A Season of Love

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Seeing each other? Holly had no plans on that. She would make sure that Cameron waited for her outside.

“Holly?”

Blinking, she forced her thoughts back to the present. She inhaled sharply. She’d tried to keep from staring earlier, but her gaze had kept returning to his injured hand. She was curious. But to touch it?

Swallowing, Holly reached out. She stopped short. It seemed too intimate a gesture for someone she hardly knew, despite the fact Ethan and Jared had gone to school together. “I’m really not comfortable with this.”

“And I’m not going to be comfortable with the idea of seeing the questions in your eyes all the time.”

“But—”

“It looks worse than it really is, but I understand.” Ethan shrugged and stared at his hand as he withdrew. “It does take getting used to.”

“I’m sorry, Ethan.”

Holly felt his pain again behind his mask of indifference, confirming there was more going on inside him than he let on. The bomb had taken more than just his fingers and five lives. It left behind a shell of a man, struggling to deal with everyday life. He suffered the survivor’s guilt that ate away at the soul like a moth devoured clothing.

Holly wore it every day like a piece of her wardrobe.

She should have never insisted that she and Jared attend the Chamber of Commerce function when the weather forecaster had predicted the cold snap that would turn the melted snow into ice. But how was she to know in that brief moment she took her eyes from the road that the argument would be their last?

Chapter Three

Disappointment pooled around Ethan’s shoulders as silence accompanied them to where Cameron stood impatiently by the back door. Holly’s son had taken Ethan’s injured hand in stride with the curiosity he’d expect from a child. Holly’s reaction bothered him, even though it shouldn’t. He didn’t see the revulsion in her eyes like he had with others, but even now he noticed that her feet angled away from him and she stepped in close proximity to Cameron.

Why had he insisted she touch his hand? Why had he openly challenged her? What difference would it make in the scheme of things? She was his tenant for now, and in less than two months that would change. Then, of course, there was Cameron. But who knew whether that arrangement would last more than a week? More discontent filled him as he stared at the nubs. He didn’t understand his actions himself, but he couldn’t go back and change things.

If he could, the injury and loss of life would have never happened.

Let go, let God. The voice of the pastor who’d visited him daily in the hospital echoed in his brain. Four simple words; three if you didn’t count the repeated one. Was it really that easy? He’d studied God’s word, yet he found himself struggling to follow His commands. Let go, let God.

Ethan had no choice. In order to embrace the future, the past had to be forgiven and forgotten. Starting today.

“Come on in.” He opened the back door and ushered them inside. Warmth spilled around them, along with the scent of lemon, antiseptic and dog. He heard a happy whine as he flipped the light switch, evicting the dimness from the west-facing room.

Nudging the door shut with his shoulder, he glanced around the small white kitchen, realizing the only color came from Holly’s red sweatshirt. Nothing adorned the walls but a small black-and-white clock. Even the white curtains on the window over the sink blended into the background, as did the few appliances on the equally white Formica counter.

He’d packed up all his stuff and rented out the house while he was overseas, and hadn’t made the time to unpack the boxes he’d pulled from storage and left in the garage. His house was just a house and not the home he’d left behind. But then again a lot of things had changed. He’d changed. Used to the constant company of people around him for the past several years, the quietness of his surroundings now, other than the two dogs, grated on his nerves.

He’d find the time today to breathe life back into his house.

Another whine sounded from the other room, louder this time since Bear had heard their voices. This time Sadie joined in along with the noise of the chain-link fence rattling as the dogs tried to escape their enclosures.

“Are they this way?” Excitement buried the indifference in Cameron’s voice. Good. The boy hadn’t gone too far down the wrong path yet. He could work with the spray-paint incident and the few other problems that simmered under the surface.

Maybe this was part of the Lord’s plan for Ethan, as well. He’d had an old neighbor’s intervention in his teens that helped steer him in the right direction. Now it was time for him to pay it back, not only with Cameron but with other boys, as well—Patrick being one of them if he ever showed up.

