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“N-no!” I was afraid, sorry for the moment of weakness. Just tell me: do I also fall under this list of patients to be hanged or shot?
– What kind of shooting, Inessa?” Sometimes execution is replaced by hanging, especially when there are not enough bullets and guns. Let’s do this. Read my work” What to do?” and then go to Paris, see the professors, have them treat you. This syphilis, as you call it, was sent to me by the Czar’s gendarmes. I will hang this king! no, I’ll put him alive in a barrel of acid.
– Yes, I tried, I read one page of your work, but, I’m sorry, there is such gibberish, such a clumsy syllable, who can read it to the end?
– Well, there are separate places… you know, they don’t belong to me. Gershon Apfelbaum set it up. After his eighth glass of beer, he began to scribble. The fact is that we are writing this outstanding work together, together, so to speak. And this is very important. You know, we always get together with him, genius people have genius fights, and Gershon is the master of these fights. I even hit him on the back with a rolling pin, and it turns out that he likes it: he sometimes cries, then screams with joy. And it is in my brilliant work tries to introduce these squabbles as much as possible. You can avoid them. By the way, Gershon wants to become a Zinoviev, a Russian man, which means that he must break with the Jews. He is ready to betray his faith, his name…for thirty pieces of silver, and all for the sake of a world revolution. So you, after reading at least the first part of my brilliant work, go to France. In the meantime, calm down, be as courageous as any friend of a great man.
– Where will I get funds for treatment, Volodya?
“I’ll give you ten thousand francs,” said Lenin. “You want fifty.” You have the right to help… you contribute to the good cheer of the leader of the world revolution. You have no one to take it from, and I take it from my mother, and she sends me part of her pension, and it will continue until she gives her soul to God. Oh, forgive me until she gives me her soul, because I, Lenin, will become an earthly God as soon as the world revolution is complete, as soon as we free all countries from the yoke of capitalism.
“Ten thousand.”. . Yes, this amount is enough for one reception.
Lenin scratched his head. His mind worked clearly and always correctly. There are two options for helping Inessa: either he will write to his mother – send all his pension to the world revolution, mother, or a party friend and his legal wife, Nadia, will hurry to get the inheritance after their parents died. But when will they die? contribute to it. Maybe they should send Kobu to kill them, or rather, put them in bed and cover them with bags of salt so that they don’t freeze, the world revolution can’t wait.
Inessa started to say something, but he held up a finger, which meant: shut up Inessa. Both of them
11
we heard loud music and the sound of a drum. Lenin started.
– This is an attempt!” Lenin was afraid. He turned pale and rushed to put the pot on his head, and then, like a frightened cat, leaped through the open window, and was gone.
Inessa couldn’t help but laugh, she hadn’t seen him like this before, and yet she ran out into the street and watched which way he ran.
Cavalcade of the people of the South nationalities has forced her to stop. Soso Dzhugashvili actually fired a pistol into the air, while others accompanied it with applause and dancing.
A crowd of violinists, slender girls, and two powerful Caucasians appeared around the corner, tap – dancing or performing an unknown Georgian dance with the refrain-AssA, AssA!
Soso raised a hand.
– Mi na Lenyn, on the guest, on the important guest.
Inessa was not at a loss.
“Volodya has just gone to get some mushrooms. You wait for us in the garden, sit in the chairs, there are decanters of mineral water, beer, all sorts of snacks. Red caviar, black caviar, cold smoked eel. We felt that guests were coming. However, we have someone visiting us every day. Gershon alone is worth something, “she said his name in a half-whisper and ran away.
A narrow path, strewn with red sand, led down the hill to the mighty fir trees where the paramedics had recently visited with saws.
– Volodya! leader of the world revolution, where are you? don’t be so careful, as it is in Russian, and cowardly. These are guests from the Caucasus. The delegation is headed by Dzhugashvili, a short, strong man with a pockmarked face.
But no one answered. Suddenly she saw a bunch of spruce branches in a small clearing, they seemed to be moving all the time. It was Lenin who was sneezing on the damp ground. She came closer.
– Genius of the world revolution, get up! It’s me, Inessa. You have company. They are waiting at the house.
– Are you in League with them?” admit it, it’s better. The masses won’t forgive you.
The chief hatched and, half crouching, cowardly lowered his head, and went up the hill with his friend, leaning on her arm.
