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Bad Cook
Esther Walker
The ebook inspired by the hugely popular Recipe Rifle blog.One of the funniest cookbooks you are ever likely to read. And definitely the sweariest.For over three years now, Esther Walker has been entertaining foodies with her hilarious Recipe Rifle blog. Charting her progress from bad cook to, well, not-so-bad cook, she is blisteringly honest about what works, and what doesn’t, in the kitchen. If a recipe works for her, it will probably work for you. If it doesn’t, she will swear quite a lot.Crammed full of recipes, tips for entertaining, stories of pregnancy and tales of her husband (restaurant critic Giles Coren) coming home drunk, The Bad Cook will make you laugh out loud. It will also make you want to start cooking.
BAD COOK
Esther Walker
Copyright
William Collins
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)
First published by The Friday Project 2013
Copyright © Esther Walker
Esther Walker asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks
HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content or written content has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication
Ebook Edition © March 2013 ISBN: 9780007515721
Version: 2017-08-17
D is for Daddy
Contents
Title Page (#u163b53e9-7cd7-5a10-adcf-eeeeb0bb8f2b)
Copyright (#uc59c98f8-3e31-59f7-b0eb-f365afc9f68f)
Dedication (#uc2732ccb-69d6-5d42-b3cc-d76f2c03fdca)
Prologue (#u3861c7dd-a59c-56cc-ad4e-ff122cb755f0)
How to Stay Married (#u5c80342e-2363-51e5-ad2b-7ef523d47aa8)
Lamb Shank Curry (#u2a93c8ee-043b-5051-aba0-8562b2dc6f2e)
Connie’s Mango Salsa (#u2d950b8f-5673-5b7e-8ba7-846d1d9a328d)
Osso Buco (#u7da27350-d4e1-578d-8b48-c652e0dbc424)
Why I Hate Myself Part 1 (#u1c258b19-efb2-58b8-a5cf-c4107d538f8c)
Note: How to Be a Good Host (#u1a471c12-dd2e-5345-9baf-d6757c8680e2)
Meat Fear Part 1 (#u64f5a655-3c65-5f79-9217-be3a1abda214)
My Husband the Eighties Hero (#u8a9d66cc-0f30-5070-a182-ac6d3e2217be)
Are You an Alcoholic? (#u1d072032-ec47-5d87-a344-6e0e9a737111)
The Shitty Food Diet (#u0c215e87-4a2d-52d7-9fcd-f02ddac0d2f9)
Note: What You Need in Your Kitchen (#u5c17b8fa-e124-5332-be2a-d108d240928d)
Toad in the Hole (#ue0eb0c74-61bd-5a6f-9154-9954f5016fae)
Offal (#uac0d57d8-5a3d-52f7-99b5-8bc4aaefab8b)
Home Alone (#ufe0d126d-7f24-54bb-b260-5e3fe6aac059)
Cheat’s Mayonnaise (#u3e913657-a5dc-5838-81fb-0a66b4c8a094)
Baba Ganoush (#ub6a31c8b-003e-5716-8faf-56ffdc3e9fee)
Advice (#u06495ef5-5bf6-54f9-8ce3-b7cd7e63c0f4)
Things No-one Ever Tells You About Cooking (#u457431c5-2737-5897-8a83-ff0c31d26f7d)
Valentine’s Day (#u9af65387-a29d-545f-a871-20e37c256028)
Poached Pears in Marsala (#u5b8443a5-60cf-545b-80da-5dfcfea012f4)
Brain Fail (#u706fcbe9-a15a-56c6-9a3b-2f9d6112998e)
How to Make a White Sauce (#u23fcd728-eb5a-50c2-93de-aee8876322ff)
Fig and Goat’s Cheese Salad (#u3420b6e2-91cd-55be-9062-9360d3d21ead)
Juicing (#ua219ce60-de90-5deb-adf7-5b79861024d3)
Who Needs Friends? (#u1f0ddfef-ced9-50d2-b4f5-d452eb6958f2)
Choritzo (#u7d3c5275-6937-54da-9004-c3d6fc256852)
Where I Get Pregnant (#ubd791de8-a9e3-5c5c-a146-148bc564f7f9)
Where I Go on About Being Pregnant Quite a Lot (#ud29f99f5-e350-5c54-b473-9f2be9bede6a)
