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“I will. You do the same.”
She set her phone aside with a little sigh after they disconnected. She would miss him again. But maybe it would be good to have a little distance from him for a few days. She was quite sure everything would be back to normal—as much as possible considering the circumstances, anyway—once he returned.
* * *
It had been a long, frustrating day, but that wasn’t what kept Cole awake Tuesday night. Ultimately, the business problems had been settled to everyone’s satisfaction, and he would be able to return to Little Rock Thursday and get back to work in his much-preferred home office. So, it wasn’t the job that had him tossing and turning in the hotel bed, or that made him finally give up and move to the window to stare blankly out at the midnight Chicago skyline. His thoughts were several hundred miles away. With Stevie McLane, to be precise.
Even when he’d been immersed in discussions about figures and trends and mathematical models, he’d been aware of thoughts of her hovering at the back of his mind, ready to push to the forefront as soon as he was alone. It was rare that he allowed himself to be distracted from work, but he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Stevie since she’d confided her pregnancy to him Friday night. He’d acknowledged privately that Stevie had been in his thoughts increasingly often during the past months, but even more so this week.
Something she’d said Saturday kept replaying in his mind. I’ve always thought if I ever had a kid, I’d give him or her the one thing missing from my own otherwise happy childhood. A dad.
A brainstorm had occurred to him in the middle of that night, and he’d been pondering it ever since, giving it his usual thorough contemplation of all potential consequences. He still had nagging doubts about whether he was qualified to even make the offer, considering the poor example his own father had set, but he’d decided he should at least discuss the idea with Stevie.
He wasn’t sure which possible outcome unnerved him most. That she would turn him down...or that she would accept.
He turned away from the window and padded back over to the tousled bed. He always kept a few interesting nonfiction books on his tablet. Maybe if he read awhile, he’d lull himself to sleep. Reaching out to turn on the bedside lamp, he muttered a curse when he knocked his wallet off the nightstand. He reached down to scoop it up and it fell open in his hands. He started to close it when something made him pause. Very slowly, he reached into the back of the wallet and drew out a small photograph with worn edges.
He’d once commented to Natasha that she had the face of a Renaissance Madonna. She’d laughed and told him not to be silly, but that hadn’t changed the fact that she could have posed for one of those famous paintings. Framed by straight, dark hair, her oval face had been delicate, her skin a flawless olive. Her dark hazel eyes had been striking in their intensity and clarity, making him feel at times as though she could see right into him. Despite that serene exterior, she’d had a warrior spirit, refusing to accept the health issues that had eventually led to her death. She’d made plans for a long marriage, for a career, for a family. She’d clung to those dreams until the very end of her life.
He ran his fingertips slowly across the face in the photo. Natasha had been gone five years, leaving him a widower before he’d turned thirty. She wouldn’t have wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone. But still, he felt a niggle of remorse whenever he envisioned himself having all the things she had wanted so badly and would never have.
She would understand, he told himself, sliding the photo back into place. She’d have liked Stevie, though they had little in common other than kind hearts and innate optimism. Natasha would certainly understand his compulsion to offer assistance to a valued friend, someone in a difficult situation. She had once described him as a compulsive caregiver.
His growing attraction to Stevie during the past year had made him both uncomfortable and vaguely guilty, despite his assurances of what Tasha would have wanted for him. He’d thought it a futile fantasy, a sometimes-lonely bachelor’s natural infatuation for a desirable and fascinating woman. But now Stevie’s circumstances had taken a daunting turn. And he’d promised her she wouldn’t be alone.
Maybe he could give Stevie what he had failed to provide for Natasha no matter how hard he’d tried, he thought bleakly, tossing the wallet aside. Moving to stare out the window again, he wished he could erase the nagging apprehension that he didn’t have enough to offer.
