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Crystal drew in a quick breath. “We’d love you to come. Did you drive from Denver in a rental car?”
“Oui,” he answered with a hint of irony.
Of course he had. She was a fool.
“Can I go to the house in his car, Maman?”
He’d been calling her Mommy for the last year. Now suddenly her bilingual son had reverted to French. Another revelation that gave her second sight. Philippe had been starved for the man he’d loved most in the world next to his own father. In truth he’d spent more time with Raoul over the years than he’d spent with Eric, who was always off training.
“S’il te plâit.” Please, his eyes begged her. In that moment he reminded her of Eric when he begged Crystal to forgive him for something he’d done, or not done after he’d promised. All the unkept promises. The memories assailed her, knocking her off balance.
“Yes, of course. But make sure you’re strapped in.”
Philippe jumped up and down with all the excitement that had been missing since before Eric’s death. The sight of his uncle had made a remarkable change in him.
“I’ll take care of him,” Raoul assured her in an aside.
He hadn’t needed to say anything. Ever since the night she’d gone into labor two weeks early and Raoul had driven her to the hospital, comforting her on the way because she was bleeding, a bond had formed. She knew she could trust him with her life. He and Suzanne couldn’t do enough to be there for her.
Eric had been away at a World Cup race in Cortina. It wasn’t his fault he’d missed the delivery. The doctor hadn’t expected her to have the baby so soon. When she’d called her mother-in-law for help, Raoul happened to be at the house and answered the phone. The second he heard the alarm in her voice, he’d dropped everything to help her. The doctor said his quick response had saved her life. Another ten minutes and she would have bled to death.
Watching Philippe cling to his uncle’s arm brought back a rush of memories. “We’ll follow you, Mommy!”
“Sounds good. I’ll pull around the front.” She turned away and hurried into the back room for Philippe’s other parka, but her legs were wobbly because she was in shock. By the time she’d climbed in the car and started the motor, fear had snaked through her nervous system.
There was only one reason Raoul would have flown to the States. He’d brought bad news that he felt should be delivered in person. He shouldn’t have come. A phone call would have been better.
She could speculate all she wanted, but whatever was wrong she didn’t think she could handle the pain. They’d all lived through so much with two deaths in the family on top of her trying to bring Philippe out of his depression and help him cope. Yet Raoul was here now, and whatever emergency had brought him here, she would have to deal with it and be strong for Philippe no matter what.
The first fat snowflakes slapped against the windshield, harbingers of what was coming. Through the rearview mirror she watched the white Ford rental car trail behind her. Her heart refused to behave. It really was Raoul behind the wheel. He was in Breckenridge, not Chamonix.
Normally if he left town for any length of time, it was to climb or hike another range of mountains with his best friend, Des, whose home was in the Spanish Pyrenees. When they’d met Des on different occasions, she’d liked him very much. After Suzanne’s death, the two men had spent over two months climbing in the Himalayas. Des had worried about Raoul.
So had she. For a long time after that, Raoul had been so closed up it was like his heart had gone into a deep freeze. Only around Philippe or Vivige’s children had she seen it melt and remind her of the warm, wonderful man he’d once been when Suzanne was alive.
Crystal shivered, remembering that time when the whole family had been so concerned about him. On a personal level, she’d lost a dear friend in Suzanne. Eric had thought the world of her, too. Until her death, when Raoul’s world had collapsed, the four of them had done a lot together.
She bit her lip. A year had gone by without seeing him, except to hear his voice when he called and they spoke briefly before he asked to speak to Philippe. She heard snippets about him in conjunction with the family business, but she knew little about his personal life except for one thing.
The last time she’d talked to Vivige, she’d learned Raoul was seeing some woman named Sylvie Beliveau. The family was hoping it would grow into something serious and were keeping their fingers crossed.
Crystal had tried not to let the news affect her and refused to pry. Aside from her worry over Philippe, she wouldn’t allow any painful reminders from the past to disturb this time of putting a new life together.
It sounded like Raoul had finally come out of his own darkness and was trying to get on with his life. She wished she didn’t want to know what the other woman was like, but certain thoughts pervaded her mind anyway. And now Raoul was here.
