Colors Insulting to Nature

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Colors Insulting to Nature
Cintra Wilson

A hilarious and original debut novel that skewers our craze for celebrity.Liza Normal, like a million teenagers before her, wants desperately to be famous. If she can't be famous, she'll settle for infamy. But no Pop Idol contest on earth will ever crown someone like Liza, with her spookily vulgar 'vocal stylings' and her stripper's wardrobe. Her wits addled by celebrity culture, the ashes of failed stardom in her mouth, she decides to turn her back on her tinsel dreams and embrace her outsider status with a ferocious purity.Colors Insulting to Nature is a brazenly hilarious odyssey through teen humiliation: the crushes who spurn her, the revenges gone wrong, and the dawning realization that life doesn't come with a soundtrack that tells you when to laugh and cry or an audience to applaud at the end. Cintra Wilson is a pyrotechnic wit – the natural heir to Douglas Coupland and the challenger to Dave Eggers. This novel will have readers howling with laughter and writhing with retrospective embarrassment. She is a staggering talent.

COLORS INSULTING

TO NATURE

A Novel CINTRA WILSON

For Kent, who is like Abe Lincoln.

And for all the child-stars in my family:

Meghan, Grant, and Adam Dickerson, Abigail and

Roscoe Bernard, and Ava and Una Ankrum.

Especially Adam, a great actor and a righteous American.

Just don’t read this until you’re 17, unless accompanied by an adult.

Contents

Cover (#u07539ab5-19e7-5ec3-aa98-5478fe8fe25a)

Title Page (#u042c9726-8508-5ea2-9867-e52eb7fca331)

PART I ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT’S ME, LIZA (#ub5237386-1d8d-5b47-88ef-67a105bb7767)

PART II I, THE CHEESE (#uafa94ed2-082d-56f2-b602-3b50c80ec52c)

PART III PUPPY SQUEEZIN’S (#u672ffcbd-2911-5029-b6a5-9d30545cd021)

PART IV PYGMALIENATED (#u5d04d453-71d4-507a-904e-647271e5b3bf)

PART V EXILE ON PHANTASY ISLAND (#uf8ac8859-a56d-5c8f-82ae-c5588f43a116)

PART VI THE HORROR (#ueef46b64-2817-551a-a5a0-be7b72da41bc)

PART VII WHY, IT WAS ALWAYS IN MY OWN BACKYARD, OR, JUST WHEN YOU STOP WANTING IT (#uada6fa7c-0a1a-5b71-afc8-145a20425d8e)

EPILOGUE THE ROLAND STONE OF MRS. SPRING OR YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT (#u8e2aade4-a2da-5ae3-8cf4-bb256cbdaf88)

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS (#u0130a1cc-84a8-53e2-a4da-47cd56f721cb)

About the Author (#ulink_92f9ca47-8d7c-590a-a888-9e6040c362e3)

P.S. Ideas, interviews & features… (#u1c1053f0-cfc8-535f-9911-3bc8cc017414)

About the author (#ulink_211d3ec3-a289-5974-b582-ceb095665b7b)

Q & A with Cintra Wilson (#u7a59e697-045f-53fd-bce3-b43b14824f91)

M. E. Russell Interviews Cintra Wilson (#uff138b1d-1cfd-502d-8e48-f1cc3c23bd7d)

About the book (#ulink_adf50213-641d-525b-961d-e5c12c36d971)

Why I Wrote Colors Insulting to Nature

Read on (#u4ea59db2-118d-51b0-aca2-decfd9eb01e1)

A Writer Who Influenced Me: John Fante (#u4ea59db2-118d-51b0-aca2-decfd9eb01e1)

By the same author (#uc75d4859-2b1e-5028-9058-f6997d41cb7d)

FIN (#u452424e4-d380-5f7e-b263-960f9fbaa1ff)

Copyright (#u8f814420-68fa-55d2-99f9-972d28ba0139)

About the Publisher (#ucbd1e2b4-e060-5d53-a73a-8bbcca237360)