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Incredibly beautiful …
Engulfed by a sudden explosion of lust that was almost more powerful than the storm, Alessio contemplated slinging her over his shoulder and taking her back to the cottage for the type of one-on-one comfort he knew he was capable of delivering.
He was responsible for her upset and he was confident that he could fix it.
But then she lifted her eyes to his and she looked so vulnerable that for once he decided not to say what was on his mind.
Instead he dragged his gaze from the trembling curve of her soft mouth and tried to focus on something non sexual. Like the fact that they were both about to be blown to the outer reaches of the Caribbean. Torn between concern for her safety and guilt that he was the cause of her distress, he tried to haul her back up the path, but she refused to move. ‘We have to go inside.’
She looked at him blankly and exasperation mingled with concern because she was the most decisive woman he’d ever met and yet she was clearly incapable of making any sort of decision.
Tears glistened on her lashes and shadows flickered across her eyes. ‘What if you’re right?’ She had to raise her voice to be heard above the howl of the wind and he gritted his teeth.
There was a storm blowing and she wanted to talk?
‘I am right,’ Alessio assured her, confident that it was the right response regardless of the question. He slid his arm around her shoulders and urged her up the path. ‘We need to get inside. Now. Pronto. Before we find ourselves transported to the next island.’
‘No. I mean about Ruby.’ She stopped, her hand in her hair to prevent it from blowing wildly around her face. ‘What if you’re right about Ruby? What if the reason Ruby isn’t ringing me is because she thinks I’ll judge her? What if it is my fault? What if I’ve driven her away?’ Another powerful gust of wind almost knocked her off her feet and Alessio made a unilateral decision and scooped her into his arms.
She’ll thank me later, he thought as he strode back up the narrow, sandy path to the comparative safety of the cottage. Shouldering the door shut against the raging, angry storm, he lowered her gently to the floor.
‘Don’t leave the cottage again.’ His tone was sharper than he’d intended and when he saw the sheen in her eyes he cursed himself for not being more sympathetic. If he didn’t tread carefully she was going to dissolve in a sodden heap and that was the last thing he wanted or needed.
Resigned to the inevitable, he waited for her to collapse sobbing against his chest, but instead she turned away.
‘Just give me a minute.’
On unfamiliar territory, Alessio stared at her rigid shoulders, trying to work out what he was supposed to do next. Although he had plentiful experience of tearful women, he’d never been with one who didn’t want him to see her crying. And everything about her body language told him that Lindsay Lockheart was trying very hard not to let him see her crying.
Alessio hesitated, torn between the options of steering the conversation onto neutral ground and just dealing with the issue straight out.
Never one to avoid a problem, he tackled it head-on.
‘Apologies aren’t my speciality,’ he gritted, ‘but I think I owe you one. I was unsympathetic and my comments were far too personal—’
‘You don’t owe me an apology.’ She sounded stiff. Formal. And she still didn’t look at him. ‘You don’t have to apologise for being honest. I’m the one who was deluding myself.’ The only indication that she was still crying was the way she discreetly lifted her hand to wipe her face, but somehow that minimal gesture increased his feelings of guilt.
‘You obviously thought you were acting in the best interests of your sister—’ He broke off as he saw her flinch and lift a slender hand to silence him.
‘Alessio, please don’t say any more. There’s only so much honesty I can take in one go.’
He’d been trying to help. But softening the truth wasn’t his forte.
Alessio raked his fingers through his hair, stunned by the realisation that for once he was totally unsure what he should say next. He was a lawyer. He always knew what to say next. ‘What I’m trying to say is that you probably—definitely,’ he corrected himself swiftly, ‘you definitely know better than I do what works for Ruby.’
‘Apparently not.’
‘You’re a great sister.’ Alessio delivered that statement with what he hoped was an appropriate degree of conviction. ‘Ruby is lucky to have someone like you watching over her.’
For a moment she didn’t answer. Then she wiped her face with her fingers once more, and turned to face him. ‘No. Everything you’ve said is true. I have been too controlling. I thought I was protecting her, but I’ve handled her in the worst way possible. I’ve done all the wrong things at all the wrong times.’
His hands tightened on her arms. ‘For all the right reasons.’
‘I’ve let her down. She’s my responsibility, but I’ve made it impossible for her to turn to me because she knows I’ll be upset and worried, and—I’ve missed the fact that she’s grown up …’ Her voice wobbled and for a moment she stopped speaking and just breathed.
