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“Wait.” Justin rested his hand on her shoulder even as she pulled open the door. “I’m sorry.”
She didn’t respond but stood facing the door, hiding her eyes from his scrutiny lest he see what she was feeling.
“Will it always be this way between us?” he finally asked.
“I don’t know,” Sarah replied.
With a sigh, he released her.
Sarah walked out the door, deciding that she was walking out of his life for the final time. Turning down the street, she headed to where she hoped she’d be able to catch the last bus for the night, wondering why she’d ever thought she could work for the man her sister had married.
Justin leaned his head against the closed door and sighed again. He was tired. The meeting had been a lot more complicated than he’d expected. What was supposed to be a simple merger had turned into more negotiations. Years ago he wouldn’t have allowed it, but because he’d seen these men making a sincere effort to protect their employees, he’d spent the extra two hours negotiating. Then they’d had to have a new contract typed and finally signed. The men had fortunately found seats on a later flight It was almost eleven o’clock and he’d been worried about his daughter…and he’d treated Sarah badly.
Pushing away from the door, he turned, then went through the house, flipping off lights and checking windows. There had been no reason for him to say such cruel things to her. Indeed, she’d been trying to bury the hatchet. That was the longest they’d gone without snipping at each other. And then he’d had to ruin it. She was Amy’s sister—the only link he and Mickie had to Amy. The least he could have done was hold his tongue. It was just that when he’d opened the door and seen her rising from the couch, the book of scenic landscapes sliding from her lap, he’d felt as though someone had punched him in the gut. He’d never noticed that Sarah was a very beautiful woman, despite her beat-up jeans and sweater. He’d always pictured her as tough and aggressive. Her soft golden hair, which she’d always worn up, had floated about her face tonight, giving her the look of innocence wronged. But he’d not wronged her. And she wasn’t innocent or soft. He knew her real personality. She had tried to take his daughter away. He’d been right to fight her to keep his child. And he wouldn’t forget the pain that fight had caused anytime soon, no matter how innocent or beautiful she looked.
He hadn’t felt a spark of interest in a woman since Amy’s death. How could that spark be ignited by the sister who had caused them both so much grief? In anger at his own reaction to her, he’d struck out.
He trudged up the stairs. After checking on Mickie to make sure she was covered, he undressed.
Because of his actions, Mickie would probably never see Sarah again. She’d be stuck with a baby-sitter all day—
Baby-sitter!
Justin didn’t have a baby-sitter for his daughter, tomorrow or anytime. He collapsed on the side of the bed and dropped his head into his hands. How could he have forgotten?
Easy. Big blue eyes and a heart-stopping smile had clouded his thinking.
Well, he couldn’t let them distract him now. He had to find someone for tomorrow. Justin lifted his head. Maybe this was a way to prove to Sarah that he wanted to accept her apology and make amends. He could ask her to baby-sit this weekend, since she probably didn’t work on weekends, and Mickie could get to know her. Of course his day would be short on Saturday. He only had to finish up the paperwork related to tonight’s merger and make sure everything was running smoothly. Then he could invite Sarah over for dinner on Sunday as a gesture of thanks. That should smooth over the mistake he’d made tonight.
He reached into the drawer by his bed and pulled out the phone book. After finding her number, he dialed it.
He listened as the call connected.
On the third ring, instead of an answering machine picking up, he heard a message saying the phone was disconnected.
Frowning, he put the receiver down. Had she moved lately? He called Information and the operator told him she had no listing under Sarah’s name.
Thinking back, he remembered Bill, from church, mentioning he’d talked to Sarah only last week. He hadn’t said where he’d seen her or what they’d talked about. His friends were that way. If they met up with Sarah they only informed him that they’d seen her. Few of his friends felt the need to gossip and dredge up past pains. And, he thought, a few were still friends with Sarah, though none ever really talked about her when he was around.
Bill was the answer. If it had been only last week since he’d talked to her he would know where she was now living. Despite the late hour, Justin picked up the phone and dialed Bill’s number. On the second ring, Bill answered it. Justin smiled. Bill had a thing for computers and was usually up until one or two in the morning playing around with some new software or game.
“Hey, Bill,” he said. “Uh, sorry to call so late.”
“Justin? No problem. I’m up. What’s going on?”
“I just tried to get hold of Sarah. She stopped by earlier today and I need to talk to her. I tried the phone number I have for her, but the service has been disconnected. I figured you could tell me where she moved.”
Silence followed.
Justin frowned.
Finally, Bill spoke, but it wasn’t with the answer Justin had wanted.
“You say you talked to her today?”
“Yeah. She, uh, watched Mickie for me. I was in a bind—”
“You let her baby-sit your daughter?”
