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Sit your baby up and lean her against your chest or rest her head in the bend of your arm. This is a great position for reflux babies and one I used a lot with Chester. It’s also great for nosy babies who want to look around whilst they’re feeding!
The face-to-face lap hold
You can do this sitting or lying. Bend your knees to make a slope and prop your baby up against your thighs, facing you. This is really nice for both of you as you can look at each other and your baby will feel fairly independent!
Pillow hold
You don’t need to always hold your baby when you bottle-feed her. If, for example, you have backache you can prop her up on a pillow and feed her that way. You can still make eye contact with her and talk to her as you feed. The only thing to bear in mind is you mustn’t let her fall asleep, as this isn’t a safe position for her to sleep in (see here (#litres_trial_promo)).
Making up formula: the rules …
If you follow the instructions on the formula container, it will advise you to make up each bottle, one at a time, as and when you need it using the following steps:
1. Sterilise the bottle.
2. Boil the water, then let it cool for about 10 minutes before adding it to the bottle. It will still be hot. (Don’t boil the water multiple times, thinking you’re making it cleaner! Apparently over-boiling intensifies chemicals in the water. Think sauce reduction and how much it intensifies the flavour!)
3. Add the correct number of formula scoops to the water.
4. Cool to the perfect temperature for your baby.
5. Feed to your baby immediately.
Making up formula: the cheat’s way! …
However, I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t do it this way. This is one of those alarm-bell moments, where you need to weigh up the official advice against my experience and make your own choice. Current guidelines say you should heat the water you mix with formula to 70˚ or above to minimise the chance of any nasty bacteria forming, so while below was my preferred option, it’s really up to you. If, like me, you just don’t have the time or the inclination to repeat formula preparation steps 1–5 several times a day, you might find this alternative way useful.
After consulting several midwives and medical professionals about how far to take official formula advice, here’s what I found out to help make life a little bit easier:
• Once sterilised, bottles will remain sterile for up to 24 hours as long as the lids are screwed on – whether you’ve left them empty or have put cooled boiled water in. So sterilise all your bottles for the next 24 hours in one hit, fill with the correct amount of water and pop the lids on.
• Pre-prepared bottles with only cooled boiled water in can be left at room temperature for 24 hours so you can add the formula just before you feed your baby, unless of course you give your baby warmed milk, in which case you’ll have to warm the bottle (see here (#ulink_fa5affa9-729d-507e-a831-4be0e15b42a4)).
• You also have the option of adding the formula to completely make up the bottles after you’ve cooled the water, which means you have no milk to make up when your baby is hungry. If you do this, these ready-made bottles need to be refrigerated and kept cool when you’re out and about, and washed and sterilised again after 24 hours whether your baby has touched them or not.
• Never save a half-drunk bottle of formula for later, otherwise you’re opening your baby up to all sorts of harmful bacteria. You might feel like you’re wasting so much formula but this will only happen in those early days. Soon your baby will be knocking back the whole bottle in one feeding session so there won’t be any wastage at all.
The bottom line is whichever way you choose to make up bottles, you must wash, sterilise and replenish everything every 24 hours.
Washing and Sterilising …
It’s really important to wash all your feeding paraphernalia with washing-up liquid and hot water before sterilising, as sterilising doesn’t do both jobs. Here’s a step-by-step guide:
1. If you can, rinse bottles straight after a feed as it will save you scrubbing time at the sink later on! The best thing to get for bottles is a bottle brush. Squeeze on the washing-up liquid and make sure you get into all the nooks and crannies around the screw top and lid as well as the bottle itself.
2. Now squeeze some washing-up liquid into the teats and squidge it around, inside and out, with your fingers to make sure every millimetre is covered, then rinse the whole lot off under the tap so that there aren’t any suds left.
3. After rinsing, sterilise everything.
4. You don’t need to sterilise the bottle brush every time, but if your house is anything like mine, put it somewhere safe and separate to let everyone know it’s for bottles only, or at some point it’ll get used to scrub the grill pan!
Sterilisers I had a worktop steam steriliser for my first two babies, but I bought a microwave steriliser when I had Chester and loved it. I found it much quicker, more portable and, best of all, it didn’t clutter up the kitchen worktop!
