скачать книгу бесплатно
Eli nodded, his expression solemn and unyielding. “I’ll wait right here.”
“You won’t—”
“I won’t do anything to upset either of you. I’ll just get some of that good-smelling coffee.” He nodded his head toward the hallway. “Go on now.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, Gena hurried upstairs to Scotty’s room, thinking that when she’d tucked Scotty in earlier, Eli had been hiding here the whole time. He had been right here, watching them. To keep herself from going into hysterics now while Eli’s gaze followed her, she remembered her sweet son and how their nightly ritual had become so special, even if she did have to struggle with Scotty every night.
Rushing into his room, she found him sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I had a bad dream.”
Gena wished she was just having a bad dream, but this nightmare was very real. “It’s okay. Try to go back to sleep.”
“Can’t I stay up and watch you work?”
“No, and I don’t want to fight with you,” Gena said as she tucked the cover back around him. “It’s bedtime whether you like it or not. Now try to rest.”
Scotty turned to her with a cute pout. “But soon it’ll be winter break, remember?”
“I do remember,” Gena replied, using her best stern mother tone. “But for now, it’s late and we had a big night practicing for the Christmas play. It’s already past your bedtime.” And your father is downstairs probably trying to figure out how to take you from me.
“I don’t wanna,” Scotty said, his arms wrapped against his flannel action figure-inspired pajamas. “I’m not tired.”
“Scotty, you’re going to stay in bed,” Gena retorted, thinking it was mighty hard to resist her son’s boyish charms. For just a fleeting moment, she wondered if Scotty got that from his real father. Eli’s face flashed through her mind, reminding her of the constant worries that never left her thoughts now that he knew about his son. Those worries had tripled over the last hour. What did Eli think about his son, now that he’d seen him? And when would he make his move? Because she was sure he was going to do just that.
Based on what her brother Devon had told her, Eli, known as the Disciple, known to be a hot-headed Cajun, known to break all the rules, would show up here one day to not only see his son, but probably also to take him home to Louisiana. Now he was here; now that could happen. Gena closed her eyes, wondering how she’d react if Eli insisted on taking her son away. Scotty was her child now. He would always be hers. And she’d fight anyone who tried to dispute that. Even the mysterious, handsome man sitting in her kitchen. Especially that man.
“Are you saying a prayer, Mommy?” Scotty asked as he tugged on Gena’s sweater. “Are you asking God to make me sleepy?”
Gena opened her eyes, then shook her head. “No, but that’s not a bad idea. Do you feel sleepy yet?”
“Kinda,” he said as he flopped back and then burrowed underneath the navy blue train-embellished comforter. “Will you read to me?”
“Don’t I always?” Gena replied. She picked up several of his favorite books. “But only a couple of stories. I have to get some work done before I can go to bed myself, because unlike you, I am tired and sleepy.”
She was far from sleepy, but she was very tired of always having to watch her back, of always wondering when the worse would come. Dear God, help me. Help me.
Gena read to him for a few minutes, noticing that he’d finally settled back down. Glancing over at him, she said, “You have droopy eyes, little man.”
Scotty sank back on his pillows. “Christmas will be here soon, won’t it?”
Gena kissed the top of his head. “Sooner, if you go to sleep. Now say your prayers and you’ll wake up in a good mood.”
She sat there, holding Scotty’s hand in hers as she watched the snow falling softly just outside his checkered flannel curtains, her serenity shattered, her loneliness as cold and solid as the winter frost that clutched at her soul. She couldn’t fall apart now. Scotty needed her to be strong. Eli needed her to be strong, too, whether he realized that or not.
Dear God, help me. Help me to prepare for the worst.
Gena’s late husband, Richard, and her brother, Devon, both members of the elite Christian organization known as CHAIM, had taught her to always follow her instincts, to listen, to watch, to wait. To expect the best, but prepare for the worst. And right now, her instincts were shouting at her. She felt uneasy and at odds as she stared out into the snow-blanketed woods. She repeated her prayers as she kissed Scotty’s forehead.
Help me to expect the best, while I prepare for the worst. I know he’s hurting, Lord. Help me to help him. Please don’t let him take my son.
Gena left her son only to find Eli waiting for her as she came back into the kitchen, that same fervent prayer racing through her mind.
“Is he okay?”
The quiet question left her even more confused. “He’s fine. I think he’s just excited about Christmas.”
When Eli didn’t respond, she whirled to find him staring at her, his eyes dark with a sad longing that tugged at her heart.
He sat like stone, his onyx eyes following her as she silently made him a sandwich. She didn’t know why she was making him a sandwich. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Then she almost giggled. The man who’d come thousands of miles to break into her house and take her son had requested a sandwich. Maybe she was entertaining an angel unaware.
