скачать книгу бесплатно
Trent couldn’t believe his ears. Maggie loved her job. Even when they’d been trying to have a child of their own, she’d never intended to give up her career completely. “But you worked so hard to get where you are,” he said, not understanding how she could have reached her apparent decision so quickly. “I can’t let you give all that up. You need to think this through. We’ll hire someone to help with the children. Mike and I had a nanny until I went away to school.”
“I’m not averse to hiring someone to help with housework and cooking, but not a nanny. You and your brother hadn’t lost your parents, and considering the ones you had, a nanny was probably the best thing to ever happen to you. These children have lost the most important people in their lives, and they’re going to need all the love and attention they can get for a good long time. I intend to be there to give it to them. It’s a done deal, Trent. I already resigned before I left the office yesterday.”
Trent stiffened. Why didn’t she seem upset by the sacrifice of a career that had taken over a decade to build? Because it isn’t a sacrifice! He’d lost his brother, but she had just been handed everything she’d always wanted on a silver platter. “A house in the country. Children. And me. This is just perfect for you, isn’t it?” he sneered. “A real win-win situation.”
“Trent!” Ed gasped.
Trent lost control of all he’d felt in the past twentyfour hours. Deaf to the outrage in his friend’s voice and blind to the horror written on Maggie’s lovely features, he let it all boil forth—the pain, the anguish, the confusion. “You were awfully sure of what my decision would be regarding Mike’s kids. Suppose I’d decided to take them myself and hire a nanny.”
Pale and shaken, Maggie squared her shoulders. “I wasn’t at all sure what you’d decide to do. I was only sure that I’d do what Sarah and Michael wanted me to do—which was be a mother to their children. Nothing and no one is going to stop me from fulfilling that promise. Not even you. And for the record, both Sarah and Michael were a very important part of my life. I grew up with Sarah as a sister. They were the only friends who stood by me these last months. I’ve lost, too, Trent. You aren’t the only one grieving.”
Ed stood, his anger obvious. “I think I’ll go keep Rachel company. Distract her. Work this out between you. I won’t be surprised if Royce and Albertine sail in here any minute now, so you probably don’t have a lot of time. Trent, you have to find a way to put the past aside and look toward the future. This kind of atmosphere will destroy those kids. And your parents aren’t stupid. They’ll spot any lingering animosity from a mile away and then figure out a way to prove it’s there to a judge. Talk this out…and fast.”
Trent suddenly felt as if the weight of the world were pressing down on his shoulders. He sank into the chair Ed had vacated next to Maggie. Elbows on his knees he stared at his hands. He couldn’t even believe he’d thought those things of Maggie, let alone said them. Overwhelmed by the magnitude of all that had happened, his eyes filled. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
“And I’m sorry for all that’s happened,” she whispered. Maggie moved to sit in front of him on a small glass coffee table. She took his hands between hers. He closed his eyes, absorbing the feelings her touch evoked—the comfort, the closeness, the need. He didn’t feel so alone now. “I know how much you loved Michael,” she went on. “And Sarah. And I know it’s terribly hard to deal with us on top of your grief. But we have to. We’re the adults in this situation, and those kids are counting on us. Michael and Sarah are, too.”
Trent nodded. “I know. It’s just so hard to even think clearly right now. I really didn’t mean what I said.”
“It’s true that I’ve prayed and prayed for the Lord to find a way to bring us back together. I told you that just last week, so I can’t deny it. But not like this, Trent. Never like this. Believe me, if living alone on some mountaintop for the rest of my life and never seeing you again would bring those two strolling through that door over there, I’d have started packing yesterday. But life just doesn’t always come with room for bargaining.”
Deeply ashamed of his outburst, Trent nodded. “I truly didn’t mean it. Any of it. You know that, don’t you? I don’t even know why I said it.” He looked up into Maggie’s sad smile.
“You said it because you’re hurting. You only get angry when you’re hurting,” she told him and squeezed his hands. He could almost have sworn he felt strength flow from her to him. “Try to think of them happy in heaven. It’ll help.”
Trent blinked, startled. “You really believe that?”
“Oh, yes.” She smiled again in that sad, sort of wistful way, but it was a smile nonetheless. Where did her strength come from?