You can also get dishwashers with a special bottle-sterilising program, although I’m not sure whether I would have trusted it. It’s just as easy and, to be honest, far quicker, to use a steamer steriliser than wait for a dishwasher to be full up enough to put through a cycle, and then wait another hour for it to go through. Take comfort in the fact that sterilising isn’t a life sentence, although it will at times feel like you spend all your time filling and unfilling your steriliser! Once your baby reaches about six months you can switch from sterilisers to the dishwasher, but for the moment, that steriliser will become an extension of your left arm, making bottles, teats, dummies and breast-pump components safe for your baby.
HOW MUCH FOOD IS YOUR BABY GETTING?
Breastfeeding …
It’s impossible to tell how much milk your baby is getting when you’re breastfeeding. I became so obsessed about it with Chester that I started to weigh him before and after every feed, but I think that’s the crazy behaviour of a mother with a reflux baby who’s not putting much weight on. I didn’t do that with Harry or Belle because I could see that they were gaining weight and were fine. The mistake I made with Chester was comparing the way he fed to my first two. He just didn’t seem to be taking as much milk as they did, and although he was making some progress with weight he wasn’t where Harry had been at that age. And there was a lesson learnt. All babies are different, and I can’t say that often enough. What I really should have asked myself was: is Chester happy? Is he sleeping? Does he have plenty of wet and dirty nappies? Is he gaining weight? Does he seem content after a feed? The chances are, if you’ve answered yes to all those things, then your baby is getting enough to eat!
If you’re worried because your baby won’t settle and you think she’s hungry, that’s not going to help your oxytocin levels (see here (#ulink_5f7aa22e-6c0d-57e5-90ea-92a26484b302)), so seek advice from your midwife or health visitor. If you want to breastfeed and you’re giving it a good go but are worried, then ask for some formula. Whatever your thoughts and concerns, just make sure you’re getting all the answers that you need.
Remember: Happy, rested mummy = oxytocin = happy, sleepy baby.
Bottle-feeding …
If you’re bottle-feeding, it’s easy to keep a tally of how much your baby is taking by seeing how much is left in the bottle after a feed (the same goes for if you’re feeding expressed breast milk). As long as you’re getting your baby weighed regularly and she’s not vastly overweight or underweight, then she is getting the right amount to eat.
Baby clinic …
You’ll have various visits during the first couple of weeks from the midwives and then the health visitor and they’ll weigh your baby. Once the visits stop you’ll be issued with a PCHR red book (Personal Child Health Record), which you’ll take along to a baby clinic once every few weeks or so (less frequently as your baby gets older) for your baby to be weighed and measured. The book contains percentile charts that help you to track your baby’s development against the national average. There are different charts for boys and girls because they grow at different rates. The most important thing to remember about these charts is not whether your child is on the 40th or 100th percentile for weight or height, but whether she’s consistently measuring around that percentile every time. There would only be cause for concern if, for example, your baby suddenly dropped from the 100th to the 40th percentile.
Early weight loss It’s normal for newborns to lose up to 10 per cent of birth weight in the first week. They’ll all start bouncing back by the end of the second week. Between one and four months, babies put on an average of 1.5–2lb (½–1kg) per month. By six months, babies have usually doubled their birth weight, and by twelve months it’s tripled.
WINDING
Why and how often? …
Don’t be tempted not to disturb your beautiful, milk-drunk baby after a feed. If you lay her down without winding her, the chances are she’ll fall asleep, but then two minutes later become a screaming, trapped-wind monster! Wind her once or twice after every feed – and if you have a really windy baby, once or twice during the feed. She will invariably let you know when she needs winding by stopping feeding and squirming slightly, or crying.
There’s never a reason not to wind your baby; it can only do good. That said, if you wind her too often, and she’s getting agitated because she wants to drink, perhaps you don’t have such a windy baby on your hands and winding her once at the end of a feed will be enough. As with everything, once you get to know your baby, how best to wind her will become instinctive.
Little guzzlers Some babies take in too much air as they gulp down their milk, so they will probably stop halfway through, desperate for you to get the air out of their tummy. Babies might also confuse air in their tummy with feeling full and refuse the rest of a feed, meaning that they’re not getting enough to eat, so make sure you give them a thorough winding.
‘Muslins, muslins everywhere, on my shoulders, on my chair, everywhere.’ Ha! Muslins are better than bibs because you can whip them away quickly if your baby has been sick and easily put them over your shoulder or across your lap to protect your clothing. I’d rather wash 20 muslins a day than have to get a newborn – and myself – changed every two seconds!
