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As he approached the car the door opened and he watched as Lainey planted one slim denim-clad leg, ending in a high-heeled black boot, on the ground. He tried not to notice how long that leg was. She appeared to be struggling with something so he went over to help.
“Evening,” he said. She jumped, yelped, and nearly lost her grip on what he could now see was a pizza box. Big blue eyes swung his way and a pretty pink stained her cheeks. Her lips parted slightly and his gaze zeroed in on her mouth. Very nice. He shoved the unwelcome thought away. “Can I get that for you?”
She shook her head and her long hair shifted silkily on her shoulders. “I’ve got it. Thanks.”
He stepped back to let her exit the car. “Is it running okay?”
She glanced up at him. “Yes. Thank you again.” Her tone was cool, polite. She bumped the door shut with her hip, but her keys fell to the ground. Ben bent and retrieved them for her, pressing them into her palm. A quick zing of heat flashed through him at the contact. He pulled back quickly. Hell.
“Um, thanks,” she murmured.
“You’re welcome.” He turned toward the garage. He needed to get away from her before he started to feel.
“Ben.” Her voice—hesitant, a little husky—flowed over him. He turned back and she tipped the pizza box slightly toward him. “There’s plenty here if you want to join us.”
“No, thanks.” The words came swift, automatic, but he caught a flash of hurt in her eyes. Damn it. “I’m in the middle of a project,” he amended. “I’ll try and grab some in awhile.” Why did he feel the need to soften the blow? Since when had big blue eyes affected him? Since last night, when she’d narrowed her eyes and told him she could change a tire.
She shrugged. “Good luck. Rose and I love our pizza.”
He slid his hands in his front pockets. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
She turned to go and he couldn’t tear his gaze off the sway of her hips as she walked up to the house.
Double hell. He couldn’t risk forging any type of connection. No way would he allow himself the luxury. How could he, when he shouldn’t be the one alive?
Turning, he headed back to his project, tried to ignore the feminine laughter floating through the kitchen’s screen door. Lainey’s throaty laugh carried, teasing at the edge of something he’d shut down after Jason’s death.
His phone rang before he could start the saw. A glance at the display revealed the caller to be his boss. Nerves jolted through him, but he kept his voice steady as he answered.
“Hi, Captain.”
“Ben.” The concern in the older man’s voice carried clearly and Ben shut his eyes against the guilt it stirred up. “How are you, son?”
“I’m getting by,” he replied.
“Just getting by?”
“Pretty much.” Ben paused. He didn’t need to paint a rosy picture for his boss. He’d already been ordered to take leave due to the stress of Jason’s death. It couldn’t really get any worse than that.
“Still having the symptoms, I take it.” Not a question.
“Yeah.” When the dream stopped, would he be free of the pain? Did he want to be? Wouldn’t that be disloyal to the friend he’d loved like a brother?
After all, Ben was alive. Jason wasn’t.
The Captain sighed. “It won’t do any good for me to tell you again that it was an accident and not your fault, right?”
“With all due respect, sir, you’re wrong.” The words caught in Ben’s throat. “It was my call. I made a bad one, and a good man—a family man—died because of me.”
“That’s not what the investigation found,” the Captain reminded him softly.
It didn’t matter. The investigators hadn’t been there—in the inferno, in the moment. “I don’t give a damn.” Ben shut his eyes against the waves of guilt and pain that buffeted his soul, tried not to see Callie’s grief-ravaged face. “I know what happened.”
“Ben—”
“Please, don’t.”
There was a pause, then another sigh. “Then I won’t. This time. Son, when you heal, come back and see us. There will always be room for fine firefighters such as yourself and I’d be honored to have you.”
Heal. Ben swallowed a lump in his throat. He didn’t know if it was possible. “Thank you, sir. I’ll keep it in mind.”
He disconnected the call and the emptiness he’d been battling for the past six months constricted his chest. He could never work as a firefighter again. He no longer trusted his judgment, his ability to read a situation and respond appropriately.
Without those skills he was nothing.
“Ben?”
He looked up sharply, feeling exposed. Lainey stood in the open door with a plate, uncertainty on her beautiful face. He cursed silently. How much had she overheard?
“Rose thought you might be hungry.” She lifted the plate slightly.
He rubbed his hand over his face, afraid the rawness of his emotions showed too clearly. He needed to get them back under control—fast. “Thanks.” He shoved the phone in his pocket and walked over, not wanting to look at her and see pity. Or disgust. He’d seen plenty of both over the past couple of months. She handed him the plate wordlessly, then laid her hand on his forearm before he could move away.
His muscles turned to stone even as the heat from her simple touch sought the frozen place inside him. His gaze landed on hers, despite his best intent. He saw no pity, only questions, and he couldn’t take the chance of her asking them. Not now, with everything so close to the surface.
He cleared his throat and she stepped back quickly, taking her warmth with her when she removed her hand. It was a much sharper loss than he’d like. “Thanks for the pizza.”
“Sure.” She hesitated and he held his breath, afraid she’d ask. Perversely, he was almost afraid she wouldn’t. She gave him a small smile. “Eat it before it gets cold.”