Lenin, as soon as he saw the guests, clapped his hands.
– This is Dzhugashvili, the future Stalin and Ter-Petrosyan, two great revolutionaries in the South of Russia and my right hand in expropriation – the Jew Krasin.
As soon as the Caucasians entered the house and slammed the bags of gold rubles on the floor, Lenin, as if not paying attention to this wealth, burst into the Homeric laughter peculiar to him, the leader of the world revolution, and said:
– Comrade Stalin and comrade camo, be familiar with Inessa Armand-the best revolutionary in France. She came to the future leader of the world revolution, Lenin, to convey that the French people will join the working class of Russia, and together with them will stand on the barricades to the victorious end.
“Am I going to be Stalin from now on?” Mne white has such a resonant nickname? Me, the Caucasian bandit, life is now Stalin? Ti heard Perdolan-Budosan, Kamo? AssA, AssA, “the young Djugashvili, who had been renamed Stalin by Lenin, danced again.
“And mine is called Kamo.” Ochen wisely chose the name. Stalin-Kamo, Stalin-Kamo. Kamo-Lenin, Kamo-Stalin-Druze, Bratva, how is it better to say it in Russian?
“I was planning to make a revolution in Europe, not among these goose dugaks, but I’ll have to change my tactics. Tova … looking for B… onstein claims that the geese are the dung of the isto … AI. It’s a… hi important. But so 11
Ganetsky brought a bag of money. It wasn’t a floor-to-ceiling bag, it could hold as many bills as a suitcase, but it was still a bag of money. Previously, the chief was happy with such an offering, dreamed of giving up his mother’s pension, which was shared monthly with him, but forgot everything. The proletarian idlers had to live on something. Money bags bubbled and then became flat.
“How are you, Ilyich?” Is there enough money? Brought two million from Russian patrons for the revolution, and for the salaries of our employees, “he said, fixing his red eyes on the safe that stood in the corner and always looked at its true owner, Ilyich. – Here’s the bag, all right, seals, stamps, you can look at it. Give me the key, open it and … pack it.
Lenin narrowed his left eye.
– Statement! You’re a scoundrel, I know you, probably stole half the bills. You’re wearing a suit. New, dear. And I, the leader of the world proletariat, have been wearing the same clothes since spring. The jacket and vest aren’t bad, but the pants smell like piss. You know how it is. The jet reduces the pressure of urine on the pants. I should take it off and throw it away, but…there’s nothing to replace it with. How so? I’m still a chief, not a dog. Show me your pants! Here, not a single spot. How many times do you change your pants-once a day?
Ganetsky was offended, blushed, wanted to shoot loudly, but it did not work.
– The same thing. You don’t trust anyone. Do you even believe your mother?
– Anything can happen. When a pension is delayed, I just hate it. How so? Her son, the leader of the world revolution, wears only trousers. My mother and you are a pair of boots. You, ganetsky … add at least two hundred thousand. On the costume. Bitch d, nowhere not’ll spend, buy a suit and all. If you want, I’ll take the receipt from the store for presentation. Ganetsky is a lousy Jew. And you’re driving me, a genius, to beg you. Give me the key to the safe and get out. Hey, Apfelbaum, have you cleaned your house yet? Go get the keys from that lousy Jew. However, you can not give, I will demand that my mother sent a pension. When I really need money, I count it ten times, thinking that my mother hid some of the money, did not exactly divide the pension in half. I am suffering a little nervous. And then the kindness comes, and I start talking to myself: what about her with the old woman, she is old, greedy and we will be the same. You’re a lousy Jew! key on the table! Otherwise I’ll turn around and tell you my name. I’ll go to the hookers and dump the whole bag.
Lenin was excited. Her lips began to tremble and her face to burn. The pockets were empty – the key to the safe was hidden in the back pocket of his trousers.
“Look in the moth, you always hide it there.”
“Oh, Yes, it’s very important,” Leni said, and reached into his pants.
Finally, he waved his hand and started scribbling, and the amount did not interest him at all.
“What’s wrong, Ilyich?” Throw your Talmud in the oven.
– Yes here it does not work, or rather, beyond the fact that nothing comes out. The revolution is on the decline, we are not needed by anyone and will soon become miserable emigrants, that’s what happens. Did you bring the newspaper?
