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“Dude, didn’t you hear Adoria give me the assignment? I had to go to the nearest Mushroom Island and take back samples of the mushrooms there, and I also had to learn how to farm them from the tribe living there. She also made me lure two Mooshrooms away from the island and across the ocean using wheat and bring them all the way back here.”
“Ouch!” yelled the gold one. “That is pretty bad!”
“You’re telling me. The worst part was trading with the tribe there. I tell you, to be iffy about trading two Mooshrooms for four trees and bone meal when you don’t even have trees on your island! Still, you can’t say you’ve lived until you’ve killed a Spider Jockey while keeping two Mooshrooms interested in you with wheat. So, where’s Sally? She back yet?”
“Oh, she tried a new shortcut to get to the hill. She said that it would take her anywhere from half to double the normal time, she’s not sure. She said not to worry if she was late.”
“So, Jay, who are these guys anyway?” asked the Skeleton, pointing at Stan, Charlie and Kat, who had entered the room and were listening to the conversation with a mixture of confusion and admiration for these players who had clearly seen so much of the game.
“These are new players. The motel’s full today so they’re staying in here.”
“Excellent. I just love a good slumber party,” said a girl’s voice from behind them. They all turned around.
A girl was leaning against the doorframe. A plait of black hair ran down her back. She was wearing a green tank top and a black skirt. She was holding an iron sword with fresh Spider guts on the blade.
“Look what the ocelot dragged in! Sally’s back!”
“Glad you’re not dead, Sal.”
“What took you so long, girl?”
Sally gave a tired grin that suggested that she was dealing with little siblings who were entirely too happy to see her after a long day. “Do you remember when we used to greet each other with a nice ‘Hello’?” she asked.
“I’m sorry,” said the Skeleton. “Would you prefer that?”
“’Course not!” Sally laughed. “I’m just reminiscing. So, you gonna introduce me to these noobs?”
“If you insist,” Jayden said. “You’re lucky I hadn’t already introduced them to Archie and G, or I wouldn’t have wasted my breath on you,” he added good-naturedly. “This is Kat, Stan and Charlie,” he introduced them, pointing them each out in turn. “New guys, this is Archie” – the Skeleton nodded – “Goldman, aka G” – the golden guy nodded – “and Sally.” The girl nodded.
“’Sup, guys,” said G. “Cool dog, Kat.”
“What are you talking … what …?” Kat’s eyes widened as she looked behind her. Rex had just walked in the door and was walking over to Kat, who petted the dog, still looking amazed.
“How did Rex manage to get up the ladder?” she asked.
“Nobody knows …” replied Archie ominously.
They all stared at the dog for a moment and then looked away. None of them made eye contact with Rex for the rest of the night.
“So, anyway, why are these noobs staying in here?” asked Sally, frowning as she leaned against the doorframe.
“Could you please stop calling us noobs?” asked Stan. “It gets really annoying after a while.”
“Sorry, buddy, I paid my dues. I was a noob like you once, but then I took an arrow to the … heh, heh, heh, just kidding. My point is, people are gonna call you that until you pass, say, level ten. But until then, you’re just gonna have to put up with it. We all did,” she said, gesturing to herself, Jayden, G and Archie.
“Fine, I can accept other people calling me that,” said Stan, “but could you guys not, seeing as I have to live with you for a few days?”
“Hmmm …,” said Sally, pretending to think. “Uh, yeah, no, I think I will call you that. I probably wouldn’t if it didn’t annoy you so much though.” She shrugged.
Stan sighed. “Is she always like this?” he asked, turning to Archie.
He laughed. “Of course not! Sally is an absolute pleasure to live with. She’s not aggravating, obnoxious and condescending to us guys – whatever would give you that idea?”
Sally rolled her eyes. “Are you finished?”
Archie replied, “Well, as I glance at that sword in your hand, I think I’ll say yes?”
They all laughed.
“So, you guys starting the programme tomorrow?” asked G as Sally went to the chest next to one of the beds and put a sword and some watermelon in it.
“Apparently so. Jayden mentioned that you four teach the classes. Is that right?”
“Yep,” replied Sally as she sat down on her bed with her legs crossed. “I’m gonna teach you guys everything you need to know about sword fighting and crafting.”
“Yes, and when she says everything, that includes the how-to of disemboweling a Spider,” added G, and they all laughed again. “Anyway, I’ll teach you how to fight using a pickaxe, and everything you need to know about mining.”
“I myself,” boomed Archie, “will be instructing you on the precision art and skill of the launched projectile forged from the stone of gravel, the spindle of a tree and the coat of a bird. In other words, I’m teaching archery. Go figure,” he said, gesturing to his Skeleton costume.
