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And then she heard the sounds of a shower running and realised that the door led to a bathroom.
A tidal wave of relief surged over her and she stopped. Her limbs suddenly drained of strength, she plopped back onto the bed.
He hadn’t walked out.
He wasn’t her father.
This was different.
Or was it?
Feeling unsettled, confused and desperately hurt, she lay on her back, staring up at the canopy of the four-poster bed.
Rejection wasn’t new to her, was it?
So why did it hurt so badly?
Eventually the noise of the shower stopped and moments later Casper strolled back into the bedroom. He’d pulled on a black robe and his hair was still damp from the shower.
Without looking at her, he walked into what she presumed was a dressing room and emerged wearing a pair of trousers, a fresh shirt in his hand.
‘Aren’t you coming back to bed? Did I say something?’ Feeling intensely vulnerable, Holly sat up in the bed and twisted the ends of her hair with nervous fingers. ‘One minute we were lying there having a cuddle and the next you sprang out of bed and stalked off. I feel as though you’re upset, but I don’t know why.’
‘Go to sleep.’ He shrugged his shoulders into the shirt and fastened the buttons with strong, sure fingers. Those samefingers that had driven her wild.
‘How can I possibly sleep? Talk to me!’ Suddenly it felt wrong to be naked, and she reached for the silk nightdress that someone had laid next to her pillow and pulled it over her head. ‘What’s wrong? Is it the whole wedding thing?’ She wanted to ask whether he was thinking about the fiancée he should have married, Antonia, but she didn’t want to risk making the situation worse.
‘Go back to bed, Holly.’
‘How can I possibly do that? Don’t shut me out, Casper.’ Her voice cracked and she slid out of bed and walked over to him. ‘I’m your wife.’
‘Precisely.’ He looked at her then, and his eyes were cold as ice. ‘I have already fulfilled my side of the deal by marrying you.’
Holly froze with shock. ‘Deal?’
‘You wanted a father for your baby. I needed an heir.’
Her legs buckled and she sank down onto the edge of the bed. ‘You make it sound as though I picked you at random.’
‘Not at random. I think you targeted me very carefully.’
‘You still believe this isn’t your baby. Oh God. I really thought you’d changed your mind about that—you seemed different today—and when we—’ She glanced at the rumpled sheets on the bed, her eyes glistening with tears. ‘You made love to me and it felt—’
‘We had sex, Holly.’ His voice was devoid of emotion. ‘Love didn’t come into it, and it never will, make no mistake about that. Don’t do that female thing of turning a physical act into something emotional.’
Her hopes exploded like a balloon landing on nails.
‘It wasn’t just the sex,’ she whispered. ‘You’ve been different today. Caring. Ever since the moment I arrived at the cathedral.’ Her voice cracked. ‘You’ve been smiling at me, you had your arm around me. You kissed me.’
‘We’re supposed to look as though we’re in love.’ Apparently unaffected by her mounting distress, he strode over to an antique table next to the window. ‘Do you want a drink?’
‘No. I don’t want a drink!’ Her heart was suddenly bumping hard and she felt physically sick. ‘Are you saying that everything that happened today was for the benefit of the crowd?’
He poured himself a whisky but didn’t touch it. Instead he stared out of the window, his knuckles white on the glass, his handsome face revealing nothing of his thoughts. No emotion. ‘They wanted the fairy tale. We gave it to them. That’s what we royals have to do. We give the people what they want. In this case, a love match, a wedding and an heir.’
She blinked rapidly, determined to hold back the tears. ‘So why did you marry me?’
He lifted the glass to his lips. ‘Why not?’
‘Because you could have married someone you loved.’
He lowered the glass without drinking. ‘I don’t want love.’
Because he’d had it once and now it was gone?
Holly’s throat closed. ‘That’s a terrible thing to say and a terrible way to feel,’ she whispered. ‘I know you lost and I know you must have suffered, but—’
‘You don’t know anything.’
‘Then tell me!’ She was crying openly now, tears flooding her cheeks. ‘I’m devastated that the whole of today was a sham. I know it’s difficult for you to talk about Antonia, and frankly it isn’t that easy to hear it, either. But I know we’re not going to have any sort of marriage unless we’re honest with each other.’
Please don’t let him walk out on me. Please don’t let thathappen.