Then again, maybe not.
“I hate this cold,” Eli said to break the static of the silence. He could hear her breathing, could hear the knife slicing across the bread and meat as she fixed things pretty on the plate. She was probably thinking about how to fix things pretty by jabbing that same knife in his heart.
“I like the cold,” she said as she sat the plate in front of him, then brought him a fresh cup of coffee. “It makes me feel safe.”
Eli grunted a retort as he inhaled the first bite of the big sandwich. The bread was hearty and homemade, the roast beef fresh and thinly sliced. But the cold only reminded him of his time in Ireland. Cold and damp, dark and desolate. He’d been in exile away from everything and everyone, an exile in his physical being and a deep, dark exile in his own mind. And that whole time, his son had been in exile, too, here in this remote little fishing village in Maine.
“I can hear the ocean hitting the rocks,” he said between chews. “This water is different from my ocean.” That eternal pounding echoed the pounding of his heart as it crashed against his chest.
“I’ve never been to Louisiana,” she replied as she finally sat down across from him with her own cup of coffee. “And why are we making small talk?”
He took a long drink, the hot liquid burning his throat while her eyes burned him with an intense heat. But he made sure his next words were as soft and sweet as the marshmallows she’d left open on the table. “Oh, we’ve got plenty of time to talk about why I’m here, darlin’. ’Cause I’m not leaving until we have an understanding.”
She slammed her cup down so hard that coffee sloshed out on the table. “What kind of understanding?”
Eli polished off the last of the food, then leaned forward, his hands on the table, his smile patient and calm. “Like I told you earlier, chère—I’ve come for my son. And I’m not leaving here without him.”
TWO
“Why are you doing this, Eli? Why didn’t you just ring the doorbell like a normal human being?”
Shadows colored his face as his voice went low and grainy. “Haven’t you heard? I’m not like other people.”
Gena hid the mortal fear beating like a ship’s broken sail inside her heart. “What were you planning to do? Just grab him up in the middle of the night? Kidnap a little boy who doesn’t even know you exist?”
His eyes went as black as a moonless night. “I should have done that, because your brother and you plotted the same thing when he was born. You didn’t give me a say in the matter back then, so why should I be so kind and understanding now?”
Gena held to the warmth of her coffee cup, listening as the wind picked up outside. The tick-tock of the old grandfather clock in the hallway seemed to echo a warning through the still house, while the lights on the Christmas tree in the living room sparkled and twinkled right on cue. “Eli, we did what we had to do to protect Scotty. We didn’t know how you’d react. You were in bad shape.”
His expression grew stony as he kept his eyes on her. “Let’s recap. Devon held up our mission in South America because he was worried about me, worried that I couldn’t finish the job after I went out on my own. But the mission went bad when we were compromised and a young girl was killed. I only wanted to be home in time for my child’s birth, but someone wanted me dead.” He stopped, his hand going flat on the table. “That someone—my own grandfather—came after my wife and my unborn child to punish me. I went berserk and tried to find them, but I was too late.”
Gena watched as he lowered his head and swallowed. “I was too late.” The pain etched on his face spoke of just exactly how far off the deep end he’d gone. But when he looked back up at her, he wore a mask of calm. “Because of that, I got sent to a retreat—to rest and regroup—as my superiors put it. Trapped in a desolate place while my pregnant wife lay in a coma. She died, Gena, but not before the baby was delivered. Devon decided to take the baby. My baby. I should have been told the truth. I should have had the chance to decide for myself.”
Gena blinked back the tears forming in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Eli. I know how it feels to lose someone you love.”
“I’m sure you do. But do you know how it feels to be deceived and tricked by everyone you trusted?”
Gena shook her head. “Devon thought he was helping you by protecting your son.”
He leaned forward. “I should have been the one protecting the boy. That’s why I’m here now. I’m so afraid someone will come after him again.” He sank back in his chair. “The way they did my wife.”
Gena trembled at that thought. “Have you heard something? Tell me, Eli.”
He shrugged. “It’s just a feeling, chère.”
Gena’s pulse burned a beat through her temple. “You can’t just come in here and say that. What do you know?”
“More than I knew back then,” he retorted. “I know I have a son and now I’m going to take care of him, no matter what CHAIM thinks.”
Figuring he was just trying to scare her, Gena reminded herself that she’d been the one watching over Scotty for a long time now. “And what would you have done back then, if you’d known? I think I can answer that. You went out on a vigilante mission and no one could locate you. And by the time they’d found you, it was too late. You were in no shape to do anything, and if you’d known, you would have come back—”
“Back to my wife and my child,” he finished. “You don’t know what I went through.”
