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Not making love to Levi, not having him be her first, was one of her most profound regrets.
Pulling her attention off the past—she’d have to address that soon enough—she looked around the room.
She’d visited this house a few times between leaving the hospital and running out on Levi. His parents—lovely Callie and charismatic Ray—had lived in it back then and Tanna had fallen in love with the open plan, light-filled, spacious mansion.
Callie had filled the rooms with a mishmash of contemporary and family pieces, effortlessly combining old and new into rooms that felt both lived in and cozy, comfortable and sophisticated. While this was now Levi’s home, it still held traces of his mom’s creative flair.
Tanna couldn’t help thinking that if she’d stuck around, this might’ve been her home too, stamped by her style. There would be photos of her siblings on the walls along with his, artwork she’d loved and bought, pieces of furniture she’d inherited from her parents. But everything she owned was in her flat in London, Levi’s stuff was here and they hadn’t had the chance to combine their lives and possessions.
Because she’d run...
“I like this room,” she said, ignoring his deep scowl.
“It’s not filled with priceless pieces of artwork like your childhood home but it’s okay.”
As auctioneers and fine art dealers, her family, going back generations, had amassed an incredible collection of art, most of which adorned the walls of the house in Beacon Hill. Her bedroom held a sketch by Degas and a watercolor by Georgia O’Keeffe.
She’d grown up surrounded by incredible art, textiles and ceramics, and had planned to follow her brothers into the family business at Murphy’s, joining the auction house’s PR and publicity department. But she hadn’t been back to Boston in years and hadn’t, not since her accident, been back to Murphy’s. She’d avoided it because it had once been her second home, a place she adored...
Murphy’s was the one place in Boston where she’d felt completely at ease and happy. She adored art, in all its forms, loved talking about it and promoting it, and being around people who loved it as much as she did. On every visit home, Tanna knew that if she stepped into Murphy International she’d start questioning her decision to become an EMT. So she avoided the family business. And, as much as she could, Boston.
Tanna sighed. “I should’ve just stayed in London,” she said, mostly to herself.
“I absolutely agree. Feel free to go back.”
She would if she could but that wasn’t possible until she had her PTSD symptoms under control. And who knew how hard she’d have to work or how long it would take her to achieve that goal? Tanna’s stomach clenched and the muscles in her neck contracted.
Relax, Tanna.
Concentrating on her breathing, she pushed away her negative thoughts.
She’d just hit a bad patch and she needed a little time to get her head sorted. Her accident had been a long time ago and she was fit and healthy. She was done being hostage to her fears. She liked emergency medicine, and the notion of helping others as she was once helped was important to her.
She owed those paramedics for saving her life—her heart had stopped twice en route to the hospital—and the only way she could show her gratitude for walking away from the crash with nothing more than a few scars was to pay it forward.
Unfortunately, paying that debt came with panic attacks, flashbacks and cold sweats. She just needed to control her reactions at work. She’d live with her PTSD symptoms if she could save lives. The symptoms wouldn’t, after all, kill her. Sometimes it just felt like they would.
They couldn’t sit here in silence, so Tanna attempted to initiate conversation. “I’m sorry about your dad, Levi. I know it happened years ago, but I’m still sorry.”
“As you said, it was a long time ago.”
Okay, then. She’d try again. “And I read somewhere your family sold your dad’s company when he died. It must’ve been difficult losing your dad and the company.”
“Not really.”
She hoped he was referring to the loss of the company and not his father’s death. The Levi she remembered was private and reticent but he’d never been a jerk.
“Is there a point to this inane conversation? Since you walked out on me, I didn’t think you particularly cared about my life. And I, in turn, don’t care how you’ve spent the last ten years, Tanna.”
“I’m an EMT.” Seeing the quick flash of surprise in his eyes, she blurted out a question and immediately regretted letting the words fly. “You didn’t, just once, ask my brothers where I was, what I was doing?”
“You bailed on me, bailed on the life we planned, so I didn’t feel the need to keep up with yours,” Levi shot back. So that was a no then.
“Sit down, say what you want to say and then leave.”
His casual order, and his expectation that he would be instantly obeyed, annoyed her. Unless she was at work being paid to take orders, she took umbrage at being told what to do.
Tanna took her time walking to a wingback chair, crossing her legs, making herself comfortable. Levi placed his plate on the arm of his own chair and picked up his sandwich. “Talk. Make it quick.”
