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She was hardly aware of his hands still steadying her. The deep, dark depths of his eyes held her captive and she knew that she was breathing quickly, practically hyperventilating. Like a moth helplessly drawn to a destructive flame, her mouth parted. She was aware of his touch altering, become more caressing. Of their own accord, her legs seemed to propel her inch by inch closer to him until they were separated by a hair’s breadth.
‘I don’t just feel a sense of duty towards you,’ Luiz murmured unsteadily.
Holly moaned. The soft sound shocked her, for it seemed to come from someone else, someone incapable of seeing reason.
Luiz’s dormant libido was raging and all-consuming. That first feel of her lips against his was like manna from heaven and he lost himself in the kiss. At the same time he shakily pushed his hands underneath the dress. It was like touching her for the first time even though her body, satin-smooth beneath his exploring hands, was gloriously familiar.
Her breasts were heavy, spilling out of the bra which he deftly unclasped. He stifled a groan of pure pleasure as the abrasive pads of his thumbs found her nipples, and he began rubbing them ceaselessly, wanting nothing more than to get his mouth on them so that he could taste them.
‘I want to see you.’ His voice was rough and uneven.
‘We shouldn’t…’ Holly could no longer think straight. The thought of seeing that flare of desire in his eyes as he looked at her threatened to turn her legs to jelly, but she wanted him so badly. She knew she shouldn’t, but how could she begin to fight the waves of pleasure radiating through her body? She allowed herself to be gently propelled back towards the huge, deep-red velvet sofa and her knees buckled as she hit the edge of it. In a trance, she sank back and her breath caught in her throat as he unbuttoned the top half of her dress. With a whimper of reluctant, inevitable submission, her eyelids fluttered shut on the sight of him staring down at her exposed breasts, taking in the ripe curves of her newly pregnant body.
She had never been able to resist him and she still couldn’t, Luiz thought with a savage surge of satisfaction. Despite all her protests, one touch and she melted. His arousal was pushing hard against the zip of his trousers but he took time to appreciate the stunning, glorious beauty of her incredible curves.
He didn’t stop to question the mystery of his erratic libido. He just knew that he wanted her. She was carrying his baby! Suddenly, there was an eroticism to that notion that left him reeling. He had never thought about having children before and yet, with the evidence of his virility in front of him, he was unashamedly proud of his achievement.
He felt her wriggle and writhe under him as he ran his hand over her stomach and marvelled at the sensuous feel of its roundness. He was strangely blown away to think that the miracle of life was happening under his hand. He was utterly lost in the anticipation of taking her, having inhabited a sex-free zone ever since he had walked out of her house, when he heard the sound of his doorbell.
Holly had sank so fast and so deep into the whirlpool of exquisite sensation that it took her sluggish brain a few seconds to realise that someone was at the door. Reality pushed through and she struggled onto her elbows. She was horrified at how easily she had succumbed to Luiz’s advances. What had she been thinking?
This was a man whose only concern lay with money; who had lied to her and then compounded his lack of faith in her by proposing marriage preceded by a pre-nup, which was the ultimate declaration that he still felt his wealth had to be protected! This was someone who would never have sought her out, would have been happy never to lay eyes on her again had she not turned up on his doorstep. A man who had grudgingly seen no other option for dealing with a situation he didn’t want but to marry her out of a misplaced sense of responsibility. On all fronts, a man from whom she should be keeping a healthy distance unless strictly necessary. And, yet, she had flung herself in his arms at the slightest of provocations!
As far as Holly was concerned, Luiz thought that he could always get exactly what he wanted and he wanted to marry her because, really and truly, he wanted the child she was carrying. She had turned down his marriage proposal. Had he then decided that there was more than one way of getting what he wanted, and having her back in his bed might succeed where words had failed? Once she had been his for the asking. Did he think that nothing had changed?
How genuine could his so-called sudden attraction be when he hadn’t made the slightest effort to get in touch for all those weeks, when in fact he had already found himself…
Shame and dismay left her speechless as she suddenly remembered that he had a girlfriend, the beautiful, glamorous Cecelia. So swept away had she been, that only now as the doorbell rang once more with renewed insistence, did she recall the leggy brunette with the impeccable connections.
Watching her, Luiz could easily see what was going through Holly’s head and he cursed fluidly under his breath.
‘Ignore that,’ he commanded, running with the theory that if he gave her no chance to withdraw completely from him then he could woo her back to the place which he was now desperate for her to occupy.
‘I can’t believe you. You…’ She wriggled, yanking up her dress and manoeuvring herself out from underneath him.
