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‘OK. Why not?’ I think in some ways I was always looking for challenges to stretch me a bit and test my own strength. If Speedy had asked me to walk on a tightrope over Niagara Falls, I’d have done it just to prove that I could.
Vicky helped me into a tunic that had balloons attached to it. I took up my position again and Speedy tied a blindfold round his eyes and began to shoot at the balloons. The gun shots were very loud and came in quick succession. I did my best to stay calm. As the balloons burst one by one, my tunic fell to the ground, revealing me in a sequinned bikini. Though my heart was thumping I lifted up my hands and gestured triumphantly as I’d seen Vicky do. Then I took a bow to an imaginary audience and Speedy jumped up beside me and bowed too.
‘Well done, Judy,’ Speedy said. ‘It’s as though you were born to it.’
Little did he know.
The audience loved that act. Speedy was so reliable that I came to trust him completely. I loved the act and felt greatly honoured when asked to fill in for Vicky. Their belief in me gave me a real feeling of acceptance.
After the show Bobby often went out on dates with boys she’d met, but I stayed behind on the bus. I hadn’t a clue about romance. At the age of seventeen, most people know about physical attraction and dating but I was emotionally stunted by my early life. I guess the fact I was so young made them feel protective because Speedy and Vicky took me under their wing and kept an eye on me during those first idyllic weeks of my new job.
The easy happiness wasn’t to last, though. A new challenge was about to come into my life, one that I had absolutely no resources at all for dealing with. His name was Roger Lethbridge.
Chapter Two (#ulink_2dad864d-bb8d-52af-850f-d33d40ff0ee1)
One day when we got back to Belle Vue after a week of touring, Speedy asked me if I’d be interested in another job.
‘You’d be working with the boys in a different act of mine,’ he explained. ‘It used to be called The Hell Drivers, but I renamed it. Now it’s The Globe of Death.’
‘What?’ I asked. ‘Like The Wall of Death?’
Speedy shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. ‘Nah,’ he said, ‘The Wall of Death is easy. You just ride a bike up a wall. This is much more interesting. Come and have a look.’
The Globe was a spherical wire mesh cage, about sixteen feet in diameter, with an entrance on one side. Speedy explained that the boys drove a motorbike round the inside and I was incredulous at first. How was that possible?
‘Roger!’ he shouted. ‘Come and show Judy, would you?’
Roger emerged pushing a black motorbike. He was more or less my age, dressed in leather trousers and a jacket. He had still, blue eyes and seemed very confident. I thought he looked nice.
‘Hi,’ he smiled and he pulled on his helmet.
I nodded back.
Inside the Globe, Roger began to ride in low circles, then as he built up momentum he zoomed upside down over the top.
‘Wow!’ I was gobsmacked. This guy was an amazing rider.
‘It gets better,’ said Speedy, like a gleeful kid. ‘We got two bikes.’
The second rider, Noggi, had to go in the opposite direction from Roger. It was another split-second timing stunt as the bikes missed each other by a fraction of a second on each revolution. I watched as Noggi came out and Roger and he started the act again, this time together. In seconds they were zooming around the inside of the cage, running loops past each other, upside down. I could see the act was very, very dangerous.
‘So what do you want me to do, Speedy?’
‘You, love, are going to go-go dance right in the middle and let them ride round you.’ Speedy nodded to himself. ‘Crowd puller.’
It looked like a bit of fun. There wasn’t any skill in it, after all. I just had to stand there and keep my nerve. I was always up for that kind of challenge.
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘No problem.’
Noggi and Roger stopped in the base of the Globe and pulled off their motorcycle helmets. I climbed in and stood on the metal base plate in the centre. Speedy demonstrated what he wanted me to do, waving his thick arms in the air, then the boys put their helmets back on and began to ride around the base just as before. I could feel the wind whistling past me as they built up speed. I lifted my arms and began to dance on the spot, just ignoring the bikes as they flew by. Close up I realized exactly how fast they had to ride in order to circle upside down inside the cage. It was noisy in there and the air was full of petrol fumes that caught in my throat. I held my ground and danced on the marked spot. After a few minutes the boys made it back down to the bottom, one on either side of me, the engines still fired up.
‘Good one,’ Roger said and gave me a smile.
So I was in. During the days we rehearsed and carted the equipment to and from the garage shed while maintenance and repairs were done. Sometimes we had costume fittings to do. Vicky could whiz up stunning new costumes at the speed of light, and I let her make all the decisions for me because she knew what colours worked best under the lights. When she measured me, she sighed, jealous of my twenty-four-inch waist and skinny figure.
That summer the Globe really caught the public’s imagination and Speedy had a big hit on his hands. The local papers came to Belle Vue and took photographs of Roger, Noggi and me standing at the front of the cage, sitting on the bikes, and then posing inside with the bikes’ engines started up.
