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“I know you don’t think so right now,” Cindy continued, echoing Tessa’s thoughts. “But I wouldn’t try to convince you if I didn’t believe it.” Her cell phone rang and she glanced at the screen. “Sorry. I have to take this.”
Tessa sipped her tea while trying not to listen, but she couldn’t miss the distress in her friend’s voice.
“Something wrong?” Tessa asked as Cindy clicked the phone off.
“An inconvenience really.” Cindy’s face filled with regret. “It’s the Children’s Home,” she began, referring to the organization she had founded that fostered children. She had established the home as an outgrowth of a class she taught at church. It all began with one unwanted child, which led to forming the Rainbow class for kids who needed extra attention. The group had grown, then taken on a life of its own. Cindy’s house had been adapted as a permanent home for children without homes of their own.
“Something you need to take care of now?” Sensing her friend was feeling bad because their outing was about to be cut short, Tessa made an impulsive offer. “What if I come with you? That is, if I can help at all.”
Cindy’s face brightened in an instant. “What a wonderful idea! I’m sorry to cut our tea short, but the kitchen at the home is stocked with Maddie’s goodies, so I can brew us a pot of fresh tea. I make a run at least twice a week.” She reached for her purse and pulled out some cash. “This is mine.”
Seeing how pleased her friend was at the offer to join her, Tessa swallowed the regret her impulse was now causing. Surely she could take herself out of her own worries to help. Feeling ashamed of herself for the regret, she picked up her own purse.
Cindy left a generous tip on the table. She acted so naturally that Tessa often forgot that Cindy came from wealth. As they drove toward what had once been Cindy’s home, Tessa guessed much of her inheritance had been spent on the children she took in.
It didn’t take long to reach the neighborhood, which was just on the perimeter of Main Street in one of the oldest areas in the town. The house was an aged Victorian that wore its years well. Tessa could picture Cindy at home here, taking on a dozen tasks as she was wont to do.
Children spilled out of the doorway like errant sunbeams. Tessa felt the tugging ache of knowing none would ever be hers. As a single woman, she understood the difficulty of adoption, reluctantly acknowledging that if possible every child deserved two parents. Certainly more than a lone parent who worked sixty-plus hours a week.
However, it was nearly impossible to hold on to the pain as children rushed toward them, toward Cindy.
“So many smiles!” Cindy greeted them. “Saturday smiles?”
“Miss Cindy!” the voices chorused. Several hands tugged at hers. Tessa swallowed, wondering at these little ones who were so fond of her friend.
The door stood open and slowly they traveled up the walk and inside. It was impossible to hurry with so many little bodies pressed close.
“Who wants to run and get Miss Donna?” Cindy asked them.
“Me, me!” was shouted as several headed toward the kitchen.
“Do they all live here?” Tessa asked when there was a semiquiet moment.
“No. Some are here for the day. It’s one of our programs to help single and/or working parents. And the full-time residents enjoy the company.” Cindy hung her purse on a tall coatrack in the hall.
Tessa followed suit, noticing the exquisite detail in the moldings and woodwork. The floor appeared to be made of rare longleaf Texas pine. “This is just as pretty as you told me.”
“You should have come and visited while I lived here,” Cindy replied. “It made a wonderful home.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Not really. I still see it so often. And my heart is with Flynn and the kids. Wouldn’t matter if we lived in a bamboo hut. Wherever they are, it’s home.”
Genuinely glad for her friend’s happiness, Tessa didn’t feel any envy. Just puzzlement. Why did some people get it so right the first time?
Cindy caught her gaze. “Something heavy weighing on your mind?”
“Didn’t realize I was so transparent. Just wondering how some people choose the right person first time around.”
“If you’re thinking of me, remember I was on a very twisted path for a very long time.” Cindy’s green eyes darkened. “I was basically in love with what should have been the worst person possible—my sister’s husband. I can remember that feeling of wondering if I’d ever be part of a couple. Seemed as though the whole world had paired off. Except for me. To me it looked as though I was going to have a lifetime of being alone. Don’t compare yourself, Tessa. Your situation is unique. You are unique. And that’s a good thing. I don’t know why the Lord has given you this challenge. I don’t know why He gave me mine, but I trust it’s for the best. Mine has turned out to be.”