Waiting for her to finish her sentence, Alessio discovered that her determination not to lose control in front of him was a thousand times more moving than a cascade of tears.
‘Lindsay—’
‘Don’t say anything,’ she muttered. ‘This is—a bit difficult—’ she lifted a hand to her mouth and then let it fall again ‘—and the reason it’s difficult is because everything you say is true. I’ve failed her.’ For some reason the brave smile was a greater attack on his conscience than her tears and Alessio swore softly.
‘Why do you feel she’s your responsibility?’
Lindsay looked at him for a moment. ‘Because she’s my little sister,’ she whispered, ‘and it doesn’t matter what she does, she’ll always be my little sister.’
‘Precisely.’ Feeling as though he were drowning, Alessio ran a hand over the back of his neck. ‘You’re her sister, not her mother.’
‘I’ve always looked after her.’ She gave a twisted smile. ‘Or, at least, that’s what I was trying to do. But it seems I haven’t been helping her as much as I thought.’
Alessio inhaled sharply. ‘Take no notice of anything I say. As you rightly point out, I know nothing about relationships. Relationships are always complicated, Lindsay—’ his tone was harsher than he’d intended ‘—that’s why I avoid them.’
‘Do you mind if we don’t talk about this anymore right now?’ Clearly hanging on to control by a thread, she turned away from him and walked over to the huge blanket. ‘It’s very dark.’
‘It’s the storm. It will pass, but probably not before nightfall. We’ll be spending the night here.’
He waited for her to have hysterics or make some sharp remark about him having engineered the situation, but she did neither. Instead she simply dropped to her knees onto the blanket and curled up with her back to him.
‘If you don’t mind, I think I might sleep. I haven’t had much sleep since Ruby went missing …’ Her voice tailed off and for a moment she hesitated. ‘But of course she isn’t actually missing, is she? She just doesn’t want me to know where she is.’
Lying there, trying to make herself as small as possible, she reminded him of a lost child.
‘You must be very angry with her.’
‘Angry?’ Her voice was thickened with tears. ‘How could I possibly be angry with her when it’s all my fault? You’re quite right. I’ve driven her away. My behaviour has driven her away.’
Nowhere near as forgiving, Alessio found his own anger towards Ruby flaring to life. She should have known how much her sister would worry. She should have picked up the bloody phone.
It was obvious that Lindsay, however misguided, had genuinely been acting for her sister’s benefit and, sensing the depth of her hurt, Alessio gritted his teeth, taking her pain as yet another example of why love was the utter pits. Why did anyone bother? Who wanted to put themselves through that? Much better to build a barrier around one’s emotions.
And that was what he’d done, of course.
From a very early age.
He sat down next to her. His eyes rested on the smooth skin of her bare shoulder and then followed the line of her red swimsuit. It dipped temptingly into her tiny waist and then rose again to accommodate the feminine swell of her hips. Instinctively he lifted a hand to trace that all too tempting curve, but there was something in the way she held herself that stopped him. Instead, he rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, practising restraint for the first time in his life.
Reminding himself not to express his opinion of her sister ever again, he closed his eyes.
It was going to be a long night.
Lindsay lay in the depths of misery, drowning in self-blame.
This was all her fault. She could see that now.
If she’d been more approachable and less judgmental, Ruby would have felt able to confide in her—she would have called.
How could she have been so horribly wrong? She spent her working life helping couples see that there were always two points of view, and yet had she ever listened to what Ruby wanted? No, she hadn’t. She’d been so afraid that Ruby would choose the wrong path in life that every time her sister had opened her mouth, she’d lectured and dictated. Don’t do this—don’t do that.
And who was to say that Ruby’s choices would have been the wrong ones?
Alessio was right. The wrong path for one person was the right path for another.
Ridden with guilt, Lindsay squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She loved her sister so much. So much. And had she helped her? No.
She was a stupid idiot.
The thought of how badly she’d handled everything was like a physical pain.
She’d been so convinced that her approach was the right one. After what she’d seen as a child, she’d been determined not to follow the same route. And determined not to let her sister follow the same route. But she’d attached such a strong belief to her own strict code that it had prevented her from understanding how others felt. Since when had she become so pompous and set in her ways that she’d decided there was only one right way to do things?
Perhaps Ruby was, at this moment, having the time of her life with Dino Capelli.
Perhaps she wanted to share that happiness and excitement, and the reason she wasn’t calling Ruby was because she knew she wouldn’t approve.