‘Smile,’ the photographer said. ‘You’re going to be a pinup girl!’
The truth was that I had no notion of myself that way. I’d always avoided being the centre of attention so the thought of being a pin-up girl made me very uncomfortable.
‘Not me,’ I mumbled shyly, staring at the ground.
At night I slept in the compound on my own because everyone else had homes to go to. I loved it there by myself in the dark. There were high walls all around and the gates were closed and locked. It seemed really quiet in contrast to the rest of the day, which was filled with hurdy-gurdy music and the chattering of the crowd, punctuated by the screams and gasps of the audience during performances. Once everyone had gone the only noise was the animals in their cages—marsupials, bears, horses, dogs—and that was about it. I sat out on the steps to look at the moon and drank a cup of cocoa as I listened to the odd growl or bark or whinny. I was at peace.
One evening I was hovering in the shadows beside the bus, peeking at the last of the audience as they made their way out at closing time. The stalls were almost empty and it was late. I had done all my chores and everything was put away. I was still wearing one of my showgirl costumes with a big, brown coat pulled over the top because the nights had started to get chilly.
Suddenly Roger appeared. He hesitated for a moment and then came to join me. I was always glad to have a chat with Roger. It was a nice time of night to have a chinwag about everything that had gone on during the day.
‘They’re in right high spirits tonight,’ he said, lighting up a Senior Service and flicking the match onto the ground. ‘There was a guy down in Paddock Wood last year got his timing wrong with a motorbike stunt. I heard he lost his leg.’
‘We took the Aces to Paddock Wood,’ I said. ‘A couple of months ago.’
Roger took a deep draw on his cigarette. We waved to Bobby who was leaving with a couple of her friends. The public were almost completely gone.
‘Nice night,’ he said.
Then a couple stopped only a few feet away from us. They couldn’t have noticed we were there. The girl was carrying a teddy bear, which they’d won on one of the stalls. Roger and I instinctively stayed hidden in the shadows. He turned his cigarette into the palm of his hand. Suddenly the man reached out and kissed his girlfriend passionately. She laughed and they walked off.
Roger had a grin on his face. ‘Wonder where they’re off to?’
I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t have any curiosity about those things at all. The couple might as well have come from another planet. I’d never had a boyfriend or felt any urge to get myself one. That was something other people did—not me.
‘Maybe they’re going dancing,’ Roger suggested. ‘Do you like dancing, Judy?’
‘Yeah. I suppose.’ I had never been to a proper dance.
‘Well, we should go some time,’ Roger stubbed out his cigarette. ‘It’d be a laugh.’ He walked off after the couple, in the direction of the gates. Then he turned.
‘Saturday night,’ he said. ‘I’ll come and get you.’
I was pleased. I loved music and going dancing would be a first for me. It may sound strange but I was so naïve that it genuinely didn’t occur to me that Roger might see this as a date in a romantic sense. I felt like such an outsider that I was just surprised to find someone who actually wanted to spend time with me. Roger seemed nice—and, as he’d said, it was only a bit of fun.
Chapter Three (#ulink_4dfbeffd-a2a5-5944-a706-2c6f77b19332)
Speedy had never said that I shouldn’t go out on the town after hours—we’d never discussed it—but still, it felt mischievous. This would be my first time out in Manchester at night. On the Saturday of the dance, Roger borrowed a long ladder to get me out of the locked compound, as if I was escaping from prison. We arranged to meet at the wall beside the horseboxes at nine o’clock.
‘You there, Judy?’ he called over.
‘Yeah.’
I heard him position the ladder against the wall and a few seconds later his face appeared at the top. Then he hauled himself up to a sitting position, pulled the ladder over and motioned for me to climb up towards him. ‘I’m a right minx now,’ I thought to myself, looking over my shoulder as if someone might be watching. But there was nobody there. I launched myself at the ladder, thinking, ‘This is going to be a laugh.’
I scaled the wall and sat on top next to him.
‘Nice up here,’ he said and climbed down the other side ahead of me.
We hid the ladder in the scrubland like escapees and headed off to the Belle Vue Ballroom.
It was dark by the time we arrived and the dance hall was very busy. Everyone seemed so glamorous and in-the-know. I’d worn my only dress—a red and white check with scoop neck and a wide, red belt—and I had my hair tied back. Some of the women looked amazing with sparkling jewellery, high heels and beautiful make-up. I caught a whiff of perfume as they passed. Roger had dressed up too. He looked really smart in his shirt and trousers.
‘Come on,’ he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me onto the dance floor.
