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Brushing a strand of hair back from her forehead, she watched him make his way to the door and find his overcoat. In moments, he was strolling down the snowy sidewalk toward a long, gray Lincoln.
David Markus had been widowed for years and seemed to be coping fine. She would, too, Janice thought as she slipped the card into the pocket of her black dress. Somehow.
With a weary sigh, she turned back to mingle with her remaining guests, wondering if this very long day would ever end.
CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_6d0ff6fd-d5cf-56a2-b600-543ab58013ba)
IT WAS ALL pretty overwhelming. Janice sat at her dead husband’s desk in his paneled study, with piles of papers stacked everywhere, wondering where to begin.
The house was too quiet, even though Stefanie was curled up on the leather couch across the room reading a book. Janice had always enjoyed this house; yet now the rooms seemed oppressive, the emptiness mocking her.
K.J. had had to go back to school shortly after the funeral, but she’d been delighted that Stefanie had been able to stay longer. It was two weeks since they’d buried Kurt, the days filled with people coming and going and the pleasure of having her daughter home with her. And the nights filled with restless tossing and vivid memories.
Swallowing, she bent to her task. It felt strange going through Kurt’s desk, which had been his particular domain. She’d located the will he’d made out, leaving everything to her. Just what “everything” was she hadn’t determined yet. As she looked at the insurance policies, stock certificates and files on their personal household bills, Janice felt like crying.
“Something wrong, Mom?” Stefanie asked, getting up and coming over.
Janice blinked back the tears. She’d done far too much crying lately. Forcing a smile, she pointed to the stack of bills and mail that had accumulated since Kurt’s death. “There’s so much to go through.”
“How about if I help you?” Stefanie gave her mother a quick hug, then pulled up a chair beside her.
Janice opened the electric bill and studied it. The amount didn’t seem very high. She flipped open the checkbook. There was less than two hundred dollars in the account since she’d paid the funeral expenses.
Stefanie peered over her shoulder. “Is that about what your electricity usually runs?”
“I have no idea,” Janice admitted. “Dad handled all the bills. He used to write checks every couple of weeks. He always told me not to worry, that he’d take care of them.” Chagrined, she looked at her daughter. “I should have insisted he at least keep me informed, right?”
“Probably, but don’t blame yourself. I know how Dad liked to run things.” Stefanie picked up the next notice. “The mortgage coupon, due on the first of the month. Do you know what you still owe on the house?”
“Not really.” Janice was studying a credit card bill and another from Gates Department Store. Had she run up nearly three hundred dollars’ worth of purchases? Or had Kurt bought some things? She’d usually just given him the receipts and he’d taken it from there. Pretty stupid, she was beginning to realize.
The next envelope was from a different mortgage company, a reminder of a past-due amount. Janice frowned. “I wasn’t aware we had two mortgages on the house.” She remembered clearly Kurt ushering her into the bank for the closing when he’d purchased their home. Stefie had just been born and he’d been so proud to be able to provide such a lovely place. Three years later, Kurt had quit the branch office of a major insurance firm and opened his own agency, telling her that the only way to get ahead was by owning your own business. He’d worked hard and they’d prospered. But she’d paid little attention to his financial dealings.
Stefanie took the notice from her mother’s hand. “There’s nearly nine hundred dollars past-due. Surely Dad couldn’t have just forgotten to pay.”
Janice became aware that Stefanie was looking at her as if she could scarcely believe her mother had so little knowledge of the running of the house. “I can’t imagine that he did.” She sat up taller. “It’s probably an error. I’ll call and get it straightened out tomorrow. And I’ll transfer some money from our savings to the checking account and pay the rest of these.” She felt a little better having decided that.
She hadn’t located a savings account passbook in Kurt’s desk, but he’d probably kept it at the office, Janice decided. She had to order new checks to be printed and find out the up-to-date balances on the accounts. Surely there was enough money. They hadn’t lived lavishly, though they were comfortable. Kurt had rarely refused a request she’d made for a purchase or an improvement on the house. But then, she hadn’t asked often. So much to see to, to think about.
Stefanie had been sorting through the rest of the mail. “This is mostly trivial junk. A magazine subscription renewal notice, a request for the return of an overdue book from the library and a coupon offering a large pizza at a discount. Three more notes of condolence—these names don’t look familiar.”
Janice sighed. “Probably from Dad’s clients. There’s a whole stack on the dining room table.”
“And here’s a notice that the tires on Dad’s car are due to be rotated next week.” Stefanie brushed back her long hair. “Have you decided what you’re going to do about the cars, Mom?”