Winding positions to try …
Classic sitting
Sit your baby on your lap, support her chest with the palm of your hand, and cup her chin and neck with your thumb and fingers, whilst patting her back.
Across lap
Lay your baby on your lap with her head slightly elevated and tap her back to release any wind.
Over-the-shoulder
Hold your baby over your shoulder and gently tap her back to release the wind.
Across arm
Holding your baby face down across your forearm, with her head resting in the crook of your elbow, will put a slight pressure on her tummy and help to release trapped wind.
WEANING
Heat-sensitive spoons You can buy rubber spoons that are gentle on toothless gums and usefully change colour if the food is too hot!
When to wean …
A baby’s digestive system has to be mature enough to take solid food and they have to be sufficiently developed physically (i.e. be able to hold their head up), so the guidelines are to start at six months – everything the baby needs is in breast milk until that age. However, a health professional might recommend early weaning for numerous reasons. As Chester had reflux, I was advised to wean him at about five months. Also if you have a baby who’s permanently hungry and the milk just doesn’t seem to be cutting it any more, starting her on a few solids may help. A sure-fire sign she is ready is if she watches you when you’re eating, following the food’s journey from your plate to your mouth!
Ultimately, it’s up to you when to start weaning. It’s lovely to finally feed your baby proper food and see all that fresh fruit and vegetable goodness going into her. This is definitely one of those situations when you know best. If you think your baby isn’t satisfied by her milk intake alone, then try a little purée. But if you try it at or before six months and your baby rejects everything, perhaps it’s a bit too early. Leave it, and try again a week later. Sometimes if you wean babies around other, older children, it can help them to make sense of what those solids are all about.
Head of the table …
I can’t say enough about investing in a baby chair that pulls up to the table, rather than a standard highchair, so your child feels like part of the dinner party! Babies are like sponges and learn everything from their surroundings, so there’s no substitute for them sitting down to meals with their family to see what you should and shouldn’t do at the dinner table. Rather than you telling them not to tip their bowl all over their head, they’ll soon learn it’s not the done thing if they don’t see anyone else doing it. Children all fidget at the table but letting them move around with food is dangerous – they could fall and choke and it makes more mess too. Sitting them at the table early on is safer and might mean they develop lovely table manners!
What worked for me …
I kicked things off with all of my children by introducing a little baby rice into their diet. I’d come down for breakfast, make up their morning bottle, pour a bit into a bowl with a couple of teaspoons of baby rice, then try feeding it to them on a spoon, interspersed with their milk from the bottle. A bit from the spoon, then a bit from the bottle and so on, just to get them used to this new texture and way of eating. Then I’d do the same at lunchtime with a little whizzed-up vegetable purée. Carrots, sweet potatoes and courgettes are all gentle flavours to start with. I didn’t start them on any meat straight away, but did add fish to the vegetable purées as it’s kinder on the stomach.
This all worked really well for Harry and Belle. They took to it straight away, whereas Chester insisted on doing everything all by himself. He had no interest in taking anything from the spoon I was holding, so I had to give him an extra spoon, which seemed to appease him. Another thing I did differently very early on for Chester was to try a bit of baby-led weaning. This means that you don’t whizz everything up, but instead you steam a bit of carrot or broccoli and, once cooled, give it to your baby to hold, so that she’s in control of holding it and putting it into her mouth. With Chester, most of it would end up on the floor but enough went in that I didn’t worry and he still had milk to accompany every meal, so I wasn’t concerned about him going hungry.
How to whizz! …
If you’re making up little purées, invest in a hand blender so you can cook up a carrot or two at a time and then blend and feed. You don’t need one of those big all-singing, all-dancing blenders for the little portions they need at the puréeing stage. To save time and money, you may want to make up purées in batches to freeze. As they progress and grow older you can stop using the blender altogether and just mash food with a fork, then start cutting it into small bites. As you begin to introduce chunkier food, beware of choking hazards (see my warning (#ulink_ec5fde76-f1a8-516f-84e2-b3f32a918d59)).
I tried to introduce lots of foods as quickly as possible. Making three different meals for three different people just isn’t practical so my children, Chester in particular, have always had what we were all eating – just a whizzed-up or mashed version of it in the early stages.
