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When his gaze dropped to her mouth the air evaporated from her lungs.
“Good night,” he murmured.
Slowly, very slowly, he leaned toward her. Her heart pounded so hard she was certain he could hear it. She moistened her lips, in anticipation of his sealing completely over hers.
But they didn’t. Instead, he pressed that perfect mouth to her forehead.
As if she were a child.
Or his little sister.
“See you tomorrow.” With one last breath-stealing smile, he turned and walked away.
She wanted to scream. Fury mushroomed inside her. She opened her mouth to tell him she would be busy tomorrow, but he suddenly stopped and faced her. She snapped her mouth shut.
“By the way,” he said in that teasing tone that was all charm and Ashton, “I think it’s great how you agreed to come up with the theme for the whole event.”
Theme?
Grinning widely, Zach winked and strolled away.
Beth sagged against the old wooden door and watched him go. So that’s what Viola had asked her. Beth mentally recited a few choice expletives. What did she know about themes? She was a doctor. She didn’t do themes.
One way or another she had to mend this rift between her mother and Zach’s. Her heart couldn’t take spending this much one-on-one time with the only man she’d ever really loved…
…the same one who’d never thought of her as anything but the girl next door.
Chapter Three
Colleen Ashton signed the letter she’d just finished writing and made quick work of folding it, then tucked it into the matching embossed envelope. She sealed it, penned her son’s name on the front, then set it aside to put in the safe when she finished the remainder of this morning’s correspondence. She restrained the uncharacteristic tears that crowded her throat for the second time today.
No one would ever convince her that she was making a mistake. Not even Helen whom she trusted with her life.
The thought that she and Helen had not spoken in more than twenty-four hours weighed heavy on Colleen’s heart. But there was nothing to be done about it. She and Helen didn’t see eye to eye on the matter and she doubted that anything was going to change that indisputable fact.
“We have a problem.”
Colleen’s head came up at the unexpected sound of Helen’s voice. As Helen crossed the room, Colleen stood, squared her shoulders and faced what would likely be another attempt to sway her decision. But she would not relent. It was completely out of the question.
“I thought we weren’t speaking,” Colleen said crisply when her friend paused next to the antique writing desk.
Helen raised one tawny brow. “We aren’t, but this is an emergency.”
“What sort of emergency?”
It irritated Helen to no end that Colleen could be so blasted analytical about everything—including this. Helen wanted to shake some sense into her, but she knew Colleen too well. Nothing would change her mind unless she wanted to change it. Unfortunately, she didn’t.
“Beth suspects something.”
Colleen wasn’t the least bit surprised. “I would imagine she does. After that little performance you gave in here yesterday, I would think the whole world suspects something is amiss.”
“No.”
The singular word spoken so sharply echoed in the room. Fear seeped into Colleen’s weary bones.
“I mean she really suspects. I’m sure she’s talked to Zach already.”
Colleen nodded. “She has. Zach gave me the third degree last night after he returned from town.”
“It’s time,” Helen said, her gaze pinning Colleen’s with fierce determination. “What if you’d died when you suffered that heart attack? I can’t take this secret to the grave with me. I just can’t do it.”
“But I didn’t die.” Colleen lifted her chin a notch. “It wouldn’t have changed anything if I had. We both know that.”
“It’s wrong for us to say nothing,” Helen insisted, her expression as grim and desperate as her tone. “You know it’s wrong.”
“If that’s all you have to say then there’s nothing else to discuss.” Colleen held her ground, not giving an inch. “You and Beth are a part of this family, Helen. As much as you mean to me, I will not allow you to take matters into your own hands. We took an oath never to speak of this again.”
“We were young.” Helen shook her head, tears shining in her worried eyes. “We didn’t think.”
Colleen struggled to hold back her own tears. “Helen McCormick, I will hold you to that oath until the day I die.”
Helen swiped at the lone tear that managed to escape her brutal hold on her emotions. “This is wrong and you know it. It’s a mistake.”