‘Let’s not play the blame game here, Holly. You haven’t ended up naked and under me because there was a gun to your head.’
‘And do you think I respect myself for… for…?’
‘Just come right out and say it—for wanting to make love to me. Where’s the shame in that?’ The doorbell rang again and Luiz furiously levered himself up while Holly frantically tried to get herself in order.
She was running her fingers through her hair when she heard the clicking of heels on the wooden floor, and when she looked to the doorway it was to see the most beautiful woman she had ever seen in her life. A living, breathing fashion doll was staring down at her.
Cecelia Follone. In real life, she was a million times more drop-dead gorgeous than the grainy pictures on the Internet had suggested. Long, dark hair flowed in artful disarray down her slender back. Olive-skinned and green-eyed, she had a body that was made for very, very small items of clothing, and she clearly knew that, for the vibrant red jersey-dress barely skimmed the top of her thighs. She carried her expensive coat over one shoulder.
For a few seconds, both were speechless for different reasons, but Cecelia was the first to break the silence with a barrage of high-pitched, accusatory Portuguese. Holly didn’t have to be a mind-reader to understand exactly what was being said. Mortified, she hurried up to the doorway, her face burning and her eyes very pointedly not resting on Luiz who seemed remarkably unfazed by the arrival of his girlfriend. He held up one imperious hand which brought the torrent of rapid Portuguese to an abrupt halt.
‘It seems I have forgotten that I had a date… understandable, given the circumstances.’
Holly took a deep breath and held out her hand to Cecelia who looked at it disparagingly. ‘I… I’m very pleased to meet you.’ She dropped her hand to her side and cleared her throat. ‘I’m… eh… Holly.’
This elicited another round of hysterical Portuguese which Luiz listened to before saying coldly, ‘Please speak English, Cecelia.’
‘Who are you and what are you doing here?’
‘Actually, I was just on my way out.’
‘I don’t think so…’ Luiz’s voice was calm and final but Holly ignored him.
‘I came here to… to…’
‘Circumstances have changed, Cecelia.’ Luiz turned to the brunette who in heels was easily six feet, which made Holly feel like a pygmy in comparison. ‘I will call you tomorrow to explain but I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.’
‘I am not going anywhere until I know what is going on!’ Cecelia’s high-pitched, accented English was laced with venom.
‘Nothing’s going on!’ Holly defended quickly. ‘I just came to have a quick chat with, er, Luiz, and I was just about to leave.’
‘Chat about what?’
Luiz had been lounging against the doorway, and with a laborious sigh he swivelled Cecelia to face him and spoke to her in Portuguese. He kept his voice low and flat which made much more of an impact than if he had shown any sign of emotion.
From the sidelines, Holly watched as Cecelia’s eyes widened and her mouth compressed. She wanted to be anywhere but here, in this house, and she was sickeningly ashamed of herself and of her lack of self-control. Trying to make herself as invisible as she could, staring down at the floor, she kept perfectly still for the next ten minutes as Luiz and Cecelia conducted a conversation she couldn’t understand but was astute enough to surmise.
She breathed a sigh of relief when Cecelia was finally escorted out of the house and she took advantage of that brief window of time alone to gather all her possessions so that she was ready and waiting to leave when Luiz re-entered the room.
‘What did you say to her?’ Holly asked bluntly.
‘Where are you going? Our conversation isn’t finished by a long way. I told Cecelia that our relationship was over.’
‘Because of me?’
‘I didn’t go into details but, considering you were standing in a state of dishevelment right in front of her, then I’m guessing she might have deduced the reasons for herself.’
‘How could you? How could you seduce me when you’re involved with someone else? It makes me feel ill to think about it.’ She felt even more ill as she wondered when he had last made love to Cecelia. Yesterday? The day before? Every day for the last few weeks they had been dating? He was a very virile man with a powerful libido. She couldn’t bear the thought of him touching the other woman and then touching her, and she was shocked at the force of her own jealousy which had no part to play in the sort of relationship they now had.
Luiz hesitated. Getting rid of Cecelia, callous though he knew he must appear, had not been any great hardship. She had occupied the strange void left in Holly’s absence and he was disturbed at himself for allowing that to happen. He wondered how he couldn’t have seen that, however great her credentials, she still didn’t quite fit the bill. He pulled back from the question he knew Holly was asking him—had Cecelia been his lover?—as his sex life wasn’t under discussion here. It was an irrelevance. The fact that he hadn’t had one with Cecelia was an even greater irrelevance as far as he was concerned.
