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Naomi Rutledge had made it clear, however, that her check wouldn’t be issued until after this weekend.
Zeke had never pretended to understand the thinking process of people who lived back East, but the whole deal was weird, even for New Yorkers. Painful though it had been, Zeke had combed through every moment of the night he’d spent with Katherine, searching for a clue as to what this could be about.
From the beginning, he’d tried to control his growing sexual awareness of her, which had been tough as their conversation grew more personal. He found out she’d broken up with her boyfriend, and to get her head on straight she’d decided to spend some time alone in the wilderness. She’d admitted that notion had been naive and overly dramatic.
Plucky, honest women appealed to him, and this one seemed to be available. Eventually his desire felt natural and right, something to be seriously considered even though they’d just met. But while he was debating the issue, she’d made the first move. It had only been a light touch on his arm, yet he’d felt his world shift. Then he’d turned to look into her hazel eyes. That moment when he knew that she wanted him as ferociously as he wanted her would be with him forever. A moment like that could make a man feel like a god.
This moment, however, when he was about to confront her after nearly a year of silence, when he’d been summoned to this meeting by her boss and kept in the dark about the reason, made him feel like a toadstool.
He sang another chorus of the drinking song as he pulled his beat-up truck in among the out-of-state cars and tour buses parked at Jackson Lake Lodge. But he didn’t have the nerve to keep singing as he walked into the lounge where they were supposed to meet, so the jitters he’d postponed with the song struck with a vengeance. He’d always loved this high-ceilinged room with tall windows facing Jackson Lake and the jagged Tetons beyond. He hoped this meeting wouldn’t ruin the place for him.
Heart pounding, he scanned the room. He didn’t see her. Damn it, after all this, maybe she’d stood him up. Of course, that would be a good thing. He didn’t want to see her, anyway. Except that he’d gotten himself all worked up about the prospect, and at least if he saw her, he’d find out the answer to the mystery.
“Zeke?”
He wouldn’t have bet that he’d recognize Katherine’s voice, but he didn’t have to turn around to know she’d spoken his name. A flood of desire took him completely by surprise as his body replayed the sensation of being deep inside her. He turned to face her slowly, giving him time to regain his cool. He knew she wouldn’t be wearing rumpled khakis this time, and he prepared himself for her city look.
But as he gazed at her, his brain stalled. When he finally admitted what he was seeing, his knees almost gave way.
She looked more polished than she had a year ago, but he barely noticed as his attention fastened on the canvas carrier snuggled intimately against her chest. She supported the weight of the carrier with one arm. With her free hand she cradled the head of a baby. A baby with very black hair.
While his mind shouted denials, his gut reacted with a primitive tug of certainty. His. He relived the dizzy ecstasy of being inside Katherine, of her warmth and a connection unlike any he’d known. When he’d finally poured himself into her, he’d experienced a sense of purpose he’d never felt with any woman. Maybe he’d known then, no matter what she’d said about birth-control pills. Maybe he’d known all along that this could be the only logical explanation for their meeting today.
“Her...her name is Amanda.” Katherine sounded out of breath. “Zeke, I didn’t mean for this to happen. Apparently the stress of nearly drowning short-circuited my system.”
A girl. He noticed the baby’s terry outfit was pink. He began to shake. A baby girl. Somehow knowing that she was a girl terrified him even more. She was asleep, her dark lashes creating a fringe above each cheek. She pursed her tiny mouth, then relaxed it again. Petrified though he was of this little bundle, he couldn’t seem to look away.
“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I realize this comes as something of a surprise.” She paused. “Zeke, I wish you would say something.”
With great effort he lifted his gaze and looked at Katherine. A frown creased her high forehead. How he’d enjoyed touching the smooth planes of her face as they’d lain side by side in his small tent, his battery lantern on low so he could see her while they made love. Her golden eyes had reminded him of a mountain streambed, the kind that he could stare into for hours. He might have even told her that. He knew he’d said things to her that he’d never said to anyone before, risked more than he’d meant to risk.
Her eyes brought him no joy today. All he could see was a woman who’d taken the best he had to give, then acted as if she could hardly wait to get away from him the next morning. Admittedly he wasn’t good at expressing his feelings, but that morning he’d been trying to think how he could tell her what the night had meant to him. Before he had it figured out, she’d announced she’d better leave. He’d been half expecting her rejection. In his experience, caring too much almost guaranteed being discarded like an empty fast-food sack.