“That may be. But it’s my decision. If it’s a mistake, then it’s mine to make.”
Two long beats passed before Helen walked away.
Colleen watched her go, sadness welling inside her. What was done was done. There was no turning back now.
“YOU’RE SURE you want to tackle this job, Mr. Ashton?”
Hank, the local handyman, eyed Zach speculatively. At sixty, the man had attempted just about any kind of fixer-up job one could imagine. Including getting his portly frame trapped under Widow Murphy’s house while repairing her faulty plumbing. Ten at the time, Zach vividly recalled the local volunteer fire department having to rescue the man. He doubted Hank crawled under many houses these days. But he’d kept up the maintenance here ever since Beth’s father died.
Zach turned his attention back to the ornate gazebo nestled amid the lush landscape of the backyard where he’d played as a child. Since his mother had decided to have her birthday party here, the gazebo, she had insisted, required a fresh coat of paint. It looked fine to Zach, but then he wasn’t a painter. And it wasn’t his birthday. Whatever his mother wanted, he intended to make sure she got.
“You know,” Zach began somewhat hesitantly, “I think I will do it myself.” At least this way he’d have something to do besides think about the one thing he’d sworn he wouldn’t.
Hank stroked his jaw and studied the large structure as if assessing the possibility. “You’ll need the right equipment. Ladders, brushes and such.”
Zach nodded, his gaze shifting to the other man. “You could take care of that for me, couldn’t you?”
“Sure. Be happy to. I’ll set you up right now, if you’d like. I can even run down to the hardware and pick up the paint.” Hank smoothed a stubby hand over one intricately carved post. “A nice semigloss would be your best bet.”
Never one to waste time once he’d made a decision, Zach said, “Let’s do it then.”
Hank adjusted his cap, then hung his thumbs on the suspenders of his overalls. “I’ll have everything set up within the hour.”
“Excellent. I’ll be ready.”
The handyman lumbered off in the direction of his truck. Zach watched him drive away, then walked slowly toward the French doors at the back of the house. He hadn’t slept more than an hour last night. And there was no one to blame but himself. He’d known when he came here the risk involved if Beth happened to visit at the same time. Not to mention the infernal restlessness that always plagued him. He was a man of action. He wasn’t one to sit around waiting for things to happen. Finding something tangible to occupy his time would alleviate the latter problem, but Beth was another story.
The last thing he’d expected to find was her living here again. Zach rubbed the back of his neck, the move proving useless in his attempt to loosen too-tense muscles. She was divorced and sharing her childhood home with her mother. He resisted the urge to glance in the direction of the cottage. She wasn’t there anyway. She’d left early that morning, probably for the hospital. He’d watched from his bedroom window. The same way he’d watched her every move back when he’d lived at home, or on the occasions he’d visited after leaving for law school.
He’d had it all planned out in his mind sixteen years ago. Beth was too young for him, way too young. He knew how important it was to her mother that she got her education. How important it would be to Beth. Helen McCormick wanted better for her only child than she’d had herself. All parents wanted that, he supposed. Zach’s own mother was no exception. She, in typical Colleen fashion, had ensured Beth’s attendance at one of the top medical schools in the nation by calling the Dean personally. As a high school graduation present, Colleen had given Beth a check that would, combined with Helen’s savings, pay Beth’s tuition in full. Beth and Helen had adamantly objected, but there was no changing an Ashton’s mind once it had been made up.
The McCormicks weren’t just employees. They were family. And Zach’d had plans for the youngest McCormick. All he’d had to do was be patient. He’d carefully maintained a safe distance, as difficult as that had proven. Especially after Beth hit junior high. She’d made no secret of her feelings for him. He’d read how much she loved him in those big dark eyes way before she’d ever said the words out loud or kissed him. He had known that if he let his guard down it would be a mistake. He would have wanted more than that kiss…had wanted more. One thing would have led to another and he couldn’t allow that to happen until Beth was old enough to know whether she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. He didn’t want her making a lifetime commitment until she fully understood what it entailed. Her happiness meant too much to him.
