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“No.”
“Do you know how many people I meet in the course of my job who do bad things every day? Their kids are rarely taken away.”
“Maybe they should be,” she suggested, too unsettled to be comforted. “Maybe if they had people with buckets of money and tons of power going after them, they’d lose their babies.”
He wrapped his fingers around hers. “You aren’t going to lose Charlie. Stop thinking like that.”
“You don’t know, Sam. You weren’t in that room.”
“A mistake I don’t intend to repeat. I should have been there with you. For you.”
The tenderness in his voice touched a place deep within her: an intimate, open well of emotion she’d locked the lid to many years ago. She wanted to believe in him, to trust that he could protect her the way she’d never been willing to protect herself or even believed she deserved. The part of her who’d been hurt too many times in the past wanted to run.
She excelled at running away. She’d practically perfected it as an art.
That was what she’d been thinking in the courthouse. People disappeared all the time with no trace. She’d wanted to slip out of that room, gather up Charlie and whatever would fit in her trunk and drive away from the threat looming over her. She could cut hair anywhere. Why not start over in a place where no one knew her or her insecurities or all the ways she didn’t measure up? She had friends around the country who’d help her if she asked.
The weight of trying to make a new life in a place that was as familiar to her as a worn blanket seemed too heavy. Of course trouble had followed her to Brevia. This was where it had started in the first place.
Sam’s faith had made her feel as though things could work out, the same way Charlie’s birth had renewed her hope in herself and her desire to really try.
What was the use? This morning was a cold, harsh dose of reality and she didn’t like it.
“Stop it,” he said quietly. “Whatever’s going through your mind right now, put it out. It’s not going to do you or Charlie any good for you to give up.”
Because she couldn’t help it, she met his gaze again. “I’m scared, Sam.” A miserable groan escaped her lips. “I’m terrified they’re going to take my baby and I won’t be able to stop them.”
“We’re going to stop them.” He took her hand. “What did Frank say?”
“That all Southern women were crazy, so it wouldn’t be an issue, and he needed to make his tee time and we’d talk tomorrow.”
“Tell me what happened in there.”
“I can’t.” She bit her lip again and tasted blood on her tongue. “I put my mistakes behind me. Or I thought I did. Their attorney knew things about my past I hadn’t even told Jeff. They went after my character and I had nothing to offer in my defense. Nothing as bad as me killing someone, although the urge to wipe the smug smile off of Maria Johnson’s face was almost overwhelming. They made me seem unstable and irresponsible. Two things I can’t afford if I’m going to keep sole custody of Charlie.”
“Then we’ll come up with something.”
“This isn’t your problem, Sam.”
“Hell, yes, it’s my problem. You’re my fiancée.”
The lunacy of that statement actually made her laugh. “Your fake fiancée. Not the same thing.”
“For the purposes of your custody case it is. You’re not alone, Julia. We both get something out of this arrangement. My dad has talked about heading back home before the wedding. That’s huge for me. Dinner was a big success. It’s my turn to repay you.”
Sam knew there was more to his interest in her case than wanting to repay her. Yes, his dad had backed off, but it was more than that. Sam cared about Julia and Charlie, about keeping them safe. No one should be able to make her feel this bad about herself. He also knew it was dangerous territory for him. He’d let his heart lead him before, with disastrous results.
His father might be the king of emotional diarrhea these days, but Sam remembered clearly the months after his mother’s death. He’d fixed lunches for his little brother, made sure they both had baths at night and taken money out of his dad’s wallet to buy groceries on his way home from school. He’d walked a mile out of his way once a week so no one at the local grocery would recognize him and be concerned. When he wasn’t at work, his father had sat in the darkened living room, paging through photo albums, a glass of amber-colored liquid in his hand.
That was what loving someone too much could do to a man. Sam had learned early on he wasn’t going to make that mistake. When he’d caught his brother, Scott, with his ex-fiancée, he’d been angry and embarrassed, but mainly numb.
When he’d broken off the engagement, Jenny had told him the entire situation was his fault. He’d been too cold and distant. She wanted to be with a man who could feel passion. She’d thought seeing her with someone else would awaken Sam’s passion. Talk about crazy, and she wasn’t even Southern.
He’d known he didn’t have any more to give her or any woman. Even though his pattern of dating hadn’t been deliberate, the look a woman sometimes got in her eye after a couple of dates scared him. The look said “I want something more.” She wanted to talk about her feelings. Sam felt sick thinking about it.
