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Who's next please?
OUR CHARACTER (V.O.)
Now our Sarah here is a great girl. Married with 2 young kids, pretty much the only chance she gets to let her hair down a bit is when we go for a beer after work on Fridays.
SARAH
Who's next please?
OUR CHARACTER (V.O.)
Despite her limited opportunities to practice, Sarah can throw down more drink than a parched camel. It is official office policy never to drink in a round with Sarah. Especially if you don't want to spend all the next day in bed with one foot on the floor trying to stop the world from spinning.
SARAH
Does anybody want serving? God why do I bother?
WIDE SHOT – BANKING HALL
Customers queuing in front of cashiers.
Nobody in front of Margaret.
A woman with a couple of kids at Mick's till emptying out a bumper sized whisky bottle full of small value coins.
Mick helping her count them.
Six men from various walks of life queue in front of Rachael's till pretending not to notice the empty tills.
Nobody in front of Sarah's till.
Sarah walks away from counter carrying some papers.
OUR CHARACTER (V.O.)
See what I mean about Rachael?
CUT TO:
INT. INTERVIEW ROOM – NEXT
Windowless room with a door at each end, table with computer in the middle.
Our character. SEAN. Sat in chair on bank side of room. Red hair and freckles, slim build, medium height.
Two chairs on customers side of table.
SCRUFFY LOOKING CUSTOMER , late forties, overweight, sat in one chair, other chair empty.
Sean is filling in a loan application. Jotting down details from info on computer screen. Customer sits opposite fidgeting nervously.
SEAN(OUR CHARACTER)(V.O.)
So what about me? Sean Mcguire. Age 26. Last month I split up with my girlfriend after a disastrous holiday in Ibiza. What happened? Don't ask. Can’t believe I had to waste a months salary on a holiday from hell to find out we were incompatible.
FLASHBACK. INT. HOTEL ROOM
SEAN'S GIRLFRIEND wearing bikini admiring her suntan in front of full length mirror.
Sean wearing swim shorts comes up behind her and tries to embrace her.
She brushes him off brusquely.
SEAN'S GIRLFRIEND
Don't touch me. I'm hot.
SEAN
All you do all day is lie in the sun in search of the perfect suntan. Of course you're bleeding hot. Next year I'm going skiing. Spend as long as you bloody want on the beach.
INT. INTERVIEW ROOM (BACK TO PRESENT)
Sean continues filling in details on loan application.
SEAN (V.O.)
Been working at Oldshires for an eternity. OK nearly 5 years. Official title supervisor. I know I'm in the wrong job but now I have a car loan and a mortgage with the bank and frankly don't know what else to do career wise. I know what I would really like to do, apart from Rachael of course. When I am not dreaming about Rachael, I dream about working the Summers on a small boat. Maybe running fishing charters or dolphin watching trips from a small island somewhere in the Med. Living off feta cheese, olives and local wine. Winters I'd travel. My other ambition is to have sex at least once on every continent. Do you think that makes me shallow?
Sean LOOKS UP from loan application at customer and shakes his head. Little does he know that he is about to seriously piss off the man who is going to change his life.
SEAN
I am sorry but I will not be able to approve your loan application.
SCRUFFY CUSTOMER
But why not? I only want to borrow five hundred quid to pay for Christmas.
SEAN
We are not allowed to lend you money unless you are in permanent full time employment. Unfortunately you already told me that you've not had a job for at least 6 years.
SCRUFFY CUSTOMER
But I've banked here for over forty years.
SEAN
Not strictly true. You just showed me a school bank savings book showing a balance of five old pence from 1968. Our records don't actually go back that far anymore.
SCRUFFY CUSTOMER
So?
SEAN
So, you haven't actually banked with us since before the Beatles split up and the Americans faked those pictures of the moon landings. Sorry, can’t help you.
Customer stands up and bangs fist on desk.
SCRUFFY CUSTOMER
I'll get the money. You buggers with your suits and superior attitudes won’t ruin my Christmas.
Pushes chair out of way and leaves room.
Sean tidies up papers on desk.
Jane enters room.
JANE
What was that shouting about?
SEAN
Just had to turn down a loan application from one of the great unwashed.
Jane hands him some more papers.
JANE
Your day probably won’t be getting any easier. Your 10.30 appointment is outside. And it's Terry.
Sean groans and looks up at the ceiling.
SEAN (V.O.)
I actually had a soft spot for Terry. His Mum died twenty odd years back leaving poor Terry alone in the world, with pots of cash, and a big house near the golf course. Unfortunately Trevor's IQ is smaller than his waistband. And Terry is one skinny bloke.
INT. WAITING AREA (OUTSIDE INTERVIEW ROOM) – NEXT
Thin old man, sat patiently waiting for his appointment. TERRY. Wearing battered old raincoat, Sherlock Holmes deerstalker hat. Trainers with holes in. Big shopping bag on his lap. Looks like a human version of the alien from E.T.
SEAN (V.O.)
Afraid he would blow the lot on extra strong mints and comics, Mother left the money in a trust giving him a decent allowance every week. Sadly what was a decent allowance twenty years ago now won’t even buy Terry his comic books. The poor sod is destitute but because on paper he's rich, the social services can’t help him. And the bank is bound by the terms of the trust. Catch 22.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERVIEW ROOM – SEAN AND TERRY
Sean greets Terry. Offering him a chair.
Terry takes his Sherlock Holmes hat of his head and with complete idiot smile says
TERRY
I am Terry. Where's Sam.
SEAN
Yes I know Terry. Don't you remember me? I saw you a couple of months when the toilet bowl fell on your head. Me and Sam came round and fixed it for you. Remember?
FLASHBACK. INT. SAME INTERVIEW ROOM – THREE MONTHS EARLIER
Terry sat in chair wearing trademark raincoat and deerstalker hat. The hat is fastened tightly to his head by a thick bandage under his chin.
Sean trying not to giggle.
SEAN
Morning Terry. What's wrong with your head?
TREVOR
I went to the loo, pulled the chain and whole toilet fell on my head.
Sean struggling not to laugh. Sad but funny.
SEAN
Just a minute, mate. I'll go get Sam.
INT. INTERVIEW ROOM (BACK TO PRESENT)
Sean can smell something bad in the room.
SEAN
Sam's very busy this morning. What can I help you with my friend?
Terry puts the shopping bag down on the desk between them.
TERRY
It’s my dog Blackie.