So he’d been the refined gentleman his mother and father had raised him to be, and he’d waited.
The day she graduated from medical school he had intended to tell her how he felt. She would forgive him then, he’d been certain, for turning her away all those years ago. She would understand that he’d been right all along. That he’d had her best interests at heart. Both had needed to be sure of what they wanted before taking such a life-altering step, like marriage. But when he arrived on graduation day, flowers and ring in hand, she was already engaged to someone else. So he’d just walked away. Beth hadn’t even known he was there. It was his fault after all. He should have gone to her sooner and explained his feelings. Instead, he’d stayed away. Too busy building his career and proving he could be everything his father had believed he could. He’d finally achieved the success he’d sought so fiercely when Victoria Colby had made him an offer. He’d been ready then to get married and start a family.
But all of those dreams had died an instant death when he’d seen Beth in the arms of another man. Zach paused to steady his shaky composure before going inside the house. He’d put all that behind him years ago. He couldn’t understand why he was putting himself through it all over again now. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had other women. He’d gone through dozens while waiting for the only one he wanted. But he’d waited too long.
Zach dismissed the past from his mind. None of that mattered now. He was here for his mother, not for Beth. It was good to see her, but whatever had been between them was over…the opportunity had passed.
He clenched his jaw at the memory of how touching her, of simply pressing his lips to her forehead just last night had affected him. He still wanted her desperately, at least on a physical level. His gut instinct told him that she was still attracted to him as well. He doubted it would take much on either of their parts to fall into a brief affair. A two-week affair to be exact. He shook his head. He wouldn’t do that. He was used to short relationships, but Beth wasn’t. He wouldn’t risk hurting her that way. It wasn’t her fault he’d screwed up.
Their lives were different now. There was no going back. That time had passed. Zach didn’t want those things anymore. He had no desire for marriage and family. He’d banished those concepts from his life the day Beth married another man. He’d gotten used to being a confirmed bachelor. The fact of the matter was he enjoyed playing the field. What did he need with a permanent relationship at this point in his life? He spent far too many hours at the office to be a good husband or father. He was probably too old to change.
But he and Beth could have what they’d always had—friendship. He would walk on broken glass to protect that precious bond. No matter how attracted they were to one another, he wouldn’t risk hurting Beth again.
Zach opened the door and stepped into the house. The summer room was quiet and deserted. It had never been that way back in his days as a teenager. He studied the way the sunlight streamed in through the numerous windows warming the comfortable overstuffed furnishings and nurturing the entourage of plants and indoor trees. The only room in the house that contained a television set, this had been Zach’s favorite. He and his buddies had spent many fall Saturday afternoons watching college football in here. He and Beth had spent just as many Saturday nights watching movies in here, too. They’d stretched out on the carpet and shared a big bowl of popcorn. He smiled at the protective feeling that welled in him even now. Later, when he’d had the occasional weekend home from college, his feelings had changed. He remembered the first time he’d looked at Beth and felt something different…something that startled him.
Zach swore hotly at himself, using a particularly nasty compound adjective that described perfectly his inability to keep his head on straight. He needed to focus on the problem at hand. His mother.
“Shame on you, Zacharius Ashton,” Colleen scolded. “Where on earth did you learn such language?”
Speak of the devil. She crossed the room with slow, measured steps, her gaze searching his. “At law school,” he lied, putting his disturbing predicament aside for the moment. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her waiting cheek. “It was required methodology for closed door negotiations.”
His mother smiled fondly as she caressed his jaw with one frail hand. “You’re so like your father. Confident, strong and so handsome.”
Zach smiled, too, remembering. “But he always told me that I got my blue eyes from the milkman.”
Colleen patted his shoulder. “The broad shoulders, too,” she mused, going along with the old family joke. “That milkman was a real looker.”
Zach took her hand in his and ushered her toward the sofa. “Sit with me for a while.” Hank wouldn’t be back with the paint for another half hour or so, there was time.