Then she turned and walked into the night before he could tell her how very familiar he was with cold.
And what a lonely place it was.
CHAPTER THREE
AN IMPERIAL SUMMONS was never a good thing.
Lainey had long thought of her mother’s invitations to dinner as such a summons—and more often than not they included some well-meaning but completely off-base idea of her parents’ to “improve her life.”
She’d met her ex at such a dinner. And apparently she was the only one who saw it for the farce it had turned out to be.
Now, if Daniel had been a man like Ben maybe things would have been different. The thought wasn’t as shocking as it might have been, considering she’d been unable to get Ben and the haunted look on his face out of her mind for the past two days. She hadn’t overheard enough of his conversation to find out what was eating him alive, but she’d heard the pain layering his voice, each word laced with more than the last.
Still, Ben struck her as a fundamentally honorable man, not one who would marry for money without dumping his long-time girlfriend first. Like, say, her ex-husband. The good thing was her heart hadn’t been involved—but her pride and self-worth had taken a beating.
Lainey sighed and turned through the thick stone columns into her parents’ driveway. Since her parents were expecting her, the black iron gate stood open. She wound her way up the drive and parked in front of the massive log house that managed to be both rustic and majestic.
Lainey turned the car off and got out. On the plus side Grace, the cook, always put together fabulous meals, so she’d make sure she enjoyed that even while avoiding the bombs that were likely to be lobbed over the table. The front door opened even before she made it all the way up the carefully landscaped walkway.
“Lainey!” her father greeted her in his big voice.
“Hi, Dad.” She allowed herself to be drawn into a hug. Tall and trim, Greg Keeler cut a handsome picture with his dark, youthful looks, a perfect foil to Jacqui’s petite blond paleness. Even in their late fifties, they looked every inch the power couple they’d been for as long as she could remember.
“Come on in. We’re in the family room.”
He turned and Lainey followed him into the large room off the foyer, with its high ceilings, thick carpet and fireplace. While the outside screamed North Woods, inside the only concession to the house’s rustic roots were the thick beams soaring overhead.
Lainey walked across the luxurious carpet, its velvety pile the color of cream, with nary a stain in sight. She tried to picture a baby crawling around in here and failed. Nothing about this room said family—even with the professionally shot family photos on the mantel. She vowed to make sure she raised her baby in an environment that was warm and welcoming, not precious and impersonal.
Her mother perched on the edge of a chair near the fire. A manila folder lay on an end table next to her.
“Hello, dear.” Jacqui rose and offered her cheek to Lainey, who came around the end of the sofa to place the obligatory kiss.
“Hi, Mother.”
“Have a seat.” Her dad gestured toward the sofa and turned to the mini-wet-bar. “Can I get you anything to drink?”
Well, no. I’m pregnant. She swallowed the words. That would get this little pow-wow off to a roaring start. In fact it might create stains on the carpet from dropped or flying liquor. “No, thanks.”
He raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he mixed his drink quickly and took the seat opposite Jacqui.
Lainey flicked her gaze between both of them. There was no reading her parents. Whatever they’d done, they wouldn’t be smug, since they’d consider it a necessary move. She might as well get it over with. “What’s going on?”
Jacqui frowned a little. “Wouldn’t you rather eat first? Grace has a lovely roast chicken prepared.”
Lainey’s shoulders tensed at the deflection. “I’d like to know what’s going on.” She looked at her father but his expression was unreadable. “Dad? Please?”
He down set his drink—a screwdriver, no doubt. “Might as well cut to the chase. Lainey, we want to help you.”
Oh, no. Her stomach lurched. She threaded her fingers together in her lap to keep from shaking. She kept her tone measured. “Help me how?”
“With your little shop, honey.” Jacqui reached for the folder and the hairs went up on the back of Lainey’s neck.
“My little shop? What have you done, Mother? Dad?” She heard the note of panic in her voice. She’d been safe, had rented the business from Esther Browning, what could they possibly—?
Jacqui beamed. “We thought you’d be pleased to know we bought your building.”
The room tilted a little and Lainey gripped the arm of the chair, struggling to focus on her mother’s clueless face. She couldn’t have heard correctly. “I’m sorry—what? Why?”
“You’re having such a hard time getting this going, and Esther was worried about making ends meet. You know she needs the rent to live on, dear.”
My parents are now my landlords. The realization swept through her, followed closely by rage. “I’ve never paid late. Not one single payment.” She bit off each word. If nothing else, she prided herself on that. She knew her elderly landlord depended on that income, and made absolutely sure those payments went out on time.
Her father cut in. “Of course not. But there’s reason to believe you might have a hard time making them, so we thought this would help both of you out.”
Lainey sucked in a breath. Poor Esther. The prospect of having the building all paid for, most likely in cash, must have been powerful. She’d done what was best for her, and Lainey refused to fault her for that.
Keeping her voice even, she asked, “But you didn’t think maybe you should ask me? See how I’m doing?” Of course the documents would have been anything but reassuring, but still … Betrayal rose in her throat, the taste bitter, and she swallowed hard. Why was it too much for them to think to include her in the decision making?