‘My relationship with Cecelia is no longer an issue. Reaching a conclusion on how to deal with what has happened is. So…’ He nodded in the direction of the lounge. Holly hesitated, adamant that she had put her cards on the table and was not going to reshuffle the deck and start again. More than anything, she needed to make him understand that that little blip when she had fallen straight back into his arms was not going to happen again. She reluctantly removed the coat and followed him into the sitting room.
‘You didn’t have to break up with your girlfriend,’ were her opening words as she sat down, facing him. ‘I told you I didn’t want to ruin anything you had with her and I meant it.’
‘In that case, you are clearly a lot more liberated than I am.’ He folded his arms behind his head. ‘Somehow going out with one woman whilst another is having my baby doesn’t work for me.’ He dropped his arms to his knees and leaned forward. ‘Don’t try and fight me on this, Holly. Marriage is the only solution. I will not be a part-time father and it would be immoral to deprive any child of the benefit of having two parents.’
‘And it wouldn’t be right for us to get married just for the sake of a child. Luiz, you never, ever wanted any sort of commitment with me. You never trusted me. How on earth can you expect me to ignore all of that and to get married just because of an accident?’
‘Tripping over a loose paving stone is an accident; the ramifications disappear quickly. Having a child is in a completely different league and the ramifications never disappear. Whatever the circumstances of this pregnancy, we both have to take ownership of the situation and bury our differences.’
Talking to him, Holly thought helplessly, was like talking to a brick wall. Yet there was no way that she was going to cave in. As far as she was concerned, they could both be loving parents without having to pay the ultimate price. She wanted to tell him that, had it not been for the life growing inside her, he would have already been making plans to marry Cecelia. He would have had his perfect partner. Now, he would be stuck with her, and how long before the poisonous thread of resentment began seeping into him?
‘That doesn’t mean that we have to get married.’ Holly looked at him with stubborn defiance. ‘We can be loving, responsible parents without being tied to one another. It’s better that we’re both happy individuals apart than miserable and bitter together.’
Luiz didn’t see how she could possibly mean that when less than three months ago she had been keen to take their relationship to another level. Yet, that stubborn, closed expression…
For the first time he fully appreciated the depth of the damage his well-intentioned fabrications had done. Throw in a girlfriend acquired for all the wrong reasons and, no matter that the girlfriend had been dispatched and marriage proposed, she was still in no mood to budge.
‘You make it sound as though marriage to me would be torture,’ Luiz said through gritted teeth, frustrated at being unable to get around her. ‘And yet, don’t try and pretend that there isn’t chemistry between us!’
‘I wondered how long it would take for you to bring that up!’ Holly retorted with bitterness. Sex was all it had ever been for him. While she had been busy building castles in the sky and fantasising about marriage and babies, he had been happy to use her as a plaything, a doting plaything willing to do anything he wanted.
‘Yes, I find you attractive. I suppose lots of women do. It’s not enough.’ She lowered her eyes. There was a treacherous voice in her head asking her what was enough, really? Were there ever any guarantees that any marriage would work out…? Didn’t some marriages fail even when the right boxes had all been ticked and the profit-and-loss columns neatly balanced…?
She ignored that voice and continued quietly and insistently, ‘We both deserve happiness. You shouldn’t have broken up with your girlfriend. One day, I’ll find my soul mate and it will be healthier for our child to be the products of two happy parents even if they’re not happy together.’
Luiz was affronted by what she had just said on pretty much every level. Whatever he had said or done in the past, most other women would have leapt at the offer he had extended because it really didn’t get much better than that. The fact that they still couldn’t keep their hands off one another was an added and pleasurable bonus. So why was she digging her heels in and treating him as though he had offered her a pact with the devil? And who was this soul mate she had in mind? Not too long ago, he had been her soul mate! Why couldn’t she stop being so damned proud and wake up to the fact that he was right?
‘Ending my relationship with Cecelia was not a source of regret for me,’ Luiz conceded heavily. ‘I would have broken up with her whether or not you were in the picture.’
‘You would?’ Holly could have kicked herself for the spark of interested curiosity she could hear in her voice. Did that make any difference? No. ‘But she’s perfect for you. I thought you were on the lookout for the right woman with the right background…’
‘We’re covering old ground here. You won’t marry me—that poses a number of obvious problems. Firstly, do you honestly expect me to commute to Yorkshire?’
‘You did for ages.’ She was afflicted with a sharp pang of memory at the pleasure those weekend visits had always elicited.
‘Weekends.’ Luiz brushed aside her interruption dismissively. ‘I would want more than just weekend visits. It is a long way to travel for a couple of hours during the week. Furthermore, what about schooling when the time comes? How far is it to the nearest school? Do you suggest an erratic education because you live in the middle of nowhere where it’s liable to snow for a large proportion of winter?’