‘Honest?’ He slammed the glass down onto the table and turned to look at her. ‘You lie about your baby, you lie all the way to the altar wearing your symbolic white dress, and then you suggest we’re honest? It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?’
‘It’s your baby,’ Holly said hoarsely. Her insides were twisted in pain as she felt her new life crumbling around her. ‘And I don’t know how you can believe otherwise.’
‘Don’t you? Then let me tell you.’ He strolled towards her, his eyes glittering dark and deadly. ‘It can’t be my baby, Holly, because I can’t have children. I don’t know whose baby you’re carrying, my sweet wife, but I know for sure it isn’t mine. I’m infertile.’
CHAPTER SIX (#ue79b7063-0282-5adc-b83f-ab8a83eee903)
‘NO.’ HOLLY sat down hard on the nearest chair, her heart pounding. ‘That isn’t possible,’ she said hoarsely. ‘I am living proof that it isn’t possible. Why would you even think that?’
‘Eight years ago I had an accident.’
The accident that had killed his brother and Antonia. ‘I know about the accident.’
‘You know only what I chose to reveal.’ He paced across the room and stared out over the ocean. ‘Everyone knew that Santallia lost the heir to the throne. Everyone knew my fiancée died. No one knew that the accident crushed my pelvis so badly that my chances of ever fathering a child were nil.’
Holly’s mind was in turmoil. ‘Casper—’
‘We had a crisis on our hands.’ He thrust his hands into his pockets, the movement emphasising the hard masculine lines of his body. ‘My brother was dead. I was suddenly the ruling prince and I was in intensive care, hitched up to a ventilator. When I recovered, everyone was celebrating. It was the wrong time to break the news to the people that their prince couldn’t give them what they wanted.’
Holly sank her hands into her hair, struggling to take in what he was saying. ‘Who told you?’
‘The doctor who treated me.’
‘Well, the doctor was wrong.’ Her hands fell to her sides and she walked across to him, her tone urgent. ‘Look at me, Casper. Listen to me. Whatever you may have been told—whatever you think—you are not infertile. I am having your baby.’
‘Don’t do this, Holly.’ He drew away from her. ‘I’ve accepted your child as mine, and that’s all that matters. You’ve given me my heir. The public think you’re a genius.’ He stared into his drink. ‘At some point, I’ll have to tell the people the truth. Let them decide about the succession.’
As the implications of his words sank in, Holly shook her head, horrified by what that would mean. ‘No. You mustn’t do that.’
‘Because your newfound popularity would take a nosedive?’ He gave a cynical smile. ‘You think Santallia might rather not know that its new innocent princess has rather more sexual experience than they’d like?’
‘Casper, my sexual experience encompasses you and only you.’ Frustrated that she couldn’t get through to him, Holly turned away and walked over to the window. Dawn was breaking and the rising sun sent pink shadows over the sea, but she saw nothing except her child’s future crumbling before her. ‘You should see a doctor again. You should have more tests. They made a mistake.’
‘The subject is closed.’
‘Fine. Don’t have tests, then.’ Anger and frustration rose out of her misery. ‘But don’t you dare announce to the world that this isn’t your baby!’ Her eyes suddenly fierce, she turned on him. ‘I do not want our child having that sort of scar on his background. And once you’ve said something like that, you can never take it back.’
‘They have a right to know about the baby’s paternity.’
Holly straightened her shoulders. ‘Once the baby is born, I’ll prove our baby’s paternity. Until then, you say nothing.’
‘If you’re so confident about paternity, then why wait? There are tests that can be done now. Or are you buying yourself more time?’
She lifted her hands to her cheeks, so stressed that she could hardly breathe. ‘Tests now would put the baby at risk and I won’t do that. But don’t you dare tell anyone this isn’t your baby. Promise me, Casper.’
‘All right.’
Celebrating that minor victory, Holly sank onto the curved window seat and stared down at the sea lapping at the white sand below. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this when we were in London?’
‘Because you didn’t need to know.’
‘How can you say that?’
‘You wanted a father for your baby and I needed an heir. The details were irrelevant and they still are. You have a prince, a palace and a fortune. This drama is unnecessary.’