Could it be from God? “It’s what Mike believed, I know.” Trent stared at their hands but his thoughts were of Mike. He’d gotten deeply into religion and his church. He’d always been a little weak—religion was sort of a crutch, after all. It had changed Mike for the better, though. There was no denying that. What this Jesus thing had done for his little brother was nothing short of a miracle, but Trent didn’t need a miracle. He was intelligent, responsible and a success in the business world. But then, so was Maggie. So how had she gotten sucked into that church of theirs?
“Maybe we don’t have to deal with our situation right now, after all,” Maggie suggested. “For now, let’s just deal with the logistics of the changes we need to make in our lives, and take care of what the kids need.”
Not him for a father, that was for sure, Trent thought. “Maggie, I won’t be a father to those kids. I’m their uncle and I love them like an uncle. I’ll support them financially. I’ll be to them what I always have been, but I won’t try to be their father. I’ll come to the house at night when I can. Spend Saturdays doing the suburban home-owner routine when I’m not away on business. But that’s it. Don’t ask for more. Because more just isn’t in me.”
Maggie took his face between her hands. “You just be the best uncle you know how to be, and it’ll be better than most kids get in a father. I know it’ll be better than what you and Michael had. That’s for sure. And I promise to be here to help any way you need me.”
Trent stared into her eyes, humbled as always. Maggie had always had a bottomless well of confidence in him. In fact, she’d left him because he’d refused to try to live up to her expectations. He hoped she was right. He hoped he could give the kids enough as their uncle. Because he was trapped. And as always, Mike was counting on him.
Grief, stunning and overwhelming, suddenly crashed in on him, crushing him. Maggie’s form blurred as tears filled his eyes. Trent instinctively blinked them back, but something drove him to reach for Maggie, pulling her into his arms. In his grief, he forgot every need having her close would normally elicit. His throat ached. “How can this be happening? How? He always landed on his feet. Why not this time?”
“Really, Trenton,” a female voice interrupted. “Get hold of yourself. You’re making a public spectacle. I thought at least we’d taught you better about that.”
Maggie stiffened, and Trent opened his eyes to stare over her shoulder at the couple in the doorway. So, they’d arrived, just as Ed had thought they would. Both dressed in gray, they looked as impeccable as always. And rigid. And haughty. Not exactly the ideal attributes in parents or grandparents. Rachel’s chatter to Ed stopped, and Trent spit out an oath as he set Maggie away and stood.
“Actually, Mother, showing honest emotions like grief is not generally considered a spectacle these days, and as you can see we have the room to ourselves. We were all family here,” he added pointedly.
“Other than your mother and me, the only family members here are you and the girl,” his father said. “We need to talk without outsiders present.”
Maggie stood as if to leave, but Trent wrapped his arm around her waist. “Maggie is my wife, Father. She is family. My family. And Ed stays because we have nothing to say to either of you unless our lawyer is present”
“Trenton, that is hardly necessary. After all, we are all interested in what is best for the children,” his mother countered.
“That’s why I don’t intend to allow either of you to have any say whatsoever in their futures. That’s what Mike specified in his will, and I intend to see his and Sarah’s wishes are carried out.”
Royce Osborne’s cold gray eyes bored into him, but Trent refused to let him see how much he wished their relationship could be different. He supposed children never stopped wanting their parents’ approval, even years after they stopped trying to win it.
“You can’t hope to win against us in court,” Royce said.
“Why? Ed’s a top-notch attorney. And he wrote an ironclad will.”
“Because you and your wife are about to be divorced. What do you intend to do with the children? Raise them alone? Our lawyer assures us that no court in the land will give those children to a single man with a demanding career.”
Trent frowned. “Alone? Where did you get the idea that I’d even consider raising the children without my wife? Maggie’s already handed in her resignation so she can be with them full time.”
“You’re about to be divorced! Do you intend to split custody? You can’t really believe the court will side with you and allow that?” Royce sneered.
“Actually the divorce is old news. Maggie and I have been talking about a reconciliation for a while, now.” Trent felt Maggie stiffen. It wasn’t really a lie. They had been talking about it for weeks. He’d rejected the idea time and again, but his parents didn’t need to know that.
“I knew she came to see you last week, but from what I hea—” His mother cut herself off midword.
And where would she hear anything about us? Trent wondered. He’d have asked, but as the thought occurred to him Maggie gave a subtle nod toward the other side of the room. Rachel was staring from the play center at them. “I really have no more to say on the subject,” he said at once, seeing Rachel detach herself from Ed and start toward them.
“Uncle Trent!” Rachel called as she ran across the room. “Cindy had a nightmare.” She climbed up on the chair next to him and handed him Cindy, the wellloved baby doll.