Colleen settled primly on the edge of the sofa, the pink of her tailored suit enhancing the light dusting of blush on her pale cheeks. “Did you talk to Hank about freshening up the gazebo?”
Zach sat down next to his mother and stretched out his long legs. “I did.” He crossed his legs at the ankles. “But I decided to paint it myself.”
Colleen looked aghast. “You can’t be serious. Why you’ve never painted anything in your life. You might…” She waved a hand fretfully. “You might fall off the ladder and break something important.”
He laughed. “Well, hopefully I won’t break anything—important or not.”
She frowned and assessed him more closely. He couldn’t be sure if it was out of concern or if she feared the damage he might do to her gazebo or the surrounding shrubbery.
“I’m sure Hank would be happy to do the job.”
“He’s going to help,” Zach assured her. “Don’t worry, I won’t make a mess.”
Knowing him far too well to pursue the issue, she patted his hand. “I’m confident you’ll do a fine job. We’ll tell everyone at the party that you painted it yourself.”
“You’d better wait to see how it turns out before you corner bragging rights,” he said with a chuckle. “Speaking of the party, I really think Beth and I need Helen’s input on some things. Any chance you might talk her into helping us out?”
Colleen’s expression closed instantly. “I’m sure you’ll do fine on your own.” As if he’d pushed her personal eject button, she shot straight to her feet. “I should see what cook has on the menu for dinner tonight.”
He snagged her hand and halted her hasty departure. Zach shook his head. “Let’s talk a little more.” She reluctantly allowed him to draw her back down to the sofa but she wouldn’t look at him. “Come on, Mom, this is ridiculous. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on between you and Helen?”
“There’s nothing to talk about. We simply don’t see eye to eye on a particular issue that I refuse to discuss with you or anyone else. The case is closed.”
Zach held her hand in his. “That sounds a little final,” he said softly. “Are you sure you want to leave it that way? What if something happened…?”
Colleen lifted an aristocratic eyebrow and glared at him. “Then it’ll be on her head,” she said sternly. “This is her choice not mine. I never go back on my word.”
Surprised, a frown pulled his lips downward. He’d never heard his mother speak so strongly against her good friend. “Surely there’s some way to resolve the issue.”
His mother pulled her hand free of his and stood once more. “There isn’t. Now—” she stepped out of his reach “—if you’ll excuse me, I have things to see to.”
There was nothing he could do but let her go. She was an Ashton. Unless she decided to change her mind, which wasn’t likely, then the only hope lay with Helen. As soon as Beth came home they would have to talk. There had to be a way to get Helen to come clean on the issue. Frustrated, Zach fell back against the sofa. That, he thought, disconcerted, would mean spending more time with Beth and fighting feelings he didn’t want to feel…fantasizing about things he knew could never be.
But he had to do it. He would simply find a way to be with her without losing control. He was an Ashton after all.
BETH STARED at the report lying on her desk. She closed her eyes and shook her head, defeat weighing heavy on her heart. Leukemia. The aggressive, ugly kind. Couldn’t it have been anything else?
Beth opened her eyes and reread the report once more. Her patient, Laurie Ellroy, would definitely die without proper treatment. There was no two ways about it. Oh, the oncologist would try chemo, but the chances of it working alone were so minimal that they weren’t even worth mentioning. To cure her it would take massive doses of the meanest chemo available, and then Laurie would still die without a bone-marrow transplant. Her mother’s own health problems prevented her from being a donor. Her father was dead and she had no brothers and sisters. They could look for a match elsewhere, but the chances were slim that they would find a suitable one.
Laurie, twenty-two years old, fresh out of college with a degree in education, was going to die.
Beth’s lips trembled. She bit her lower one to stop the quivering. She didn’t want Laurie to die. Her life had just begun. She was engaged to her high school sweetheart. God, it just wasn’t fair. Beth scrubbed at a tear that managed to escape her firm hold on her emotions. This was the part she hated about practicing medicine. The cases where her hands were tied. When she’d referred Laurie to the internist, she’d hoped he would find something fixable. But he hadn’t. And the oncologist’s prognosis was less than optimistic.
