Healing The Md's Heart: Healing the MD's Heart

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“Don’t. It’s fine. For the most part, she avoids us, and believe it or not, Jed seems to like Noah.” He laughed when she raised a skeptical brow. “It’s true. He actually smiled once when Noah was telling him how much he liked going riding.”

Lia started to comment, but a disturbance at the end of the table pulled their attention that direction. Del, flushed and looking on the verge of tears, had stood up and was staring at Jed with an expression that clearly said her husband had moved past Duran on her list.

“Sit down and stop your fussin’, woman,” Jed said, not bothering to look back. “You ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

“We’ll just see about that!” Snatching up Jed’s glass, she flung the contents at him, splashing him in the face and chest, then flounced away, ignoring his sputtered curses. Josh, sitting nearby, rolled his eyes, said something quickly to his wife and started after his mother.

Jed half rose to follow, but Cort’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. Cort sat down next to his father, talking to him in lowered tones. Scowling, Jed stayed put and eventually the noise and activity of the party had left most of the crowd oblivious to their family drama.

Shifting to look at each other, Duran could see Lia shared his uncomfortable feeling at being witness to the exchange. She shrugged it off, inviting him to do the same, and as one they focused on Noah and their temporarily forgotten dinner.

Half an hour later, when they’d finished, Sammy came up to them, wanting to show Noah a family of cats living in one of the barns. Cort and Laurel offered to take both boys, along with their three youngest, for a visit. Duran gave in to Noah’s pleading look, but he and Lia followed, far enough behind to give them the illusion of being alone in the deepening shadows of the early evening.

They could still hear the sounds of the party behind them, but softened by the distance, and Lia let go a long breath.

“Long day?” he asked.

“Not really. I’m just glad to be away from that—” she waved over her shoulder “—for a while.” Glancing at him, she gave an apologetic shrug. “I’m not really much of a party person most of the time, at least not on that scale. You must be used to it, though, living in L.A., in the business you’re in.”

Duran laughed. “I make documentaries, not movies, so I’m not exactly on the A-list when it comes to Hollywood parties. Even before I had Noah, I wasn’t much into the party scene. My ex used to say L.A. was wasted on me.”

“This, at least, isn’t that kind of party. Family is different.”

“Well this family is a little overwhelming for me right now,” Duran admitted. “They’ve been great about accepting us, but they’re definitely going to take some getting used to, Jed in particular.”

Focusing on the path before them, a brief smile touched her mouth, a little wistful. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing,” she said quietly, “having so much family. They all want to get to know you and Noah and to help—well, I’m still not so sure about Jed—but your brothers, anyway.”

“Aren’t you close to anyone in your family?”

“Not really. I’ve never had much of a chance to be.” She shifted her shoulders as if she carried a weight that chafed. “I’ve got seven brothers and sisters, but we hardly know each other. Somewhere, I’ve got an older stepbrother that I wouldn’t recognize if we met face-to-face and I don’t even have a circumstance like yours to blame. My father just never bothered introducing us.”

“That seems strange. Why wouldn’t he?”

“Probably because in my father’s mind it didn’t matter. He didn’t care if all of the kids and stepkids bonded and became a family or not. He always focused on the woman he was with. Any children caught in the crossfire were left to their own devices. Neither of my parents ever encouraged any of their children to get to know each other, let alone become close.”

Duran knew what he wanted to say, that people like her parents didn’t deserve to have children, that the emotional scars they inflicted could be as damaging and longer lasting than physical ones. But he didn’t want to put her in a position of feeling required to defend her parents, especially if her heart wasn’t in it.

“I guess that’s why I think it’s good you and Noah have had the chance to know your family,” she mused. “I know what I’ve missed and I hate to see someone else miss out, as well.”

“I didn’t know what I was missing out on until I had to go looking for them. So far it’s worked out. But when it comes to Noah, I can’t afford not to be careful. He’s gotten very attached to a lot of people here already. I just hope it’s not temporary on their part.” He didn’t look at her when he said it, but he could feel her eyes on him.

They were near the corral fence and she stopped, compelling him to face her head-on. “You’re talking about me, aren’t you?”

“Not specifically,” he started, then stopped because he was lying and she knew it. “Okay, yes, I am and we both know why. Like you said before, maybe it’s the circumstances, but you can’t argue that Noah cares a lot about you and you and I…” He tried to find the words to define it and couldn’t. “I don’t know what it is, just that it’s more than either of us expected.”