Tanna stared down at her hands. She’d imagined this meeting so often, had practiced what to say, but now those carefully crafted words wouldn’t come. Seeing Levi’s impatience building, she forced them across her tongue. “I didn’t leave you at the altar, but it was close.”
“You left straight after the rehearsal dinner. A scant twenty-four hours before,” Levi said, dumping his hardly touched sandwich back onto the plate and putting it on the table. Tanna forced herself to meet his eyes, a deep blue that defied description. Sometimes they were cobalt, sometimes ink. Sometimes, like now, they held more than a touch of ice.
“I should not have left without talking to you, without a goodbye. Without an explanation.”
“No argument from me.”
“Levi, from the time we got engaged, I had my doubt—”
“Did I ask you for an explanation? Do I want one? I have a one-word answer...no.”
Well, okay then. Tanna wasn’t sure what came next, so she sat quietly, wondering how quickly he’d ask her to leave. The words were on his lips; she could see them hovering there. She needed to speak before he kicked her out.
“I was wrong, and I should’ve had the courage to face you, to explain. It was easier to run, to leave you that letter.”
“Yeah, after watching you fight to recover from your injuries, watching you learn to walk again, I was surprised by your lack of bravery. And decency.”
Ouch. Tanna felt the knife in her back, felt it turn. But she couldn’t argue with his statement. How she wished she could tell him the truth. That she couldn’t talk to him face-to-face before she left because if she had, she knew he would have brushed off her fears as prewedding jitters. He would’ve dismissed her concerns, persuaded her they were doing the right thing, and she would have listened. Then she’d have been miserable. And furious with herself for not standing up to him.
“My mom canceled the wedding, called everyone and returned the presents. Christmas was pretty crap that year.” Levi’s words drove the knife in deeper and harder. “But we did make headlines, day after day, week after week. All of us—me, my parents, your brothers and my sisters—lived with the press following us everywhere, shoving cameras into our faces, demanding an explanation, a comment, something. Yeah, best Christmas ever.”
Tanna winced. She’d asked about the press attention but Carrick told her not to worry about it and she hadn’t. Because she’d been trying to find a new life, a new normal, she’d done as he suggested.
“Maybe one day you will let me explain...”
“Don’t hold your breath,” Levi told her, his expression reminding her of the Bering Sea in the dead of winter.
Tanna nodded and rubbed her damp hands on her thighs. “Well, I am sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you.”
Levi stared at her and she could see his agile mind working, spinning a hundred miles a minute. He was cooking up something and Tanna looked at the media room door, her inner oh-no radar telling her to leave, now. Whatever Levi was going to say next was going to flip her life on its head.
“Carrick said you are in town for six weeks. Is that right?”
She was due to go back to work on March 1. “Give or take,” Tanna replied, wondering where he was going with this.
Levi’s smile was full of sarcasm. “You say you want to make it up to me?”
Yeah, and she’d meant it, kind of. She’d meant it in an it’s-the-right-thing-to-say way, not in an I’ll-do-anything-to-make-it-up-to-you way.
“Uh...what do you have in mind?”
Levi picked up his coffee mug again and looked at her over the rim. “It pains me to admit this but it’s become abundantly clear I need help. I’m mobile but walking hurts like hell—”
“It should if you broke your patella.”
“The cast I can handle. It’s annoying but manageable. But I can’t hobble around because using the crutches hurts like hell. So, it would help to have a runner, a gopher. Someone at my beck and call. Someone I don’t mind ordering around—” Levi bared his teeth “—because she owes me.”
Oh, crap. She’d walked right into that one.
Three (#u582c7859-541e-55ac-a237-41a142853759)
Damn right, she owed him.
Tanna owed him for walking out on their engagement, from running away from their wedding, leaving behind the life they’d planned. He didn’t care about the hours he’d spent by her bedside, holding her while she cried—from pain and from frustration—
Those were his choices and he lived by them.
But it had been her choice to say yes to his proposal, to agree to a Christmas wedding, to say yes when she really meant no.
The weeks and months after their nonwedding had been hell on so many different levels. He’d shrugged off the embarrassment factor and ignored the subtle comments about his young bride’s flight, the fake sympathy in the eyes of people who cared more about gossip than they did about him. He’d hated the media attention for making him, as intensely private as his father was extroverted, a public spectacle.
And he never gave the money he spent on the wedding another thought.
But Tanna damn well owed him for encouraging him to take a chance on her when he knew how risky taking chances could be.
She owed him for the sleepless nights he’d spent questioning his own judgment, for making him think asking her to marry her wasn’t a smart decision. For the months and years he’d spent second-guessing himself. For whipping the entire situation out of his control...