His mother gasped and recoiled. “Good heavens I’m surprised the nurses didn’t burn that filthy thing!”
Rachel clamped herself to his waist, and Trent defiantly took the doll and put it on his shoulder, giving it a pat and kiss. Rachel beamed up at him, her big brown eyes alight with gratitude, and took back her lifelong treasure with a huge hug. Without sparing her grandparents more than a glance, Rachel went back to Ed, selecting yet another book on the way.
“She’s completely undisciplined and rude!” his mother gasped.
“Albertine, shouldn’t you be grateful that Rachel has settled down so well?” Maggie asked quietly. “The accident was very traumatic for her, and she spent all of last night in a very bad state.”
“There is no excuse for rudeness. She interrupted adults in the middle of a conversation. I can see you’d be no better at parenting those children than Michael and his wife were. That is precisely why I want a hand in raising our grandchildren.”
Trent had had enough. He pitched his voice low so he’d be sure Rachel couldn’t hear. “That child saw her mother’s dead body pulled from that wreckage. This morning Maggie had to tell her Mike had died as well. I’d think that’s all the excuse she needs to be a little rude. For crying out loud, Mother, she’s six-and-a-half years old!” He paused, wondering if anything he’d said had cracked their icy control. It hadn’t. His parents just stared at him blankly. “Your son is dead,” he tried again. “Can’t you even show emotion over that? Don’t you care?”
Royce narrowed his eyes. “Of course we care but Michael had all but cut us out of. his life since his marriage. I don’t know why it surprised us. He never lived up to his potential. He became an auto mechanic, for pity’s sake. We barely saw him these past years. What did you expect us to feel?”
Trent felt ready to explode, but Maggie’s hand moved over his back—soothing, comforting. “Nothing. I don’t expect you to feel anything. You never have. Why should this be any different? I think you should leave. You don’t belong here,” he told them.
“Trenton—” his mother began.
“Now, Mother.” Trent’s voice was steely. “Or I’m going to make a scene the likes of which will visit you in your nightmares for years.”
“We came to see the children,” Royce demanded.
“The children are awfully fragile right now, Royce,” Maggie warned.
“Maggie’s right,” Trent added. “They are fragile. Too fragile to deal with virtual strangers. Please, just go back home. No good will come from your being here. Someone will let you know what the funeral arrangements are.”
“Since I’m certain they’ll have something to do with those fanatics who meet in that converted barn, we’ll just see you in court,” his father said. Nearly identical frowns in place, they turned as one and left.
Ed approached from the other end of the large room. “Not a pretty sight,” he murmured. “Did that go as badly as it looked?”
Trent sighed. “They won’t be at the funeral, and they’ll see us in court.”
Chapter Three (#ulink_f7ad20ba-ac7e-5608-a7f0-bda07fb8f126)
During the ten years of her marriage, Maggie had been in the company of her in-laws only a handful of times. She knew them to be stiff, formal people. She’d felt uncomfortable with them even though they hadn’t objected to her marriage to Trent. They’d hosted the usual engagement party and rehearsal dinner, and Albertine had attended her bridal shower. But when Michael had fallen head over heels for her maid of honor, Maggie had seen their true colors—the people behind the polite facades they presented to the world. It had been an eye-opener, not a very pretty sight.
Sarah was the daughter of Maggie’s mother’s livein maid. She and Sarah had grown up together. When Maggie had been headed for an exclusive private high school, her father had pulled some strings, donated some money to the school and arranged for Sarah to attend on a scholarship. There wasn’t a day of Maggie’s life when Sarah hadn’t been there—’til now— and back then, they’d been inseparable.
At first, any friend of Maggie’s was good enough for Michael, as far as her in-laws had been concerned. But then Sarah had made the grave error of explaining their lifelong friendship. The Osbornes’ opinion had changed in the blink of an eye on learning that Sarah was the child of a maid.
But Michael had loved Sarah to distraction. He’d agreed to begin attending services with her on Sundays. The change in him had been dramatic, but Maggie hadn’t understood the source of that change back then. She’d thought her friend Sarah was solely responsible. But she’d been wrong. Jesus, working in the life of a misunderstood, angry young man, had sparked the changes.
But whatever the source, Trent had been thrilled when wild, unpredictable Michael had stopped getting into scrapes with the local police that Trent or their parents had to pay his way out of. After a few weeks, Michael had gone to Trent and told him that he wanted to go to school to learn to be an auto mechanic. Trent finally seeing real excitement in his brother’s eyes about learning something, had loaned him the money without a thought. And for the first time in his life Michael had flourished.