“I think I do,” she said, compassion softening her words. “I lost my husband to CHAIM, remember?” She could talk of pain and longing, but she wouldn’t give him any more ammunition to use against her. “That kind of pain paralyzes a person. You almost went mad with grief and anger. Devon wanted to protect you and Scotty. Maybe his motives weren’t pure and maybe his reasoning was out of whack, but his heart was on your side. He agonized over his decision, but he was trying to help.”
Eli slammed his hand down hard against the table. “You and Devon have no idea what agony is. No idea at all.”
Gena didn’t know how to reach him. Since the cold night her brother had called her all those years ago asking her to take in Scotty, she’d heard all about the Cajun from Louisiana. She knew the Disciple was the most dangerous of the whole CHAIM team, knew he hadn’t joined CHAIM so much as a true believer, but as someone who only wanted to measure up to his absent father’s heroic status. He’d only wanted to prove to his bitter grandfather that he was worthy. But Eli’s heart had never been centered on the true cause of CHAIM, to help and protect Christians in danger through amnesty, intervention and ministry. Eli lived for the danger, but from what she’d heard, he sure didn’t seem to live to serve Christ.
“Eli,” she said, hoping to make him understand, “you’ve come so far. You survived a near-breakdown, a gunshot wound from your grandfather and…Lydia told me you’ve been studying your Bible and trying to find God’s love in your life. So why are you doing this?”
He sat like a giant statue, his face chiseled in rock, his eyes shining with the hardness of unearthed coal. “I want my son with me. I never had the luxury of a father growing up. I want him with me, no matter what.”
Gena cupped her hands together as if in prayer. “Do you hear yourself? No matter what? What does that mean, exactly? That you’ll do whatever it takes to just pull him away from me, without any consideration for his feelings or mine? Did you even bother to think this through? Does Devon know you’re here?”
“Devon has no right to stop me.” He leaned back, frustration coloring his tanned skin as he raked a hand over his dark shaggy hair. “And let me see if I can answer your questions to your satisfaction. Number one—I’ve had plenty of time to consider everyone’s feelings in this situation, including my own. Number two—I’ve had nothing else to think about since the night my grandfather died and I got shot—the night your brother informed me that I had a son. And number three—Dev does not know I’m here. That man is busy planning his wedding to Lydia. Why bother him with all the details of my torment and my shame?”
Gena put her hands on the table. “I need to call him.”
Eli had her hands in his before she could get out of the chair and to the phone. “Do not call your brother. This is between me and you. Here, right now. That’s why I left without telling him.”
“You didn’t tell him because you know what he would have said.”
“You’re right there, belle. I don’t have to take orders from Devon Malone.” He held her hands in his with an iron grip, but it wasn’t a cruel hold. More like a plea for her to stop. “I’m not going to do anything to hurt you or the boy. I just wanted to…see him.” His hands went soft over hers. “I just wanted to see him and make sure he was safe.”
Tears pricked at Gena’s eyes. She could see the love Eli had for Scotty there in the shadows around his dark eyes. She knew that same fierce love inside her heart. And she had no right to Scotty, no legal right. Eli could take him by force, or he could just take him. Period. How could she fight that? Worse, how could she fight the pain and torment this man had felt for the last few years? For all of his life.
“I won’t call Devon yet,” she finally said, the heat from his hands making her too aware of him. “But I can’t let you take Scotty away from me. I can’t. I love him so much. Please think about this. You can sleep on the couch tonight, and we’ll talk again in the morning. But understand I’ll be guarding him all night long.”
She watched as his soul went into war. Gena could see it all there like a storm cloud on his face, the pain, the shame, the anger and then as the deep slashes of fatigue caught up with him, the resolve. “You don’t have to guard the boy from me, catin. I am not a thief in the night. I’m just a father who wants to…know his son.”
“I understand that and I want that for you,” she said, a shudder of deep relief sliding down her spine. “If you’d like to stay here in Captive Cove for a while, I can let you have one of the other cottages. There’s a small one right next door. It’s yours for as long as you want.”
“How about for a lifetime?” he said, the words a harsh whisper.
Gena didn’t know how to respond to that question. This man was so different from anyone she’d ever met. He was like the night, dark and mysterious and dangerous. His clipped Cajun accent and the way he spoke the English language with such a colloquial French twist, made her heart do funny little things. Lydia had warned her about Eli. Not about the dangers inside the man, but about the vulnerable darkness that he tried so hard to hide. It was there now in his eyes, in his expression, in the way he sat staring at her like a caged, wounded animal.
And she had always had a soft spot for hurt creatures of any kind. “Eli, you can stay and get to know your son, but on my terms. All right?”