“Right through that doorway. Hang on, though. Let me get you some treats for them.” Ethan grabbed a box from the pantry, pulled out two bone-shaped dog snacks and then handed them to Cameron. Anticipation created a tangible energy inside the small kitchen, and he knew he’d made the right decision to have the boy help him with the dogs. Holly’s signature light floral fragrance mingled with the other scents lingering in the air. He wouldn’t turn down her assistance, either, if she decided she wanted to help in some capacity.

“Thanks, Mr. Pellegrino.”

It felt right to have Holly and her son inside his home. They added warmth and companionship that were missing between the four walls. Possessions didn’t make a home. People did. But allowing others into his life again besides his immediate family meant protecting them. Bile burned his throat and he flexed his throbbing hand, feeling the impression of fingers where none remained. Protecting people was something he wasn’t good at anymore. So why the offer to have Cameron help him out?

Because right now, the need to think about the boy’s well-being overruled everything else.

“You’re welcome. This way. They’re in the Arizona room.” Ethan slipped past his guests and into the area to his left that used to be the back porch before the previous owner enclosed it. Six kennels filled the space, all lined up like soldiers during inspection.

But this was only temporary. As soon as he found more funding, he’d be moving to the permanent sanctuary outside of town. The vision of twenty-four more inside the old barn on the farm property filled his mind’s eye as well as the big dog run in the pasture.

Focus on the future.

Cameron shook off his mother’s grasp and ran to the first kennel. A smile broke out as he put his hand out for the black Lab to smell. Good. The kid knew how to approach a dog. And he showed an interest in them and an apparent love for them as he reached through the bars and scratched the dog behind his ears. That would make their time together go a bit smoother.

He glanced at Holly and momentarily lost himself in her presence. With her hair pulled back in a ponytail and no makeup to cover her smooth, delicate skin, she looked to be in her mid-twenties even though he figured her to be closer to his thirty-five years. The swept-back locks exposed her long, elegant neck and, from this angle, a straight, slightly upturned nose. But it was her vulnerability that got to him.

Despite her attempts to keep it all together, he sensed just below the surface she suffered and struggled with her son, the shop, everyday life. Ethan also knew he hadn’t made it any easier on her, but he had his own dreams and issues. His gaze fell on his hand. Sometimes sugarcoating things didn’t help; it only made matters worse. He’d given her to the end of the year, and his offer to help her son would still be available to both of them as long as the arrangement continued to work out.

He should step away and draw himself inward. Instead, when she turned her head toward him, he found himself staring into her deep green eyes that had seen so much pain. A pain he could identify with. He’d lost his father at a young age, and several of his friends in Afghanistan. He could identify with the hollowness, the gaping hole, the huge cavity filled with darkness that even these days God’s light had a hard time driving away. But even that couldn’t compare to losing one’s partner, one’s soul mate.

He had no experience with that sort of loss, yet he felt the need to comfort. Protect. He wanted to draw Holly into his arms, absorb her pain and blend it with his own.

“What’s his name?”

Ethan blinked at Cameron’s words, stepped backward and concentrated on the dog as Holly knelt down by her son. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the door frame. “That’s Bear. He’ll be with me for at least a year. He likes to play ball. I’ve already taken him out for a walk, but in between the coats of paint, maybe you can let him run around the yard a bit and throw him a couple of balls.”

“Hi, Bear.” Laughter spilled from the boy’s lips as the dog tried to lick his face through the metal fencing. In that instant, Ethan realized another thing that had been missing from his life. Not that he’d had anything to laugh about. That would change going forward. He flexed what remained of his right hand again, determined not to let anything stop him from his goals.

And maybe find love in the process.

A strange emotion gripped Ethan as he squatted down beside Holly outside the kennel of the cocker spaniel/heeler mix next to Bear. The tan-and-white spotted dog with the droopy ears stared up at them with big brown eyes. Love? Something as complicated as that was meant for guys like her late husband, not someone who would probably have nightmares of what happened in Afghanistan for the rest of his life, or carry the guilt of five deaths around his neck like a yoke.