Because of his unanticipated arrival this afternoon, her emotions were in chaos and the last year apart might never have been. Already a new form of turmoil was eating away at her insides, destroying whatever little peace of mind she’d been clinging to because an ocean had separated them.
Raoul had fastened Philippe in the backseat, but kept looking at him through the rearview mirror. Philippe could see him in it and they both smiled. “You’ve grown a foot since the last time I saw you.” He spoke in French.
His nephew giggled. “I’ve had a birthday, too,” he responded in the same language. “The model car you sent me is my favorite toy.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“Next year I’ll be seven.”
Puzzled by the comment Raoul said, “How come you’re in such a hurry to get older?”
“‘Cause then Mommy will take me back to see you.”
Stunned by the revealing comment, he had to take a fortifying breath. “Do you know how much I’ve missed you?” Raoul couldn’t imagine loving his own child more than he loved Philippe.
The boy nodded. “I’ve missed you, too. Every time we talked on the phone, you promised you’d come and see me. How come it took you so long?”
He gripped the steering wheel tighter. There were several reasons. He hadn’t liked the fact that he’d developed an unwanted attraction to his sister-in-law. It was better they were apart. For a long time he’d been at war with himself to keep things that way. But Philippe didn’t know that, and there was only one safe answer to give him.
“Business has kept me too busy. Your grandfather has been forced to slow down, so I’ve been doing some of his work along with my own.”
“Now that you’re here you can stay at my nana’s with me in the other bed. Sometimes Mommy sleeps in there with me when I cry.”
Raoul sucked in his breath. “Do you cry a lot?”
“Yes. Do you?”
“Sometimes. I miss your father, too.”
“I wish he didn’t have to die. Then we wouldn’t have to live here.”
The tremor in his nephew’s voice caused Raoul’s throat to swell. “I’ve wished that a thousand times, Philippe.” A thousand times. Crystal’s decision to move back to Colorado had angered him. But as the months had worn on and he’d recovered from his initial reaction, he’d realized it was because he’d missed her.
They’d shared a hell of a lot over the years. When she’d left Chamonix for good, he was flung into another void that had nothing to do with the loss of his brother. Insane as it was, he found his thoughts dwelling on her all the time, filling him with guilt that it was she rather than Eric he was missing.
“I’m mad at Mommy.”
Join the club, Philippe.
But Raoul steeled himself not to react. There’d been a major change in Crystal even before Eric’s death. Emotionally he’d felt her push herself away from the family, from him. For his own sense of self-preservation he’d honored the unspoken message to stay away until now. On the flight over, part of him was still fighting the imminent reunion while the other part of him couldn’t wait for it.
He’d stepped off the plane totally conflicted, but seeing her this afternoon brought a whole new set of feelings into the mix.
She no longer had that vivacious girl-next-door look that had been so appealing, she’d made the cover of every sporting magazine and had snared his brother. Their romance had captured the headlines for a long time. For him to have died so young, and leaving a wife and child behind, had taken its toll on everyone.
Remembering Philippe he said, “Why are you upset with your mother?”
“She made us come here. I want to go home.”
There was an unmistakable forlornness in his tone. “Doesn’t Breckenridge feel like home now?”
“No,” came the quiet answer. “My house is in Chamonix.”
So it was … For a six-year-old, Philippe had an intelligence and maturity beyond his years.
“Could I go home with you, Uncle Raoul?”
With that question, Raoul’s thoughts reeled. Since there were things he couldn’t discuss with his nephew until after he’d talked with Crystal, he pretended to misunderstand. “I’ve got a room at the Hotel Des Alpes down the road from your grandpa’s store. If your mother says it’s all right, you can sleep with me tonight.”
“Goody! I always wanted to stay there. It has real sleigh bells inside. Sometimes Mommy lets me go inside to shake them.”
He smiled because everything about Philippe was so endearing. “You like sleigh bells?”
“Yup. They’re like the ones in Grandpa’s storeroom. Remember when you took me and Albert for a sleigh ride?”
It surprised him Philippe remembered so much. Twelve months had passed since they’d left France, yet that memory had stood out. Was Crystal aware of her son’s deepest feelings? Or was she still in too much pain over losing Eric to feel anything these days?
Raoul had gone through the grieving period after Suzanne was killed, but he’d got past it. If they’d had a child together already, it might have taken longer if you saw the face of the person you’d loved every time you looked at your own child. But that hadn’t been the case.