The band was playing the Twist and everyone was dancing full pelt, gyrating like crazy. We flung ourselves into the crowd and joined in. It was fantastic. I loved dancing like that, losing myself in the music without any of my normal self-consciousness. As a kid I had always loved classical music but the Twist was fun and it was an amazing feeling to be part of the crowd with everyone dancing together. Because of the way I’d grown up I always felt separate to other people as if I was a different species entirely. Dancing like this was an incredible experience for me because it was something normal that I could join in and feel part of.
Up at the bar there was so much to look at—the rows of bottles and the waiters with their bow ties and all the people, chattering and excited and dressed up. Roger got me a tomato juice then we leaned against the bar and talked for ages. He told me he had lived in Manchester all his life and came from a big, close family—the eldest of ten kids. I lapped up his stories of an idyllic childhood playing in the street and going to the local school. Then he started talking about motorbikes. Like lots of young guys, Roger was fascinated by bikes. He was a great stunt rider though he said what he really liked best was driving on the open road. Fast.
‘I like it when we’re touring in the bus,’ I told him. ‘I sit on the steps and watch the road whiz past.’
‘Yeah,’ he said ‘that’s it exactly. Open to the road.’ He finished his pint.
‘Come on, Judy,’ he said. ‘Let’s get back to the floor.’
I couldn’t wait and eagerly followed him so we could join the crowd once more. It wasn’t long before we were pink-cheeked and out of breath with the best of them. It was exhilarating, a real high for me.
Walking away from the ballroom at the end of the night Roger lit a cigarette. The stars were out. I hummed a couple of the dance tunes and he caught my hand and twirled me round.
‘That was amazing!’ I exclaimed.
Roger took a deep draw of his cigarette and regarded me closely. ‘You’re all right, Judy,’ he said.
We ran the last hundred yards or so and grabbed the ladder from its hiding place, propping it up against the wall. I had had a good time, but I wasn’t sure what to say to Roger now we were on our own. I felt slightly awkward. Relating to other people was difficult for me because I had had no role models. Now the night was over I felt slightly out of my depth.
‘Thanks,’ I mumbled and scuttled up the ladder.
‘You want to pull it over? I can come up and help,’ Roger offered.
‘No. I can jump from here. It’s fine.’
He gave me a wave and walked off with the ladder over his shoulder, the glowing ember of the cigarette bobbing along beside him.
After that night at the Belle Vue Ballroom, Roger took an interest in me. Sometimes when I came off stage from an Australian Air Aces performance he’d be waiting outside the bus for me, and sometimes he helped me when I was moving the gear. Unlike Bobby, I hadn’t a clue about the rules of the game and I still thought he was just being friendly.
When Speedy announced we were touring to Southampton, Roger surprised me by going in a sulk. ‘You’ll be up to all sorts down there,’ he said gloomily.
‘What do you mean?’ I had no idea what he was on about, but he didn’t enlighten me—just stomped around in a mood.
He came to wave us off the night we left and said ‘Have a nice time,’ but his voice didn’t sound very cheerful.
‘If I can’t be good, I’ll definitely be careful,’ Bobby joked and Roger glowered at her. We waved at him from the window as we drove off.
I enjoyed Southampton. Vicky and I went to see the boats in the dock and watched as a huge liner came in. The shows went really well and at night I fell asleep listening to the horns of the ships on the Sound.
A week later, after a run of shows, Roger was waiting when we got back after the long drive north. He was standing in the space right beside where the bus parked and he had a face like fizz.
‘What the hell happened to you?’ he demanded. He seemed really upset.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You could have called, you know. I was worried.’
‘But you knew where I was,’ I said, astonished. It had never occurred to me to call. No-one had ever cared where I was. When I moved to Belle Vue, my mother didn’t even ask where I was going to be staying.
‘What did you do?’ Roger quizzed me.
‘You know what I did. We did the show.’
‘And after?’
‘Had something to eat. We had showers over at this house. Speedy organized it. I went for a bath two nights.’
Roger had a tortured expression on his face. ‘I bet Bobby went out.’
‘Yes.’
‘With men?’
‘Yes.’
‘But not you?’
‘No.’
‘Are you sure?’
I thought that Roger caring about where I was and what I was up to was sweet. I didn’t mind at all. I’d seen Bobby playing one guy off against another and making herself tantalizingly unavailable but that kind of thing was in a different league. I was extremely naïve. I don’t think Roger ever realized that.
‘Next tour you have to ring me every day,’ he insisted.
‘OK,’ I said. ‘If you like.’
A couple of weeks later Speedy organized a few days at Paddock Wood in Kent. We’d been there before and I liked it. There was a phone box just up the road and I made sure I had lots of change so I could call Roger. When I rang him in the evening he quizzed me about every second of my day and sulked when I told him that Bobby had gone out with a couple of guys after the show.
‘And what did you do?’
‘Nothing.’
‘What are you going to do now?’