Why was Bill sounding so shocked? “Yeah. She came by to visit. My baby-sitter had an emergency and Mickie seemed taken with Sarah. Look,” Justin said, becoming impatient, “do you know where she moved? I’d like to get hold of her.” Suddenly, it dawned on Justin what had been bothering him. Her number had not been changed but disconnected. Why? Wait a minute. She had been engaged—“Or what her new last name is,” he added, drawing the conclusion that she must now be married and that was why she no longer had a phone number of her own. “I’d like to…thank her,” he finished, thinking that if she was married, then she wouldn’t want to baby-sit on a weekend. He couldn’t believe she had stayed tonight with a husband waiting for her at home. At least her marriage explained her decreased anger and bitterness since the last time they’d seen each other.
“Sarah didn’t tell you?”
Confused, Justin wrinkled his brow. “Tell me what? That she had married? No, but I know she was engaged—”
“Was is the operative word there, buddy. You’d better sit down.”
Justin stood, instead. “Look, Bill, obviously you know something I don’t. Why don’t you try telling me.”
“I don’t know all the particulars. Just that she’s no longer engaged.”
“Is that all?”
“No. As a matter of fact, it’s not. She no longer works for her fiancé’s family, either, as of a very short time ago. Nor does she live in her old apartment.”
Justin sighed impatiently. “I know the latter—that’s why I called you. Do you know where she lives?”
“Yes.”
Restlessly, Justin ran a hand through his hair. Why was Bill acting as if Sarah’s address and phone number were a national secret? Okay, so Bill felt sorry for Sarah. She had broken off with her fiancé and quit her job. Justin was sorry for her, too, but that might just work out to his best. Maybe he could hire Sarah for a week or two until she found a better job…unless she already had one. But first he had to locate her. This was all too much to take in at once. Just what did he really know about Sarah? Very little, he suddenly realized.
“So where is she?” he demanded, quickly reaching the end of his rope.
There was a hesitation, then a sigh. “Look, Justin, maybe since she didn’t tell you—”
“Where, Bill?” he demanded.
“Okay, okay! But if she’s mad at me—”
“Bill!”
“She’s living at a homeless shelter downtown near Second Street.”
Justin’s legs collapsed underneath him and he sank to the bed, stunned. “Homeless shelter?” he whispered, unable to believe what he was hearing.
“Yeah. Evidently, when she lost her job, she didn’t have enough money to pay her rent. She had to move out but had nowhere to go and wouldn’t let me help since I’m so newly married. She refuses to collect unemployment—”
“She was fired!” Justin shouted.
“As I said,” Bill continued without answering Justin’s question, “she comes in twice a week, looking for a job. The law office, it seems, was overstaffed and had to get rid of a secretary.”
“What’s the shelter’s name and number?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to call and leave a message for Sarah to expect me.”
“Sorry, bud, the shelter closes its doors at eight. Which also means no phone calls, either.”
“What do you mean, it closes its doors at eight?”
“Just what I said. Haven’t you ever been around shelters? In the morning the people are fed, then put out for the day. At the end of the day the shelters reopen and the occupants are allowed back in for supper. At eight this particular one closes its doors and no one else is allowed in. The place is usually full by six or so anyway.”
A sick feeling curled in Justin’s stomach. “What about Sarah?”
“What about her?”
“What if she’s late getting back? Would they let her in? I mean, if she had a good explanation?”
“Sarah’s staying at a very good shelter, Justin. Try not to worry. She’s been there a couple of weeks now. They’ve treated her well. They won’t turn her out.”
Cold fear filled Justin’s heart. “You’re not answering my question. If Sarah was late, would they let her in?”
“Sarah knows the rules. She wouldn’t have been late.”
Justin had his answer. “Thanks, Bill.”
“You okay?”
How could Justin answer that truthfully? “Yeah,” he lied.
Sarah, his sister-in-law, who had been here only thirty minutes ago, was living in a shelter. His sister-in-law, for pity sakes! Why hadn’t she come to him?
In a flash of insight he realized she had. Today. And he’d snipped at her from the time he’d opened the door, never giving her a chance to state her true purpose in coming.
Anger replaced the guilt. Oh, he’d asked, but she’d refused to tell Justin what was going on. It’d always been that way. Amy had been heartsick when Sarah had closed herself off from her only sister because Amy had married him. Of course Sarah had had a good reason for not speaking to him.
His anger deflated. They were both at fault. But why hadn’t she opened up to him tonight and told him she was penniless and living in a shelter?
Because she didn’t trust him. And he didn’t trust her. And she knew that.
Yet despite that, Justin admitted to his feelings of earlier today. True, he’d felt shock and anger when he’d seen her, then experienced a need to prove that he held nothing against her. But worst of all was the spark of interest he’d felt for her that had slowly made itself known as he’d noticed the sway of her hair, the tilt of her chin, the flash of her eyes…Self-loathing ate at him. This was Amy’s sister, not a woman who should interest him. Especially since he still didn’t completely trust her. But all that didn’t matter now. The only thing that mattered was that Sarah was living in a shelter.