As far as he was concerned, a pretend engagement suited him fine. He cared about Julia and he wanted to help her, but their arrangement was clear. He didn’t have to give more of himself than he was able to, and she wasn’t going to expect anything else.
“Jeff asked me to marry him,” she said, breaking his reverie.
“During the mediation?” he asked, sure he must have heard her wrong.
She shook her head. “Last night. He came to my apartment.”
Sam felt his blood pressure skyrocket. “You let him in? What were you thinking?” Especially since Sam had practically had to hold himself back from making the short drive to her apartment. He’d had a long day at work, and as he was pulling into his driveway, he’d realized how much he didn’t want to be alone in his quiet house. He’d resisted the urge, telling himself that he shouldn’t get too attached to Julia or her son. They had boundaries and he was a stickler for the rules. Now to find out that her creep of an ex-boyfriend had been there?
“He came crawling back.” Sam kept his tone casual. Inside, his emotions were in turmoil. This was the guy she’d wanted to marry so badly. What if she still carried a torch for him? He’d obviously been an idiot to let her go once. If he came back now, trying to rekindle a romance and wanting to be a real family, would Julia consider taking him back? That thought hit Sam straight in the gut. “What did you say?”
She studied him for a moment. “He didn’t quite come crawling. More like trumpeting his own horn. He told me the reason they’re coming after Charlie is because his parents want an heir to the family business.”
“They’ve got a son. Let him take over.”
“Not his deal, and Jeff isn’t going to have other children. He’s made sure of that. Although it’s crazy to think they could start grooming a mere toddler. No wonder Jeff has so many issues. If only I’d been smart enough to see it when we were together. You know what the strange part of this is? No one in Jeff’s family has tried to get to know Charlie. It’s like they want him on paper but they don’t care about having a grandson. I want him to know their family if they have a real interest in him. But I saw how Jeff suffered from being a pawn in his parents’ power games. I can’t let the same thing happen to Charlie.”
He held her hand, his brilliant blue eyes warm with emotion. “Your son needs you. He needs you to fight for him.”
She nodded and wiped at her nose.
“What you need is a plan of defense. You flaked on some jobs. It happens.”
“There’s a reason,” she mumbled, almost reluctantly.
“A reason that will explain it away?”
She shrugged and shook free from his hand, adjusting the vents to the air-conditioning as a way to keep her fingers occupied. “I have severe learning disabilities.”
When he didn’t respond she continued, “I’ve been keeping it a secret since I was a kid. It’s a neurobiological disorder, both visual and auditory. Only my family and a few teachers knew, and I kept it from them for as long as I could. Everyone else assumed I was lazy or didn’t care.”
“Why would you hide that?”
“You have no idea what it’s like, how much shame and embarrassment is involved. To people who’ve never dealt with it, it seems cut-and-dried. It’s not.” Her hands clenched into fists as she struggled with her next words. “I’m a good mimic and my bad attitude served me well as a way to keep everyone from digging too much. I got by okay, but I can barely read. Numbers on a page are a puzzle.”
“All those books on your shelf...”
“I’m nothing if not determined. I’ll get through them someday. Right now, I’m working with a literacy specialist. They have a lot of methods that weren’t available when I was in school. But it never gets easier. For years, I tried so hard in school but people thought I was a total slacker. Ditzy blonde cheerleader with no brain. A lot of the time that’s how it felt. Once I was out on my own, I hid it as best I could. People can take advantage of me pretty easily when it comes to contracts or finances. And that’s what happened. A number of times. It always seemed easier to just move on rather than to fight them.”
“Every time someone got wind of it, you left.”
She nodded. “It was cowardly but I don’t want to be treated like I’m stupid. Although, looking back, I acted pretty dumb most of the time. Especially when it came to boyfriends. I trusted Jeff. He never let me forget it.”
“That you had a learning disability?”
“That I’m just a pretty face. The blond hair and long legs. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me that once my looks faded I wouldn’t have anything left to offer.”
“He’s a real piece of work.” Sam couldn’t believe how angry he was. At her idiot ex-boyfriend and all the others who took advantage of her. But also with Julia. Watching her, Sam could tell she believed the garbage people had fed her over the years. He threw the truck into gear, not wanting to lose his temper. “Where’s your car?”
“Around the corner.” She pointed then shifted in her seat. “Thanks for coming today, Sam. I was a mess after the mediation. You helped.”
“I could have helped more if you’d let me be in there with you.” He pulled out from the curb and turned onto the next street. Her car was parked a few spaces down.
“Maybe next time,” she said quietly. She reached for the door handle but he took her arm.