… Pregnancy Chat Continues … (#u4b8b0083-4b74-5f36-9124-a1210b08e460)
Being Pregnant Becomes Tedious (#ufa0764dc-ccd3-5215-ade9-f892a30d65dc)
My Mother (#u3543dd54-9221-570f-bb31-44f30fab71d7)
Padrón Peppers (#u782bb94b-d3e4-55cc-a8ad-7eb25c668334)
Julia Churchill (#u015442d4-8823-512e-b46d-81cb2531e197)
Banana Bread Part 1 (#u40be371e-6450-5515-a817-4399032a0cdb)
Where I Get Depressed (#uc9f983ac-f536-528a-a6fa-d5b59bf99e6c)
A carrot cake with a frosting of mascarpone and orange by Nigel Slater (#u636bc836-0fc7-562d-a740-6f46ddabb30c)
My Very Own Chicken Pie (#uc18d910d-7393-549c-9363-aa4b677bfb58)
Here Come the Gays (#u3b325921-c681-54df-87d3-368af63838e2)
Opinions (#u56cd1e3a-5cdf-5106-9183-704bfc716739)
Christmas Sausages (#u3427fac5-df9e-5b56-b896-9d618bf177eb)
Macaroons (#ueab28bed-12f2-523c-a6ef-ee100300ff12)
January (#u949061b2-cfff-5ff0-a47e-8df45396ca9e)
The Best Curry in the World (#u487feaca-9651-5351-8ba6-2cac210734e1)
Roast Garlic and Camembert (#u15319000-d5c1-574d-948d-b2e5029e7685)
Fat (#udff86d7b-4bcd-5c19-97ee-41dec72c2369)
Fish (#u1adf56c7-efe8-5e5f-a12f-cd09f84e9900)
Interlude: Things to Make Sure You Have Done Before You Bring a Baby Home from Hospital (#u43cfa936-fc48-59c8-b797-f67065ebebd0)
Courgettes (#u1546db88-1105-5823-9037-5ff99cb298ab)
Golabki (#ufdaf2d89-5b93-5929-a16d-1febc3c7ab41)
Auntie Hannah’s Courgette Thing (#u6101e796-153f-5f99-b48a-ecbd7dae3ceb)
Meat Fear Part 2 (#u7bee1699-9449-5bfb-9557-8c16dbd2712d)
WWKMD (#u44a4b70d-ffc1-5975-91b7-985e690f28dc)
Falling Asleep in Cars (#u7ac627a8-517e-52df-a910-c84fbdd43ea8)
Small Things (#u15602f67-eeb9-5fe9-ba86-8567d82b5519)
Please Do Not Invite Me to Your Party (#uaa7fa131-c00c-5a75-bc45-a644a31ecce4)
What the Hell to Do with Red Mullet (#ud772ecbe-20d2-5853-a62a-77eddedb2022)
The Time I Went on a Date with Jason Orange (#ue12b6076-4044-524c-980a-57d485d87068)
I Hate Summer (#u68e2625b-dbf2-5e58-8caa-3f6326b38a75)
Worst Holiday Ever (#ue06f47d1-4f9f-5686-b166-e9d230314836)
You Can’t Fake a Family (AKA Worst Holiday Ever Part 2) (#u5c8e1b03-9334-5cde-afde-c85adcc69c36)
Premature Middle Age (#u8dc064c0-1290-5e56-8192-33cb388f5e06)
How Not to Look a Fright (#u6c08d544-27d9-568c-a1f2-32c34af896c1)
Where I Finally Go Completely Mad (#u98551fd7-3b5b-5c2d-95f7-a8857030d3ac)
An Obligatory Cocktail Recipe (#uf0ee7715-170a-5f18-89e4-e913aba03368)
Dead Prostitute Friends (#uf035d14d-db51-5eb5-b40e-0204cbd649f9)
Just So Tired (#u3354ae49-c623-50c8-af3d-0922971d5a7b)
Gumbo (#u77946341-9139-5c73-8fab-8707225b9c1c)
The Perfect is The Enemy of the Good (#u1340ea23-94b6-528c-9011-bf98d49bd9a6)
What Makes a Perfect Kitchen? (#ub2070452-d182-5669-a6c6-6cb2283f3a7b)
Make-Amends Brownies (#u35022276-9b1f-5d64-affd-81bea34ec786)
Life Stoves My Head in with a Plank (#ua3dcad1c-085b-5661-b4e9-87db1224c4b2)
Banana Bread Part 2 (#u4e53b9c0-a430-50be-a107-b6b9598717f8)
Cullen Skink (#u94193fc0-fe76-5e8b-9bda-a384a69f7078)
Meat Fear Part 3 (#u40460115-e5c2-5dc4-9197-9c5409d19c7b)
Kitchen Gadgets (#u2823a196-1915-5425-bcdd-1095c5cf703c)
How to Cater for a Lot of People Without Going Insane or Having to Be a Very Good Cook (#u5a500f81-6ee9-5749-b6a9-c9e70d25d49e)