“Tell me about school. What’s your teacher’s name?”
“Ms. Crabtree.”
“Do you like your teacher?”
“She’s all right, but she can’t speak French. Nobody speaks French here.”
He spoke in a voice that said he was bored with the idiocy of people, reminding Raoul of Eric when his brother brushed aside something he found irritating during a conversation. Raoul didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Being with Philippe made the memories fly fast and furiously.
“Your mommy speaks French.” When there was no comment he said, “Have you got a best friend yet?”
“Nope. Albert’s my best friend.” Albert was Philippe’s seven-year-old cousin.
“How come you haven’t made one here?”
“I just haven’t.” A sigh escaped.
That was no answer. There was a lot wrong with Philippe. “You have me.”
“But you live in Chamonix and Mommy won’t take me home.” His nephew’s tears weren’t far away.
“Have you asked her?”
“Yes. But she always cries when I do. My nana told me Mommy’s going to take me back when I’m older, but I want to go now. I wish I could live with you.”
Raoul’s eyes smarted. When he’d driven up here from Denver, he’d imagined he’d find an Americanized boy who’d forgotten his French and Raoul. He had to clear his throat. “Then your mother would feel bad.”
“I don’t care.”
“That’s not true,” he said gently.
“She’s mean.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“But she is. When I ask her if I can call you up, she says we have to wait till you call first because you’re too busy.”
Raoul bit down hard. “I’ll have a talk with her about that.” It was his fault. By trying to distance himself from Crystal, he’d gone too far. But that was because of his unbrotherly feelings for her that he’d been trying to fight—without success.
“She’ll get mad I told you.”
“Does she really get mad?”
After a pause Philippe said, “No, but she doesn’t smile.”
Once long ago Crystal’s beautiful smile had been her trademark. “We like our mothers to smile, don’t we?” No matter how much pain everyone is in.
Through the mirror he saw Philippe nod.
When Raoul had watched her jet take off for Colorado, he’d felt like a dark shield had dropped over him. He hadn’t been able to imagine himself smiling again. “Who do you play with at school?”
“Nobody.”
His heart lurched. “Tell me the truth now.”
Philippe’s little chin jutted out. “I am.”
“What do you think is the problem?”
“I heard a couple of the boys talking at recess. They said I’m a geek and have a stupid name.”
Just now Philippe sounded like the brother who’d grown up with Raoul. When Eric got upset, he became obstinate and defensive. It took a lot to pull him out of it. “I bet your teacher is impressed you speak two languages. Those boys are just jealous.”
“What does ‘jealous’ mean?”
“They wish they could be as smart as you. But since they only speak English, they’re mad and say mean things.”
“Oh.”
By the time they reached the mountain home made of wood and glass, Raoul realized his nephew had been living in pain. Unfortunately, the news Raoul had brought meant there was more ahead.
He stepped out of the car into a serious snowstorm and opened the back door for Philippe. “Come on. Let’s get you in the house.” He picked up his nephew and gave him another hug before carrying him up the front steps. On the way he saw Christmas lights twinkling in the window.
Crystal had opened the door for them. The scent of pine wafted past him. Her mother, Liz, flew across the foyer to greet him with a strong hug. On dozens of occasions when Crystal’s parents had come to Chamonix, he’d had the opportunity to spend time with the charming blond woman.
She invited him into the den, which was lined with family pictures, many of them showing Crystal winning ski races with her face rosy and glowing. Several showed her and Eric together, their arms around each other.
This was the first time Raoul had been to Breckenridge, let alone to Crystal’s family home. Though Chamonix and Breckenridge were an ocean apart, being here made him realize how similar their two families’ upbringings had been.
The room had been decked out for Christmas. Their tree with its many colored lights stood in front of the picture window just like the one at his parents’ home, except the decorations were different.
A few days ago he and his brother-in-law, Bernard, who ran an engineering firm for a petroleum business in Chamonix, had set up a Christmas tree for Raoul’s mother in the salon. They’d strung it with the traditional white lights. Vivige had organized their children to put on the ornaments. When Christmas Eve came, the wax candles in the tree’s candle holders would be lighted after they returned from Mass.