Jacqui looked surprised. Or would have if the Botox hadn’t been working so well. “Well, we already know how you’re doing. The whole town does. We’ve got your best interests at heart, dear. Always.”
Lainey shut her eyes. How often had she heard that little line? When would it actually prove to be true? “How exactly does this help me?” She braced herself for the kicker.
“Well, you won’t have the monthly payment anymore. We won’t make you pay rent. And you can live here now. We’ll rent out that little apartment.” Her mother sounded pleased, as if she’d truly solved a problem. Her father nodded in agreement as they exchanged a look.
She sucked in a sharp breath. “No. I can’t live here.” How am I supposed to puke in private every morning? Hide my rounding belly? Raise my child here? Panic seized her and she jumped up as her father’s phone rang. He checked it, and rose.
“I’ve got to run. Lainey, we’ll talk more later. But for now we feel this is the best thing for you.”
He kissed her cheek and strode out of the room. Lainey stared after him, floored because both of her parents seemed to think this was a done deal and hadn’t bothered to truly consider her. “Why did no one ask me? Has no one noticed I’m an adult? I’m not moving back home.” Where she’d go, she didn’t know. But it wouldn’t be here.
Jacqui set her snifter on the table. “Of course you are, dear. That little place isn’t good for you. We’ve got plenty of room. We can remodel your suite if you’d like. Daniel agrees you should be here.”
Lainey whipped around so fast she nearly got dizzy. “He has no say in my life. None. We’re divorced, remember?”
Jacqui leaned forward, her gaze earnest. “You were wrong, Lainey. He loves you and he’s willing to give you a second chance. What is so bad about that? Now you don’t have to struggle anymore. We’ve taken care of it.”
Lainey stared back. Her mother really believed it. She could see the sincerity in the other woman’s gaze, hear it in her voice. They didn’t understand it was Lainey’s problem and she wanted to be the one to solve it—or not. That had been the whole point of taking over the shop—to make it work by herself. Now the choice was gone.
She lifted her chin and met her mother’s expectant gaze. “I’m not coming home.” Each word came out crystal-clear and Jacqui’s eyes widened. “I’m happy where I am. I love my job, my shop. My apartment. I’m not going to give it up, give you control of my life, because you can’t accept I’m an adult and haven’t chosen the path or the man you wanted for me.”
Jacqui frowned. “Lainey, please be reasonable. You needed help. We gave it to you.”
“Yes, but at what cost to me?” Despair rose and Lainey fought it back, preferring anger. There was really only one option here, since she wasn’t going to walk away from the shop she loved. “What do I have to do to get it back?”
Jacqui sat back. “Pardon?”
“I want it back,” she repeated. “I’ll buy the building flat out from you. And you’ll have to completely butt out of my life.”
Jacqui frowned, as if this wasn’t going the way she’d planned. “I don’t think—”
Lainey stood up, the words she should have said years ago boiling out of her. “I’m not letting you force me into this. And there’s no hope for Daniel. You have no idea what my marriage was like. None. I’d hope you’d want better for me, even if it’s not what you would have chosen.” She picked up her purse with shaking hands. “I’m going, Mother. I’ll find somewhere else to live. And don’t worry. I will make those rent payments on my shop. They will be on time. I’m never late.”
Pulse roaring in her ears, she walked away before Jacqui could say anything else.
The nerve. Lainey pulled over a couple of miles past the house and sat for a minute, tears of rage pouring down her face. The nerve.
Poor Esther. Lainey hoped they’d at least given the woman a fair price. But while apparently not above blackmail, her parents weren’t cheats. One small thing in this whole mess to take comfort in.
What she needed was a plan. One that could get her the money, and the time, to solve this herself—which was all she wanted. Just to prove she could do it—run a business, be successful on her own terms without any help from her family.
To show them she wasn’t a screw-up, but just as worthy of being a Keeler as they were.
She fished a napkin out of the glove box and wiped her face. Crying wasn’t going to solve anything. She put the car back in gear and headed for the public park at the lake. She’d spent many hours here as a kid, and later as a teen when she’d needed space. Sure, there was a private beach at her parents’ home, but the park had swings and a playground, now upgraded to a fancy plastic playscape. They’d kept the old metal merry-go-round, her favorite thing in the park.
The gathering twilight and chilly breeze off the water ensured the park itself was empty, though a couple cars parked nearby indicated joggers still out on the loop that ran next to the water.
Lainey pulled the hood of her jacket up and settled on a swing. She scuffed her feet in the wood chips, then backed up, ready to swing. Back and forth she went, pumping her legs, stretching out in the swing until her hood slid off and her hair fell in her face when she leaned forward. The moon hung over the quiet lake, full and incandescent, a bright star to its left. Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. A small laugh escaped her, followed by more tears. She’d gone way beyond childish wishes, even if as a kid she’d believed in the power of the first star. The tensions of her parents’ betrayal slid away in the stinging wind, into the encroaching darkness. Finally she stopped pumping, let herself glide through the cool evening air, slowly coming to a stop.