* * *
After several business meetings Monday and another appointment with her obstetrician Tuesday, Stevie spent Wednesday evening relaxing with her friends Jenny Locke and Tess Miller for an ever-more-rare girls’ night out. In addition to their changing personal lives, all of them stayed busy with their successful careers. Jenny owned two fashion and accessories boutiques and planned to open another within the next year. Tess was the office manager for her fiancé’s thriving commercial construction company. Stevie’s kitchen design business was growing increasingly in demand due to recommendations from her satisfied customers. It was getting harder all the time to find a night when all three were free, but they made an effort to nurture the friendship that meant so much to all of them.
They enjoyed gathering occasionally at Jenny’s boutique, Complements, after business hours. With no other customers in the store, Stevie and Tess could try on new outfits, play with the latest bags and jewelry and supplement their wardrobes with the “friends and family discount” Jenny always extended to them. Tonight they huddled around a counter spread with magazines, photographs and fabric samples Tess had brought with her. Two computer tablets lay amongst the clutter, different bridal websites displayed on the screens.
“So, we all agree?” Tess asked. “We like these colors? Poppy red and pale yellow? And what about the bridesmaids’ dresses? Is there any particular style you both prefer?”
Stevie bit her lip as she did a quick mental calculation. Tess’s wedding was scheduled for mid-June. Stevie would be seven months pregnant and sporting a big belly by then. It was time to come clean with her friends. She didn’t know why it was so much harder to confide in them than it had been with Cole. She was sure Jenny and Tess were going to be supportive, though she wouldn’t be surprised if tears were shed, and not all of them hers. She drew a deep breath.
“Hello?” Tess studied both Stevie and Jenny with a quizzical expression. “Neither of you is answering me. Which style do you like for the bridesmaids’ dresses?”
Jenny spoke before Stevie had a chance to share her news. “Um, Tess? If it’s okay with you, I think we should choose a loose, nonfitted style.”
Something in Jenny’s tone made both Stevie and Tess look at her curiously. Her expression made Stevie’s breath catch, and she heard Tess give a little squeak.
“Jen?” Tess’s voice was breathless with anticipation.
A shaky smile spread across Jenny’s beautiful face. “I’m pregnant.”
The words Stevie had been prepared to say lodged in her throat.
Jenny looked at Tess when she added, “I’m only four weeks along, so I’m a little nervous about even mentioning it yet. But with the wedding preparations moving along, and the need to order dresses soon, I thought you should know now.”
Tess squealed and reached out to her friend. Though usually the most exuberantly demonstrative of the trio, Stevie paused a beat before throwing herself into the group hug. She hoped her hesitation, if noticed, would be attributed to happy surprise.
Jenny was already answering a barrage of questions from Tess. Yes, she felt fine other than some morning nausea; yes, Gavin was super excited; yes, they’d told their families and everyone was thrilled.
Swiping at her damp cheeks, Tess beamed and started gathering the wedding materials. “All of this can wait. Let’s go to the restaurant next door and we can talk about your news over dinner. I want to hear how your mom and grandmother reacted. I know Gavin’s big family must have gone crazy. Do you know when you’ll start decorating the nursery? I bet Stevie can help you with that, can’t you, Stevie?”
“Well, I’m more comfortable with kitchens, but I’m sure I can come up with a few suggestions for decorating a nursery.” Stevie smiled brightly as she set her own momentous news aside for now. Jenny glowed with happiness about her pregnancy, and Tess was still eager to discuss the simple, but certain-to-be-beautiful wedding she was trying to put together quickly. This seemed entirely the wrong time to mention that she was already three months pregnant herself.
She hid her inner turmoil for the remainder of the evening behind mile-a-minute chatter and animated laughter, giving her friends little opportunity to ask anything personal of her. They had an absolutely delightful evening, yet Stevie had trouble fully enjoying it.