His sister-in-law.
Mickie’s aunt.
There was no way he was going to let her stay there.
“So—” Bill broke the silence “—are you ready to talk?”
Justin sighed. Bill was his friend. He trusted Bill more than anyone else. Maybe he needed to confide in a friend. “I guess at the time of Amy’s death Sarah was a convenient person to blame. I was despondent, and according to Sarah, I unintentionally neglected Mickie because of my grief. Maybe Sarah had been acting in Mickie’s best interest by taking me to court…or at least she thought she was. I can tell you it certainly woke me up to what was going on around me and that I had a daughter who needed me.”
He wondered if Sarah had sensed that things weren’t as good between Amy and him as they’d appeared. Had Amy told Sarah she wanted a divorce?
The night of Amy’s death, she had admitted that her parents had encouraged the match, saying it was a way of showing the peace between their two families. Had Sarah known or suspected that? He’d been devastated when his wife had run from the house to go see the sister she hadn’t talked to in months, because she was tired of trying to “work things out” as he’d insisted they do.
“Amy was angry that every time Sarah and I were near each other we fought. I knew this and tried to curb my tongue, but something got my dander up each time the woman came by. Sarah obviously felt the same way. Amy was caught in the middle and maybe that was why Sarah had fought back the way she did. She had been trying to protect Amy. I just don’t know.”
Justin ran a weary hand over his face. “She went too far when she tried to take Mickie.”
Yes, it had jerked him out of his grief, but the strength he’d found was fueled by anger and hatred, not by God. Things had been disastrous at the trial, breaking the familial bonds between them forever. Or so he’d thought until today, when he’d found out that Sarah was living in a shelter and had tried in her own way to “bury the hatchet.”
“You know you can’t just go to her and force her to move home with you. If she thinks you’re offering her charity she’ll disappear. She’s a very proud woman.”
A very proud woman who was now out wandering the streets because the shelter’s doors had closed while she’d been watching Mickie for him. What could he say to Bill? Why hadn’t she told him? He had to do something.
An idea formed. Justin would bet that Sarah would be at the shelter tomorrow when the doors opened. She’d been staying there for a while, according to Bill. Yes, his plan just might work.
“Look, Bill, I’m desperate. I need a baby-sitter. I don’t know how to get a hold of Sarah. Could you contact her for me tomorrow when the shelter opens for breakfast? Tell her I called looking for her and need her help.”
Bill whistled on the other end. “She’s gonna go crazy when she finds out you know about her living in a shelter.”
“I understand. Maybe you can smooth that over, convince her I’m not handing out charity. My baby-sitter quit tonight and I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need someone—immediately! If it’ll help, tell her I’m desperate. You know her better than I do. Do what you have to and convince her to take the job. Call me first thing in the morning after you talk to her.”
“Sure thing. And, Justin?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s about time you faced this thing between you and Sarah.” With those words Bill hung up.
Justin slowly replaced the receiver, trying not to read more into Bill’s words than he’d intended. But the truth was, it was hard not to. Because, like a lightning bolt from the sky, he suddenly wondered if maybe that had not been part of the problem all along. Had he married Amy partly out of guilt? Oh, he’d been attracted to her, but what he’d done to her family’s business had been part of the equation, too. Unfortunately, she’d married him only out of obligation to her family. He’d cared for Amy. At least on his part he had been willing to stay married forever. They had enjoyed a good comfortable relationship, and in his own way, he’d loved her.
But Bill’s words unsettled him more than they should have. Was it not possible that he’d known, on some deeper level, that Amy hadn’t loved him and he’d felt threatened by Sarah’s anger and dislike?
The possibility was too awful to consider. He didn’t want to think that he’d been so insecure back then that he had actually helped cause the wedge in his marriage.
With that thought, he slipped into bed and pulled the covers up to his waist. He would give Sarah a job, prove to her he held no grudges against her and prove to himself that there was really nothing between them at all. Then he’d have his peace again. He could close that part of his life and go forward to face whatever the future held, with no regrets or shadows from the past dogging his heels.
Chapter Three (#ulink_5bfafe22-5c7e-5ec5-9c39-0bd4990f3ee2)
The doorbell rang, but Justin didn’t rush forward the way he wanted to. He didn’t throw open the door and greet his sister-in-law with a blast of anger. Instead, he took two repetitive breaths, letting each one out slowly, readying himself for the battle he was sure to face. When he was certain he had control of his emotions, he calmly walked forward and pulled open the door.
She still wore the same jeans from yesterday. She’d changed her shirt, though, he noted. Instead of a white pullover, she wore a pink one.
“Well, are you done gawking at the charity case?”
He raised an eyebrow in silent query, but that only seemed to antagonize her.
