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The Big Five O
Jane Wenham-Jones
The Big Five O
JANE WENHAM-JONES
A division of HarperCollinsPublishers
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
HarperImpulse an imprint of
HarperCollinsPublishers
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2019
Copyright © Jane Wenham-Jones 2019
Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2019
Cover illustration © Robyn Neild / New Division
Jane Wenham-Jones asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780008278694
Ebook Edition © July 2019 ISBN: 9780008278687
Version: 2019-09-05
Praise for Jane Wenham-Jones: (#ulink_09d3ebae-b2da-56ca-8bf5-75887463fc9f)
‘Fresh, funny and wise’ Katie Fforde
‘I love Jane’s writing!’ Jill Mansell
‘feel-good’ Woman and Home
‘The book deserves a bloody magnum – I loved it.’ Judy Astley
‘Thoughtful, insightful and often laugh-out-loud funny’ Daily Mail
‘The story you’ve always wanted to read about infidelity’ Cosmopolitan
‘A perfect read’ OK
‘Frothy and funny!’ Woman’s Own
‘Humorous, warm-hearted and full of charm. We loved it.’
Woman’s Weekly
‘Great fun!’ Heat
A great read!’ Best
‘Funny and knowing … warm and thought provoking’ Daisy Buchanan
‘Wisdom, humour and real insight … poignant and funny by turns.’ Emma Lee-Potter
‘A delightful romp … You’ll be laughing out loud! Jane Corry
‘Warm, wise and funny’ Marina O’Loughlin
‘Made me laugh … Made me think … Made me want more!’ Julie Wassamer, author of The Whitstable Pearl Mystery
Table of Contents
Cover (#uf8e49883-a0a5-5949-a47b-a1b2521a39eb)
Title Page (#u4e801812-6d0e-5b33-bdf8-0e54b19614ec)
Copyright (#u1ee4bd30-37a6-57bd-969d-2da3215bc8e3)
Praise for Jane Wenham-Jones (#ub339c20b-6e1e-53de-a43a-040e02abe246)
Dedication (#uce7f6615-3286-5210-a117-d21ba769c9d7)
Chapter 1 (#ubcce3f58-e224-57e7-bbc4-76bf3273ca29)
Chapter 2 (#u2faeafee-4b4a-5da5-8400-a6a267a090eb)
Chapter 3 (#ue81d6784-51d1-5d0c-8bcc-8e01322ea7e2)
Chapter 4 (#ua472c8d6-f209-5f2e-843b-a00dfbcf5648)
Chapter 5 (#u754a5c9d-1fb3-5b56-a567-f89e9b81d6ed)
Chapter 6 (#u0614e34c-4cdd-59d9-973d-0525205e056d)
Chapter 7 (#u82aa38aa-9446-5422-9319-ff75429681a7)
Chapter 8 (#u21680e66-aa1d-5da4-8e51-5ffe142149f7)
Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 26 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 27 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 28 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 29 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 30 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 31 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 32 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 33 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 34 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 35 (#litres_trial_promo)
Jane’s twenty things you find out when you’re over Fifty (#litres_trial_promo)
Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)
About HarperImpulse (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)
For all those in their fabulous fifties. And beyond …
Chapter 1 (#ulink_c30dacce-11cf-5bde-bbcb-9ca1c3df9920)
Facing Fifty
Fighting Fifty
Nifty at Fifty
Shifty at Fifty
Fat at Fifty
Fit and Fifty
Fed up and fifty
Fucking Fifty!
They were all laughing like drains when we were writing the invite. So I tried to laugh too. Come to our Joint 50
Birthday …
Charlotte and Fay and Sherie and Roz. All four of us are hitting the half century this year, so it’s going to be a ball. We’ve been planning it for weeks. A big venue, lots of friends, banners, balloons, fizz and strictly no Oh-God-I’m-Fifty tears …
That’s what they tell me.
I am crying because that party is going to happen without me. I don’t know how this nightmare is going to unfold but I know in my heart it won’t end well.
