her family since she’d found out her powerful father had truly mended his ways long ago, and Blain had made peace with his father, a retired sheriff who’d helped him crack the case.
Rory’s heart warmed at the harmony all around him. Another win for the good guys.
Now he was in charge of yet another wedding. He’d married off Alec Caldwell and Marla Hamilton right before Christmas of last year. They were thriving.
He wanted that for Blain and Rikki, too.
He might even want that again for himself one day. But he tried not to think about the past or his own heartache too much. Rory didn’t talk about that time in his life. He’d been so happy, so ready to start his career as a minister. But then, his life had changed in one quick heartbeat.
People would be surprised to know he’d had to crawl out of his own dark place.
He stopped reading over the budget report and glanced out the office window, across the street to the Craftsman cottage. And wondered for the hundredth time how Vanessa was doing. She hadn’t come back to church yet. But it had been only a week. He’d hoped she’d come yesterday, but he hadn’t seen her in the congregation. He hadn’t talked to her since the day he’d helped her with the pile of broken dishes. But he kept that little kiddie cup she’d almost tossed right here in his desk drawer so he could return it to her one day.
When she was ready.
He had a good vantage point to keep an eye on her. He’d seen her coming and going, taking boxes to the trash, loading her tiny car with bags of stuff. She was busy. She was avoiding him. Maybe she was avoiding the whole world.
He’d also seen her staring off into space, sometimes up at the house, sometimes out toward the lake. And a couple of times, over toward the church.
He prayed she’d walk over and see him one day soon.
In God’s own time.
Some people believed you had to rush right in and grab people by the lapels to convince them that God loved them. Rory preferred to let people come to that notion on their own.
So he prayed them into taking the next step. And he’d been doing a lot of praying for Vanessa lately. She was going through a deep pain, no doubt. No one here really knew he’d been through that kind of pain. Not even his best friends.
Rory wanted to keep it that way. He couldn’t let people see beyond his good-natured, friendly attitude. He’d hidden that side of himself away for so long, it didn’t match anymore.
He’d scare people and confuse them if he told them about the man he used to be. Not that he’d ever been scary. But he didn’t want to go back to that dark spot in his soul. Ever. He’d come a long way to get to this place, and he liked his work and his life. No way did he want to go back.
And yet, when he saw his friends finding true love, he wanted to go back. He wanted to fall in love again. But at times, the bitterness reared its ugly head, and he felt envy and anger pushing at his hard-fought-for peace.
So he understood what Vanessa was fighting.
A knock at his partially open office door brought Rory out of his musings. His secretary, Barbara Rowan, peeped inside. “Hey, you awake in here?”
Rory grinned. “Barely. It’s too pretty outside to be in here pushing a pencil.”
Barbara, petite, with a brown bob and a blunt attitude, put her hands on her hips and gave him a mock stare, her flamingo lapel pin blinking at him in shades of pink bling. “Well, I feel so bad for you, stuck in this stuffy old office. But you have company. Blain and Rikki are here.”
“Oh, right.” Rory glanced at the clock again. “Send them in. This will make my day better.”
Barbara nodded and opened the door wide. “Here they are.”
Rory grinned at seeing Blain and Rikki holding hands, smiles on their faces. “Hello, you two.”
Blain shook his hand and Rikki hugged him. “We’re here for the premarital counseling you suggested,” Rikki said.
“Did I suggest that?” He chuckled and motioned to the floral chairs across from his desk. “So a few more weeks, huh?”
Blain nodded, his dark blue eyes moving over his bride. “Yes. Wedding here in the church and reception out at the Alvanetti estate.”
“Got it marked in red,” Rory said. “Any questions?”
Rikki gave Blain a sweet smile. “How do we get past everything we went through? I mean, I’ve forgiven my family but...how do Blain and I keep my family issues out of our marriage?”
Blain squeezed her hand and glanced at Rory. “We want to make this work. We love each other but sometimes the world can get in the way.”