Janice leaned back, her eyes filling. “How Dad loved that car.” A very impractical Mercedes convertible that seated only two. Kurt had bought it in Chicago and driven it home, so pleased with his purchase. Janice smiled at the memory. “He’d have it washed weekly, and afterward he’d take a rag and polish it even more. I wonder if I should sell that or my station wagon.”
Stefanie stacked the mail in a neat pile. “Why not get rid of both and get something you really want?”
“I don’t know, Stefie. It seems kind of...frivolous.” Janice sat back wearily. “I’ll decide later.” Why hadn’t she paid more attention to things? Why hadn’t Kurt taken the time and trouble to explain all this to her before he died? Why had he left her with this dreadful mess?
“All this has taught me a valuable lesson,” her daughter said, rising to return to her book. “When Ross and I marry, I’m going to make sure we handle the household accounts together.”
“That’s a good plan.” Hers had seemed like a good plan at the time, too. She’d done what her husband wanted her to do. If he’d lived, there wouldn’t have been a problem. But he hadn’t lived.
In a burst of unreasonable anger, she shoved back the chair and went to stand by the window. It was snowing again, a light sprinkling, and quite cold out. She’d hardly left the house since the day of the funeral. Yesterday the dry cleaners had phoned, asking when she’d be picking up Kurt’s shirts. She’d had an urge to tell them to keep them, that he would no longer be needing them.
The windowpane was cool on her forehead as she leaned forward, trying to swallow her anger. It was stupid to be angry with someone for dying. Kurt, she was certain, hadn’t wanted to die, had loved life immensely. Why? Why had this happened to them? It wasn’t fair.
Stefanie came up behind her, slipping an arm around her slim waist. “Mom, are you all right?”
Janice nodded and cleared her throat. She had to get a grip on herself. Stefanie was a worrier and was going home tomorrow. The least she could do was put on a brave front for one more day. “I’ll be fine.” She glanced toward the fireplace. “Why don’t we build a fire?” She was always cold lately, even wearing her gray sweatpants and a heavy sweater.
“We used up the last of the wood last night, remember? Want me to call around and see if I can get some delivered?”
Kurt had always ordered the wood and had it stacked. Janice didn’t even know where he’d gotten it, or who to call. Annoyed, she shook her head. “Let’s forget it. I think I’ll make a cup of tea. Want some?”
“No, but I’ll make it for you,” Stefanie suggested.
“That’s all right. I need something to do.” In the kitchen, Janice turned on the small radio and put water on to boil. Opening the refrigerator, she looked inside, wondering what to make for dinner. Nothing appealed to her, but she’d have to produce something for Stefie’s sake.
She shuffled covered dishes around, leftover food her friends and neighbors had brought over. Taking the lid from a familiar blue dish, she found tuna salad that had gone bad. Kurt had loved tuna and had undoubtedly made it some time ago, then promptly forgotten it was there.
Angrily, she scraped the moldy salad down the drain and turned on the disposal. Why hadn’t he eaten the damn tuna? Why had he let it spoil when he knew food was expensive? And why had he left her here to cope with all this alone?
A rush of guilt flooded her and she felt the heat creep into her face. She had no right to be angry with Kurt. He hadn’t meant to leave her. Yet he had, and she would have to stop feeling sorry for herself and get on with her life. Dear God, where was she going to find the strength to go on?
The music from the radio grew suddenly louder, taunting her. Janice’s head shot up as she heard Johnny Mathis singing, “It’s wonderful, wonderful. Oh, so wonderful, my love.” She and Kurt had danced to that back in college. Only Kurt was gone now and nothing was wonderful. Nothing.
Her back against the kitchen cupboards, Janice slid to the floor, hoping her daughter wouldn’t wander out and see her like this. Resting her cheek on her bent knees, she closed her eyes and let the tears fall.
* * *
KELSEY BOARDINGHOUSE was a warm and wonderful place, a place Janice had always felt welcome. Losing her mother at an early age, she’d gravitated to Anna Kelsey when Anna had first arrived in Tyler. Though Anna was only about ten years older than Janice, she seemed to personify everything a mother should be. As Janice entered Anna’s big kitchen the next evening, she hugged her friend a bit longer than usual, absorbing Anna’s warmth like a favorite quilt wrapping around her.
“I’m so glad you stopped in,” Anna said, stepping back to look her friend over. The pale skin beneath Janice’s eyes was dark with fatigue. Not sleeping well yet, Anna guessed. And she was wearing those shapeless, unflattering sweats she dragged out every winter. “Take your coat off.”
“I came to coax you out for a walk,” Janice said. “Maybe we could stroll over to Marge’s Diner and have a piece of her sinfully rich pie.” She wasn’t really hungry, but she thought Anna might not want to just go marching around on a snowy evening after working all day.