A year later, Michael and Sarah had been married at Maggie’s parents’ home, under the same rose trellis where Maggie and Trent had stood a year earlier. Michael had invited his parents even though they didn’t approve of Sarah’s background. And they had attended. But it had been painfully obvious that they’d only gone because they hadn’t wanted their friends to know that Michael’s choice of a bride was causing a rift in the family. But there was a rift. And only now, hearing her in-laws denigrate Michael even in death, did Maggie realize how deep it had gone.
“I’m sorry, Trent,” Ed said with a grimace. “This is one of those times I wish I’d been wrong, but I had a feeling they’d pull something like this.”
Trent grimaced and shook his head. “No. It’s better this way. Now that the other shoe has dropped, we know for sure where it is.”
Maggie dropped her arm from Trent’s waist. “I’m stunned. They’ve always been hard people, and you and Michael haven’t been close to them since before he and Sarah married. But to belittle Michael that way, and in front of one of his children, is unbelievable.”
“And unforgivable. The worst part of the whole thing is that they don’t care about the kids. It’s the appearance that they do that matters to them. And they probably just don’t want me raising them.” Trent looked uncomfortable, as if he’d revealed something accidentally.
“It’s probably more that they don’t want me involved,” Maggie said. “She’s always held my acceptance of Sarah as an equal against me. And did you hear that crack about our church? The one about me being as bad as Sarah at raising them was a little strange, though. How would she know what kind of mother Sarah was? This whole thing is just so unbelievable. If Albertine was always scandalized by the number of children they had, why would she want to raise them? That letter she wrote to Sarah when she heard Grace was on the way was nothing short of cruel. ‘Only animals have more than two children’? When Sarah called and read it to me, she was in tears and Michael was furious.”
Trent frowned but remained silent Trent had been even angrier with his parents than Michael had. Maggie had wondered why then, and wondered again now, noticing his eyes glitter with suppressed fury.
“I’ll keep an eye out for it in case they saved it,” Maggie promised, hoping to change the subject.
Ed’s smile was almost mischievous. “They did, and now I have it. Michael was smarter than most people gave him credit for. He was determined that if something happened to him, Sarah would have plenty of ammunition in case his parents went after custody. And he was sure they would. They blamed Sarah for every step Michael took in a direction that they didn’t approve of.”
“Speaking of the children,” Maggie said. “I think we should go check on them. I haven’t seen Grace or Daniel yet today, and they were asleep when I saw them yesterday. I wonder if the hospital would let Rachel in to see them. I think it would do all of them a world of good to be together. Especially Mickey.”
Trent and Ed needed to sign papers for the release and transportation of Mike’s and Sarah’s bodies back to Pennsylvania, so Maggie took Rachel along with her to see the others. The nurses in pediatrics, who had shuffled patients to put Mickey’s siblings in the room next to him, saw no problem with one more child visiting.
Rachel went immediately to Daniel, who was alone in a crib on the left near the windows. Maggie walked to the other crib where Grace slept on her side, facing into the room, her teddy bear clutched in a death grip. The bandage on Grace’s upper-left arm covered a laceration that would no doubt leave a nasty scar, as would the one on her thigh that had been caused by the flying glass. Amazingly, she hadn’t suffered facial injuries. Maggie looked into her little cherub face and touched her carrot-red curls. Careful not to wake her, Maggie then tiptoed away to Daniel. She could hear grumbling across the room about having been put in a crib like a baby.
And then the hard part began.
“Where are Mommy and Daddy?” he asked.
It had been a long day, Maggie thought at almost midnight, as she tossed the last little outfit into the laundry bag and leaned against the wall. Grace was too young to understand that Mommy and Daddy were in heaven and wouldn’t be back. She’d just wanted her parents, but Maggie’s familiar face had gone a long way toward soothing her and making her feel more secure. Daniel understood a little more and oddly had been more easily consoled. He was nowhere near as aware of the changes ahead as Mickey and Rachel, though.
It was Mickey who worried Maggie the most—and not just because of his medical condition. He was too quiet. Too detached from all that was happening. After a conference with his doctor, Maggie and Trent had decided she would have to remain in Florida with the other children until Mickey could safely be moved to a hospital back home.