Rory loved his friend Blain and he liked Rikki, too. So he leveled with them. “It’s not easy. But loving each other is the first line of defense. Loving the Lord helps. Your faith is important, and that shows with you two. Be open and honest with each other, of course. Seek help when you need to. I’m always here for either of you, and I won’t repeat anything said in this room. But you need to talk to your families, too. And other friends you can trust.”
He glanced out the window and saw Vanessa getting into her car. She was wearing a colorful patterned sundress and tall, strappy sandals. When he glanced back at Blain and Rikki, Blain was giving him a one-eyebrow-lifted knowing stare.
Rory tried to cover. “And...uh...you should be honest with your families, too. Don’t hold grudges. Talk things out. Remember the good times and try to get past the bad.”
He groaned inwardly. He was talking in clichés today.
After a few more questions, he went over the wedding arrangements with them and gave them some pamphlets and books to read. They both asked more questions, and Rory said a prayer with them. “I think you two will be fine.”
Blain glanced at Rikki. “Can you visit with Barbara for a minute? I need to ask Rory something.”
“Sure.” She gave him a brown-eyed smile, her long dark hair flowing around her shoulders. “Already keeping secrets.”
“It’s more guy stuff,” Blain said. “Regarding my bachelor party.”
“Oh, right.” She grinned at Rory and went into the reception area.
“What’s up?” Rory asked, his mind still on Vanessa. “You know we’re having a low-key party out at the camp house, right?”
Blain laughed. “Yes, I know all about that, surprises not withstanding.”
“Okay, did you need something else?”
“Are you scouting the house across the street for a reason?”
Blain was on to him. “I might be since it’s going up for sale soon. I’ve always liked that house, and it’s near the church.” He shrugged. “I’m outgrowing my tiny one-bedroom apartment.”
“Right.” Blain rolled his eyes. “I was referring to the woman living there, not the house. Preacher, do you have your eye on Vanessa Donovan?”
Rory didn’t want to squirm underneath the scrutiny of Blain’s eagle-eyed gaze. “She’s in a bad way, so I’ve tried to befriend her. Offer her my help and advice.”
Blain nodded. “It’s amazing. All these years, I’ve never seen you go beyond being friends with a woman. You don’t even date. But since Vanessa rolled into town, you’ve seemed distracted.”
“How do you know that?” Rory asked, affronted. “You haven’t been around me that much when women are nearby.”
“Relax,” Blain said. “I saw you on Easter Sunday, and Alec told me you and Vanessa seemed chummy at Easter dinner at his house.”
Rory laughed. “What you and Alec call chummy, I call being friendly.”
“Oh, okay. We’ll go with that then,” Blain said. “It’s nice to know you’re human after all. You could do worse. She’s cute, and Rikki says she’s nice, too.”
Rory rubbed a hand over his choppy hair. “Really? I hadn’t noticed.”
Blain shook his head. “Right. I’ll shut up now. Are we still on for pizza Thursday night?”
“As always.”
“And we are gathering at the camp house for my bachelor party in two weeks?”
“You better believe it. And I do have surprises lined up for you.”
“What? Choir rehearsal and memorizing Bible verses?”
“After we play a serious game of tic-tac-toe, yes.”
“Wild night. Love it.” Blain shook Rory’s hand and headed to the door. “Hey, Alec and I, we’ve been there. We should be the ones giving you advice these days.”
Rory finally caved. “I might take you up on that offer. I like her. A lot. But...she’s not returning that feeling.”
“Give her some time,” Blain suggested. “Like you said, she’s been through a lot. One thing I’ve learned, dealing with Rikki and her family, strong women don’t like to be messed with until they’re ready to be messed with.”
“Got it,” Rory said, grinning at Blain’s down-to-earth assessment. “I’m learning that, my friend.”
After Blain and Rikki left, he turned to Barbara. “Please tell me it’s quitting time.”
“It’s quitting time,” she said. “You know you officially have Mondays off, so why are you still here?”
He shrugged. “Habit.” Then he went back in his office and tidied up. “I think I’ve signed all the proper checks and documents so yes, I’m taking off early. I might take a run around the lake or maybe go kayaking.”