And now obligation was all that had brought her here to let him know they had a baby. He wanted to call Amanda an accident, but he knew she wasn’t. At the time she was conceived, he thought he’d found his mate. That belief alone might have cancelled Katherine’s birth-control pills. He’d seen people will their own death, so maybe you could will life into existence, too. Maybe he’d unconsciously done that.
He cleared his throat. “I think we should find a more private spot to talk about this.”
“You’re right, we probably should. But just let me say this. I’m not here to ask for anything—not child support or even for you to give Amanda your name. I take full responsibility for this baby. I understand how you want to live your life, and a child doesn’t fit in very well. Now that you’ve seen her, if you’d like to relinquish all rights and never see either of us again, that’s fine.”
He stared at her, hurt tearing at his insides. She knew nothing about the way he wanted to live his life, but she’d use his loner status to justify closing him away from the baby because that suited her best. Anger and self-protection followed close on the heels of his pain as he threw up the walls that had sheltered his bruised heart all his life. He kept his voice low. “Is that what you came for? To have me sign off on this kid?”
“No!”
The baby’s eyes opened and she started to whimper.
Katherine rocked her gently. “I mean, yes, if that’s what you want, but if—”
“You could have hired a lawyer to put that in a letter and saved us both a lot of time.” He took satisfaction from the distress in her eyes.
“I thought you deserved to see her.”
“How considerate.” He lowered his voice even more, conscious of others in the lounge starting to listen in. “You haven’t seen fit to contact me in all these months, not even when you knew you were pregnant. Now you drop out of the sky, present this baby and suggest I give up my rights. That’s a great idea, but I don’t need three days in a plush lodge to work that out with you. Mail me the papers.” He brushed past her and walked out of the lounge, refusing to allow the baby’s wail to penetrate the thickness of the wall around him.
* * *
KATHERINE STOOD in the middle of the lounge in a state of shock, automatically comforting Amanda while she tried to assimilate what had taken place. Unless she’d misunderstood, Zeke had just agreed to the very thing that Naomi wanted, and for all intents and purposes, the visit had already accomplished its goal. She should feel jubilant, ready to celebrate before catching a flight back to New York.
Instead she wanted to cry. This was wrong, all wrong. Back in New York, she’d thought such a plan would be best for everyone, but after seeing Zeke again, she knew she didn’t want him to sign some papers and disappear from Amanda’s life.
When she’d walked into the lounge and caught sight of him there, his broad back to her, she’d felt an unexpected rush of delight. And awe. She’d forgotten just how big a man he was. His silky black hair seemed a little longer—it touched his collar in back now. But his stance was disturbingly familiar, and the faded jeans and blue flannel shirt could have been the same ones he’d worn that night. She suspected he had lots of similar clothes.
And he certainly fit the surrounding country with his massive frame and bronzed good looks. The rugged Tetons outside the window provided the perfect backdrop for a man in flannel and denim.
In spite of the anxiety she’d felt at presenting Amanda to him, she’d looked forward to the moment he would turn around, the moment she would once again be able to admire his warrior’s face with those intense dark eyes. Until now she hadn’t acknowledged to herself how much she’d missed him.
And now he was gone.
But maybe she could still catch him.
Grabbing up the diaper bag she’d set down, she clutched Amanda tight and hurried out of the lodge. She made it into the parking lot just as Zeke started to climb into an old gray truck. Calling his name, she started toward him as a light rain began falling.
He turned, but there was no charity in his glance. The forbidding look in his dark eyes almost made her give up and go back inside, but Amanda’s warm weight against her body was all the motivation she needed.
“Please don’t leave.”
His expression was totally closed. “It’s raining. Take her back inside.”
“Come inside with me. We’ll get some coffee. We’ll talk.” She was begging, but she didn’t care. “I don’t want you to leave like this. Surely you’ll want to see her once in a while, and we need to—”
“Why?”
“Because she’s your daughter!”
His laugh was harsh. “You say that as if it makes a difference. I happen to know being somebody’s biological kid doesn’t mean a thing.”
So he’d been abandoned by his parents, she thought. He hadn’t admitted that when they’d talked about neither of them having any family left. She took a deep breath. “You’re right, it doesn’t mean a thing to some people. I had you pegged differently.”
His eyes hardened even more. “Up until ten minutes ago I didn’t even know this baby existed. I wish you’d done us both a favor and kept it that way, but since you haven’t, I’m going to leave here and pretend I never laid eyes on her.”
“Zeke, please don’t.”
“It’s the best thing all around. Now take her back in. It’s raining harder.” He climbed into his truck, started the engine and backed out of the parking space.