Weaning warning …
If you are giving your baby sticks of vegetables to hold, such as carrots and broccoli, steam them slightly to soften them so they’re easier to bite into and digest, especially given a baby’s limited number of teeth! Cut fruits such as grapes and satsuma segments into very small pieces to reduce the risk of them getting stuck in your baby’s throat. I always peeled apples, too, as the skin can be tough to chew and a choking hazard. I was also told that a banana (before being mashed) is one of the most dangerous choking hazards as there’s nothing to grab hold of if you need to pull it out. It’s the fact that bananas are soft and break off that makes them so dangerous. As soon as your baby starts to crawl or even toddle around – you might have one who’s on her feet before twelve months – don’t let her move about whilst eating.
New foods and flavours …
Ultimately you want to give your baby a varied diet and get her used to a multitude of different flavours – so before she discovers chicken nuggets (they all do!), encourage her to eat a rainbow of colourful foods. I’d suggest trying one new food at a time to make sure your baby isn’t allergic to it, and introduce it with something you know she likes so she’s less likely to refuse it at the first offering.
There are some brilliant ready-made foods out there and I always had a stash in the cupboard for convenience. Steaming and puréeing isn’t always possible, so don’t feel guilty for using them, but they are expensive compared with making homemade batches, particularly if you buy organic, which I tried to.
If at first you don’t succeed! It can be frustrating to watch your baby grimace and spit out your lovingly made, delicious homemade purée, but her tastebuds are developing – what she dislikes one week might be a firm favourite the next! Portion out anything she doesn’t like, label it and pop it in the freezer to try another time.
© Shutterstock.com
02 (#ulink_be2dcc0c-4eca-507b-af89-bf632116843e)
Milestones and routines In this section I’m going to outline the various milestones you can expect and give you the routines I used for all my babies (which you can use in conjunction with the timetables you’ll find in the Sleeping chapter – see here (#litres_trial_promo)). Only use them as a guide for what to expect or aim for, however, and don’t get downhearted if your baby won’t play ball!
Some of my children took to a routine quicker than others. It’s all about having a goal and a reasonable expectation of what’s achievable. The word ‘routine’ might suggest an exact science but, as we all know, babies dance to their own tune, so be patient. As long as you troubleshoot the reasons why your baby might not be eating much or at decent intervals and try to adapt your feeding to rectify any problems, then she will get there in the end. They all do! Tomorrow is another day and a new opportunity for your baby to form good habits.
FEEDING MILESTONES: WHAT TO EXPECT
Very roughly (I cannot stress enough how all babies are different!), this is what you can expect over the coming months …
First few days and weeks In the early days you’ll be feeding constantly. Newborns have such little tummies that they need lots of small feeds to keep them topped up.
6 weeks–3 months During this period your little one will hopefully start having fuller feeds – hence a fuller tummy – and longer gaps between each one.
3–6 months By about three months you might start to notice your baby is really starting to respond to your gentle encouragement to get her into more of a pattern with feeding (and sleeping, as the two go hand in hand). If you only try to eke her out for an extra 5–10 minutes each feed, by the end of the day, and then the end of the week, you might find she is going a whole hour longer and eating more to boot.
6 months–1 year Once your baby reaches about six months, hopefully she’ll be in some sort of routine that suits you and your family. She might not be waking for any night feeds at all and, as a result, you’ll be getting the unbroken night’s sleep you’ve been dreaming of since the end-of-pregnancy insomnia began! It’s also during this time that you’ll probably start moving on to weaning (#ulink_32daced1-9648-587b-8b51-4bc03fb4f070). Get the blender ready!
ESTABLISHING A ROUTINE
First few days and weeks: feed, feed, feed …
I’m a big believer in feeding your baby as much as you like, as often as you like, in those first few days and weeks. You and your baby are just getting to know each other, and all that skin-to-skin contact you have whilst feeding, whether you choose to breastfeed or bottle-feed, is really nice for both of you. Breast milk, in particular, is easily digested, so it might seem in those first few days that your baby is never off the breast. But that’s all good. There’s plenty of time to get her into a routine. Some mums worry about snacking and that the baby is using them as a comforter or human dummy, but I say, SO WHAT! Some people seem to think that babies are born manipulative and that we need to teach them a lesson very early on to nip it in the bud, or these needy babies will go on to rule the home! Errr … when did we become so cynical? I think we are all so concerned with how our parenting will affect our children in the long term that we forget that the most simple thing they need from the start is love, and love will get all that yummy oxytocin flowing that helps with your milk production.