“I just couldn’t tell them,” she said to Cole the next afternoon, restlessly pacing her living room. “Jenny was so happy to make her announcement—and very nervous that it’s still early so something could yet go wrong. And Tess is focusing on her wedding arrangements. She’s seeing everything through orange blossom-colored lenses right now. If I’d told them my situation, they’d have started worrying about me and obsessing about my situation rather than their own excitement and I didn’t want our special evening to veer off into that direction last night, so I—”
“Breathe, Stevie.” Watching her from an armchair, Cole broke in to interrupt the rush of words she’d been holding in for hours. His deep voice was a soothing balm to her frayed nerves. “You’ll hyperventilate.”
He’d arrived only a few minutes earlier to let her know he was back in town and thank her, as he always did, for taking care of Dusty while he was gone. Stevie had barely waited until he was seated before she’d started pacing and venting to the only person who truly understood what she’d been going through recently.
She inhaled deeply. Staying busy with work, she’d held herself together pretty well since she’d parted from her friends last night with warm hugs and too-bright smiles, but just seeing Cole on her doorstep had brought her emotions dangerously close to the surface again. She paused in front of him, pushed her hair from her face with both hands and managed a smile of sorts.
“Sorry. I don’t mean to keep unloading all my problems on you. It’s your fault for being such a good listener,” she added, trying to lighten the mood with teasing.
“I don’t mind,” he assured her, and made her believe him. “Actually, I’ve given your situation a great deal of thought, and I have some suggestions for you, if you’re interested in hearing them.”
He looked so solemn that she had to smile despite her agitation. “You’ve given this careful consideration, have you?”
His lips twitched. “I’ve analyzed the data you presented to me and I would like to suggest some viable alternatives for your consideration.”
She chuckled in response to his self-mocking expression, then grew serious again. “That’s very sweet of you, but I’m sure I’ll work out a plan of some sort.”
His faint smile vanished. “You’re stressed, and that’s not good for either you or the baby. I understand why you were reluctant to talk to your girlfriends last night, under the circumstances, and apparently you aren’t quite ready to turn to your family. But I’m your friend, too, and I’m here for you. This is what I do, you know. I look at all the angles of a problem and identify solutions.”
She twisted a shoulder-length curl around her finger in her habitual nervous gesture. “I know you’re a genius at your work. But I’m not sure my current situation is in your wheelhouse.”
“Not exactly, but I’d like to try to help. I made a few notes.” He reached into his shirt pocket, drawing out his ever-present, tablet-sized smartphone. He pushed a button, then studied the words on the screen intently.
Seriously? He’d made notes? Was this the cutest thing ever?
“You said you didn’t want to raise your child without a father. Is there any chance the biological father will change his mind about being involved?”
“None,” she said with absolute certainty, amusement evaporating. “He made that very clear.”
Cole nodded, then moved on to his next point. “You said you worried about keeping your business afloat, both financially and logistically, while juggling maternity leave and infant care.”
“That will be a challenge,” she admitted, twisting the curl more tightly. “I’ve already started saving as much as I can stash away and I’m trying to keep my calendar organized around my due date.”
“You’re going to need help,” he said bluntly. “I believe there’s an obvious solution. The ideal option is for you to marry someone who likes and wants kids. Someone who can help you with the myriad daily responsibilities of raising a child and running a successful business.”
Taken aback, she shook her head in bemusement. This was the strategy Cole thought was obvious? That she should simply find someone to marry before her baby’s arrival?
“Cole, that’s—”
He seemed intent on quickly spelling out his reasoning. “You said you’re done with unstable romances. I’m of the opinion, myself, that marriages built on practical foundations are more sustainable than those based on fantasy and infatuation. My parents, for example, married in a youthful whirlwind romance that ended in a bitter and acrimonious divorce. Both wed for the second time for far more sensible purposes and those marriages have been much more successful.”
“You’re suggesting I should marry a friend to help me raise my child?”
Cole nodded, looking for all the world as if his improbable conclusion made perfect sense. He set aside the phone. “It’s the ideal solution.”
She gave him a quizzical smile. “So, are you offering to marry me, Cole?”
His look of surprise almost made her laugh again. He must not have realized how his suggestion could be interpreted, she mused in fond indulgence.