“Good idea,” Anna said. “Johnny has a meeting tonight and I’ve just finished the dishes. Let me grab my jacket.”
“I don’t know how you do it,” Janice said a few minutes later as they headed down the street, their booted feet crunching in the hard-packed snow. “A full-time job and running the boardinghouse with Johnny and always being there for your children. I wish I had your energy.”
Anna linked her arm with her friend’s. “I don’t feel very energetic tonight. I really should do a thorough cleaning in my two vacant rooms upstairs, but I don’t feel up to it.”
“Did you lose a couple of boarders?”
“I didn’t think of them as boarders really. You know my nephew, Brick Bauer, don’t you?”
“Sure, I know Brick. Didn’t he get married recently?” She’d been so self-involved lately that she hadn’t kept up with what had been happening around town, Janice realized with dismay.
Anna chuckled. “He sure did. Karen’s the police captain, which technically makes her his boss, since Brick’s a lieutenant. They each had a room with us. Their wedding was a disaster, but at least they’re finally together.” Anna looked up as they turned off Gunther Street and onto Main Street. Snow was gathered on the limbs of a bare maple tree under the street lamp, silhouetted against a dark sky. “Isn’t that pretty?”
Janice inhaled deeply. “Yes, it is.” She was so glad she’d come out tonight. She’d been cooped up entirely too long inside that house filled with memories. As they walked across the town square toward the diner, she gazed around at the familiar scene—the library and across the way, the post office. On the next corner was the Hair Affair where she should be making an appointment for a cut. “I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve walked across this square—with the kids when they were young and with Kurt.”
She was getting melancholy again, Anna decided, and rushed to divert her. “Did you get Stefanie off to Boston?”
“Yes, this morning. I’m surprised she stayed as long as she did. That girl is so in love. Every night she’d call her fiancé and they’d talk for a good hour. Then Ross would call her during the day.” Janice sighed. “Do you remember being like that, Anna? So crazy in love that all you thought about was Johnny, all you talked about was Johnny?”
Anna shrugged. “We were both eighteen, Janice. A couple of kids, really. But yes, I remember when he was my every thought and I probably bored my friends to death talking about him. In that first rush of passion, I think we all feel as if we invented love. Didn’t you?”
“I suppose I did, but it all seems so long ago. Kurt’s been gone such a short time and already sometimes I have trouble remembering how he looked, how he sounded.”
Anna squeezed her friend’s arm. “Give it time, Janice.” She stomped the snow from her boots and opened the door of Marge’s Diner, smiling as a rush of warm air fogged her glasses. “I love the way it smells in here,” she commented as she waved to Marge, who was behind the counter as usual.
The restaurant wasn’t crowded on a frosty Tuesday evening. A couple of teenagers were sipping hot chocolate across the way, and one of Joe Santori’s carpenters was finishing his dinner at the counter. Anna walked to a booth and slid onto the red vinyl seat as Janice seated herself opposite her. She shrugged out of her jacket and concentrated on polishing her glasses.
“Good to see you, Janice,” Marge said as she handed them each a menu. “You, too, Anna.”
“Don’t you ever take time off, Marge?” Anna asked as she put her glasses back on. “Seems like you’re here night and day.”
“Married to my work,” Marge commented wryly.
“I don’t have to look at your menu, Marge,” Janice said with a smile. “I want a piece of your wonderful apple pie and a cup of coffee.” It must have been the walk, for she was suddenly hungry.
“Make mine the same,” Anna said, handing back the menus.
“Coming right up.”
Janice watched Marge walk away, then leaned toward Anna, keeping her voice low. “I’ve always felt a little sorry for Marge, deserted by her husband so many years ago, then her daughter leaving. Always alone and having to work. And now I find myself in basically the same boat.”
Anna frowned. “Are you in trouble financially?” She’d always thought that Kurt made plenty of money and assumed that he’d have lots of insurance.
Janice shrugged. “I don’t think so. I’ve got to go to Kurt’s office and go over the books, check things out.” She brushed back a lock of hair. “I hate to think of all that.”
“Maybe you need some help. You could ask Judson or your father perhaps.” Seeing her friend wrinkle her nose at those suggestions, Anna grew thoughtful. “How about David Markus? I talked with him for a while at your house and he said he’s a financial adviser. He also said he’s known you for years, yet I’ve never heard you mention his name.”
“The three of us went to college together. It was a shock seeing him after all these years.” A picture of David sitting with her on her window seat came to Janice, the way he’d taken her hand, then kissed her forehead. A lot of Kurt’s friends had hugged her that day, but oddly, it was David’s touch she remembered. Feeling unaccountably guilty, she pushed the thought away.