Katherine bowed her head over Amanda to shelter her from the rain and to hide the tears that threatened to fall. Naomi would be thrilled, she told herself, sniffing. A clean break. No strings. Lots of little girls grew up without fathers.
Amanda gurgled and waved her hand, bumping her fist against Katherine’s damp cheek.
“Forgive me, sweetheart,” Katherine murmured, not sure who she wanted to forgive her—Amanda or Zeke.
* * *
ZEKE STARTED OUT OF the parking lot, determined to get the hell away from the lodge as quickly as possible. But he made the mistake of looking in the rearview mirror.
Katherine stood there getting wet, her head bowed over the baby. They looked so hopelessly vulnerable, so in need of protection. Katherine was brave, but she had a reckless streak, too. That’s what had nearly gotten her killed on her solo trek through Yellowstone. He remembered the stab of fear he’d felt when Naomi had called and he’d been afraid something had happened to Katherine.
Well, something had, and he’d been partly to blame for it. Would she do something foolish now just because he’d refused to talk about this baby business? He’d thought he was giving her exactly what she wanted by refusing to have anything to do with the kid, but his response seemed to have devastated her. Would he get some terrible message from Naomi Rutledge concerning Katherine and the baby’s welfare?
With a muttered oath he slammed on his brakes. Slowly he backed the truck to where she was standing, pulled on the emergency brake and put the gearshift in neutral.
As he got down and rounded the truck, she was watching him cautiously, her eyes wide. She held Amanda with a protective grip. He’d been told that his size, combined with the features passed on by his Sioux ancestors, gave him a menacing air, so he deliberately relaxed his expression and unclenched his hands.
She had a large canvas diaper bag hanging from the crook of her arm. Vaguely he recognized Winnie the Pooh characters, although he’d been an adult before he knew anything about those stories. He gazed at her standing with her tiny baby, her storybook diaper bag and an almost childlike uncertainty in her big eyes.
Damn it, he felt like rescuing her all over again. The woman kept getting herself in trouble, and he kept wanting to keep her safe. It was a bad combination. But he couldn’t leave her standing here looking as if her world had suddenly stopped spinning.
“Let’s take a drive,” he said. “I don’t feel like discussing this over a damn cup of coffee. I need to be doing something.”
She peered at his old truck. “Do the seat belts work in your back seat?”
“Yeah.” Then he realized that these days you didn’t just decide to go for a ride with a baby. There were all sorts of rules and regulations. “Forget it. Just write me a letter when you get back to New York.”
“No, I want to go for a drive with you. I brought her infant seat, just in case we did want to take her out somewhere with us. It’s up in the room. Wait here.”
She set the diaper bag down and hurried away before he could protest that this was all too complicated. He stood in the light rain waiting for her, the diaper bag by his feet. He’d always suspected babies were a lot of trouble, for a million reasons.
He was surprised by how quickly she returned with some contraption that she asked him to belt into the back seat so the kid was facing backward. All the baby would see was upholstery. It didn’t look like much fun for the baby, but he remembered park visitors with similar child seats. He had to move some camping stuff to make room. Part of the reason he’d bought the king cab was to have a place out of the weather to keep his sleeping bag and small tent. The very tent, in fact, that Katherine had shared with him. The rain started coming down harder just as he finished.
“Let’s get both of you in, then you can put her back there.” He picked up the diaper bag.
“Okay.”
He opened the passenger door, but it soon became obvious she’d have trouble getting in while Amanda was still strapped to her. He didn’t want to touch her, but it was the expedient choice now that the rain was really sluicing down from the sky. Setting down the diaper bag, he put his hands around her waist and lifted her and the baby onto the front seat. His hands spanned her waist perfectly, just as they had when he’d lifted her on top of him and eased her down over... No, he couldn’t think about that.
“Thank you.” She didn’t look at him.
He noticed the pulse at her throat throbbed and a pink flush tinged her cheeks. He wondered if his touch had anything to do with that. She might not want to maintain any permanent connection with him, but apparently he affected her. He’d bet she found that very inconvenient. Well, so did he.
“Watch your arms,” he said. “I have to slam this to get it shut.” He heaved the door closed, and by the time he climbed in, the baby was crying. He hoped to hell that wasn’t going to go on very long. “What’s wrong with her?” he asked.
“Just the loud noise of the door closing, I think.” Katherine jiggled the baby and crooned to her. Then she lifted her out of the pouch and nuzzled her cheeks. “There, there, Mandy. You’re safe. Don’t be scared.”