“I thought you understood,” he said, his expression very earnest now. “That’s exactly what I’m doing.”
Chapter Three (#ulink_ca66d5e5-61fa-5fdc-bf76-d65bd565387e)
Stevie’s soft laughter ended with a choke. She coughed a couple of times, waving Cole off when he stood and stepped forward as if to pound her back. Once she’d recovered her breath, she told herself she must have misheard him. “You, um—what?”
“I’m asking you to marry me,” he repeated. Slowly this time, as if to make sure she comprehended.
Though her first reaction was shock, as his words sank in she found herself almost unbearably touched. A lump formed in her throat when she looked at him standing there all rumpled and noble and earnest. And sexy as all get-out, but she pushed that particular observation to the back of her mind to concentrate on the conversation.
She rested a hand lightly on his arm and spoke in a voice that wasn’t entirely steady. “That’s very sweet of you, Cole, but you understand pregnant women don’t have to get married these days, right?”
He covered her hand with his own. “Yes, I know. But you have to admit it would be much easier if you have someone to share the responsibilities. I like kids. Always thought I’d have at least one of my own someday, but I’d sort of given up on that expectation. I wasn’t sure I’d ever marry again. I liked being married, but I get frazzled just thinking about the pressures and social expectations of courtship. Yet I can picture myself raising this child with you.”
She drew her hand slowly from beneath his to latch on to a lock of her hair, twisting it so tightly her fingertip went numb. Was this real? Cole wasn’t one to play practical jokes. And even if he were, this would hardly be funny. “I’m not sure what to say.”
Still standing close, he studied her gravely, as if trying to read her mind. She wished him luck with that. The way her head was spinning, even she couldn’t make sense of her thoughts.
“I can tell you’re surprised, and I understand. But think about it, Stevie. It makes perfect sense. We could have a good life together. With my telecommuting job, I could watch the baby while you’re working. Your career is flexible enough that we could coordinate our schedules around my business trips. I make a good living, so between the two of us, the child would be well cared for. I’m good with kids—and you have to admit I build a really great snowman,” he added with a disarmingly self-deprecating smile.
“Wow.” She swallowed, then said again, “Wow! You’re actually serious.”
He nodded. “It’s a good plan, right? Win-win. For me, for you—and for this baby.”
Oh, that was hardly a fair argument, she thought with a hard swallow. She’d told him she wished she could give her child a devoted dad. And she could hardly imagine a more upstanding candidate for the position.
She became aware that the hand not tangled in her hair had gone subconsciously to her stomach. She was still having trouble believing this was an actual proposal of marriage, but still she had to ask, “You’d really have no objection to raising another man’s child as your own?”
Cole looked genuinely startled by the question. As straightforward as ever, he replied, “I’ve never had a particular desire to see my own face in miniature. My childhood best friend was adopted, something he discussed openly. He was closer to his adoptive family than I was to my biological one.”
Though she didn’t know the details of his estrangement from his father, she couldn’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t be grateful to have a son like Cole.
“Kids don’t need a certified pedigree to make them happy,” he added, just a hint of uncharacteristic wistfulness in his voice now. “They need love. Encouragement. Unwavering support. I can offer all those things to this child we can welcome together. Let’s face it, neither of us expected this development, but we’re both in the right place at the right time to accept the challenge.”
Something deep inside her tightened in response to his words. “You’ve really given this a lot of consideration, haven’t you?”
He nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it for days. I had to consider all the ramifications before I came to you. I’d never make a commitment I wasn’t prepared to honor completely and permanently. I’m absolutely sure about this.”
It wasn’t often that naturally talkative Stevie found herself without words, but Cole had managed to strike her speechless. She almost wondered if she were dreaming this entire conversation, drifting into foolish daydreams about what might have been...