“He’s very attractive,” Anna said as their dessert and coffee arrived. Nodding her thanks to Marge, she picked up her fork. “Is he married?”
Janice took a careful sip. “She died in a car accident twelve years ago.”
“And he’s never remarried? Hard to believe.” Anna took a bite of warm pie.
“I don’t know why we’re talking about David Markus. I’ll probably never see him again.”
Anna had had enough. She touched Janice’s hand and waited until her friend met her direct gaze. “Listen, Kurt died, you didn’t. Now, I know you’re grieving and I’m not suggesting you start dating this week. But you’re only forty-three and far too young to talk as if your life is over. I was merely suggesting you call an old college friend for some financial advice, not that you run off with him.”
But Janice wasn’t listening. “I believe some women love only one man and if something happens to him, that’s it.”
Her grief was making her melodramatic, Anna thought with a sigh. “I’m not sure I agree.”
“Tell me honestly, Anna. If something happened to Johnny, would you want to go on?”
“I would be devastated, as you are. But I would go on, because of the children and grandchildren. And for myself, because I’m not one to give up.”
“Could you love anyone after Johnny? I doubt it. Why, look at Alyssa.”
Anna took another bite of pie, wondering how she could steer this conversation to a lighter vein. “What about Alyssa?”
“We’ve talked about this before, of how Alyssa was wildly in love with Eddie Wocheck when she was young. You said you didn’t think Alyssa’s been truly happy since her father broke up that romance.”
Anna shook her head. “I don’t believe those were my exact words.”
“Pretty much. I know that you and Johnny were close to Alyssa and Eddie. I remember you said that Johnny warned Eddie that Uncle Judson would put a stop to any wedding plans, but you advised Alyssa to elope with him.”
“You’re right, I did. But today I’d probably advise her differently. Eddie had nothing then and Alyssa was the only child of the richest family in town. It’s hard for a young man to take on all that. Perhaps if they’d married, the strain on Eddie, having to prove himself, would have ruined the marriage. Didn’t Kurt ever feel intimidated marrying into the Ingalls clan?”
Janice thought that over. “Maybe a little, at first. But he drove himself and did very well rather quickly. They were never close, but Dad respected Kurt.”
“But the two of you eloped. Was that your idea or Kurt’s?”
“Kurt’s. He said he couldn’t afford a big wedding and he didn’t want to accept one paid for by my family.” Janice set aside her plate. “You know, I’ve had a lot of time to think lately and I realize now that from the beginning, I let Kurt make all the decisions. His only concession to me was finally agreeing to move to Tyler.”
“He wanted to stay in Madison?”
“He wanted us to live in Milwaukee, but I didn’t want to be that close to my father.” She let out a small laugh that had a bitter edge. “I went from one dominating man to another.” She took a sip of coffee and tasted regret.
Anna finished eating and raised her eyes to study her friend. Janice was a bright woman, but had always had a head-in-the-sand approach to life. Perhaps Kurt’s death was causing her to question and to face some harsh realities. Anna wasn’t sure Janice was altogether prepared for that. “Maybe what you need next is a man with whom you can be yourself, someone to really share with.”
“I think I have enough to cope with just recovering right now. To think of another man is not only premature, it’s ridiculous.” She stared down into her coffee cup. “Besides, what on earth would a worldly man like David Markus want with a small-town creature like me?”
Ridiculous, was it, Anna thought. Yet it was Janice who’d brought David’s name up again. “Eddie Wocheck’s been all over and yet I believe he’s very interested in seeing Alyssa, who’s lived her whole life in a small town. It isn’t where we’re from that matters as much as who we are.”
Janice waved a dismissive hand. “That’s different. They knew each other way back when and...”
“Didn’t you just tell me you went to college with David?”
“Yes, but we only dated a few times. He had this sense of obligation to his widowed mother and this burning need to succeed.”
Anna gave her a mock scowl. “Terrible traits in a man.”
But Janice was determined to make her point. “I’d be willing to bet that Eddie and Alyssa will get back together. She’s always loved him, always will. A one-man woman. Like you. Like me.”
Amused, Anna smiled. “You should be writing books, with your imagination. I don’t think it’s all that simple. Thirty years have passed. Alyssa’s not the same woman she was at nineteen and Eddie’s changed. They’ve both had a less than perfect marriage. I don’t think either one is impulsive enough to jump into anything.” Again, she met her friend’s eyes. “And I’m not convinced you’re a one-man woman, either.”
“Why do you say that? I had a good life married to a wonderful man who loved me.”