“You have a lot more to offer than looks. Any guy who can’t see that is either blind or an enormous jackass.” He kept his gaze out the front window, afraid of giving away too much if he looked at her.
“Thanks.”
He heard the catch in her voice and released her. After she’d shut the door, he rolled down the window. “The Mardi Gras Carnival is tonight. I’ll pick you and Charlie up at five.”
“I’m beat. I wasn’t planning on going.”
“I’ll pick you up at five. You need to take your mind off this, and it’s a good place for us to be seen together.”
Her chest rose and fell. “Fine. We’ll be ready.”
After she’d gotten into her car, Sam pulled away. Although the air was hot for mid-March, he shut the windows. Julia’s scent hovered in the truck’s cab. Sam wanted to keep it with him as long as he could.
He’d meant what he said about taking her mind off today. As police chief, he was obligated to make an appearance at town events, but he looked forward to tonight knowing he’d have Julia and Charlie with him.
Chapter Nine (#u6fb1c79c-95f4-5a6a-a295-9008d544077b)
Julia dabbed on a bit of lip gloss just as the doorbell rang. She picked up Charlie, who was petting Casper through the wire crate.
“Let’s go.”
“’Bye, doggy.”
Casper whined softly.
“We’ll be back soon,” Julia told him. The doorbell rang again. “Coming,” she called.
She grabbed the diaper bag off the table and opened the front door, adjusting her short, flowing minidress as she did.
“We’re ready.”
“Sammy,” Charlie said, bouncing up and down in her arms.
“Hey, bud.” Sam held out his hands and Charlie dived forward.
Julia worried for a moment about Charlie bonding so quickly with Sam. In a way it worked to their advantage, at least as their pretend engagement went. But she had concerns about Charlie’s clear affection for Sam. She didn’t want her son to be hurt once their time together ended.
“You don’t have to take him.”
“My pleasure.” Sam looked her over from head to toe then whistled softly. “You look amazing.”
Julia felt a blush creep up her cheeks. “You, too.”
It was true. Tonight he wore a light polo shirt and dark blue jeans. His hair was still longer and her fingers pulsed as she thought about running them through the ends. He hadn’t shaved, and the dusting of short whiskers along his jaw made him look wilder than he normally did as police chief.
It excited her more than she cared to admit. She hadn’t been on a real date in over two years. This wasn’t real, she reminded herself. This was showing off for the town, convincing people their relationship was genuine.
Not that being in this relationship had helped her earlier. She’d barely said two words in her own defense as the Johnsons’ attorney had put forward more and more information about her deficiencies as a person and how they might be detrimental to raising her son.
The mediator, an older woman who was all business, hadn’t said much, nodding as she took in everything and occasionally looking over her glasses to stare at Julia.
Sam was right. She needed to get her mind off the custody case. So what if this night wasn’t a real date and Sam wasn’t her real boyfriend? It wouldn’t stop her from enjoying herself.
Because of Charlie’s car seat, she drove. Once they were close to the high school, she could see the line of cars. Half the town was at the carnival. She knew Lainey and Ethan would be there along with her mother.
“Is your dad coming tonight?” she asked, a thought suddenly blasting across her mind.
Sam nodded. “I told him we’ll meet him.”
“My mom is, too.”
Sam made a choking sound. “Okay, good. They can get to know each other. It’ll be great.”
“That’s one word for it.”
“Does your mom believe the engagement? I haven’t seen her since she walked in on us.”
“I think so.” Julia slowed to turn into the lower parking lot. “It’s not the first time she’s seen me be impulsive.”
Sam shook his head as she turned off the ignition. “You never give yourself a break.”
“Why do I deserve one?” She paused then said, “It’s fine. I’m repairing my reputation with my family. It’s a long progress, but I’m getting there. What makes you ask about my mom?”
“I saw Ethan downtown yesterday and he gave me the third degree about my intentions toward you.”
“Ethan?”
“His big-brother routine was going strong. Told me how special you are and that if I hurt you or Charlie I’d have him to answer to.”
“I don’t know why he’d care. He went through hell because of me, although it’s ancient history now.”
“There you go again with the self-flagellation. We’re going to need to work on that.”
“Whatever you say.” She got out of the car and picked up Charlie from his car seat. As she turned, she took in her old high school. It looked the same as it had almost fifteen years ago.
She filled her lungs with the cool night air. This was her favorite time of year in the North Carolina mountains. It smelled fresh and clean, the scent of spring reminding her of new beginnings. Coming off of the cold, wet winter, the change of seasons gave her hope.