“I’m teaching axe fighting and farming technique,” said Jayden. He reached into the chest next to his bed and pulled out an axe. But this wasn’t just any axe. The blade was created from diamond, and though the wooden handle was worn, the diamond still glinted in the light of the torches, sharp and deadly. Stan stared at it. It was the most impressive thing he had seen in the game so far.
“This is my most prized possession,” he said. “My brother gave it to me when I left his farm.”
“Stop showing off,” moaned G. “We can’t all have diamond tools,” and he opened his chest to get some food.
“Hold up! What’s that?” interjected Charlie, pointing to something in G’s chest.
“What, this thing?” he asked, and he pulled out something just as impressive as the diamond axe – a pickaxe, forged from solid gold.
“How can you say you have bad tools when you have that thing?” asked Kat, and Charlie and Stan nodded in agreement.
“What? Oh! That’s right, you don’t know, do you?” G laughed. “Well, it may look cool, but golden tools aren’t very practical at all. They break absurdly fast. They actually break faster than stuff made out of wood. The only upside to them is that they break stuff quickly, and even then a golden pickaxe can only break cobblestone and coal ore. I mostly just carry mine around for show, to go with my image.” G gestured to his golden body. As G sniggered at his own whimsy, Stan noticed Kat raise an eyebrow and give an amused chuckle.
“Well, I’m exhausted,” said Jayden, yawning. “That mission was awful, and I’m sure that you guys must be spent after all that you went through to get here.” The three new players nodded gratefully. “G, Sal, pull out the extra beds. Charlie, Kat, Stan, you guys should eat something before you go to bed. Try this.”
Jayden reached into his chest and pulled out two cooked steaks and a cooked pork chop. He handed a steak to Stan and Charlie, and the pork chop to Kat.
“Mmm,” said Kat, licking her lips when she’d finished, “that was so much better than the raw one.” Charlie rolled his eyes.
All fed, the seven players climbed into their beds, and five of them were out cold almost immediately. Stan was just about to fall asleep, too, when he heard a voice from behind him.
“You asleep, noob?”
Stan flipped over in his bed to face the one talking. Sally was crouching down next to his bed. “I’ll take that as a no, then,” she said.
Stan sat up. “Can I help you?” he asked.
Sally sat down next to him. “Yeah, you can,” she asked. “Is this your first time in Minecraft?”
Stan nodded.
“Have you ever played a game like it before?”
Stan looked at her. “How many games like Minecraft are there?” he asked.
“Not important.” She shrugged. “I guess my question is … do you feel like you’re something special?”
“Why, yes. I mean, that’s what my mummy tells me every night,” said Stan sarcastically. “‘Stan, no matter what those mean boys tell you, just remember that you’ll always be special to me.’ Is that what you mean?”
Sally giggled, which seemed oddly out of character to Stan. “You’re funny,” she said.
“Am I?” asked Stan, getting aggravated again. “Is that why you woke me up? So I could make you laugh? I’m exhausted.Please just let me sleep.”
And with that he flopped back down on his bed. Unfortunately, he had misjudged the exact position of the pillow and he ended up with his head on the floor, a painful throbbing in his skull from the impact.
As he sat up he could see Sally was not even trying to keep a straight face, just holding her mouth and trying not to burst out laughing and wake up the others. Stan couldn’t blame her. It must have looked pretty ridiculous. “Not a word,” he said as he sat back up. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”
Sally eventually calmed down, and when she did, she rolled her eyes and said, “We’ll talk about it later. You need some sleep. G’night, noob.” And she stood up and lay down in her own bed.
Nice girl, thought Stan as he drifted into sleep. Annoying though.
CHAPTER 5 (#ulink_d4978284-97c8-5365-8a85-a789a7683f2d)
THE PROGRAMME (#ulink_d4978284-97c8-5365-8a85-a789a7683f2d)
“Goooooooooooooooood moooooooooorning, freeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh meat!”
Stan sprang up and out of bed, startled by the deafening noise. He looked wildly around and saw Kat and Charlie still in their beds, Kat swinging her sword (which she had apparently slept with in her hand) around, yelling, “Die die die die die!” Charlie sat bolt upright, his hand clutching his chest. Archie was standing on top of the table with the tools on it, his hands cupped; clearly, it had been him who had yelled. G and Jayden were behind him, laughing hard at the new players’ reactions.
“Oh God, you three … you three should have seen the looks … the looks on your faces!” Jayden managed to get out between laughs.
“We’ve had some pretty … some pretty good react … reactions,” wheezed G, clutching his sides, “but you guys … that was so over the top! Especially you, Kat! ‘Die die die die die!’” he said, setting off another round of laughter.
Kat stood up, walked over to G, put her hands on her hips, and stared at him in the eye. “That was not funny! What if I had hit someone? Someone could have died!”