“And apparently it’s not good,” she said flatly.

“I didn’t say that, but maybe it’s not. You’re the one who told me you were lousy at relationships. Am I supposed to take the chance that doesn’t apply to Noah?”

She flinched as if he’d struck her a blow in a vulnerable spot. “I would never do anything to hurt Noah. And if you believe that, we’re done, not just now, but you need to find yourself a new pediatrician while you’re here.”

“I don’t believe you’d ever do anything deliberately to hurt him,” Duran said, choosing his words carefully. “But I need a guarantee you aren’t going to let him learn to love you and then decide you can’t deal with that or it’s not what you want.”

“For you or for Noah?” Momentarily confused by her snapped question, he didn’t answer right away and she plunged ahead. “This guarantee, is it for you or for Noah? Because I think you’re the one who wants the guarantee, Duran. And you know what? You’re right—I can’t give it to you. So maybe it’s better we end this—whatever it is—right now.”

Spinning away from him, she started back the way they’d come. Duran caught her in two paces, grasping her arm to turn her back to him. “Is that what you want? Because it sure as hell isn’t what I want.”

“No,” she said, so softly he wasn’t sure he’d heard her answer. She looked shaken and he could feel the effort she was making to hold herself stiffly, to keep her control. “But you aren’t the only one who’s afraid of getting hurt. I do care—a lot more than I should—and I don’t even want to think about how I could hurt either of you. I don’t want to think about how you could hurt me, either, when you decide it’s time for you to leave. So, no, it’s not what I want. But maybe it’s the best thing for both of us.”

She pulled herself free from his grip and quickly strode into the darkness, leaving him there alone.

Chapter Eight

Lia watched as the technician injected another needle into Sawyer’s arm. “Only a little more,” Lia told Sawyer. “We’ll send these last samples off to Albuquerque and have the results soon. These are the last steps to making sure you’re a perfect match for Noah. I don’t think there will be any problems, but this is too important not to double-check.”

“All done, just press this cotton ball to that spot for a few minutes,” the technician instructed as she withdrew the needle. She capped the last vial, gathered up her carrying tray and turned to leave, smiling over her shoulder at Lia’s thanks.

When she’d gone, Sawyer rolled down his shirtsleeve and got off the table. “So, did you have fun at the party the other night?”

“Sure, why do you ask?” Lia busied herself thumbing through Sawyer’s chart and making notes.

“I don’t know, it just seemed like there was some tension between you and Duran when you left.”

She looked up at him. “Is Maya’s emotional ESP infectious or what?”

Sawyer laughed. “I hope not. But I have to say, ever since we’ve been married I seem to pick up on people’s moods more and more. She’s like an emotional barometer for anyone who gets within three feet of her. And you know how frighteningly accurate her readings can be.”

“I do know. I admit sometimes I try to keep my distance.”

“I can’t say I blame you. You should try living with her. Talk about feeling like cellophane. She sees right through me before I say a word.”

“Yikes. I don’t think I could handle that.”

“Why’s that? What have you got to hide?”

Lia sighed and thought about the question. She could lie to him and say nothing. Or she could tell him the truth and say just about everything. She didn’t want anyone to know how her childhood, most of her past experiences with relationships for that matter, had been disastrous, leaving her terrified to believe she might actually one day be successful at one.

“That I’m a coward,” she admitted finally.

“Could have fooled me. How, exactly?”

“The other night, at the party—” she began, moving to half sit on the side of the patient table. “Duran hinted at wanting to pursue some kind of relationship with me.” Her sarcasm didn’t go unnoticed. “And I shut him down.”

“Why? He seems like a really good guy. And it’s obvious he’s interested in you.”

“Maybe. And yes, he is a really good guy. Too good, as far as I’m concerned.”

“I think I’m missing something here.”

“He’s done everything right. He had the picture-book childhood, he’s raised Noah and dealt with all his medical crises alone, and he’s a great father. He knows how to love someone.”

“And those are bad things?”

“No, of course not. But frankly that puts his standards for what he expects out of a relationship pretty high and I don’t want to put myself in a position of feeling I can’t measure up.”