Zeke sat immobilized by her tenderness. For some stupid reason it made his throat ache to watch her cuddle that baby. You’d think he’d never seen a mother and baby before. To be honest, he hadn’t been this close to many. Growing up on the ranch had meant being around lots of boys and young men. The couple who’d run the place had a daughter, little Lindsay Duncan, who now owned the place, but she was already a toddler by the time Zeke arrived.
Amanda’s crying tapered off to small gasps and one hiccup. Then she quietly stared up at her mother with an unblinking gaze.
“That’s my girl!” Katherine talked in a special singsong way and smiled at the baby. “Can you give Mommy a happy smile?” She tickled the side of Amanda’s cheek. “Come on now, big smile. That’s it. Big smile.”
To Zeke’s utter fascination, Amanda did smile, which seemed to make her cheeks look chubbier and gave her a double chin. It was the cutest thing he’d ever seen, and he knew cute when he saw it. Nothing matched a couple of tumbling bear cubs, or nothing had until now.
“Some experts say that a two-month-old isn’t really smiling,” Katherine said. “That it’s just a reflex, or gas.”
Zeke could tell from the more adult tone in her voice that Katherine was speaking to him, not Amanda. “Looks like a smile to me,” he said.
“Of course it’s a smile.” Katherine lapsed back into her melodious baby talk. “We know a smile when we see one, don’t we, Mandy? Yes, we do! Now, let’s get you back in your seat.” She lifted the baby from the pouch and handed her to Zeke. “Take her for a minute so I can turn around and get ready to lay her in there.”
“Take her?” He pulled back as if she’d tried to give him a live grenade.
“Just for a minute.”
“I don’t know how to hold a baby!”
“Pipe down. You’ll scare her again. Just support her head with your hand and the rest of her in the crook of your arm.” She settled the baby into his arms and adjusted his hold. “Like that.”
His body stiffened and his heart began to pound as he realized he had total responsibility for keeping this baby alive for the next couple of minutes. “I’m going to drop her. I just know it. Or squeeze her wrong and break something.”
“I doubt that.” Katherine knelt on the seat and began fiddling with the carrier in the back.
For the first time Zeke noticed what she was wearing—a long flowered skirt and a sleeveless blouse the color of young grass. The light material of the skirt stretched tight across her bottom as she adjusted the straps on the infant seat. Zeke tried not to pay attention.
He also became aware of two very pleasant scents replacing the smell of musty canvas that usually filled his cab. One was sweet and fresh, probably baby powder, but the other had a sexy tang to it. When he’d spent the night with Katherine she’d had no toiletries at all, let alone perfume. He’d even let her borrow his toothbrush. He’d loved the natural fragrance of her body, but this other was seductive in its own way. He liked it. He liked it way too much, in fact.
Amanda made a noise and jerked her small body.
He held her tighter. “Don’t do that,” he instructed the baby.
She stared up at him.
He found himself staring back. Her eyes were a soft blue, yet Katherine’s were hazel and his were brown. “Why are her eyes blue?” he asked.
Katherine answered as she continued to fuss with the seat. “Because she’s so young. The doctor said as she gets older they’ll probably turn hazel, like mine.”
He continued to study the baby. Her skin wasn’t as pale as Katherine’s, yet not as bronzed as his. His skin-color genes and Katherine’s must have combined into this shade, which was kind of nice. The thought of his genes combining with anyone’s blew him away. Then he noticed the small dimple in her chin, a dimple just like...his mother’s.
“Okay, hand her to me.”
Zeke was so afraid of dropping the baby in transit that the process of giving her to Katherine involved a lot of physical contact. And memories—the tickle of the downy hair on her forearm, the coolness of her fingers against his skin, the rhythm of her breathing.
While she strapped the baby securely in the seat, he faced forward and took several deep breaths himself, just to get over the dizziness of being so close to Katherine.
Finally she was back and buckled herself in.
He started the engine and turned to her. “We might be gone a couple of hours. Do you have what you need?”
“Yes. I have extra diapers and I’m breast-feeding. We’ll be fine.”
He wished she hadn’t given out that bit of information. He didn’t need to be presented with a picture of her unfastening her blouse and offering her breast to Amanda’s little pink mouth. He’d be wise to get them both back to the lodge before that became necessary.
A car horn beeped and Zeke jumped. In his preoccupation with Katherine and Amanda, he’d totally forgotten his truck was sitting in a crowded parking lot blocking traffic. “Guess we’d better get rolling.” Then he turned the key and ground the starter motor because he hadn’t remembered the engine was already running.