“Something, something, read it. Our blood brother, Gelfand Israel, called Parvus, wrote something. It’s damned interesting. A plan … a wise plan. Parvus, the great Parvus. A real Jew, while you and I are both lousy Jews.
“Um, they count chickens in the fall. That’s what my mother says when I ask her to send her entire pension to the world revolution.
Nevertheless, the words “great Parvus” stung Lenin, either in the left side or in the bald spot, and he shuddered and almost broke the inkstand.
– This Parvus, this goodgulf, he wants to undermine my authority in the party, I noticed it long ago. I won’t allow it. He slammed his fist on the table top and rested his chin on his open palm. – How do I get him out of the way?” Furstenberg, tell me. Hang or shoot? Koba-Stalin could have done it, if Yakub had called him. Why are you looking at me like a RAM at a new gate? call him and that’s it. Why did you come here, I didn’t call you, you bastard? Give him ten thousand and that’s it. If it’s not enough, give me twenty. You have the money… about a million.
“Why clean it?” make friends with him. Where did you put this Apfelbaum? He also wrote works, signing them with your name. And sometimes replaced you with a woman. And this, I will tell you, is the best medicine.
“Take off your pants, I want to try you out, too.”
– I’m not ready for this. I need to relieve myself.
“You forget yourself, Fustenberg. I never did any sodomy, especially after that pretty Inessa arrived. I switched to it.
“Volodya, don’t be angry. You put everyone away somewhere, send them away… you fuck them one at a time, you slobber all over them. Apfelbaum is complaining about you…
“Is it Zinoviev?” I’m tired of him. Sent him away, let him go where he wants, let him get some air. That’s it, ganetsky, go away. I’m tired of you all. I’ll take a NAP, then read this newspaper. What does this Parvus of yours think?
– Don’t touch Parvus, he will do for you what no Jew in the world will do: he will give you power on a silver platter.
“Get out of here, Ganetsky. I’m tired of you, too. I’m tired of all of you, and I’m tired of everything. The leader of the world revolution is angry.
As soon as Ganetsky (Furstenberg) smoothly closed the door behind him, Lenin opened the newspaper and froze in surprise…, there was a plan for the future October revolution of 17. Parvus is wise, damn it. But Lenin in this project was listed only as a secondary person, as a performer. It had hurt him. But what was in this plan came in handy for Lenin. He began to alter this plan in his own way. The Parvus plan says: “The proletariat cannot strike a class blow at its government without committing ‘high treason’, without contributing to the defeat, without helping to break up ' its ‘imperialist’ great ‘power’, " he argued rather confusedly, foaming at the mouth. This was exactly what Parvus later reported to the German General staff. And there they agreed to cooperate with the traitor of their country to Russia, Lenin, Parvus asked for fifty million gold marks. This is Lenin’s cheered. Why hadn’t he guessed? We need to meet this Parvus and strangle him, not the plan…pass it off as your own.
12
“This Parvus, a scoundrel with bulging eyes, sees further than me, this is unacceptable,” thought Lenin and was indignant, “this Parvus is an idiot with bulging eyes and…and he is a Jew, but I am not. I will destroy it. He took a swipe at my authority with his plan. What is this idiot capable of? He can dismember the corpse of his mother for the sake of a world revolution, just as I can, he can betray the closest friend, pour blood over the country in the name of achieving his goals?”
Parvus appeared to Lenin in 1905, but if Lenin was a minor pawn of this adventure, then Parvus was higher than the Tsar.
Once in penal servitude, Parvus escaped, found himself in Turkey, achieved outstanding success there, but never for a moment forgot about the collapse of Russia.
After filling his pockets with gold bars from various countries, he rushed off to Switzerland to meet Lenin. Lenin at that time was in need of help. I had to live on my mother’s pension, which was clearly not enough for carousing, for prostitutes, for all sorts of other things. Being capricious and quarrelsome, he tired of his sponsors, constantly knocking out money.
And then Parvus fell out of the sky. I’ll have to go to the meeting, where to go.
13
Parvus sat at a table in a famous cafe, drooling, with watery, bulging eyes, waiting for his imaginary friend.
Lenin appeared, thin, hunched, angry, in a dark shirt and a red vest, blowing his nose all the time and saying softly, without giving Parvus a hand:
– Well, bitch, do you eat fat? Did you bring money?