Cole reached out to gently untangle her hand from her hair, then cradled both her hands in his. She wasn’t sure if he’d practiced this proposal, but he spoke without hesitation, visibly sincere. “Marry me, Stevie. You said I’m one of your best friends. I feel the same about you. We mesh well together, have from the start. We can make this work. We can give this child the type of home and family you and I both wanted growing up. I’m not making a sacrifice or being unselfish in this offer. I want very much to be a dad to this kid. I think I’d make a good one.”
She’d spent her whole life acting on impulse, following her heart, her hunches, her instincts. Every one of those usual prompts urged her now to accept Cole’s offer on the spot. Still, she owed it to him, to herself, to her child to take time to consider before she leaped this time.
“Think about it,” he urged, reading the emotions chasing themselves across her face. “I don’t want to rush you into anything that doesn’t feel right to you, and nothing has to change between us if you choose to decline my proposal. We can still be friends. I just want you to know that I’m here for you and the baby, and that I hope—”
“Yes.”
So much for caution.
He went still, his head cocked to one side as he eyed her closely. “Yes?”
She felt her fingers tremble in his big strong hands. His grip tightened just enough to show her that he felt it, too. She freed her hands and stepped back to give herself a little distance, drawing herself up to her full height, such as it was. Her voice was satisfactorily steady when she demanded, “Do you promise you’ll always be a caring, committed father to this child, no matter what happens?”
“You have my word,” he answered without a hint of hesitation. “You both do.”
If there was one thing she’d learned about Cole McKellar during the past year, it was that he was the most honest man she’d ever met. Bluntly so, at times, but that was only part of his unique charm.
“Then the answer is yes.”
It wasn’t the hearts-and-flowers-and-violins marriage proposal she’d vaguely imagined for herself in youthful, Hollywood-tinted fantasies, but look where those silly daydreams had led her, how many times they’d let her down. She was going to be a mother now, and it was time to put unrealistic expectations behind her.
If she made a list of all the attributes she’d want for her child’s father, Cole would match nearly every item on the page. Maybe he wasn’t the type to write love songs for her or shower her with grand, romantic gestures, but the men who had done those things in the past hadn’t stayed around to deal with the everyday realities of life. He wasn’t claiming a grand passion for her—perhaps his late wife would always hold that position in his heart—but she knew he was quite fond of her, and she didn’t doubt that he respected her intelligence and admired her success in her business. That meant a great deal to her.
Other men had claimed to love her, but hadn’t stayed around to make a life with her. Cole would be there, stable, dependable, practical. She needed to work on being more like him—starting now.
“Yes,” she repeated, more firmly this time.
A smile spread across his face and she had to admit he looked pleased. If he had any doubts about this plan, it wasn’t visible in his expression. As for herself, she was still nervous—oh, hell, she was scared to her toenails—but she’d made her decision. She gave her tummy a little pat, sending a silent message in that direction. You’re welcome, kid.
“Great,” he said with obvious satisfaction. “We’ll make this work, Stevie, I promise.”
“I believe you.” She would certainly do her part, she vowed.
Her legs seemed to have weakened, so she moved to sit on the couch. Cole sat beside her, drawing his phone from his pocket. She frowned a little. Was he already calling someone with the news? Was he really this excited about—
But he’d merely opened his calendar. “So when do you want to do this? The baby is due in—six months, right?”
She nodded, trying to focus on practical details. “Yes.”
“So that doesn’t give us a lot of time to take care of things. We’ll have to decide where to live, set up a nursery, work out our schedules, that sort of thing. You, um—do you want a big wedding? Because if you do—”
“No,” she assured him quickly. “I’d prefer something small and simple.”
She could see relief cross his face, though knowing Cole, she suspected he’d have agreed to a huge affair if she’d said she wanted one.
“I don’t need my parents there,” he said. “Considering they don’t even like being in the same state at the same time, they’d hardly want to attend the same wedding. They’ll probably be relieved they don’t have to make the effort. I’m pretty sure my mom will be pleased at the prospect of having a grandchild. I think she’d pretty much given up on the idea.”