“This one here is Sadie. She’ll be here for almost two years.” God willing he’d still be open then. More delays in funding meant he would have to pull more money out of his savings account to continue the renovations, because with more dogs coming in, he had to have more room.

“She’s adorable,” Holly whispered. He noticed her gaze dart toward Cameron, who had wedged his hand between the metal bars of the cage door and continued to scratch Bear behind his ears. “Maybe I should consider getting Cam a dog. In the future.” Her sigh washed over him, filling him with that need to protect her from her thoughts. Ironically, he was part of the problem, not the solution, since her reprieve lasted until just after the holidays.

“Where are the rest of the dogs?” Cameron asked.

“Two dogs are showing up this afternoon and the other two arrive next week.”

“What happens if you get another dog? There won’t be any room.” Holly turned to face him.

“I’m well aware of that. I’ll have plenty of room once I move to the permanent place.”

“But in order to move there, you need money. Like the rent from the storefront.” Holly dipped her head and clenched her fists. But when she made eye contact with him again, resolve and resignation slid into her eyes. “What you’re doing is a noble thing, Ethan. I’ll vacate immediately so you can get another renter in there.”

“It’s going to take a lot more than those kinds of funds. The past-due rent isn’t going to make that much of a difference. My original offer still stands. You have until December 31.”

For a moment Ethan stared at the empty kennels and again envisioned himself in his new place with twenty-four kennels occupied and his sanctuary fully operational. Somehow he sensed the woman who barely grazed his shoulder and the boy kneeling in front of the other kennel would play an intricate role in this if he managed to pull it off.

The Lord worked in mysterious ways.

“Come on, the door should be dry by now. Let’s put the primer on and then we’ll come back and take the dogs outside for a bit.”

“Aw, just a few more minutes?” Cameron whined.

“We’ll come back.” Ethan held his ground. The integral part of the intervention was taking a firm hand and making sure the preteen knew who was boss.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, they all stepped back and looked at their handiwork. Holly grinned and scratched the back of her neck. “Now I know why I leave the painting to the professionals. Your area looks much better than mine.”

“And mine.” Cameron plopped his brush back into the paint tray.

“It’s primer. It won’t matter, anyway. Not once the topcoat goes on. I’ll show you a quick, easy way to do it when we get to that step.”

“It’s a good thing you placed cardboard along the bottom. It saved the concrete driveway from the wayward drops.”

“Yeah, it’s a lesson learned the hard way.” Ethan grabbed the brushes and rollers to rinse off with the hose. “If you study the driveway enough, you’ll see the drops of paint from the first time I painted it six years ago when I bought the house. No matter how careful you are, you always make mistakes.”

Funny. He could forgive himself for certain mistakes, but not others. But then again, a little paint on the concrete couldn’t even compare to five people losing their lives because he was distracted. Careless.

If only he could wash away his guilt as quickly as he did the primer. The stream of water cleared. After shutting off the tap, he stood and shook everything out. “Good job, Cameron. We’ll make a painter out of you yet. There’ll be lots of painting needed in the new offices of the sanctuary. What do you say? Wanna come on board?”

“Sounds like too much work. Can I go back and play with Bear now?”

Ethan couldn’t help but smile. At least the kid was honest. Cameron would probably rather go to the dentist than do any more painting, but at least he had energy for the dogs. Exercising the dogs took a lot of time, time Ethan could use for paperwork, or raising money, or cleaning up the kennels, if he didn’t make that part of Cameron’s responsibilities. “Just make sure you put him on the leash hanging on the wall before you take him outside.”

“Sure thing. Thanks, Mr. Pellegrino.” Cameron spun around and sprinted away, leaving Holly and Ethan to follow at a more leisurely pace.

“It’s sunny today, so it should dry quickly. Then we can do a coat of paint. If that doesn’t cover it, I’ll do another one tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? But I thought we’d get it all done today.”

He watched Holly swipe her fingers across her old sweatshirt, leaving gray streaks of primer in the process. That and the tiny splotches sprinkling her hair only added to her charm. It was all he could do not to try to remove some of the bigger blotches, but after his earlier thoughts about her surfaced, he knew that it wasn’t a good idea. Instead, he focused on Cameron.