“My faith isn’t in question,” Tessa replied quietly.
“Of course not! But sometimes it’s hard not to question what happens. I did.”
Uncertainty seized her. “You did?”
“Constantly.” Cindy’s eyes were steady. “I couldn’t understand why the Lord wanted me to be alone, to love someone I couldn’t have.”
“You never said...”
“It seemed so wrong. Julia was happy. I loved her. I didn’t want to do anything to change her happiness. But I couldn’t get Flynn out of my heart.”
Tessa nodded, remembering the sweetness of her own romance when she was young. “Karl seemed so different at first. I never dreamed...”
“Which is why you can’t stop dreaming. I don’t think you have to marry to be happy, but I do think the Lord has someone for you.”
“Hiding in plain sight?” Tessa tried to joke.
The determination in Cindy’s gaze didn’t waver. “Just might be.”
Sounding like a thousand little footsteps, the kids returned. Cindy reached down to pick up the shortest child.
“This little sweetheart is Sandy.”
“Hi, Sandy.”
The little girl looked at Tessa steadily. “Who are you?”
Surprised at the child’s grasp on language, Tessa smiled. “Wow. How old are you?”
“Four.”
“We’ve had some challenges, didn’t we, Sandy?” Cindy responded, giving the child a hug.
Challenges that had stunted her growth, no doubt. She looked no more than two at the most. Tessa swallowed, wondering if the little girl had been malnourished. Over the years, Tessa had donated small amounts to the home. It was what Cindy always requested in lieu of birthday and Christmas presents. It hit Tessa why supporting the home was so important. Immediately she felt guilty for her own self-pity. These kids had real problems. Problems that a move or new job could never fix.
“Who are you?” Sandy repeated.
“I’m Tessa.” She smiled, pleased when Sandy smiled back. “A friend of Cindy’s.”
“Me, too,” Sandy replied with utter sincerity.
A youngish woman swept into the room, holding a baby. Tessa guessed the little one was perhaps a year old. “Thanks for coming, Cindy. I’m sorry for the short notice.” She smiled in Tessa’s direction.
Cindy made the introductions. “Don’t worry. We can’t control accidents.”
“My daughter took a tumble,” Donna explained. “My husband’s with her at the ER and it looks as though her arm is broken. And she’s wanting Mommy.”
“Of course,” Tessa murmured. “I’m free today and can help.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Donna exclaimed. “We have a lot of kids today, so all hands are appreciated.”
“Donna’s one of our best volunteers,” Cindy said. “And we couldn’t manage without her. Today she should have had backup.”
Tessa realized that taking the day to spend with her had been a real sacrifice on Cindy’s part. Shopping and tea didn’t rate on the same scale as helping children. “Oh.”
“Normally I could handle it. Just didn’t expect a broken arm.” Donna untied her apron. “I’ll grab my purse and take off, then. I don’t know how long I’ll be.”
“I do,” Cindy replied. “We’ll see you on your next volunteer day if that works. Your daughter needs you. Flynn has the kids and they’re fine.”
Tessa watched the exchange and an unexpected seed of determination sprouted. If these women could devote time to help the kids, she could, too.
Chapter Four (#ulink_4df0216d-24a3-5a4b-998f-1e73dc6596da)
Tessa closed the book, finishing what must have been the dozenth one she’d read. In an instant another landed in her lap as a young boy handed her a Berenstain Bears book.
“Another?” she questioned, having already read two tales of the bears’ exploits.
“Uh-huh.” He nodded his head earnestly.
“Time to get to sleep,” Cindy said over her shoulder. “Miss Tessa is spoiling you to pieces.” There was fondness in her voice.
“I think word got out that I read more than one book each,” Tessa admitted.
“I think you’re right.” Cindy laughed, not sounding a bit tired despite the hours she’d spent organizing, cooking, playing, reading, supervising and getting children ready for bed.
Pitching in, Tessa hadn’t felt tired. Usually at the end of the day she was exhausted. The result of depression, she suspected. She’d done enough reading on the subject to recognize the symptoms. But today, tonight, reenergized, she felt she could easily go on for another eight hours. The young boy snuggled down after she read him another story.