‘You’re projecting into the future,’ Holly said uncertainly.
‘I’m attempting to reach a fair and equitable arrangement. Sacrifices have to be made. If you’re not willing to marry me, then you’re going to have to climb down from your moral platform and start meeting me halfway.’
‘I can’t live in a city.’
‘And I refuse to commute to Yorkshire. It’s impractical.’ If she wanted to play hardball, Luiz thought, then he would play hardball, too.
‘Why do you have to be unreasonable?’ But was he? How many men would have risen to the occasion with equal unstinting generosity? He hadn’t asked for his life to be derailed by circumstances beyond his control and yet he was willing to assume his responsibilities whatever the cost to the future he had had neatly laid out in front of him. In return, all she could think about was her own past hurt and emotional wounds that were still raw and bleeding. She sighed and slumped. ‘I can’t move to a city—what about my animals?’ she asked in a small voice.
‘This can all be worked out.’ He refused to yield to her drooping, forlorn body language. ‘I’ll be out of the country for the next week. You can use the time to think about it. You seem to think that nothing will change—everything will.’
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_1ec83f75-07ff-5225-855b-ce3660ea7f13)
AFTER THE DRAMA of London, returning to the tranquillity of the countryside failed to deliver the peace Holly had banked on. She had too much on her mind. Her thoughts were all over the place. She wanted to be honest with herself, yet found it impossible to leave her bitter grievances behind. She told herself that she hated Luiz and yet she knew that she was still as fiercely attracted to him as she had been in the thick of their relationship. There was no way that she could ever turn the clock back and love him… Yet a demanding voice inside her insisted that, if she didn’t still have feelings for him, then why was it that she couldn’t accept his marriage proposal which was fair and made sense? Surely if she wasn’t emotionally invested then, like him, she would be able to deal with the situation in a detached, pragmatic and sensible manner?
She could reluctantly see that her location would not be convenient for him. She didn’t want to leave her friends and her sanctuary behind, yet the need for compromise weighed heavily on her shoulders.
‘You should just marry him,’ Andy told her bluntly when she offloaded all her thoughts on him the evening after she had returned to her cottage. They were at her kitchen table and outside the greyest of days had slipped into starry night. Through the kitchen window, with the curtains open, a full moon illuminated the fields and open countryside. In the depths of winter, these same fields could be snow-covered for days on end… How on earth would Luiz be able to get up to see his child? For an hour or two? Sometimes, the sanctuary could be cut off for a week… longer… then what? Would she find herself in the constant line of fire for failing to compromise?
‘Let’s think pros and cons. He’s dishy, he’s the catch of the century… Frankly, my dear, if you won’t have him, then I will.’ Andy sniggered at his own joke. ‘But, seriously, having a kid… it’s not ideal in a place as remote as this, sweetie. Think illness and having to get hold of a doctor. Think having friends over after playschool; what do you do with them when it’s time for them to go and it’s started snowing—stash them in with Buster the donkey?’
‘You’re supposed to be on my side,’ Holly grumbled.
‘I don’t think anyone wins medals for being stubborn.’
‘I’m not being stubborn.’ For ‘stubborn’ Holly read ‘selfish’. ‘I have a right to a life here, where I know everyone. I have my livelihood here. What would happen to this animal sanctuary if I left?’
‘I don’t think the animals would all pack their bags and leave home,’ Andy told her with brutal honesty. ‘It’s a very viable proposition. You would be able to sell it, along with the cottage and the land, and you’d get a good price for it. And there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…’
Holly looked at him warily. He had changed out of his grubby work clothes into a clingy checked top and black jeans. She didn’t like the way he was scrupulously inspecting the tips of his cowboy boots, avoiding her eyes.
‘Remember Marcus?’
‘How could I forget your broken heart?’ Holly asked wryly.
‘He’s back from Toronto,’ Andy said sheepishly. ‘We’ve been emailing. I didn’t want to make anything of it in case it didn’t work out but he’s packed in the job over there and has taken up a residency at Guy’s Hospital in London.’
‘And…?’ But Holly already knew what he was going to say. Andy and Marcus had been an item before Marcus had relocated to Toronto, on his own, because Andy had refused to go with him. Now he was being given a second shot at the relationship and he was going to move to London.
She would be on her own. She listened, smiling and nodding encouragingly as Andy told her all about his plans. They had seen a house. It would be perfect and he was thinking of teaching as a career. Her mind was suddenly in a daze. Without Andy, the sanctuary just wouldn’t be quite the same, yet she refused to see capitulation to Luiz as the only option.