She.
Owed.
Him.
And yeah, he could freely admit he really wanted to sleep with her, still. Maybe more now than he ever had before. A decade had transformed her from an eager-to-please girl into a fully confident woman and he didn’t feel the need to rein in his responses, to choose his words.
Tanna could give as good as she got.
And, hey, she was stunning and he was injured, not dead.
Levi rubbed his hand over his face, conscious of his throbbing shoulder, leg and, yeah, cock. In the past, he’d never allowed their physical interactions to go much beyond a couple of light kisses. It wasn’t that he didn’t desire her; he’d been twenty-four years old and a vibrating hormone, and she’d been a beautiful, striking girl.
But she’d also been broken, and every time he’d wanted to take their physical relationship deeper, he remembered her pinned to that crumpled car seat, her green eyes wide with shock and pain, her thin voice asking him if she was going to die. He clearly recalled telling her not to look at Addy, sitting in the driver’s seat, slumped over the wheel, bloody and unresponsive.
During the weeks and months following that god-awful night, he’d found himself falling deeper and deeper, entranced by Tanna’s fierce courage. He’d loved her, craved her and promised himself he wouldn’t push her for a physical relationship. He was a big guy, he outweighed her by a hundred pounds and a part of him was terrified he’d inadvertently do something to hamper her recovery. So, he’d pushed down his desire and banked his lust. Things would change when she left the hospital...
But they hadn’t. When she was finally discharged, sporting his ring, she asked for more time, to delay intimacy until they were married.
In hindsight, that was a pretty big clue all was not well.
Tanna wasn’t weak now, or fragile. And the lust he’d felt for her back then was a baby version of the hot, needy, roiling emotion coursing through his system today. She was toned, healthy, vibrant and he knew she could handle him...
Physically, emotionally, mentally.
Unlike a decade ago, she was whole. And strong. And challenging. And, God knew, he could never resist a challenge.
Payback wouldn’t be a bitch, it would be a delight. Revenge would be supersweet.
Levi watched as she tried to find a way to say no, to wiggle out of her obligation. She opened her mouth and the lame excuse he expected failed to materialize. Instead, she posed a question. “How long will it take me to work off my debt?”
“Is that a yes?”
“No, it’s a question,” Tanna replied. “How long?”
As soon as he could use his crutches, he’d be able to fend for himself, to move about. But he still wouldn’t be able to drive. And he needed to get to his businesses—his marinas, the shipyard and the extensive corporate interests he ran on behalf of the Brogan Family Trust. Yes, he could take time off work for as long as he wanted. Hell, he could retire tomorrow if he wanted to. But he didn’t want to do that. Work kept him sane and by staying involved, he kept control and control was essential to his peace of mind.
“I’m not allowed to put any weight on my leg for six to eight weeks,” Levi replied. “I need someone on call for another two weeks, part-time for at least another four weeks after that.”
“Your sisters and mom aren’t prepared to help you?” Tanna asked, looking for an escape.
“Of course they are, but I like them. I don’t see why they should have to put up with my foul mood when you can.”
“Because I owe you,” Tanna said, sounding miserable.
Yep, she did. And also because he couldn’t imagine her walking out of his life again until he knew every inch of her luscious body.
Because he wanted revenge, a little payback.
And her.
Remember that, Brogan. Sex and revenge were the only two reasons he was pushing her to stay.
Levi looked at her again and swallowed, wondering why his mouth was so dry. His heart was also slamming against his rib cage—a pissed-off prisoner demanding release—and his stomach was joining in the rebellion.
What the hell was wrong with him?
So much. He was sore, he was horny and he was, not that he’d ever admit this to anyone, a little scared. Nobody had ever affected him the way Tanna Murphy did.
Damn.
Right, enough BS, Brogan. Get your head on straight.
He was attracted to Tanna. This grown-up version of the girl he’d loved was as sexy as hell.
It was okay, normal even, to be a little carried away thinking about how she’d feel, naked and soft, and so intensely feminine, in his arms. But sex was all he’d take from her, all he had to give her. He wasn’t fool enough to give her more. Not again.
“I don’t think so, Levi.” Tanna shook her head. “It’s really not a good idea and I don’t see why I should give up my...vacation time to be at your beck and call.”
Why had she hesitated when she said vacation? Why did he suspect a vacation was not the reason she was back in Boston? And why did it matter? All he needed was for her to be around...