Sleepy feeder Some newborns can be very sleepy, so should they be woken for a feed? I’m a bit torn on this one, as it breaks my heart to ever wake a sleeping baby, but then the arguments for feeding regularly to establish your milk supply and ensure your baby doesn’t weaken are equally valid. I chose to let my babies sleep in those first couple of days and fed them when they woke up, but choose what you feel comfortable with and be guided by your midwife.
After the first day or two you’ll find your baby naturally starts to wake up more often for feeds as her digestion kicks into gear. After that time, if you find she keeps falling asleep at the breast or bottle, take her socks off and tickle her toes; don’t let her be too warm and snuggly. A gentle little blow of breath normally does the trick, and winding every 5–10 minutes during a feed will help too. If she is awake when she starts a feed, try to keep her awake until she finishes it or she’ll never get a full feed and sleep for those coveted longer periods.
© Shutterstock.com
Night feeds: should you wake a sleeping baby? …
This is probably your next question and there are two schools of thought on this:
1. Yes, do it. Filling your baby’s tummy and sticking to the three-to-four-hour routine between feeds will make your baby go longer through the night, more quickly. Sometimes it’s referred to as the dream feed, which you give three to four hours after you’ve put your baby down for the night. So this would be at around 10 or 11pm for a 7pm bedtime. It’s called the dream feed because you keep all the lights off, and try to keep your baby as undisturbed as possible when you get her out of the cot. I have to say it’s not easy to keep babies asleep as they invariably wake up when you start winding them before putting them back down anyway.
2. No, let her sleep for as long as she needs to. This is the only way she’ll learn to stop being hungry in the night. When your baby is really little she’ll probably wake up naturally for that food as her small tummy will empty quickly, but as she gets older she can sleep for longer without needing to feed. There’s some research that says you go into a deep sleep after 90 minutes and will remain in that sleep pattern for the next four to six hours before you start to wake up naturally for morning. By that reckoning, if you start waking your baby up a few hours after you put her down, you risk disturbing her during her deepest sleep.
I tried both options. For me, the second option worked better – at least it did with Chester, as he learnt to sleep through from 7pm to 7am much quicker than my first two children.
I think you can only make this decision when you get to that point and know what works for you and your baby.
I always put Harry and Belle down at 7pm and did the dream feed at around 11pm. With Chester, though, because his reflux made sleeping difficult for him, I couldn’t bring myself to wake him up at 11pm when he was fast asleep.
On the move: breastfeeding in public …
Being able to breastfeed in public gives you so much freedom. It takes a while to perfect, but once you and your baby get used to it it’s the most hassle-free way to feed when you’re away from home. There may be onlookers who will make you feel like you should remove yourself to the nearest mother and baby room, but I say go for it. If anyone’s got an issue, it’s their issue! I always had one of those breastfeeding scarves that went around my neck and then over the baby – not because I thought I was going to offend anyone, but for me breastfeeding is very personal and I just thought it was nicer for the baby to feel all snug and warm. You can get clever versions now with a semi-rigid neckline so that the material isn’t across your baby’s face and you can make eye contact with her.
You might not feel comfortable breastfeeding in public at first, and that’s normal. It’s tricky to get that latch – your baby might come on and off a few times. Then you’ll get hot and bothered and think, ‘Oh my God, I’ve got my boob out and everyone’s looking at me!’ And then, to add insult to injury, the oxytocin level dips, the milk slows and your baby gets even more annoyed and it’s just a disaster. So go easy on yourself.
It’s a good idea to have a sterilised bottle and a carton of ready-made formula with you because then you know you’ve got back-up. I learnt this the hard way, but once I did I never left the house without them! When Chester was about nine weeks old I took him to a fancy restaurant with some new mummy girlfriends and their babies. I thought, ‘I can do this, I’m a third-time mum, I’ve breastfed two other children in public,’ and almost felt the challenge of this somewhat empowering. Chester, however, had other plans. He screamed and thrashed about from the second we started. I ended up scurrying to the toilets to feed him, which didn’t work either. I went back to the table completely mortified that I couldn’t feed my child. At this point one of my mummy friends pulled a carton of formula and a bottle out of her bag and said, ‘Do you want these?’ I was so relieved. I pounced on them and vowed never to be caught short again.
Don’t expect everything to fall into place straight away. Breastfeeding is an art!