“I’m sorry, but why were you sleeping with a sword anyway, Kat?” asked Archie.
“Aw, did da wittle girl have a bad dweam about da cweepas comin to get her?” said G in a mock-baby voice, to another round of hysterics.
Kat pocketed her sword, walked up to G, who was now cramping with laughter, and punched him hard in the chest.
“Ouch!” G yelled, doubling over. “Man, Kat, that actually hurt! Should I punch you now? Huh?”
Kat smirked. “Even in a game, I doubt that you would hit a girl, unless she was armed and trying to kill you.”
“Huh? What was that about girls trying to kill people?”
Sally had just walked into the room. She said, “Kat, if you want to kill these five, I’m more than happy to help you.”
“I’d like to take that offer, please,” Kat replied, rubbing her eyes, “because they just woke me up by yelling at me.”
“It was hilarious!” laughed G. “She started freaking out with her sword, which she slept with …” and the three older boys fell to the ground in fits of laughter.
“You three are so immature,” she said arrogantly. “Anyway, get off the crafting table, Archie. I’m crafting us some breakfast.” He complied, still sniggering.
“Where’d you go this morning anyway, Sal?” Jayden asked inquisitively.
“Yeah, we had to pull the prank without ya,” added G.
“Pardon me, boys, but I think you’ll be happy when you see what I have planned.” Sally reached into her inventory and pulled out three buckets of milk, an egg, some sugar and some wheat.
“Oh boy, Sal, are you making what I think you’re making?” Archie boomed eagerly.
“Well, when it’s my turn to make breakfast, I prefer to do it right,” she said as she started a complex series of crafts with the food items. “Especially when we have guests.” And Stan could have sworn that she caught his eye.
“Here we go,” she said after a minute of waiting. She held up a square cake. From what Stan could see, it was strawberry shortcake, which he didn’t understand, as Sally had added neither strawberries nor frosting. “Dig in.”
There were six equal pieces of cake. Everybody was given a slice except for Sally. Stan was about to eat his piece when he looked at Sally. She was glancing at him in an expectant way. Stan had a feeling he knew why.
“Uh, Sally? Do you, uh, wanna have some of my cake?”
“Why, thank you, Stan, I would like that very much.” She grabbed a knife from the table with the tools and cut Stan’s piece down the middle. She took half of it and ate it in one bite, giving a loud burp afterwards. G and Archie sniggered, but Stan wasn’t sure if it was because of Sally belching or him sharing his cake.
After they were finished eating, Jayden stood up. “Alrighty then, thank you, Sally, for the excellent breakfast.” There were murmurs of consent. “If anyone is still hungry, we’ll stop by my brother’s farm on the way to the school for watermelons. New inductees, put all your things in the extra chest in the corner over there, and follow me.”
After they had put their things away, the players left the building and went down the ladder, leaving Rex sitting in the room. As they walked down the main road of the village, they stopped just before the Town Hall and turned into the farm to the right of the Hall.
“This is where my brother lives,” explained Jayden, as they walked under the hedge that marked the entrance to the farm. “He’s the most productive farmer in this entire village, and the only one who is a higher level than Adoria. He’s level fifty-four, five higher than she is. The only problem is that he’s—”
“Hey, Jay!”
A player with wild grey hair and farmer’s clothing was running up to them, holding what appeared to be an iron hoe.
“Hey, hey, you guys! Hey, you guys are new?” he asked Stan, Kat and Charlie in a jittery fashion. “Ya look new, carryin’ around all dat stone crap, ya know, hey! Hey! Ya want some Lightnin’? Cause I know this great place where—”
“Steve, again? Really!? I thought that we agreed that you wouldn’t be QPOed on duty!” Jayden cried in an exasperated voice.
“I ain’t QPOed, whadevah’d give ya dat ideeeeee-ooooooooooooohhhh …” and then the crazed player – Steve, Jayden had called him – slunk down to the ground, clearly passed out.
“Oh, for the love of God,” moaned Jayden.
“What the … what … what just happened?” asked Kat, looking repulsed at the still body on the ground.
“Is he gonna be OK?” asked Charlie.
“Well, Charlie, yes he is, but I’m getting awfully sick of healing him,” sighed Jayden as he pulled an apple out of his bag. This apple was shimmering golden in the sunlight, and Jayden bent over and stuffed it into the player’s mouth. Jayden stood up.
“To answer your question, Kat, he was on a potion called the Potion of Swiftness, also called QPO or Lightning. It’s a potion that’ll give you a quick burst of energy, but it will make you weak for a short while afterwards. Steve here took too much QPO one night at a Spleef match, and he hasn’t been able to drink it without passing out afterwards ever since. It’s a shame. It really did help him run this farm more productively.”