“Is that it?” Obviously skeptical, Sawyer studied her a moment then touched her arm. “Lia, I know things didn’t work out with Tonio. We have some pretty long nights at the fire station. He told me you ended it because you couldn’t—or—wouldn’t commit.” He paused, as though giving her a moment to deny it. When she didn’t, he added, “I also know it’s not the first time you’ve done that with someone who might have made you happy. So, I don’t mean to be blunt, but what’s the real problem?”

Feeling suddenly exposed and entirely uncomfortable with the turn of conversation, Lia withdrew. She liked Sawyer; there had been a time, before he’d gotten involved with Maya, that they’d briefly dated. But back then, he’d been as or more skittish as her about getting seriously involved and any potential for a romantic relationship between them had led nowhere. Now she counted him as a friend but she didn’t want to spill all her insecurities to him.

She slid off the table, the chart in her hand now pressed against her chest like a shield. “Some people just aren’t meant for all of that—commitment, marriage, happily ever after.”

“Some people don’t allow themselves to find out if they’re meant for it or not. I almost didn’t. But look at Maya and me now.”

“You and Maya are different. My family…” She shook her head.

Sawyer let out a rueful laugh. “Come on, Lia, you’ve met Shem and Azure. Maya’s parents aren’t even in the realm of normal by anyone’s definition. She grew up in a three-ring hippy circus. And Jed, my mother and my family? If you’re trying to compare any issues you grew up with against my zoo of a family, we both know I win hands down.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that.”

“Maybe, I don’t know all that much about your family. But I gave Maya a chance and she did the same for me. Isn’t it fair to Duran—and to yourself—to at least give him a chance?”

The challenge in his words penetrated her being as she turned to the door. Her back to him, she answered as casually as she could. “I’ll think about it. I’m sorry but I have to go see my next patient. Be sure to drink some orange juice and have something to eat.”

“Lia—”

She glanced over her shoulder, shot him an unconvincing smile. “Say hi to Maya, okay?”

She left before he could come up with another argument to convince her, her emotions and thoughts in turmoil she wouldn’t be sorting out any time soon.

Because she had to, she pulled herself together, heading down the hall, rounding the corner toward the next patient room—and almost ran smack into Duran and Noah.

Great. After her disconcerting conversation with Sawyer and the way she and Duran had left things after the party, Duran was the last person she wanted to see right now. “Hi,” she managed, rummaging around for a smile, for Noah’s benefit more than anything. “I didn’t know you had an appointment today.”

“We didn’t really,” Duran said. “But Noah insisted on seeing you.”

“About what?” Lia asked, confused. She looked between Duran and Noah.

“We’re gonna visit Uncle Rafe’s tribe,” Noah burst in before Duran could answer. “They’re gonna have a ceremony and do dances and wear strange clothes. And Dad’s gonna film them.”

“Really? That sounds exciting.” She glanced at Duran, hoping for more of an explanation and how she fit into all this.

“I’ve been talking to Rafe and learning more about the Pinwa,” he said. “It’s his mother’s tribe and they’re dying out. In fact, there are only about three hundred members left. The more he tells me, the more I think it may make an excellent subject for a documentary. I’ve been putting off starting a new project since I finished the last one a few months ago because of everything going on. This seemed like a good opportunity to at least get started on something else while Noah and I are here in New Mexico.”

“I see,” Lia said, though she didn’t, at least not her role in it.

“Like Noah said, Rafe invited us to visit. I’d like to take Noah up to meet Rafe’s family and at the same time, I can get a better feel for the documentary possibility.”

“Okay. It sounds like a great plan. What did you need me for?”

“To ask if you think Noah is stable enough to be away for a couple of days.”

A fleeting thought that he might have come to invite her to go along died. There was no possibility of that; he was probably still upset with her from the party the other night. This was purely a consultation with the nearest thing Noah had to a regular doctor in Luna Hermosa.

“He’ll be fine, I think,” she answered with a trace of honest hesitation. When Duran frowned, she tried to sound more enthusiastic. “I mean we should go over a couple of things first, but I don’t see why he should miss an opportunity like this.”

Noah tugged at Duran’s sleeve. “See, Dad, I told you Dr. Kerrigan would let me go.” He looked to Lia, all eager anticipation. “Can you come, too? Uncle Rafe and Aunt Jule said you could.”

Lia stumbled in replying. She hated to tell Noah no, but she doubted his father had any hand in his impromptu invitation. What she didn’t doubt was that Jule, following her sister-in-laws’ examples, was trying her hand at matchmaking and she made a mental note to tell her friend she was wasting her time.