If she removed that awful, swoony feeling she got whenever she was in his presence, then what was she left with? A man who was prepared to ‘do the right thing’. She couldn’t help but wonder, if she married him, how long he would carry on being prepared to do the right thing. He didn’t love her, so how on earth could he ever hope to remain faithful to her? Would part of any union between them be the tacit understanding that he could continue seeing other women, women like Cecelia, just as long as he didn’t flaunt his infidelities? Did he imagine that a sham marriage was better than no marriage at all?
Andy’s imminent departure seemed to raise more questions about her own situation than she felt she could reasonably deal with and she spent a restless night, only managing to fall properly asleep in the early hours of the morning and awakening, muddle-headed, to the sound of the dogs going wild in their compound.
In fact, hurriedly getting dressed and heading down the stairs, it dawned on her that the commotion went beyond the barking of dogs. Flinging open the front door, she was confused to see three cars parked at haphazard angles in front of the enclosures. Andy was not yet on the scene, but Claire and Sarah, two of the girls who helped out, were and they seemed to be in awkward conversation with a handful of men. Altogether, it was a bewildering scene, and as Holly remained in the doorway, trying to assimilate what was going on, she was spotted.
Like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a speeding car, she froze to the spot. Her sluggish brain computed that two more cars were speeding up the winding drive, doors opening even before the cars had pulled to a stop. She had no idea what was going on. Claire and Sarah were running full tilt towards her.
‘You dark horse!’ Claire was laughing. ‘You never told us that you were getting married to a billionaire!’
It dawned on Holly what was going on pretty much when the questions started being shouted at her, intrusive questions bombarding her like bullets fired from a gun. She yanked Claire and Sarah into the house, slammed the front door and got on the phone to Andy. She told him he wasn’t to come in; there were reporters everywhere.
He was thrilled, Holly a lot less so. Even Claire and Sarah, once she had briefed them on the situation, fell into a subdued silence. The cottage felt as though it was under siege. Holly drew the curtains in the sitting room so that the three of them were huddled like fugitives in the semi-darkness. Had they got the message and left? Or were they lurking outside like Rottweilers, ready to pounce? She didn’t know.
She had never experienced anything like this in her life before. Doing a full day’s work was out of the question. Never before had she questioned the origins of all those intrusive pictures she had seen in tacky magazines, where celebrities were caught in their least favourable moments. Now, experiencing the horror of the paparazzi in full pursuit, she felt a grudging sympathy for them.
Frustrated and angry, she left Claire and Sarah gossiping in the sitting room and headed for the kitchen, where once again she had to drop the roller blind before she could be guaranteed privacy for the phone call she had to make.
Luiz picked up on the third ring and Holly wasted no time telling him what was going on.
‘I can’t even go outside!’ she screeched down the line. ‘This is all your fault and you have to make them go away!’
On the other side of the Atlantic, Luiz was fully alert to the panic in her voice, despite the fact that the beep of his mobile had dragged him out of sleep. He was not in the slightest bit irritated by the phone call. Actually, he had been expecting it.
‘Paparazzi are the bane of my life,’ he told her, strolling across to the window from which he had an incomparable view of New York’s Central Park. Even at this hour, it seemed to be humming with life. This was a city where no one ever seemed to sleep and, whilst he had always found that an appealing trait, mirroring his own continual restlessness, he had been missing London and anticipating the next step in sorting out the situation that had landed on his doorstep with Holly.
‘I don’t care about that!’ Holly wailed. ‘I can’t get outside and I don’t know what to do! This is really the last straw, Luiz—why are they here? How did they even find out about us? They’ve been asking all sorts of questions about the pregnancy! Have you said something to them? They’re like bloodhounds! No, I take that back—that would be an insult to bloodhounds!’
‘Are you sitting down?’
‘You don’t sound in the least bit bothered!’ Holly ignored his question. Whilst she had been screaming like an enraged banshee, his tone of voice had been mild and unruffled. As it would be, she thought sourly, because he wasn’t the one having to endure a clutch of strangers with microphones hiding out in the shrubbery! Sooner or later, Claire and Sarah would have to go. They would be pursued, would probably love their fifteen minutes of fame and within seconds her story would have spread like wildfire through all the neighbouring villages and towns. That was how it worked in this part of the world. Lots of people knew her, had known her parents. She detested the thought of having her privacy invaded, her situation discussed and analysed on receipt of third-hand information. She was fully prepared to let Luiz take the blame for that occurrence.