By the end of the day, Trent and Ed somehow had found and rented a small furnished house not far from the hospital. Ed had taken Maggie to rent a van which they’d equipped with a car seat for Grace, while Trent had visited with the children.
He was so good with them—teasing smiles out of Grace, reading stories to Rachel and Daniel, and playing board games with Mickey—that Maggie was confused. Why was Trent so sure that he would be a poor father? It simply made no sense.
But whether he was ready for parenthood or not, the children, except for Mickey, had been ready to be released by the end of the day. Grace was badly bruised in addition to the lacerations, and she was cranky and out of sorts. Plus, Maggie was sure Grace felt the tension of the adults who populated her world and was reacting to it.
Grace had finally drifted off about an hour ago, after Maggie spent time rocking her. Trent, meanwhile, had read several stories to Rachel and Daniel, had supplied the requisite extra glass of water and had tucked them in—several times.
And so now it was midnight and all the children were finally settled. Maggie pushed away from the wall, knowing she had one more task to perform. She had to talk to Trent and get him to talk to her. She found him in the living room, staring out the patio doors at the rain.
“I hope this weather doesn’t mean you’ll have a rough flight in the morning. What time do you take off?”
Trent glanced back at her for a second. “Not until ten. The first available flight was at dawn, but I didn’t think it would be good for the kids to have another adult just disappear on them.”
Maggie stared at him. Even she hadn’t thought of that. Trent became more of a puzzle about the children every time he opened his mouth. “Are you too tired to talk awhile?” she asked. “I thought we should formalize some plans.”
Trent turned, his smile bitter. “We’ve been married ten years, Mag. Why not say what you mean? You’ve never had trouble expressing your feelings in the past. I seem to remember several dissertations on my faults that lasted a good long while before you walked out.”
“Fine. Where do we stand?” she asked flatly.
Trent visibly started. “I—I don’t know.”
Maggie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Please help me say the right things, Lord. “I shouldn’t have left you, Trent. Both Michael and Sarah tried to tell me that I still loved you too much to start over without you, but I wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t see past the emptiness inside me that called out for a child. Then I left and the emptiness grew. I managed to achieve so many of the goals I thought I wanted—the house in Valley Forge, the reduced hours at work. I found that hole I’d wanted to fill with a child filled with the love of Jesus. Then I found out that even as a single parent I had a chance for a foreign adoption, but the emptiness only got worse because you weren’t there to share it with me.”
Maggie blinked to clear her swimming vision. “I was wrong. I promised you for better or worse, but when worse came along, I folded my tent and walked off. I can’t change what I did. I can only tell you how sorry I am and will be for the rest of my life. I can only tell you that I love you. And that I’d like to try to make it all up to you.”
Trent closed his eyes and sighed. “I don’t honestly see how you can.”
Maggie felt the pain of his words in every pore of her body, but she prayed for strength and found it. She reached out and laid her hand on his arm. He stiffened at her touch and tears flooded her eyes, overflowing down her cheek, blurring her focus. “Please let me try. Please.”
Narrowing his blue eyes, he stared at her for a long moment. “I don’t know.” He turned and walked away, dropping into the rattan sofa against the far wall of the small parlor. He was silent for several minutes, staring ahead. Then he looked back over at her. In his eyes she saw such stark longing and desire that she gasped, but his clenched teeth and hand said that his need for her still warred with pain and anger. “Why don’t you tell me why I should?” he demanded.
“Because I’ve never stopped loving you. And I think it’s God’s plan that we be together.”
“You left me!” he shouted, his voice breaking, his anguish bursting through the anger.
And that pain—pain she’d inflicted—felt like a knife in her heart. “I know it won’t be easy for either of us, but I think we can salvage our marriage.”
“It was you who decided to scuttle our marriage in the first place.”
Regret had never weighed more heavily on Maggie’s shoulders. She walked to the sofa and sat on an ottoman placed nearby. The hurt and confusion on his face nearly overwhelmed her. How could she have done this to him? “I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry for all the arguments before I did. But we have ten years together behind us, and the raising of four children ahead of us. I think those are fourteen pretty good reasons to try again. And you can’t say I only want to try now because of the children. You know I felt this way before the accident. Even before I learned about the foreign adoption possibilities. You know that!”
“And I told you how I felt every time you contacted me.”
Had he decided not to reconcile, after all? She braced herself. “This morning you told Ed you were agreeable to getting back together. Have you changed your mind?”
Trent shook his head. “The kids need both of us to protect them from my parents. I just don’t know how to handle you and me.”