‘I wanted our baby to know its father,’ Holly whispered softly, her hand covering her abdomen in an instinctive gesture of protection. ‘I thought marrying you was the right thing to do.’
‘If it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t have let you make any other decision. And I don’t want to talk about this again, Holly. You’ll have everything you need and so will the baby.’
No. No, she wouldn’t.
Holly closed her eyes, trying to ignore the raw wound caused by his admission that the whole day had been a lie.
She’d felt lonely before, but nothing had come close to the feeling of isolation that engulfed her following Casper’s rejection.
She desperately wanted to talk to someone—to confide.
But there was no one.
She was alone.
Except that she wasn’t really alone, was she? She had their baby to think about—to protect.
Once he or she was born, she’d be able to prove that Casper was the father. And until then she just had to try and keep their hopelessly unstable little family unit together.
That was all that mattered.
Starved of affection from Casper and desperately worried about the future, Holly threw herself into palace life and her royal duties.
She spent hours pouring over a map until she was familiar with every part of Santallia. Determined to develop the knowledge of a local, she persuaded Emilio to drive her round. The result was that she shocked and delighted the public by her frequent impromptu appearances. Oblivious to security or protocol, she talked to everyone, finding out what they liked and how they felt.
And one thing that always came across was how much they loved Casper.
‘You’re just what he needs,’ one old lady said as Holly sat by her bed in the hospital, keeping her company for half an hour after an exhausting morning of official visits. ‘After the accident we thought he wouldn’t recover, you know.’
Holly reached forward to adjust the old lady’s pillows. ‘You mean because he was so badly injured?’
‘No. Because he lost so much. But now he has you to love.’
But he didn’t want love, did he?
Holly managed a smile. ‘I need to go. Tonight it’s dinner with a president and his wife, no less. Do you want more tea before I go?’
‘I want you to tell me about the state visit. What will you be wearing?’
‘Actually, I’m not sure.’ Holly thought about her extensive wardrobe. No one could accuse Casper of being stingy, she thought ruefully. The trouble was, she now had such a variety of gorgeous designer clothes that choosing had become impossible, but even that wasn’t a problem, because she now had someone to do it for her. When she’d first realised that a member of staff had been employed purely to keep her wardrobe in order and help her select outfits, she’d gaped at Casper.
‘You mean it’s someone’s whole job just to tell me how to dress?’
He’d dismissed her amazement with a frown. ‘How else will you know what to wear for the various occasions? Her job is to research every engagement in advance and make the appropriate choice of outfit. It will stop you making an embarrassing mistake.’
The news that he found her potentially embarrassing had done nothing for Holly’s fragile confidence, and she’d humbly accepted the woman’s help.
Thinking of it, Holly smiled at the old lady. ‘I think I’m wearing a blue dress. With silver straps. A bit Hollywood, but apparently the president loves glamour.’
‘You’re so beautiful, he’ll be charmed. And blue is a good colour for you. I’ve been admiring your bracelet—I had one almost exactly like that when I was your age.’ The woman’s eyes misted. ‘My husband gave it to me because he said it was the same colour as my eyes. I lost it years ago. Not that it matters. The trouble with getting old is you don’t have the same opportunities to dress up.’
‘You don’t need an occasion,’ Holly said blithely, slipping the bracelet off and sliding it onto the old lady’s bony wrist. ‘There. It looks gorgeous.’
‘You can’t give me that.’
‘Why not? It looks pretty on you. I must go or they’ll start moaning at me. Try not to seduce any of the doctors.’ Holly rose to her feet, silently acknowledging that part of her was reluctant to return to the palace. She loved visiting everyone and chatting. When she was out and about and talking to people, it was easier to pretend that she wasn’t desperately lonely.
That her marriage wasn’t empty.
Casper seemed to think that presents were a reasonable substitute for his company.
It had taken only a couple of days for her to discover that he set himself a punishing work schedule, spending much of the day involved in state business or royal engagements.
Since their wedding they’d spent virtually no daylight hours alone together. Every evening there seemed to be yet another formal banquet, foreign dignitaries to be entertained, another evening of smiles and polite conversation.
And the fact that he never saw her was presumably intentional, she thought miserably as she said her farewells to all the ladies on the ward and allowed Emilio to guide her back to the car.
Casper didn’t want to spend time with her, did he?