The McNabs, the couple who lived at the house and worked full-time for the Children’s Home, had returned from a weekend away. Most of the volunteers worked daytime hours. A few could be counted on for occasional night shifts but the bulk of that time was covered by the paid staff.
Tessa pulled the blanket up over the boy’s arms. So sweet. He had been relentless during dinner, teasing the girls. Now, though, there was something about the peacefulness of a sleepy child... Swallowing, Tessa abruptly stood. Out of nowhere her breath caught, coming with difficulty. Everything was suddenly too much. Too close.
The boy’s hand tugged hers. “Are you coming back tomorrow?”
Tessa tried to sound normal, not as though she felt pinched from the inside out. “I’m not sure.”
Cindy apparently recognized her discomfort. “We can finish up. The McNabs have everything under control.”
“Good.” Tessa nodded. “Yes.”
Cindy took her elbow, guiding her to the stairs. “It’s been a long day.”
Tessa swallowed, hating that the hurt was attacking in waves. She’d conquered it for hours. It had even seemed to go away. But now every poignant moment was an assault.
Blindly, she navigated the stairs. Cindy was close behind, grabbing their purses from the hall tree. She didn’t really remember how, but she was in the car, Cindy driving.
“Would you like to stay over?” Cindy was asking. “Tomorrow we could have a nice breakfast before church.”
Tessa shook her head, knowing instinctively that she needed to be alone.
“Okay, well, I’ll take you home. But if you change your mind I can be over in a tick. It’s no trouble.”
Sanity returned. “You’ve been gone from your family all day. You really don’t have to babysit me.”
Cindy took her gaze from the road for a moment, staring. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just that you don’t have to be alone. We’re here for you.”
“I know. And it’s truly appreciated. But I need to be able to handle an evening alone.”
“I shouldn’t have thrown you into the middle of the kids,” Cindy fretted.
“I volunteered,” Tessa reminded her.
“Yes, but I know it’s a tender subject. I wasn’t thinking.”
Seemed they were each determined to take the blame.
Tessa dug deep and found a tiny smile. “At least we’re not blaming each other.”
Cindy saw the smile and laughed. “I have days when I feel that I’ve jumped in the deep end before I learned to wade in the shallows.” She turned, heading toward Morgan’s home, which was close. “Will you promise me something?”
Tessa took a deep breath, still feeling the twitchy beat of her heart. “Depends on what it is.”
“If you’re lonely or just bored, call me. If you don’t feel like coming over or having company, we can talk on the phone.”
“I can’t promise to do it every time,” Tessa replied truthfully. Most days she felt she used up all her words during working hours and had few left for anything else. It was why her cupboards were relatively bare, her cottage virtually unchanged since she moved in. Talking required an energy that she couldn’t seem to sustain. Her parents had commented on her sparse communications. Tonight’s pain was subsiding, nearly extinguished. Suddenly exhausted, she rubbed her eyes. It seemed as if years had passed since her divorce.
“Okay,” Cindy conceded. “I hope you’ll feel like going to church tomorrow.”
“I’ll see.”
Sensing Tessa’s reluctance, Cindy was silent as she drove the short remaining distance.
Morgan’s broad driveway was empty, all the cars enclosed in the garage, so it was difficult to determine just who was home. But it didn’t matter. After saying goodbye to Cindy, all Tessa wanted to do was disappear into her cottage. Skirting the front of the house, she took the shortcut that led her past the rose arbor.
“You’re home early for a Saturday night,” Morgan spoke from the darkness.
Startled, she jumped.
“Sorry. Thought you saw me.”
“No, I wasn’t looking out into the yard.” Tessa collected herself, gazing into the night, finally seeing that he sat on a curved stone bench. What is he doing out in the dark alone? Should she ask? Undecided, she hesitated.
“The smell of the roses,” he explained, apparently sensing her curiosity. Morgan stood, moving into a patch of moonlight. “It’s more distinct at night when it’s still. The heat of the sun brings out the aroma and the cooler air seems to capture it.”
It was a romantic notion, one she hadn’t expected of him. “Oh.”
“Did you have a good time?”