Laurie’s mother was devastated. Beth couldn’t even imagine the horror of losing a child. She thought of her own mother. They were so close, how would either of them survive the loss of the other? Losing her father had been agonizing, but she and her mother had clung to each other until the hurt subsided to a tolerable level. And Zach had been there for her, just like she’d been there for him when his father died. They were family. But if Beth lost her mother, she would be completely alone. She couldn’t turn to Zach now like she had back then. It wasn’t the same anymore.
Last night plowed its way into her mind. Beth tamped down the anger that wanted to well in her chest. Zach Ashton was the most confusing, frustrating man she had ever known. On one hand, he made her want to scream at him, or maybe even hit him. And on the other, she wanted nothing more than to go straight into his arms and stay right there.
She huffed a breath of frustration. How could she still want him so after what he’d done to her? He’d tossed her aside, seeing nothing but the little girl next door. He’d been too busy with the more sophisticated, older women he’d met in college and then his career. The memory of how naive she’d been at seventeen still infuriated her. She was supposed to forget about him. But she simply couldn’t. And God knows she’d tried.
Case in point, Matt Daniels. She’d decided the night before med school graduation that she would take him up on his proposal. He’d asked her three times and seemed crazy about her. He was nice-looking, and they shared a love of healing. What did she have to lose? Zach obviously wasn’t interested and she was tired of waiting. She’d certainly mooned over him long enough. Of course Matt wasn’t the first man she’d dated in an effort to erase Zach’s indelible imprint from her memory. There’d been a few others, none of which stuck or made enough of an impact to evict Ashton from her heart.
Beth pushed away from her desk. It was after five o’clock, she was tired and there was nothing else she could do here. Though the thought of going home held no real appeal considering she would no doubt run into Zach. Then again, how could she avoid him when they had this darned party to coordinate? The theme. She had that stupid theme to come up with. Beth massaged her forehead with her thumb and forefinger. How did one come up with a theme for this sort of thing?
She dug the telephone book from beneath the mountain of papers on her desk and flipped to the Yellow Pages. “P,” she muttered. “Painters, paneling, parties.” Beth dragged her finger down the listing until she found what she wanted. The Party Store. Surely they would have suggestions either on display or in a book. She grabbed her purse and decided it was definitely time to call it a day. She could stop at The Party Store on the way home. And if she were lucky, she could nail down this theme in one stop.
Before leaving, Beth called her mom and told her that she was making a couple of stops before coming home. Helen worried if Beth didn’t make it home on time. Beth smiled wryly. At least someone worried. Zach’s image flitted through her weary mind. She doubted he ever worried about anything other than his next case. Knowing that little accusation was completely unfounded, but feeling immensely better at thinking about him in any way other than sexual, she didn’t immediately dismiss it. She needed to concentrate on all the reasons she could not keep up this ridiculous infatuation of the man.
She was tired of all the Zach worship. He was just a man. She stilled, her hand on the knob of her office door. Why hadn’t she really looked at him and realized that fact all these years? Sure he was good-looking and smart. Built, and probably hung, a wicked little voice added. Beth slipped out, locked her office door and hurried down the corridor as she pondered that line of thinking further. He was just a guy she’d lived next door to her whole life and she’d gotten infatuated with him. If they had ever followed through on her teenage desires, she’d probably have found that there was nothing particularly special about him and moved on. Beth slowed as she exited the hospital. Would getting him out of her system be that simple?
What had kept her from thinking of this before? A smile spread across her lips. The only thing that made Zach so godlike in her mind was his being just out of her reach. All she had to do was have him just one time and she’d know there was nothing special about him. The mystery would be unveiled. The tension broken. Kind of like Christmas as a kid. All that obsessing for months before it arrived, then—bam—it’s over.