“That had been my plan, but keeping you here all day wasn’t part of it, either. I forgot about factoring in the time frame of letting the coats dry in between applications. Cameron will have fulfilled his obligation after the first coat of paint.”

“But—”

“If I do another coat, that is my own choice, okay? You have enough going on. Let’s just keep it at that.”

Holly reflected on his words. He understood, and that scared her more than the thought of losing the shop. Because if she ever decided to let go of what she had with Jared and started dating again, Ethan would be the kind of man she’d choose to go out with. But she wouldn’t. Involvement with another man would only open herself up to more heartache and pain, especially if something happened to him. Besides, she needed to concentrate on her son and his needs. Once he was grown, she could focus on her own.

“I haven’t seen Cameron this excited in a long time.” Since before Jared’s death. “Thanks for giving him the chance. I’m sure he’ll do a great job with the dogs. And I doubt he’ll give you any trouble with his homework if he’s got something to look forward to afterward.”

“He doesn’t like doing his homework?”

“Not lately. Or pick up after himself, or do any of his chores.” Her sigh filled the space between them. “There’s a lot of things he used to like to do but not anymore. His attitude these past few months has been...for lack of a better word...challenging.”

Holly had to get a grip on it, or the spray-paint incident at Ethan’s was only the beginning. Some days she didn’t know where to turn. Jared would have told her to look upward and let everything rest in God’s hands. Yet He hadn’t answered her prayers to keep her husband alive. What made her think He’d listen to her now?

“I’ve worked with kids before. I’ll see if I can get through to him.”

He put his hand into his pocket but pulled it out empty. A pained expression flickered across his face, quickly restrained and replaced by one of resignation.

“Is something wrong? Did you hurt yourself?” She placed her hand on his forearm and compassion infused her. Only a bit lower and she could touch his hand. His injured hand. Did she want to go there? Only confusion answered her.

“No. I’m okay. I used to always have candy for the Afghan children. Sometimes I forget where I am. I don’t carry it anymore.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ethan moved her hand from his arm and squeezed it gently before he let it drop. “What’s there to be sorry for? For some reason God spared me but left me a reminder that He’s in charge. Despite my teachings in order to be a lay minister and everything I’ve witnessed, I forget.”

Unsure of what to say next, Holly trudged along beside him the rest of the way to the back of the house in silence. What could she say that wouldn’t sound phony or unbelievable?

* * *

Holly paused in the parking lot of the shingled one-story redbrick building. Despite her almost weekly attendance, she still felt uncomfortable since her husband’s death. This had been Jared’s church, his parents’ church and his grandparents’ church before him in the old building that now housed the youth center and other Sunday school classes. It was as if they knew she didn’t have the same beliefs, that she’d shut down her connection with God the same time He’d taken Jared away. Some days she felt the eyes of the congregation staring at her, drilling her as she sat in one of the back rows, as if they blamed her for her husband’s death.

That wasn’t too far from the truth.

Beside her, Cam shifted in his seat and refused to take off his seat belt. “Do we really have to go?”

“Yes, we really have to go. I let you sleep in, so you’re stuck with the traditional service today. Come on, we’ll go grab brunch after we’re done.” Not that she could afford it, but both of them needed some sort of treat. The Sunrise Diner wasn’t too far from the store, and it catered to the folks who didn’t have a lot of money to spend, unlike the more touristy places on the square.

Afterward, she’d drop her son off at his friend Tyler’s house while she opened the store for a few hours since Mindy wasn’t feeling well today. If the sunny weather held, the afternoon should be somewhat busy and she could reduce her inventory by making a bunch of sales. That would be less for her and Cameron to pack after Christmas.

If they even had a Christmas. So far she’d had no response to her seasonal decorating flyer, but it was still early in the season. She’d thought her idea had been a good one. Apparently, it wasn’t.

The butterflies in her stomach increased with each step. She joined the streams of other worshippers entering the church, yet Holly still felt the isolation despite the beige welcome mat by the door. It was probably more of her own doing than anyone milling around her, though.