Would Ruby ever turn to her again?
Tears slid down her face and this time she didn’t bother trying to stop them because it was dark and Alessio was asleep.
Convinced that she was alone with her misery, she gave a start of shock as a strong male hand curved over her shoulder.
‘Stop crying.’
Appalled that he knew she was crying, Lindsay froze. ‘I’m not crying.’
He muttered something in Italian. ‘I tell you now,’ he said roughly, ‘I have absolutely no experience in comforting women. It isn’t something I excel at. Ask anyone.’ He hesitated. ‘Normally I’m the one making them cry.’
Lindsey gave a choked laugh. ‘I can believe that. But for once you’re not to blame. Everything you said is right. I might even get round to thanking you at some point. And you don’t need to worry—I don’t want comfort.’ She sniffed and scrubbed a hand over her face, relieved that it was dark. ‘Anyway, I thought you had to be the best at everything.’
‘Only the things that interest me. Strangely enough I have no ambitions to excel at drying women’s tears,’ he drawled softly, ‘but on this one occasion, given that I’m the cause of your upset, I’m prepared to make an exception.’
Realising just how great a sacrifice that was on his part, she almost managed to smile. This must be almost as bad for him as it was for her. ‘You’re not the cause. Go to sleep, Alessio.’
But his strong, warm hand didn’t move from her shoulder. ‘This rug is the only dry thing in the place and I’d like to keep it that way. Stop feeling guilty about your sister.’
‘Why?’ She mumbled the words, wondering why she was discussing it with him. Alessio Capelli wasn’t anyone’s idea of a perfect confidant. ‘It’s all my fault.’
‘It isn’t your fault. I keep telling you, Ruby is responsible for what she does.’
‘I’ve stopped her talking to me.’
‘And what if she had talked to you? You would have been given a running commentary on all her wild behaviour and it would have driven you crazy with stress. You wouldn’t have said anything, but you still would have felt it. You’re much better off not knowing.’ His tone rang with exasperation and she almost laughed.
‘You make it sound so easy.’
‘It is easy. It’s time to toughen up, Lindsay,’ he said gruffly. ‘How have you managed to get through the past two decades when you worry so much about everything?’
‘I don’t really worry—’
‘You’re avoiding life because you’re afraid of it.’
Lindsay stilled. ‘That isn’t true.’
‘You’re worried that your sister will be hurt and maybe she will—’ his voice was low and male in the darkness ‘—but maybe she will have an affair that she will remember for ever. Memories of real passion that will last long after the hurt has faded. What will you have, Lindsay? The memory of dangerously exciting moments that you successfully resisted?’
He was right, she realised painfully. She was afraid. Afraid of falling into the same trap as the couples she counselled, afraid of being drawn into the wrong decision, afraid of being like her mother….
She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. ‘You live dangerously all the time. So how do you manage never to be hurt?’
‘I don’t let people get close.’
‘But what sort of life is that?’
There was a moment of silence and then he gave a hollow laugh. ‘I’m not the one lying on the rug crying, Lindsay.’
‘Caring for people and having people care about you is the only really important thing in life.’ It was just because it was dark, she told herself, that it was easy to talk to him.
‘And is it worth caring even when you get hurt?’
‘Even then. It’s what makes us human.’
‘Ah—but you told me only a few days ago that I’m not human, so that explains why we think differently.’
She could hear the trace of humour in his voice. ‘I thought life was straightforward. But everything suddenly seems so complicated.’
‘Relationships always are. That’s why I avoid them.’
‘But you can’t just go through life avoiding relationships. Relationships—love—well, that’s what makes life bearable, isn’t it?’
‘Relationships—maybe. Love? Definitely not. In fact I’d go as far as to say that love is probably one of the things that often makes life unbearable. Believe me, I see it all the time.’
‘But the people you see aren’t in love anymore. Perhaps they never were.’
‘There are other types of relationships.’
‘I know. And that’s where I’ve let Ruby down,’ Lindsay admitted, relieved that it was dark so that he couldn’t see her face. Somehow the dark made it easier to talk. ‘We’re very different like that. I was always worried that she would confuse chemistry with love and I’ve seen so many relationships fall apart because all the couple shared was chemistry. I’ve never contemplated being in a relationship that was just about sex.’
It was a moment before he answered and when he finally spoke his voice was soft in the darkness.
‘Haven’t you?’