“I don’t owe you anything, uncircumcised Jew,” Parvus said, his eyes bulging even more.
Lenin stared without blinking; he was much shorter than Parvus, hunched over, one of his eyes squinted and kept squinting, waiting for Parvus to look down. But Parvus snapped the seeds, spat the husks, so that the husks brushed the future leader’s bald head.
“All right, Shalom, my friend,” Ilyich said at last. Sponsors fail. When I become the Emperor of all Europe, I will cut out these sponsors like cabbage.
Parvus reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of money wrapped in a rag.
– There are a million marks here. Just don’t take a swing at Europe, it’s too much. Russia is Enough for you. Start with Russia, and then we’ll see. If you take power, don’t forget that there is a citizen of the world named Pavus. The position of Finance Minister would suit me. I can’t finish the mansion, I still don’t have enough money.
“Wait, wait. Should I start with Russia? from Russia? I don’t care about Russia. Russia is a wild country, where only fools live-Asians, and I am a person of European scale.
“Don’t get mad. Remember Mordaha Levi and Engels. They chose Russia. Remember, socialism is slavery. We need to make the Russians slaves. And then on their shoulders to enter Europe.
– I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t want to give up on my dream yet, not that character, but thank you for the money. If I get rich, I’ll give it back.
– You will never be so rich, and you will never have as much money as I have. So let’s target Russia. No one in the world can do what you can do… with my help.
– How do you know?”
Lenin filled the floor of his pocket with seeds and also began to spit.
– Yes, because there is no such vile, such an immoral person as you. All communities of the world do not recognize your greatness, and will not remember your name because of your cruelty, meanness and inhumanity, you are a devil in the form of a man. You, Volodya, are a complete idiot. And give good. When I get the go-ahead, I’ll go straight to the Kaiser of Germany in Berlin and squeeze 50 million marks out of him for a coup and one million soldiers armed to the teeth. You will seize power in Petrograd, playfully. You’ll make me Finance Minister.
– Or you can shoot them. In short, we have a deal. Only…, – Lenin thought, he already had a phrase in his brain, but he was in no hurry to voice it.
– What is “just” that?
– Only Russia is just a platform for the beginning of the world revolution. In this case, I agree with everything. But don’t forget, the position of Supreme remains with me, and the position of Finance Minister will be decided. We just need to get out of here. Now it is not easy to get to Russia: the war.
– I’ll take care of everything.”
“At least buy me a beer.”.. what are cookies, and that my women are only treated to pasta.
14
Parvus had no trouble getting to the war Minister’s reception in Berlin and laid out his clear plan for becoming a winner in Europe. The Minister jumped up in his chair and said curtly:
– Waiter! “Go on!”
– Since Russia has the most powerful army on the Eastern front, this army must be decomposed, and decomposing the army can be by coming to power of extreme left-wing extremists, take power in the country and become a dictator. The dictator’s last name is Lenin.
“Ah, that’s a familiar name, he’s a member of our counterintelligence service, and Germany pays him a lot of money. And you think this is the right candidate?
He pressed the call button.
– Hoffman to me.
General Hoffmann entered.
– How does your ZUZIK? Report to us.
“A high-class scoundrel. He quarreled with everyone. He’s been sitting around and snitching. He was given a dark night twice. But he is the head of the Bolshevik party, and the Bolshevik party stands for Russia’s defeat in the war with Germany. I look at it negatively. He has Russian citizenship. How can this be done? He had already begun to propagandize that his Bolshevik party favored the defeat of Russia in the war with Germany. You can’t find a better scoundrel.
“I see that you agree, Minister,” Parvus said more confidently. – But in order to work out according to this plan, it is necessary that Germany allocate 50 million marks for the coup, for the maintenance of the Communist party and for the relocation of Lenin and his gang to the capital of Russia, Petrograd. They should be given a bulletproof, sealed car and allowed to pass through the front line.
The Minister promised to allocate this amount within ten days.
* * *
At this time Lenin was already writing small articles in small Newspapers about the Bolshevik party’s support for Russia’s defeat in the war with Germany. These small articles were thrown over the front line into the trenches, fell into the hands of soldiers, natives of the peasants and workers, and were read out at meetings to applause.
– Correctly Lyalin calls, necha to fight with each other, it is necessary to fraternize. All men are brothers.