“Do I have any other choice?” he said, getting up to stalk to the sink. “Captive Cove! Now that is a fitting name for this place if ever there was one.” Then he turned and came to tower over her. “But you need to understand one thing yourself. I’m only doing this your way for the boy’s sake. Got that?”
She bobbed her head. “We can agree on that, at least.”
He lifted a hand in the air. “Just give me the key to the cottage. I don’t want to stay in here.” He shrugged. “If he wakes up and finds me here, he’ll have questions. Questions that should have been answered years ago.”
Gena felt that jab toward her life here with Scotty hitting her with ice-pick precision. He resented her, but he had to tolerate her in order to see his son. She didn’t know why that should hurt so much, but it did.
“I’ll get the key,” she said. “You’ll find everything you need in the cottage—linens, some food staples, coffee and wood for a fire. We can get the rest when this storm clears up. Until then, you’re welcome to have your meals here. And we’ll explain things to Scotty after he’s had time to get to know you.”
He pulled his gaze away from her to stare out the window. “When will this weather clear?”
“I’m not sure. The weatherman predicted a lot of snow. It could be tomorrow or days from now.”
He rolled his eyes, indignant with this confinement. Eli Trudeau was not a man to be locked away or shut inside. He looked like he belonged out in nature, walking, hunting, stalking, staring at the moon. He had a heart of the night.
Gena prayed she could bring some light into his battered soul.
Eli pushed his head back against the soft pillows on the old four-poster bed, then closed his eyes, memories of Leah moving like wind through his tired mind. He could see her there walking along the bayou behind their little house, her long blond hair falling away from her face, her hand on her already-protruding belly as she smiled down at the child she carried. But that vision was quickly replaced by the one he couldn’t keep out of his mind, the one he could only imagine because he hadn’t been there—the sight of his beautiful wife lying in a sterile hospital room hooked up to wires and tubes so that their child could stay alive long enough to be born.
Eli jerked his head up, wiping his eyes as if to get rid of the horror of that image. Staring into the crackling fire across the room, he thought, Do you know how much I loved you, chérie? Do you know that I would have fought all of them just to be by your side?
Too late now for that. But not too late for a chance to be a father to his son. And so he waited, hearing the clock strike midnight, hearing the gentle falling of snow all around the little house and the falling of the last burned log in the grate, hearing the ocean crashing madly against the shore. He waited and watched and listened as if he were on the most dangerous mission of his life. And maybe he was. He just had a bad feeling, a very bad feeling about things.
He wouldn’t sleep. He knew that. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a good night’s sleep. Eli found no peace in his dreams or in his waking hours.
He’d traveled thousands of miles just to find his son, but his soul had traveled a long and rocky road just to find a little redemption. He’s seen that redemption tonight, shining like a beacon in his son’s dark eyes.
“Scotty,” he said out loud. “What kind of name is that?” He tested it. “Scotty Trudeau.”
Did they even let him go by the name Trudeau? Probably not. Scotty Malone? “Scotty,” he said again into the darkness of the neat, comfortable room. The name echoed like a child’s giggle against the walls.
Outside the wind howled and laughed, mocking Eli’s attempts to wrap his mind around fatherhood. It was bitter cold, but he felt a hot sweat moving over his body like a fever. He gripped the patterned quilt on the bed, wondering if he was going back into that dark place inside his own head again.
“Can’t go there,” he reminded himself. “They’d force me to go back to Ireland.” And he was not going back there, ever. How the Shepherd lived there was beyond Eli’s comprehension, but at least his friend and fellow CHAIM agent had been kind when Eli had tried every trick in the book to break out of the ancient stronghold that had held him captive for months. “Retreat? More like a padded, emerald-green prison.”
Pushing that time and those memories out of his mind, Eli tried to pray. He’d promised Lydia he would pray each time he got an urge to do something stupid—like leave New Orleans and come all the way up the coast in the middle of winter to see his son and make sure he was safe and sound. But his prayers were more of a haphazard merging of words. Help. Hurt. Anger. Pain. Scotty. Scotty. Leah. Gena. Help me. Help them. Lord, help us all.
Gena. She hated him. He had felt that hatred like clouds of swamp mosquitoes whirling around them earlier when she’d handed him the keys to this cozy cottage. And how could he blame her? She might hate him, but she surely loved his son. Her son.
His son.
“What now?” he asked himself. “How are you going to get out of this one?”
His cell phone rang. Not many had his number, so he figured this was urgent. When he saw Lydia’s number flashing, he let out a sigh, then answered. “Chère, you are for sure like an old mother hen.”
“Only because I love you,” Lydia Cantrell said in her drawling Georgia accent. “Eli, Kissie called. She said you took off without saying goodbye, and she doesn’t know where you went. Please tell me you didn’t—”
